The Run Around

by Bernadette Franklin

  “That’s a very good question.” Rick pulled up the chair from the cabin’s desk and sat nearby. “As I know where you live, I feel I need to check in on you at least once a week, else you might never leave home unless you’re going to and from work.”

  “But why would I want to with so many books to read, a nice fireplace, and a great tub?”

  “I find your point very difficult to argue against. Honestly, I’m in a very similar situation at home. It has been a definite improvement. I’ve learned a lot about what my future homes should have, assuming I move again. If my parents have their way, I’d move back to England where I belong.”

  “Well, upon learning you’re a lord or whatever, there’s a reason for that.”

  “I literally want to throw up every time someone calls me Lord Fredrick. I really do. It’s awful. They also hate how I’ve convinced a lot of the family to start using nicknames. They’re all about the formality. El was the first I corrupted. I got her to call me Rick along with a bunch of our mutual friends. I don’t have the time to deal with stiff formalities.”

  I set aside the basket and eyed the selection of gifts. “Do you think she wants me to open the reception gifts first or the boarding gifts? I’m concerned she has more presents stashed away on this ship somewhere.”

  “I’ll go grab my collection, and we’ll open them together. We’ll pretend it’s Christmas, and we can make fun of what we got. I’m sure there will be pranks in here somewhere.” Rick hopped to his feet, went to the connecting door, and headed into his cabin, returning a few moments later with a few gifts, which he piled on the floor far enough from my presents we wouldn’t mix them up before making his next trip to fetch more boxes, bags, and baskets. Like me, he’d been gifted with a ridiculous number of presents.

  “This is way too excessive, Rick.”

  “They’re good at being excessive. I’d peeked into only one of my baskets, which had my e-reader in it. That made me happy enough I figured I could wait for the rest.” He sat on the floor and rubbed his hands together. “This is more fun than Christmas. I don’t have to put on a show when I open these. For some reason, people expect me to be happy with whatever gift they give me. Last year, Aunt Carolina gave me several books on dating, the ugliest sweaters I’d ever seen in my life, and a rugby ball. I’d be utterly destroyed at rugby, and I have no desire to inflict pain on myself. I’ve watched enough rugby matches to understand that way leads to concussions and pain.”

  “As someone who has experienced a concussion before, I heartily recommend avoiding them.”

  Rick grinned at that. “I agree. On the bright side, we got through the photography session without any incidents.”

  “I’m amazed we made it to the reception without anyone needing me for anything.”

  “I have no idea how that happened with an entire ship full of my family and our family friends. It’s a recipe for disaster, yet we have been completely devoid of disasters.”

  “Bite your tongue before a disaster happens!”

  “There will be drunk people within the hour. Hundreds of drunk people. The disaster is already beginning, and there’s nothing we can do about it beyond hide behind locked doors and open presents.”

  “Good idea.” I picked a larger box, which weighed enough I grunted setting it on the bed. Inside, a game console and a collection of car racing, action-adventure, and roleplaying games waited for me. I frowned, furrowing my brow. “I guess I’m a gamer now, Rick.”

  “For when you need a break from books, I guess?” Rick tilted his head to the side, regarding my new collection with interest. “That must be from Edward, as he enjoys gaming and thinks everyone else does, too—they just need to be given a gaming starter set to discover the joys of pixel-based destruction. In good news, I recognize a few of those titles, and they’re multiplayer, so you can entertain guests with it. I hope you have a television.”

  I clicked my tongue and refused to look him in the eyes. “Maybe.”

  “You don’t have a television, do you?”

  “I guess I’m going to have to get one. I’m sure I can find a place for it in the apartment. Is it bad if it doesn’t get used much? I have a lot of new books to read.”

  “Just keep it around as a way to entertain guests. If you mount the television to the wall, it’s basically a nice decoration you ignore unless you have guests who need to be amused.”

  “Good idea. I’ll do that.” I set the console and games aside before grabbing the smallest of the reception gifts, a tiny bag barely large enough to hold a gift card or a few pieces of chocolate. “This is really cute. I’m not usually the kind to keep gift bags or wrapping paper, but I might have to keep this one.”

  “It’s definitely diminutive.”

  Like the other bags, it was tied off with a ribbon, which I removed and set aside. Inside, I found a gift card and a folded slip of paper. My brows shot up, as it was for one of the more high-end adult boutiques in the city. “Well, someone wants me to have a good time.” I turned the gift card so Rick could see it, and like me, his brows shot up.

  “I’m not sure I want to know what the note says. Isn’t that the sort of gifts Elizabeth was supposed to receive at the bachelorette party she didn’t have so she wouldn’t receive such things?”

