The Run Around

by Bernadette Franklin

  “The captain informed me I would be walking the plank if I resisted attending. Honestly, I want to walk the plank, preferably if Elizabeth is dressed up as a pirate and is putting her wedding planner out of her misery. My misery. I am questioning why I am the wedding planner right now. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this week.”

  “You’re going to be fine. Remember, you can hide in my cabin. The boarding was going smoothly when I was there, and I’m pretty sure everyone is accounted for. While they like to push your buttons, they believe you’ll leave without them without hesitation, likely because you’re capable of telling them no without caving under pressure.”

  “I swear they’re worse than children,” I muttered.

  “They really are. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “Don’t be late for the final preparations for the wedding. I’m already expecting to be herding bridesmaids and groomsmen. It’ll be chaos.”

  “I won’t be late,” he promised. “If you need anything, I’ll be next door until it’s time to get ready.”

  I needed to jump overboard and run away, but rather than dodge the final stage of my job as a wedding planner, I went back to work so nothing would go wrong with the wedding or the reception.

  Twenty-Two

  Wait. She decided who you should be dating?

  Dressed in a red gown that transformed me into a bloody swan, I did my rounds. First, I checked with the boarding staff to make certain all guests had made it onto the ship. They had, although the nefarious Aunt Carolina had tested her luck and barely squeaked onto the gangway before they closed it. She’d gotten in with seconds to spare, and to my delight, the staff had spent twenty minutes scolding her, reinforcing if she’d been any later, the ship would have left without her.

  The thought of the woman dealing with criticism amused me. On the main deck, where the wedding would take place, everything went precisely to plan. The quartet of photographers took glamour shots of everything before the guests could make a mess of it, the cakes were on display and guarded by the catering staff, someone had set up a red rope to prevent anyone from getting too close until the appropriate time, and the reception, which was spread out across the entirety of the ship, only needed a few finishing touches to be ready.

  Unlike with my brother’s wedding, everyone hired showed up, did their jobs, and followed my instructions to refuse any special requests from the guests unless they were cleared by the bride and groom before being brought to me. As the bride and groom were busy being prepared for the ceremony, I got to enjoy a quiet morning. Chaos engulfed the afternoon in the form of a buffet style luncheon on one of the lower decks to appease hungry guests while waiting for the ceremony to begin.

  I dodged the luncheon by returning to my cabin and attacking the sausages and cheeses on my balcony while indulging in a new book.

  Wedding planning went best when I didn’t have to do anything at all.

  Thirty minutes before my scheduled time to join the wedding party, I did my final sweep of the preparations, dodging the more persnickety guests so I wouldn’t be tempted to toss some noble-born so-and-so overboard. Thanks to Rick, I even had a picture of his most annoying aunt so I could avoid her.

  Going for a neutral color scheme consisting of whites, creams, and tans had mitigated Juliette’s riotous choice of colors, although the bride held some responsibility for the prismatic display of people. The guests took their seats, which had been left unassigned with a few exceptions involving the immediate family of the bride and groom, who got the first two rows to themselves.

  I joined the herd of bridesmaids and groomsmen, muttering curses over how I’d been partnered with Rick, which meant we’d take photographs together, sit together at the reception, and otherwise be expected to keep each other company for the entire day. Part of me liked the arrangement, as I’d have pictures with him. I ignored my other concerns, as we hadn’t had a choice in the matter. If the lady Rick liked had a problem with our pairing, I’d worry for his sake.

  By the end of the week, I figured I’d find out one way or another.

  “So far so good,” Rick commented while we waited for the musical cue to march down the ridiculously long aisle and take our places as a living rainbow flanking the bride and groom. Edward, dressed in his white suit, waited patiently alone at the white and gold altar, something the pair had imported from England. It had created a nightmare of paperwork, as it was a registered antique with an insurance value of over a million dollars. I didn’t envy them getting it back home, but the paperwork was their problem rather than mine. “I almost wish Aunt Carolina had decided to wait until after the boarding cutoff to test her luck. She’s been complaining that you’re not letting anyone get away with anything today.”

  “Well, I told the staff they weren’t to let anyone get away with anything.”

  “That amounts to the same thing. And after witnessing Aunt Carolina be scolded by the staff, everyone decided it’s probably a good idea to behave and keep their complaints to themselves. That, plus Elizabeth made it rather clear she’d toss anyone who ruined her wedding overboard.”

  “Would she?”

  “Nobody knows, which is why everyone decided it’s a good idea to behave and stay quiet if something doesn’t suit them.”

  I loved when my planning and a little help from the bride resulted in miracles. “I’m afraid to ask how the gifts went.”

  “Fine as far as I know. I’ve opened a few of mine, and I may need to tell Elizabeth she shouldn’t be playing matchmaker at her own wedding. She’s decided who I should be dating, and every gift she gave me was a rather blunt hint about how I should be spending the rest of the cruise. She took pity on me, though. She gave me an e-reader and a gift card to get new books, too. I’m going to join you in hiding, I think.”

  “Wait. She decided who you should be dating? But…”

  “As I have kept my mouth firmly shut about any and all women I have ever been interested in, the family believes I am hopeless and will never marry. As such, they have determined I’m not actually interested in anyone, using my claim as a clever ploy to get them to leave me alone.”

