Surprise Delivery

by D. J. Jamison

  Eric groaned, leaning forward to brace a hand on the wall. He spread his legs wider, and Casper knew Eric well enough by now, knew his sexual preferences, that he understood this was a nonverbal request to finger him. He placed two fingers at Eric’s hole, and looked up at him, giving him that extra moment of anticipation before pushing them in roughly.

  Eric cried out, all pleasure, and bore down on his fingers. Casper had never been with a man who enjoyed penetration so much. He and Kage had tried anal sex, mainly because Kage couldn’t back down from a challenge, but it hadn’t been very enjoyable. They were young and inexperienced, so maybe that would have changed, but they’d been happy enough to get each other off with hands and mouths, so it hadn’t really mattered in the end.

  Casper did love Eric’s enthusiasm, though. Fucking hot.

  He sucked and finger-fucked Eric until he was shaking and gasping.

  “Fuck me, Cas. I need it.”

  Casper pulled his fingers free and let Eric’s cock slip from his mouth. Standing, he paused to kiss him. “Finish up, and I’ll be waiting in the bedroom.”

  Five minutes later, Eric joined him in the bed — not dripping, but damp — and said, “All clean and ready to get dirty again.”

  Casper laughed and pushed Eric down onto his stomach. He nuzzled the back of his neck and placed sucking bites across Eric’s broad shoulders until he was squirming. Eric’s body was so thick, sturdy. Healthy. A faint memory of Kage’s thin frame flitted through his mind, and Casper blinked it away. Cancer could fell even the strongest of people, he knew, but there was something reassuring about Eric’s bulk.

  Casper lowered himself onto Eric’s back, pressing him into the mattress. Eric grunted, then sighed. His body went boneless under Casper. It was a strange mix of relaxing and erotic. Their skin melded together, and it felt as if he could absorb Eric’s strength through his pores.

  His hard cock nestled up against Eric’s balls, and he gently rocked his hips. Eric wriggled beneath him, tilting his ass up in invitation.

  Casper eased up but kept a hand planted on the middle of Eric’s back to keep him in place. He reached for a pillow and shoved it under Eric’s hips, tilting him at just the right angle. Casper had never fucked a guy lying on his stomach. He’d always pulled him onto his knees, but he liked the feel of their skin together.

  He grabbed the supplies and pushed his cock against Eric’s hole. He didn’t shove in fast, but slowly, and watched Eric’s rim stretch around his cockhead, then each inch of his shaft. Eric was quiet as he sank in fully, lowering himself to lie on top of him again.

  When he gently nipped Eric’s shoulder, the man shuddered.

  Pinned beneath Casper’s weight, speared by his cock, he was perfect. Casper only wished he could give Eric everything he wanted. That he might lose this connection they had, this incredible sexual give-and-take was a travesty.

  Eric whimpered. “Please, Cas. Please.”

  Vowing to fully appreciate every second with Eric beneath him, Casper began to move.

  ***

  Eric felt every inch of Casper inside him as the man slowly rocked his hips. Fucking like this was a different experience. Casper didn’t thrust hard and fast, but Eric felt him moving deep inside him.

  Eric’s cock was soft, all his sensation centered in his ass, but it felt incredible.

  Casper’s breath puffed in his ear as he spoke. “Is it good? You’re so quiet.”

  “Mm-hmm,” Eric managed. He couldn’t find the words to describe what was happening to his body, or his emotions, just then. He felt powerless, weighed down by Casper’s body and unable to do much more than squirm. He felt vulnerable. Stripped down to the essentials, the sex was intimacy at its purest. There was no wild thrusting and screaming and stroking, only a deeper pleasure unfurling inside him, nurtured by the slow swivel and rock of Casper’s hips.

  He felt free.

  Casper’s cock found his prostate, brushed it, then returned as if it was a homing missile. Casper circled his hips, grinding against that hot spot, and Eric cried out. Garbled words flew from his mouth as his thought process short-circuited under the pleasure/torment of too much stimulation. He had no idea what he said, voice slurring, and when Casper’s sure movements stuttered, Eric feared he’d blurted out that he loved him. He didn’t have time to think about it as a slow-moving wave of pleasure rolled over him. It washed in like the tide, then ebbed, then returned. It was intense in its own way — not the sudden peak and crash of his usual orgasms — but longer-lasting and whole-bodied.

