Surprise Delivery

by D. J. Jamison

  “I’m sure,” he murmured.

  Their dishes arrived, and Casper let Macy fall on her food like a starving wildebeest. He had less of an appetite and pushed around bits of creamy chicken and mushrooms while absorbing just how selfish he’d been. Confused or not, hurting or not, he’d put himself before his family — and he’d been doing it ever since Kage died. He knew the kind of avoidance he engaged in wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t seem to break the cycle.

  A lot of it was his own guilt. He’d been in medical school when Kage died. He hadn’t been there through the worst of the cancer. Casper had become complacent, had trusted that Kage would survive, and when he hadn’t, Casper had blamed himself for not being there to support him. Going home hurt because his memories of Kage were strongest there. They’d been friends and neighbors their entire lives.

  He took a job halfway across the country, which helped, and he booked his vacations full of adventures he knew Kage would have loved — telling himself he was honoring his lover — all while avoiding the living, breathing people who still loved him. Who had loved them both. Maybe it was time to face it, to confront those feelings and get some closure.

  Maybe then he could figure out what he wanted from the rest of his life. Because floating along, the single adrenaline junkie, didn’t seem so appealing anymore.

  “Of course, you’d know Jory by now if you weren’t some sort of hermit,” Macy said, keying in on the problem.

  He offered her a strained smile. “True.”

  She must have seen something in his expression that warned her off. She softened her approach. “I should get home. Call your sister, please, so my drive isn’t for nothing.”

  Casper pushed his plate back, considering the shadows under her eyes. “You should stay in my guest room. It’s late to be on the road.”

  “That’s a sweet offer, but I shouldn’t press my luck. I need to get back to my home and my own doctor.”

  Casper put down his credit card on the bill and tried another tack. “If you stay the night, I’ll drive you home.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “How would that work?”

  “I can drive your car to Emporia, then grab a rental up to Kansas City. I’ll catch a flight out to Oregon from there.”

  “Can’t you fly from around here?”

  “I could drive about an hour to the Wichita airport, but KCI will have more affordable flights and more direct ones. I could spend my time sitting around for a layover, or I can drive you home. What do you say?”

  Her entire body sagged in her chair, clearly exhausted. “Deal, but if I go into labor before then …”

  “If you have the baby on the highway, I’ll be there to play catch.”

  She laughed, shaking her head. “Oh God, don’t give my jumping bean any bright ideas.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Eric finished off another glass of white wine, while eating just enough of his salmon entrée not to be rude. He probably shouldn’t have come to Paul’s birthday dinner party in such low spirits, but he’d felt like an ass for holing up in his office and ignoring everyone, even Olivia. Once he put Laura on the job, he’d stuck his head in the sand and hoped it worked out. He didn’t have the emotional energy for anyone else right now.

  Paul came around the table, topping up his wine glass. “You didn’t like the fish?”

  Eric glanced up. “It’s perfect, but I don’t have much of an appetite.”

  “Except for wine,” Paul said with a smirk.

  “Too much of an appetite for wine,” Eric said with a sigh.

  Paul squeezed his shoulder. “Come to the living room. We’re talking shop.”

  “Oh joy,” Eric said dryly, but he obediently followed Paul into the next room, sinking into a corner of the large leather sofa while Paul perched on the arm of the glider, where Zane sat. Zane was a bundle of restrained energy, and even now, he used one foot to push himself forward and back.

  Trent and Xavier were snuggled up on the other end of the sofa, Trent’s more slender frame resting against Xavier’s broader chest. They looked so comfortable together it hurt. Eric hadn’t reached the cuddling-on-the-sofa stage with Casper, so he couldn’t really miss it. Unless you could miss something you never had. He supposed that was possible, and that he did.

  A couple of nurses and lab techs were in attendance. Because they weren’t department heads, Eric didn’t know them personally. Dr. Audrey Rock was there with her husband, though, and he had been sure to greet her when he first arrived. He was out of hospitable energy, however, so he slumped back and let the conversation flow around him until he heard Trent say, “But would you rather have a better budget or better working hours, Paul? Honestly, man, you can’t have everything!”