  I laughed, as I’d dodged a lot of headache not having to deal with either a bachelor or bachelorette party. “She could be confused.”

  “That’s entirely probable. The wedding planning, even though she dodged the worst parts of it, definitely rattled her brains. She went flat-out psycho over the snorkeling. She got it into her head we needed some form of activity, but she absolutely didn’t want you to be burdened with planning it so she went crazy making sure it could happen. I didn’t know it was possible to get the supplies needed in such a hurry—or charter enough smaller boats to take us all to the spot. She’s lost her mind. The stress of somebody possibly ruining her wedding must have gotten to her.”

  I laughed and set the gift card in my purse to deal with later before opening the note, which informed me I had their permission to take Rick home with me, as nobody would miss him. “Apparently, you must have annoyed the bride and groom.”

  “I did? Wait, what?”

  I handed over the card, and laughter bubbled out of me. “A rather inappropriate gift card with a permission slip to take you home with me. Your mother must have been lying about missing you, as the bride and groom say otherwise.”

  “My mother really would,” Rick muttered, taking the note and reading it over. “Wow.”

  “I think you were just sold into slavery.”

  Rick narrowed his eyes, considering the note for a long moment before handing it back to me. “I’m now slightly concerned what else is in her gifts—and what is in mine. She already gave you a hermit’s starter pack. She might have given you other starter packs, too.”

  I retrieved the gift card and held it up. “I saw how much she put on a gift card for books. I’ve learned we are not dealing with reasonable people here. This would be the starter pack. For what, I’m not sure.”

  “Tripling the population of New York?”

  I snickered and tossed the gift card at him, which he leaned over to dodge. It skittered across the carpet, and he flopped over to retrieve it, setting it on my console’s box.

  Rick snickered, and he collected his two gifts from the reception, untying the ribbons. “Okay, maybe she means for you to practice the skills required to triple it.”

  “It’s rude to get revenge on the bride, isn’t it?”

  “Usually, although I’m sure you can make her walk the plank when we go snorkeling. I was told I would be attending under threat of death. Considering that note, I do believe my cousin is trying to play matchmaker.”

  “Yet here we are in my cabin gossiping about her matchmaker ways.”

  “I could either be here or out at a reception getting unholy drunk, which is not one of my favorite activities. Hangovers? Another hated acti
vity. I’m highly amused right now, and if you’re okay with this arrangement, I’m okay with this arrangement.”

  Huh. “But you were sold into slavery. I mean, you weren’t even sold. You were just tossed to the sharks without pay. I’m the shark right now, and I’m okay admitting that.”

  “That does hurt a little. She should have at least tried to get some money out of you. I’m a good purchase. She shouldn’t be giving me away for free.”

  “Here’s the important question: do you come with your dog?”

  “Let me think about that for a second.” Rick paused, and with zero evidence he’d thought about it at all, he announced, “Yes. Nonnegotiable.”

  “It’s not kidnapping if I have a permission slip, right?”

  “Technically, it would be kidnapping, but you do have a permission slip, and it’s rude to tell the bride no on her wedding day.”

  “It really is, isn’t it?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Do they make beds big enough for two people and two huge dogs and a cat?”

  “They do. I happen to own one, as I’m spoiled. It’s an oversized king, and it was custom made. There are steps at the foot of the bed for Annabel Lee. Edgar Allan Paw would definitely appreciate the steps.”

  Damn. I couldn’t even tell if the man was serious, if he’d been leading everyone on about having a woman he was interested in, or if he was just humoring me. The only way to find out was to ask, but the answer scared me, because no matter what his reply was, everything would change. Change could be good. Change could be bad. But change would come, and I didn’t want to lose the friendship I’d managed to salvage despite the several months we hadn’t talked at all due to my general cowardice.

  “What am I supposed to do with a slave? There’s no handbook.” I frowned. “Wait. Maybe there is a handbook. There are more presents. She would include a handbook for this situation in here somewhere. I don’t know her that well, but she really would.”

  “The only way to find out is to open everything.”

  “We’ll take turns. I got a slave, so it’s your turn to open something.”

  “I don’t have a little bag. This is now really disappointing. You got an entire person from a little bag.”

  I shrugged. “You could have planned the wedding and gotten bequeathed with an entire person. I’m just being fairly paid. And I didn’t just get an entire person. I got an entire person and his dog.”

  “Maybe they gave you the game console to keep me entertained when you want to read a book by your fireplace?”

  I considered that. “Do you play games?”