  “Fuck, did you—?” Casper panted over him.

  “I came,” Eric said, just as astonished. “My dick isn’t even hard.”

  “Holy shit, you found the holy grail,” Casper said with a breathy laugh. “Now, buckle up. It’s going to be a rough ride.”

  Casper lifted his body, putting space between them, and fucked Eric’s ass hard. He didn’t hold back, grunting as he chased his climax. His cock pulsed in Eric’s ass as Casper shouted hoarsely and collapsed onto him.

  Their skin was slippery with sweat as Casper laid on top of him, still inside and thrusting gently to draw out the pleasure. Eric groaned softly as Casper finally withdrew. He felt sated, utterly relaxed, and ready for a nap.

  He couldn’t sleep, though, because he had to go back to work. Plus, he and Casper needed to talk. They probably should have talked first, before fucking, but Eric had been unable to pass up the chance. If Casper said the things Eric expected, this might be the last time they were together like this.

  A damn shame because Eric had never been fucked this way in his life. He’d never felt so precious, so cared for, as when Casper pressed him down into the mattress and took his time with him. But Eric couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room any longer.

  “I have to work, but we also need to talk,” he said quietly.

  Casper kissed his lips gently. “I know.”

  “I don’t want to rush this conversation …”

  “So, go to work. We can talk later.”

  “What about you?” Eric asked. “Were you supposed to be at work today? I wasn’t sure what to do this morning, but I figured you’d have a hangover from hell.”

  Casper grimaced. “You were right. But I always take some time off around—” He stopped and swallowed, looking away.

  Eric stroked a hand down his arm. “You told me about Kage last night.”

  “Yeah? What’d I say?”

  “You loved him, and he died. I’m sorry, Cas.”

  Casper sighed, long and deep. “Well, anyway, I always take some time off around the anniversary of his death. I usually go on a trip of some kind, a big adventure that I think he’d enjoy if he were alive, but this year …”

  “What?”

  “I forgot,” Casper said, and the regret in his voice was almost enough to bring Eric to tears. “I planned the trip last year, but when it came to booking it, I just … spaced it.”

  “Is that why you were so upset yesterday? I mean, beyond the obvious grief you must feel.”

  “Partly,” Casper said, then closed down as usual. “You should get back to work.”

  Eric decided to let it go. Later, he wouldn’t let Casper evade his questions. Not anymore.

  “Okay, take it easy. You don’t have a car here, so just lounge around, if you want. Olivia will be home this evening, but you can join us for dinner.”

  Casper smiled. “Sounds good.”

  Eric considered blowing off work and insisting they talk then, while they both still basked in the warmth of amazing orgasms. But he could sense Casper retreating emotionally. He didn’t know if Casper would be any more ready that evening, but one way or another, Eric would pry the truth from him.

  He just hoped he survived the aftermath.

  ***

  After dinner, Eric and Casper went for a stroll. It wasn’t terribly scenic. Eric lived in a residential neighborhood, and houses lined both sides of the street. It was early enough a boy around t
en years old rode his bike down the street. A neighbor walked her dog on the other side of the road. But they had privacy to talk, which was the point.

  It was sweltering outside, as August was generally one of the hottest months of the year. Casper looked handsome as ever despite wearing the cargo shorts and tank top he’d had on the night before. Eric suspected he made use of the washer and dryer that day. Eric had changed after work into jeans and a polo. Despite their differing styles, they looked good together. Not that it mattered. After Casper’s confession about Kage the night before, Eric wasn’t optimistic the conversation would end in a couple’s selfie.