  There was a round of laughter, and Eric straightened.

  “Yeah, Paul,” Zane said, an undercurrent of tension in his voice. “What would you prefer? More time with me or an ER that you never want to leave?”

  Paul sighed. “Can’t I have both?”

  “Not likely,” one of the lab techs muttered.

  Zane gestured to Eric. “You have the medical director right here in our house. Why don’t you tell him what the problem is?”

  “Because he already knows,” Paul said, exasperated.

  “This is about the budget,” Eric said, not needing to ask. But Trent’s “would you rather” question made him remember an idea that had flickered through his mind a week ago.

  Paul shrugged. “I know you’re not going to accept my proposal, but anything less …”

  Eric nodded. “Yeah. It’s a problem.”

  “So, you’d rather—” Zane started.

  Eric held up a hand. “Before you all gang up on me, I have a little game of “would you rather” I’d like to play.”

  He glanced around the room, making sure he had everyone’s attention. Then he said, “Would you rather work for a hospital that doesn’t fund your work adequately, or … do something else altogether?”

  “You mean leave for another hospital?” Paul asked.

  “Or open a private practice?” Trent guessed.

  “Yes and no,” Eric said. “If the ER isn’t serving this community’s needs, then what would?”

  “The urgent care facility operated by the hospital served a huge need,” Xavier said.

  “It also alleviated the strain on the ER,” Paul said. “That was a good year.”

  Xavier brightened. “Is the hospital thinking of reopening it because that would be amazing!”

  “No,” Trent said, eyes studying Eric. “That’s not what he’s suggesting.”

  “Would you rather …” Eric said.

  The group of men exchanged confused looks. Trent seemed to understand what he was suggesting. “Think further out of the box, guys. If the hospital won’t provide what the community needs …”

  Paul gaped. “You’re suggesting we open our own urgent care clinic?”

  “I’m not suggesting anything,” Eric said, instinctively operating in a cover-your-ass mode. If this was repeated to his boss, he’d be fired. Then he shrugged it off. “Or maybe I am. But it’s obviously not my call. I’m merely suggesting that if the hospital isn’t serving needs, and you care about that, there are alternatives.”

  Paul scoffed. “Are you going to put up your savings to do it?”

  “Yes.”

  That shocked them into silence. They again exchanged looks. Trying to determine Eric’s mental health or whether the others were crazy enough to entertain the idea? Eric wasn’t sure. The silence began to feel awkward, so he elaborated.

  “Well, a third or half,” Eric said. “I couldn’t do it alone, and I do have a baby on the way.”

  There were a few chuckles. Pretty much everyone in his circle of acquaintances at the hospital had heard about Eric taking on Olivia and Peanut. Most of them were happy for him. A few of them were dubious he’d make the time, but he couldn’t blame them. He did work a lot, and that’s really the only side of him the
y knew.

  “Well, I think it’s a great idea,” Zane said.

  “It would tie me to Ashe,” Paul warned. “If I sink my savings into the clinic, I can’t relocate.”

  Zane placed a hand on Paul’s thigh and squeezed. “I know, but my future’s in digital media. Newspaper is dying. I wasn’t just sugarcoating it for you, Paul. I plan to work online no matter where we live.”

  “Zane, you don’t fool me. I know you’d probably have more opportunities if you worked in an actual office, and not just remotely. Your career shouldn’t be sidelined by mine,” Paul said. “My career almost killed our relationship before it could start. I don’t want—”

  Zane grabbed the collar of Paul’s shirt and tugged him into a kiss. “We’ll hash it out later,” Zane murmured.

  “Well, I’m in,” Xavier said with a grin. “I fully support Trent sinking his money into an urgent care clinic.”

