Surprise Delivery

by D. J. Jamison

  She was more grown up than he’d ever seen her.

  “You'll be a beautiful bride,” he said.

  Her eyes welled with tears, and she laughed and pressed at the corners of them. “Oh, stop! You’ll start the waterworks. Bad enough Mom is crying over every flower arrangement.”

  “Why, did you still think dandelions were real flowers?” he asked as he grabbed his bag and they walked inside.

  She slapped his arm. “I was six years old. Are you ever going to let it go?”

  “Where’s the fun in that?” he teased.

  “You and Kage were relentless when you were together.” She smiled, but it fell when she saw his face. “Aw, does it still hurt so much?”

  Casper closed his eyes and nodded. “Worse when I’m here.”

  She squeezed his arm and forced some cheer into her voice. “Well, this is a happy week! And Jory is looking forward to getting to know you better. And so is his cute cousin, Douglas.”

  “Sounds pretentious, and I already told you, no setups!”

  He had to whisper this last part as they entered the living room, where most of his immediate family sat chatting after dinner.

  “And Jory, you’ll need to fix this groomsman problem. I know you wanted your brother to be your best man, but—”

  “Mom,” Rose interrupted, “look what the cat dragged in!”

  “You realize you just called yourself a cat,” he muttered out of the side of his mouth.

  “Cats are clever and beautiful,” she replied in a lofty tone.

  Their mother’s eyes lit up, and she bounced out of her chair to smother him in a hug even tighter than Rose’s had been.

  “Are you hungry?” his mother asked. “Thirsty? I just hate flying. They barely feed you anything anymore!”

  Casper shook his head. “I’m fine.”

  A couple of the cousins in the room started in on the horrors of air travel, drawing his mother away, and Casper turned to Rose.

  “I’m off to the hotel. Tell mom I’ll be back for breakfast.”

  Her eyes went wide. “You're not staying here? But your room—”

  “I can't.” He lowered his voice. “Do you know how many times Kage and I messed around in there?”

  Her lips quirked as she fought and lost the battle to smile. “Maybe they could be pleasant memories?”

  “Or maybe I’ll end up crying and jerking off at the same time. Not a good look.”

  She slapped a hand over her mouth and turned away, shoulders shaking. Casper didn’t mind that she was laughing. He was using humor as a shield. If he tried to seriously explain the pain of reliving old memories, especially intimate ones, he’d become far too emotional. It was easier to hide behind inappropriate jokes.

  Rose regained her composure. “Before you go, I need a favor.”

  “What?”

  “Come with me,” she said, leading him over to her fiancé. “This is Jory. Jory, my brother, Casper.”

  Casper shook Jory’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Yeah, you too,” he said.

  “Jory, I was just about to talk to Casper about our problem.”

  Rose slid an arm around Jory’s waist and leaned her head against his shoulder. He enfolded her, supporting her weight, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

  “What’s the problem?” Casper asked.

  Jory spoke. “My brother was supposed to be my best man. He can’t make it.”

  “Macy told me a bit about that,” he admitted. “Your sister is feisty.”

  Jory grinned. “She beat me into submission when we were kids,” he said, “which is why I can survive Rose.”

  He winked as Rose shoved him good-naturedly. “Watch that mouth.”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” he said so seriously they all cracked up.

  “So, Cas, we need a big favor,” Rose said, batting her eyes at him.

  Jory grimaced. “I need a replacement for best man, and I don’t want to deal with choosing one of my friends over the others. So, uh, Rose suggested you might be willing.”

  Casper looked at her to see puppy dog eyes. “Please,” she mouthed.

  He sighed. “If you’re sure you wouldn’t rather have someone you know better?”

  “I'd rather have my brother, but that’s not happening.”

  Casper’s chest tightened. He knew what it felt like to want someone, but he wasn’t sure whether he was missing Kage or Eric more in that moment.

  “We can talk details tomorrow. I’m wiped out."