  It sounded as if Casper was still pretty broken up. He’d said, I love Kage, present tense. That alone wouldn’t be so bad if Eric didn’t fear that Casper had convinced himself he couldn’t love anyone else. That would throw a wrench into Eric’s fantasies of a future with Casper, a future in which they were fully committed, eventually living together, maybe even raising Peanut together. Eric had done marriage, and he could care less about that. He wanted the partnership, not the ceremony, but it seemed less and less likely to ever happen.

  “So …” he said.

  “Yeah,” Casper said. “Last night is a little hazy. You said I mentioned Kage?”

  “Yes,” Eric said. “You said he was your boyfriend, though that seems like it doesn’t do him justice. Love of your life might be more appropriate?”

  Eric’s voice must have been more pained than he realized. Casper grasped his hand and pulled him to a stop. He turned, facing him.

  “Did I hurt you last night?” he asked, eyes searching Eric’s.

  Eric pressed his lips together. It would be easier to say no. He shrugged, trying to forget the ill-advised moment he’d asked Casper if he loved him only to hear him repeat that he loved Kage.

  “It depends more on what you say today. But I wasn’t happy that you’d never told me about Kage before.”

  “I don’t talk about him much,” Casper said. “I think about him a lot, I guess. But it’s hard to talk about because it just tears at the scabs.”

  “I can see that. But you were always so cryptic when I asked about the tattoo. It seems like you were purposely evading the truth.”

  Casper was quiet as they walked the length of the block. When he spoke again, it was with resignation.

  “You’re right,” he admitted. “We were having fun, and I didn’t want to bring you down. Plus, like I said, I get all emotional and it’s not pretty. And maybe …”

  “What?”

  “Maybe I was afraid of ending things before they even began?” Casper said. “That’s shitty of me, I know. I knew you probably wanted to be more serious than I did. I tried to be honest about keeping it casual, but I knew we wanted different things. I was afraid to let you see how Kage and his death affected me.”

  Eric swallowed. And there was the truth he was afraid to hear. “So, what does that mean, Cas? You just want to mess around and then move on to the next guy?”

  “Or woman.”

  “Yeah, I know you’re bisexual. Not the point, Casper.”

  “Sorry,” he said. “It’s a reflex.”

  “The point,” Eric said, struggling to recover his patience, “is that you want to have a good time and then move on. None of this,” he waved a hand between them, “is going anywhere? It doesn’t mean anything?”

  Casper hesitated, and Eric suddenly needed to move. He spun on his heel, walking fast back toward his house. He was unable to face Casper as his throat burned. He knew all along that Casper was out of his league. That he wasn’t this lucky. He just hadn’t known then what form the heartbreak would take.

  Casper kept pace beside him. “It does mean something,” Casper said. “I might not have wanted it to mean anything, but it does, Eric. I swear.”

  “Does it mean enough to take me, our relationship, seriously?”

  “I … don’t know,” Casper said. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

  Eric nodded, unable to find words. They continued back toward Eric’s house in silence, then stopped next to his car when they reached the driveway.

  “I’ll take you to get your car,” Eric said. “I drove you here last night.”

  Casper nodded. “Wow, I don’t even remember that. Sorry.”

  Eric unlocked the door and climbed in. He put the key in the ignition with a shaky hand, his breath hitching as he fought for his composure. It felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest.

  “I don’t want this to be the end,” Casper said from the passenger seat, sounding almost as desperate as Eric felt.

  Eric felt a hand on his face, turning him toward Casper. Then their lips were pressed together. Hard. He grabbed Casper’s shoulders, gripping him for balance, as Casper kissed him.

  They finally broke apart for air, and Eric rested his forehead against Casper’s, his heart in his throat.

  “I need more than fun and sex,” Eric said hoarsely. “I’m not wired that way. I care too much already, and I haven’t given up on someone loving me.”

  “You deserve that,” Casper said quietly. “You really do.”

  “So do you, Cas.”

  Eric drove Casper to his car, still parked in the Shooters lot. Luckily, it appeared unharmed. Eric knew Casper adored that car. Too bad he didn’t feel the same about him. Get it together. You’re jealous of a car.

  When Casper reached for the door handle, Eric gripped his thigh. “Wait.”

  “What is it?”