  I giggled at the thought of his aunt tormenting him because of his status as a chronically single man. Then I shook my head, putting together the basic pieces of the puzzle. “As she instructed Juliette to put us in same-colored attire, she must be trying to set you up with me.”

  “That thought had crossed my mind. The potential couples do happen to be wearing the same colors, and she’s set everything up so the pairs will be forced to spend time with each other. I don’t mind this arrangement, as it means I get to have good company for most of the cruise. As we both enjoy reading books, we can just hide on our balconies and get in some rest and relaxation time. Should we wish to share a balcony, well, we have connecting doors and can do just that.”

  “Edward and Elizabeth are probably convinced I’ll starve to death, as they put more than a week’s worth of hard sausages and various types of cheese in my cabin. I skipped lunch and had sausage and cheese just to avoid the wedding guests.”

  “I had wondered where you’d gone. I was worried you hadn’t eaten anything at all. The luncheon went over really well, though. My family couldn’t find anything to complain about, which is exceptionally rare.”

  “Your list of favorite foods helped, and I only put out one thing your aunt loathed.”

  “I have a video of her discovering the eggplant parmesan, and it is priceless. I also liked the sign with it naming those who shouldn’t have it because it contained dairy. That was a nice touch, especially the fine print claiming my aunt would love the dish. I’ll be sending a copy to the photographers for the wedding video collection.”

  I grinned. “That was Elizabeth’s idea. I just implemented it. You don’t mind being stuck with me?”

  “I absolutely don’t mind at all. The only thing I’m annoyed about is my idiot family making it so our dogs had to stay at home for the
week. I’m sure our dogs will forgive us. I’m not sure about your cat, though. Do cats ever forgive anyone who has slighted them?”

  I hoped Lenore would forgive me. Over the past few months, she’d grown into a cuddling lap cat, and I enjoyed when she graced me with her attention. “Here’s hoping.”

  The music, played by a small orchestra, put an end to our conversation, and began what I hoped wouldn’t become my living hell.

  Unlike my brother’s wedding, which classified as short, sweet, and to the point, we got a sermon from a priest who enjoyed gushing over the joys of marriage, the responsibilities of a wife, the responsibilities of a groom, and the challenges couples faced in the modern world. The wedding guests handled the lengthy discourse better than I did.

  I wanted to run and hide, but my job was to stand at the end of the line, look pretty, smile until my face wanted to fall off, and keep a general eye on things. Nobody protested the union, a good thing in my opinion, as I would’ve lost my temper and rampaged had anyone decided to be an asshole without a damned good reason. I figured most of the guests had worked out their need to be assholes in the months leading up to the wedding.

  As planned, the bride and groom left the ceremony first, and the pairs of bridesmaids and groomsmen followed in their wake. For the next four hours, we would be subjected to taking photographs on the uppermost deck, which had been transformed into a garden paradise for the cause. The potted, flowering plants added to the colorful chaos, and the newlyweds had even gotten a few trees to offer some shade and add some natural beauty to their pictures.

  Rick nudged me with his elbow. “Baseballs were banned from the ship, so you should be safe. I am concerned there are other things someone could hit you with, but I would happily volunteer to keep you company should something try to crack your skull again.”

  I laughed, startling everyone near us. Coughing to regain my shredded dignity, I replied, “Can I pass on anything hard encountering my skull today?”

  “Do you have another method we could use to escape the reception? I feel like we should be trying to get out of going. The photographs are going to be bad enough, but do we really have to go to the reception?”

  Right. Rick had an allergy to receptions. I grinned, as I would have liked to be able to escape from the rest of my job, too. As I couldn’t be in two places at once, the guests were being watched over by various staff members from the crew and catering team, and if there were any problems, they’d find me with the main wedding party.

  In addition to the main quartet of photographers, I’d hired three more to get pictures of the wedding guests on a different deck, and I’d given them instructions to keep everyone amused for as long as possible, allowing varying group shots only after everyone had at least one picture taken with the bride and groom.

  The happy couple blitzed through their first round of photographs, including one group picture, a picture with every pairing, and pictures separated by gender. Once they left to take their photos with the rest of the wedding party, I relaxed. As the end couple, we’d go last for our private pictures, which meant we could sit down at one of the little tables scattered over the top deck and relax while waiting for our turn.

  Rick leaned back in his chair, staring out over the ocean. “Well, I do have to say the view is spectacular. I bet Elizabeth put us at the end of the line so you wouldn’t be running around the cruise ship today keeping an eye on everything. She’s forcing you to stay here for however long she sees fit, and she’s getting away with it because you won’t interfere with any of her requests.”

  “In this case, I do not mind being manipulated into sitting in one place for an extended period of time. At this stage, I’m here to fix anything that goes wrong, and I’ve layered together so many contingency plans that I’m only going to be approached by the staff or caterers if I didn’t provide enough alternatives to cover all the possibilities. If something does go wrong, that means it’s really, really gone wrong. I figured the staffers were hired because they were skilled and good at their jobs, so I’m letting them do their jobs without getting in the way. As long as Elizabeth and Edward are happy, I’m happy.”