  “Thank you,” Rose said. “You won’t regret it. If you don’t want to hook up with Jory’s cousin, the groomsmen are super cute.”

  He and Jory both pulled a face.

  Guilt swamped Casper once more as he recalled Eric’s hurt expression after his dumb comment about hooking up at the wedding. “I’m not going to hit on anyone.”

  “Why not?” she demanded as if she were personally offended the groomsmen in her wedding weren’t worthy of sexual conquest.

  “Rose, ease up,” Jory said. “My friends are all straight anyway.”

  “Well, there’s some pretty bridesmaids too,” she said. “Casper is equal opportunity.”

  “Casper is not interested,” he added, “in any opportunities.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “And why would that be?”

  Why, indeed, Casper? Eric left. He wants someone who can take him seriously and that’s not you.

  “I have my reasons,” he said.

  He just wished he knew what they were.

  ***

  Jory turned out to be a low-key guy who rolled with the punches, which made it far easier to step in as his best man. Casper’s suit didn’t quite match the wedding party, but Jory shrugged it off.

  “If it’s gray, it’s close enough,” he said.

  “Rose—”

  “If you don’t tell, I won’t.” At Casper’s surprised look, he grinned. “Hopefully her eyes will be on me.”

  No doubt there. Jory was a good-looking man with short red hair and dark blue eyes. Despite being a redhead, he’d escaped the plague of freckles and wore the color well.

  Casper laughed. “Okay, good. I wasn’t looking forward to a last-minute fitting at the tailor shop.”

  They’d gone to a pub for a beer to sort out the details — also Jory’s idea.

  Jory drank Black Butte Porter, while Casper ordered the IPA made by the same Deschutes Brewery. When in Oregon, you had to drink Deschutes. He and Jory had killed a solid ten minutes talking about the regional brewer when they’d first arrived. Another ten minutes had gone to talking college football, in which Casper mostly listened to Jory’s thoughts on the Ducks’ prospects, while he enjoyed a view of the mountains through the window.

  “So, Macy told me she had you trembling in your boots,” Jory said.

  “Hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman scorned.”

  Jory grinned. “She’s the best. I wish she could be here, but it’s safer for her to stay close to her doctor.”

  Jory’s comment about Macy reminded Casper that she wasn’t the only sibling not at the ceremony.

  “Sorry about Benji,” Casper said.

  Jory grimaced. “He’s my brother and I love him, but between you and me, I’m almost glad he isn’t here. He’s a trouble magnet and a one-man drama show.”

  “Well, I’ll do my best to stand in for him,” Casper said. “I can dial up my drama, if you like?”

  Jory snorted. “Nah. Low-key is more my style.” He finished his bottle and sat it to the side of the table. “You want another beer?”

  Casper checked his bottle, but it was still half full. “I’m good for now. Any other planning we need to do?”

  Jory shrugged. “Just stand by me and don’t lose the rings.”

  “I think I can manage that.”

  ***

  The wedding was torture.

  Rose was lovely, of course, in a classy, strapless gown she’d told him was called a mermaid style. Appare
ntly, it had something to do with the way the fabric was draped, which created the illusion of movement in the skirt. He didn’t know about all that, but it was beautiful.

  Jory was handsome in his snug charcoal tux and pale pink tie. He filled out his pants so well, Casper had a hell of a view during the ceremony, standing beside him and one step back. Not that he was seriously looking. He was done with dating until he got his head out of his ass, and even if he weren’t, he wouldn’t be picking up his baby sister’s new husband. But still. Nice ass.

  Through it all — the smiles, the heartfelt vows, the applause as Jory kissed Rose — Casper was miserable. He’d been miserable the entire trip, but not for the reasons he’d expected.

  Returning to Oregon did bring his memories of Kage to the surface. They’d both grown up here, been friends and then lovers. Surprisingly, though, it hadn’t pained him the way he thought it would. He even found himself smiling at some of the memories sparked by returning home. It was almost comforting, thinking of Kage in these familiar surroundings.