  Eric had no idea if his words would have any effect. But he had to try one last time.

  “That tattoo on your back isn’t the only one on your body.”

  “Yeah, so?”

  “You told me the chameleon inked on your arm represented change, both the need to adjust to change and to even be the change yourself.”

  “It’s just a tattoo,” Casper said. “I never said I’d live up to it.”

  “I know, and maybe you’re not ready for that kind of change right now,” Eric said. “Just give it some thought.”

  “Okay.”

  There wasn’t much more to say. If Casper couldn’t accept love after losing Kage, then Eric couldn’t change his mind. He’d be like a mouse on a wheel, constantly running and never getting anywhere.

  When they said goodbye and kissed gently, they both knew it was final. There was nowhere to go from here.

  Chapter Twenty

  After Olivia’s meltdown, Eric intended to spend more time at home. After the breakup with Casper, it wasn’t like he had his own life to live outside of work. But she soon grew annoyed by his hovering and practically ordered him back to work, where he gratefully lost himself in administrative tasks.

  His paperwork might be tedious, but budgets and procedures made sense to him. What happened with Casper would never make sense. How could two people like each other so much, click so perfectly, and fail so spectacularly?

  When Perry left him, it had felt inevitable. Their relationship had run its course, and neither of them was getting what he needed any longer. With Casper, he felt as if they’d just begun to fulfill one another’s needs. It was too soon for it to be over.

  But it was over, and Eric didn’t know how to cope other than to bury himself in work and keep breathing. He didn’t trust himself to be the support Olivia needed, and despite her sending him to the office and insisting she didn’t need a babysitter, he knew the problems at school hadn’t gone away.

  As much as he hated to do it, he picked up the phone and called Laura. She answered on the second ring without so much as a hello.

  “I thought I was dead to you.”

  “Hi, Laura,” he said.

  “Are you okay?” she asked. “You sound strange.”

  Eric had felt dull, like someone had sucked all his enthusiasm for life away, and he didn’t have the energy to hide it. “I’m fine, but I’d like to talk to you about Olivia. Can you meet me for coffee later this week?”

  “Can’t you ju
st tell me now?”

  “I’d rather not do this over the phone,” he said. “Meet me at Javalicious. On Saturday afternoon?”

  There was a long pause. Then a sigh. “Fine, but only for Olivia’s sake. I was perfectly happy never seeing you again.”

  “Love you too, sis,” he said wryly, thinking back to Casper’s reaction the morning he’d banned Laura from his house. Eric didn’t have to like his sister’s attitude, but he wasn’t going to sink to her level again.

  He hung up, feeling better that he’d taken a step toward making sure Olivia was okay. He’d never forgive himself if he let his personal drama overshadow Olivia’s well-being. That resolved, he dived back into work, until he registered a presence in his doorway.

  He looked up to see Paul. He was watching Eric with a weird expression on his face.

  “It’s 8 p.m.,” he said.

  Eric glanced at the time on his computer. “So it is.”

  “I thought you weren’t going to be working these kinds of hours anymore,” Paul said.

  Eric shrugged. “Just working on the budget. Once it’s worked out, I can get out of here earlier. What’s up?”

  “I just stopped by to invite you to my birthday dinner. Zane and I are going to have a small dinner party at the house.”

  Eric nodded. He had no desire to be social, but Paul was his best friend. “I’ll be there. Should I bring anything?”

  “Just your favorite wine.”

  “Deal.”

  “Are you okay?” Paul asked. “You look awful.”

  Eric smiled wryly. “Thanks a lot.”

  Paul approached his desk, sitting down in one of the chairs. “Seriously, what’s going on?” he asked. “If you had a dog, I’d think it died. Is Olivia okay? There’s not a problem with the baby, I hope.”

  “Olivia and the baby are fine. Olivia’s doctor, on the other hand …”

  Paul cocked his head. “The guy you were dating?”

  Eric had filled Paul in during a few rounds of golf one Sunday. He’d downplayed the importance of the relationship, claiming he was just having some fun. He wished like hell that had been true. If it had, he could still be having amazing sex with Casper.