  “They looked pretty happy to me. The ceremony itself went smoothly. They’ll toss the bouquet and garter at the reception, and don’t be surprised if those cretins aim them at us as part of their scheming. Hell, knowing Elizabeth, she’s just going to turn around and hand it to you.”

  “If she throws the bouquet at me, I am going to let it hit me in the face.” I grinned at my oddball threat. “It might let me get out of the rest of the reception.”

  “While clever, don’t let that thing hit you in the face. I held it for a few minutes this morning, and that thing is heavy. If it hits you, it will hurt.”

  “But will it hurt more than a baseball to the head?”

  “I would certainly hope not.”

  “It might make for a good excuse to retreat to the cabin and read a book,” I muttered.

  “I’m pretty sure Elizabeth is on guard against either one of us making a break from the reception. While she obeyed the no ball and chain rule, she has handcuffs that match our clothes, and I’ve been told she’s not afraid to use them. What I don’t know is how many pairs of handcuffs she has or how she intends on using them.”

  “We should have her handcuff us to the nice chairs on the balcony so we can read in peace.”

  Rick narrowed his eyes. “That’s a pretty good idea, actually. But we’d be easy to find.”

  “That’s definitely a problem.”

  “We’ll just have to endure through the reception.”

  While the reception would test my patience and worry me from start to finish, I could think of a few things we could do to make use of our time. “We could make up headlines about your aunt in the tradition of Florida Man.”

  “And my day just got a tenfold better at the thought of that. What sort of mayhem would she create should she follow the Florida Man tradition?” Rick asked.

  “FLORIDA MAN LIGHTS CRUISE SHIP ON FIRE AFTER RECEIVING UNWANTED GIFT.”

  He shuddered. “She really would. Elizabeth spent the longest on her gift so Aunt Carolina wouldn’t have her delicate sensibilities overly offended. Alternatively, FLORIDA MAN SINKS CRUISE SHIP.”

  “More dramatic than just lighting it on fire, although I question how Florida Man would sink an entire cruise ship.”

  “It would become a mystery of the world,” Rick replied in his most solemn tone.

  “FLORIDA MAN DEFENESTRATES RAINBOW-CLAD WEDDING PARTY DURING JEALOUS FIT,” I predicted.

  “I’m not sure the windows in the cabins are really big enough for a proper defenestration.”

  I considered the cabins. “The ones in ours are.”

  “She’d have to have a really good toss because the windows lead out onto the balconies, so she’d have to clear the railing while defenestrating our family and friends.”

  As I already considered Aunt Carolina a force of nature on par with a rather large hurricane, I could see her managing to throw a body far enough to clear the railing. “I feel like I should be watching my back and locking my door now.”

  “She won’t actually do anything to you. She’ll just think about it. Honestly, she probably likes you.”

  I raised my brows at that. “How do you figure?”

  “She didn’t deliberately make herself late. She just pushed her luck. That means she takes you seriously, which is an accomplishment as far as she’s concerned.”

  “Has anyone told her that she can be quite the asshole, Rick? I feel like someone needs to tell her this.”

  “Oh, we have. She just doesn’t care. She figures if you can’t handle her at her worst, you don’t deserve her at her best. And to be fair, her best is pretty spectacular. She just makes you earn it first.”

  The expected trouble began at the reception, as alcohol tended to make people do stupid things. Most of the trouble remained harmless enough, with the various disgruntled
factions within the family tossing barbs at each other when the bride or groom wasn’t looking. Then, because rich people competed with each other, they made bets among themselves as to who would get the best present from the couple—and who had bought the best presents for the couple.

  “I didn’t bring them a present at all,” I confessed to Rick. Somehow, we’d gotten one of the smaller tables meant for two, which were scattered throughout the various decks to offer privacy to those who couldn’t handle larger groups of people. Thanks to the changes to how gifts were being distributed, the bride and groom had reserved some places and let everyone else fill in the blanks. To keep things somewhat organized, each guest, with the exception of those who’d been assigned a seat, retrieved their name card from staff members on the top deck along with a generic small gift bag meant to keep busybodies occupied while they waited for their real gift.

  I’d gotten more chocolate, a gift card to a local bookstore, and a warning I would live to regret it if I skipped out of the reception early.

  Rick’s bag contained similar items, except instead of chocolate, he’d been given a fidget toy to keep his hands busy and click at anyone who annoyed him. I found it amusing that he rolled the toy around in his hands while we waited for the first of the real disasters to begin. The dinner, a rather elaborate buffet, took over the entire cruise ship, with Rick and I enjoying the upper deck while the sunset illuminated the ocean.

  While he fidgeted, I debated heading for the nearest bar for a drink to take the edge off. I opted against it, as when something went wrong, I needed to be able to think clearly. I sighed my frustration.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t drink myself under the table because I have to be accessible. That’s what’s wrong,” I complained.

  “You’re a lightweight, aren’t you?”

  “I can do a glass and make it home. After a glass? I’m done and worse than hungover. I mean, I’m hungover on a single glass, but at least I’m not a menace to myself.”