  “I’m still a surgeon,” Trent said, almost apologetically. “After my year of reflection, I realized it’s where I belong.”

  “Look, this is just a hypothetical exercise,” Eric said. “But realistically, the clinic would be a small operation. I’m thinking two full-time physicians, who would also manage the business, one full-time nurse and a handful of staff members who might be willing to donate some of their time.”

  Trent nodded. “I could do that.”

  “Me too,” Xavier said.

  “It might need to have a private practice element to subsidize the lower-income patients who aren’t adequately covered by Medicaid,” Trent mused. “I remember the urgent care clinic at the hospital had a lot of patients who fell into health benefits gaps because of their income levels or other circumstances.”

  Eric nodded. “Yes, I think we’d essentially be a clinic, with a roster of regular patients, but we’d operate on a sliding pay scale for the underinsured. I don’t know if it’s viable. We’d have to run some numbers.”

  “You sound pretty serious about this,” Paul said.

  Eric realized he was. Far more serious than before he bounced the idea off these other doctors. He shrugged. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. My job demands a lot of time and energy, and frankly, it’s been a major bummer lately.”

  The guys laughed, and Eric gave a wry smile. “I’m ready for a change.”

  “I think I am too,” Paul said, looking down into Zane’s eyes. “If it works for Zane.”

  “Well, I suggest we all sleep on it for a week or a month,” Eric said, “and then come back to it when we’re not sauced on wine.”

  Shortly after, the party broke up and Eric made his way home. When he arrived, it was to an empty house. Olivia was spending the night with one of her friends again, and Casper was no longer in his life.

  Because he couldn’t just accept good company and good sex. No, he’d had to have more.

  “You idiot,” he muttered, as he made his way to his cold bed. “Why is it always all or nothing with you?”

  Eric stripped to his boxers and fell into bed. His cold, lonely bed.

  ***

  Olivia rapped her knuckles on Eric’s bedroom door frame. “Uncle Eric?”

  He looked up from his laptop. He’d tried to distract himself with work since breaking it off with Casper, but his heart wasn’t in it. Wasn’t in much of anything. He’d encouraged Olivia’s improving relationship with her mother and let her take over visiting her doctor since he couldn’t handle being in the same room right now.

  He hadn’t had to explain why. Olivia had taken one look at his face after they’d broken things off, and she’d known. Olivia had been great, getting out the ice cream and cueing up a comedy to distract him. She’d put up with his surly mood ever since — and mostly without complaint — but she deserved better.

  “What’s up?” he asked. The smile he’d fixed on his face slipped when he saw the tense set of her shoulders and the way she was gnawing her bottom lip. “Did something happen?”

  “Kind of.”

  She drifted into the room, taking a seat on a cedar chest that held extra blankets and a few discrete sex toys he made use of when he grew too desperate for his hand to do the trick. His body had become used to a more thorough fucking while with Casper, but he hadn’t so much as cracked the lid. He still hurt too much to want to replace Cas with the unsatisfying silicone.

  He cleared his throat, trying to focus on Olivia instead of his own heartbreak. “You know you can tell me anything.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “You were my hero these past weeks, you know that?”

  “I didn’t do much—”

  She made a sound somewhere between a laugh and sob. “You only let a girl who was basically a stranger move in overnight. You supported me and went to birthing classes with me, and you just made everything more bearable.”

  “I was happy to do it, Livvie,” he said, moving his laptop aside and patting the bed in invitation. “I missed having family.”

  She moved to his side, perching on the edge of the bed. “I know,” she said, lips trembling. “And even though my parents were awful to you, you helped them accept my wishes. They say I can move home again and they’ll help me raise my baby until I’m out of school.”

  Eric’s heart dropped. She was going to leave him too. I’ll be all alone again.

  “Is that why you’re crying?” he asked, his own throat tight.

  “I don’t know how you feel about it, and I’m torn. Going back to them feels like a betrayal to you, and I owe you so much.”