  He was coping better than he’d hoped, but he was still miserable. And it wasn’t the misery of grief over Kage. He missed Eric.

  He missed Eric, and he had no one to blame but himself. He could still remember Eric’s words: But you’re not inviting me to be your Plus One.

  Surrounded by music and laughter and alcohol, Casper suddenly wished he had invited Eric. He could possibly be excused for being unsure of his feelings when they broke up. He hadn’t been sure he could really love Eric the way he deserved. He’d always believed Kage would be the love of his life, and he didn’t need anyone else.

  But that morning after they’d fallen into bed again — when Eric confronted him about his phone call with Rose — Casper hadn’t had that excuse. He’d known then that he loved Eric. He’d soaked in every minute of their night together, then thrown it all away. And why? Because he was a fucking coward.

  Kage would be ashamed of him. Casper could just hear his boyfriend talking now: You jump out of planes in my memory, but you’re afraid of love? That’s not living, man. That’s not how I taught you to live.

  Casper drank too much, though not anywhere near the level he had on the anniversary of Kage’s death. He just needed a little social lubrication to get through the reception. The dancing with every female relative wasn’t so bad. It served as a distraction. The inquiries about when he might settle down were much more difficult to swallow with a smile pasted on his face. The young women shoved at him by their well-meaning mothers, aunts, and grandmothers intent on scoring a doctor tested his patience.

  He’d grabbed a gin and tonic, found a table in a corner by the exit, and hid away as much as possible. But, alas, wedding receptions didn’t offer the best places to hide, and his mother dropped into a chair next to him.

  “Here you are,” she said with a happy sigh. “Wasn’t the wedding beautiful? Wasn’t Rose just the perfect bride?”

  “Beautiful and perfect,” Casper agreed. His mother had been asking variations of these same questions all evening, but he wasn’t going to spoil her fun. She should enjoy this wedding with Rose; it was unlikely she’d get to repeat the experience with Casper.

  Just as that thought arrived, his mother proved that she expected that very thing.

  “You’re next, my darling,” she said. “I want you to find happiness like your sister. Just look at Jory. Isn’t he handsome?”

  “Very handsome.”

  She turned to look at him and smiled sadly. “Kage was handsome too,” she said, patting Casper’s hand.

  “But?”

  “Hmm?” she asked, having gone back to watching the dancefloor.

  “Kage was handsome too, but …” Casper said. She looked confused, so he attempted to explain. “You usually add on a ‘but.’ Kage was handsome too, but you should move on. Or Kage was handsome too, but you have so much love to give.”

  “Oh. All true, I suppose.” She shrugged. “I can’t tell you when you’re ready to move on, though. That’s up to you, Casper.”

  “It is up to me,” he said sharply. He wasn’t sure why the hell he was angry. His mother wasn’t even saying these things. He was putting words in her mouth. If he thought about it, he was angry with himself.

  “I know it is,” she said. “Are you okay? Is the wedding upsetting you? I didn’t think you and Kage ever planned to marry …”

  “We didn’t have time to make plans like that,” Casper said.

  She nodded, eyes fixed on his face, waiting patiently for reason to peek through his stormy expression. His shoulders slumped. “It’s not about Kage.”

  “Ah.”

  How did she sound so knowing? He’d never mentioned Eric to his mother, and yet her tone said she saw right through him.

  “What?” he asked shortly.

  She squeezed his hand and released it. “I think you’ve met someone,” she said.

  “I never said that.”

  “Mmm, I know. I’m your mother, though. I can see it in your eyes.” She stood up and ruffled his hair. “I see your Aunt Glenda over there. I better go tell her goodnight.”

  Casper returned to the bar for another gin and tonic. The bartender smiled at him, the tilt of his lips seductive. Casper eyed his dark hair and caramel skin. He was gorgeous and clearly up for some no-strings fun.

  Nothing like Eric Holtz.

  You knew, his conscience whispered. You said you wanted casual fun, but he’s a workaholic and a man preparing to help raise a child. Everything about Eric Holtz screamed serious, and still you pursued him.

  When he didn't call, you went to his office. When he told you his idea of fun was dinner and sex, you fell into his bed. So where in all that were you just having fun?

  You knew, his subconscious insisted. You knew you were falling in love.

  He walked away from the sexy bartender. He might be slow, but he knew that bartender wasn’t what he wanted. He couldn’t fool himself anymore.

  Casper didn’t want no-strings fun. He wanted Eric. He wanted love.

  Giving Rose a farewell hug, he slipped out of the banquet room to the relative quiet of the hallway and called Eric.

  The phone rang twice, and his heart accelerated with each ring. If it went to voicemail, he wasn’t sure what he would do. Leave a rambling apology on Eric’s voicemail or hang up? And if he hung up, would he have the courage to call again later?

  Eric answered. “Hello?”

  “I’m so fucking sorry,” he blurted.

  “Casper? Are you okay?” Eric asked, sounding concerned for him. He probably thought Casper had lost his mind, calling him at midnight — no, 2 a.m. central time, Jesus — to apologize out of the blue.

  Casper cleared his throat. “Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t think about the time difference. Did I wake you?”

  “Yes,” Eric said.

  Casper turned and dropped his head against the wall, then lifted it only to drop it down again. Stupid, horrible timing.

  “I’m awake enough to talk,” Eric said, giving him an olive branch he didn’t deserve.

  Casper’s mind went blank. “Uh, so how are you?”

  It was a stupid question. He didn’t know what to say. But then Eric made a choked sound.

  “I’ve been better.”

  “I should have invited you to the wedding,” Casper said. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” Eric said.

  “It’s not,” Casper insisted. “I wish you were here. I fucked up, Eric. I knew that morning I fucked up, but I guess I was still afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?”

  “Moving on?” Casper said, guessing himself. “Letting go of Kage.”

  “Cas,” Eric said in a soft tone that gutted him, “no matter what happens with me or anyone else, you don’t ever have to let Kage go. You can always love him.”

  Cas lowered himself to the floor, leaning against the wall. “There’s no one else,” Casper said, “if you can give me another chance.”

&nb
sp; “This isn’t just the wedding tears and booze talking is it?”

  “No, I mean it,” Casper insisted. “The wedding is over, so you can’t exactly be my plus one. But I’m here the rest of the week. If you wanted to meet me out here, maybe we could try again?”

  “You’re sure you want me there?” Eric asked cautiously.

  “I do.”

  “Careful with those words,” Eric teased. “You’re at a wedding.”

  Casper laughed. “Will you come?”

  Eric went quiet. He sighed. “I wish I could.”

  Casper groaned in frustration and lowered his voice to a gruff whisper. “I need you.”

  Eric let out a tortured laugh. “Don’t make this harder, Cas,” he said. “I can’t just walk out of my job with no notice or planning.”

  “I guess not,” he reluctantly admitted. If he’d asked Eric weeks ago, as he should have, Eric could have planned for time away from work. It was a bit much asking him to fly across the country after Casper had let him down. He was lucky Eric took his call at all.

  “I’m sorry,” Eric said again, and the wrongness of Eric apologizing hit him hard. He wasn’t the one who needed to make amends.

  “No, you don’t need to apologize,” Casper said. “That’s for me to do.”

  “Okay …”

  “I know there are still things to say, but I owe you a hell of an apology for the way things fell apart with us. I’ll start planning my groveling now so that when I get back to Ashe, I’ll be prepared to show you how very sorry I am.”

  Eric chuckled. “Groveling is always good, but you’re already forgiven. YOLO, right?”

  Casper smiled so wide his face hurt. “YOLO,” he replied.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Eric’s good mood after lunch was muted by the presence of the hospital CEO in his office when he returned. She stood when he entered, having at least kept to the visitor’s chair and not the large leather one behind his desk.