  “Aw, honey. Come here.” Eric held out his arms, and she sank into them. The tears flowed down her cheeks. It was something she hadn’t allowed herself the night she showed up at his door asking for help, but they’d come a long way since then. They were no longer strangers, but family in the true sense of the word.

  “It’s okay,” he murmured into her hair. “They’re your parents, your home. It’s okay to want to go back.”

  If his parents had ever been willing to accept him, he would have forgiven them in a heartbeat. He was already grown and out of the house, but he would have been so happy to have that anchor of knowing he had family who cared about him, who invited him for holidays and called just to say hi. He’d never have that, not from them. But Olivia could, and he wouldn’t be the one to stop her.

  “I don’t want to leave you here alone.” She blinked up at him. “I really thought you and Casper would end up together.”

  He released her with a sigh. “I thought so too. At least, I hoped so. I think a part of me always knew he was too good to be true.”

  “Can’t be that good if he left you,” she said.

  He chuckled, touched by her loyalty. “You don’t have to take sides. He’s your doctor, and you should trust him. You’ll be in good hands.”

  “I’d have to know what the sides are to take one,” she pointed out. “Are you sure this can’t be fixed?”

  “There’s nothing I can do,” Eric said. “If Casper decides he wants to be with me, he knows I’m here, but I can’t make that choice for him.”

  “Maybe he will,” she said hopefully.

  Eric needed to talk about something else. “So, I’m glad your parents came around. I hope you and I can remain close, though, and Peanut too.”

  Olivia threw her arms around him again and kissed his cheek. “We will, I promise. Peanut will know her Uncle Eric. She expects many toys.”

  Eric laughed. “That I can do.”

  Olivia stood. “Thank you, again. For everything. I’ll wait for the weekend, and then I’ll move everything. Can my dad come over to help?”

  He noticed she didn’t ask about her mother and was grateful. He still didn’t want Laura in his space. “Yes.”

  “Okay, goodnight then.”

  Eric retrieved his laptop as Olivia left. Before he could reopen the proposed budget he was contemplating submitting, job be damned, she spoke again.

  “And Eric?”

  “Yeah?”

  �
�YOLO.”

  She walked off without another word. He smiled to himself wistfully. He’d used that word with Casper more than once and with himself many times to convince himself to take a risk. But he’d already walked out on that limb for Casper, and he’d taken the fall. He had no regrets, but he hoped like hell Casper did. Then maybe he’d start thinking about his future and what it could hold.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  It was well past dinner and full dark when Casper arrived at his childhood home. He looked up at the large pinewood cabin that had been in their family for three generations. Thankfully, it had gone through several renovations, making it as convenient as a more modern home.

  Through the trees, he could see the stone chimney of Kage’s childhood home. He’d not been back there since the funeral. His angry words to Kage’s parents rang in his head: You betrayed me, and you disrespected our relationship. You stole precious time we could have been together before he died, and I’ll never forgive you.

  A lump lodged in his throat, and Casper worked to get a hold on his emotions.

  He could still see Kage in those trees where they so often played as kids and later stole kisses as teenagers. He could picture the boy he loved so vividly as he smiled and then blew Casper’s mind by kissing him for the first time. Kage had smiled a lot. Somehow, even with death hanging over him, he’d been the happiest person Casper had ever met.

  Goddamn, it was hard to come back here.

  His sister threw open the door, and he had no more time. He shoved the memories down and opened his arms as she hurried down the steps.

  “About time you got here!” she said.

  He’d called to tell her he would report ASAP, but seeing her now, looking so grown up, he realized just how long it had been since they’d been together.

  “Sorry, sis.”

  She hugged him tight around the neck, her honey blonde curls wafting a sweet fruity scent to his nose. When she pulled back, he looked at her. She had a heart-shaped face, one usually quick with a smile, and big brown eyes. She had spent much of her life lamenting that Casper got the pretty blue color, but her eyes gave her a warmth that Casper’s face would never project.