  “Sometimes. If I’ve been reading all day at work doing business research, I’ll play games instead of reading. I sometimes watch movies, but not often. I’m guessing you don’t watch movies, as you don’t own a television.”

  “I’ve been working so much I haven’t had time. I don’t mind movies, but I’d rather read a book.”

  Rick selected his next basket and opened it, revealing a collection of Scotch bottles, glasses, and a decanter. Shaking his head and laughing, he lifted out one of the bottles. “This one would be Edward’s contribution, as he enjoys implying I should have been born in Scotland. He might also be thinking I need a stiff drink to survive this cruise. Hell, knowing him, in two or three days, he’s going to be visiting me to have a stiff drink to get through this cruise.”

  “I’m hoping that’s because of the sheer number of family on board rather than marriage to Elizabeth.”

  “Maybe Elizabeth set up the snorkeling event so she could get rid of the more annoying members of the family. Alas, everyone will be counted getting on and leaving the ship, along with a lot of precautions to make certain nobody is left behind or goes missing. Of course, my cousin is a trickster at heart, and if she thinks she can get away with something, she will.”

  “What could she possibly get away with while snorkeling?”

  Rick considered, wrinkling his nose. “Abandoning us on an island or at a beachside resort and leaving us for someone else to pick up at a later date?”

  “She better not, not without our dogs and my cat!”

  He snorted. “I like how you’re not against being abandoned at a resort, but you are if your pets don’t show up.”

  “I miss them,” I whined.

  “Me, too. I’m sure they’ll be fine without us. Truth be told, if I had brought Annabel Lee, the only time I’d leave my cabin would be to take her on brief walks, and I’m still at a loss of how we’d walk the dogs on a cruise ship.”

  “I was going to have big boxes with grass set up on one of the decks for them,” I admitted.

  “That would have worked nicely. Annabel Lee isn’t particularly picky.”

  “Neither is Edgar Allan Paw. And Lenore? Provide her with a litter box and show her where it is, and she’s happy.”

  “I tried to teach Annabel Lee how to use the toilet once. It didn’t go over very well. Apparently, she likes going on walks and resented my attempt to teach her a new trick so I could be lazy.”

  I laughed. “Walks are sacred, Rick. You should know this by now.”

  “They really are. I’ve opened a present, so it’s your turn to open one.”

  “As the reception presents have been the most impressive, I think I’ll do the largest of the reception presents now.” I selected the large box, which weighed little enough to warrant suspicion. I joined Rick on the floor and unwrapped it. I’d been around Juliette Carter often enough to recognize the designer’s lingerie boxes, and Elizabeth had crammed six of them into the larger box. At the bottom of the emptied box, I located a pair of red, fuzzy handcuffs. I hooked them with a finger and lifted them out. “Continuing the enslavement theme, it seems I have been gifted with a pair of cuffs.”

  “And some boxes.”

  “Those would be lingerie boxes, and judging by their weight, she emptied her closet of everything in my size again. Either she believes I’m only going to wear them once or I’ll somehow destroy them.”

  Rick eyed the boxes like they might rise up and bite him. “I’m not sure how you could destroy them.”

  “Judging from the inclusion of the handcuffs, I’m sure they would have help being destroyed. While I am not currently involved with any men, I can verify that lingerie has a remarkably short lifespan when in the clutches of an eager gentleman.”

  “How is destroying lingerie gentlemanly? I’ve seen the price tags on those things. There’s nothing gentlemanly about destroying a hundred dollars or more in lingerie.”

  “It’s like elaborate wrapping paper, and I’m sure a proper gentleman assists in the acquisition of new lingerie to destroy.”

  “This morning, I did not anticipate lingerie becoming a legitimate peril in my life.”

  “It’s only a peril if you’re too cheap to replace what you destroy, and if you’re handcuffed during the destruction process, is it really your fault?” I shrugged, twirled the handcuffs around my finger, and dumped them onto the console box with the gift certificate for the adult boutique. “I’m going to assume all of my reception gifts are expensive clues I should change my career from wedding planner and accountant to seductress.”

  “I guess that gift card counts as a seduction starter kit, doesn’t it?”

  “I don’t feel I am at all prepared for this. Mat is comfortable believing I’m chronically single and incapable of drawing the attention of men. Well, straight men. I’m very good at having gay friends. I mean, they’re great. They are usually cool people and don’t treat me like I’m there for the potential benefits.”

  “No matter what I say, I’m going to say the wrong thing. Can I pass on making any commentary?”

  I thought about that. “Being able to see your dog is a benefit.”

  “I don’t think that’s the right sort of benefit being discussed.”

  “While it’s not, I’m just saying I’m already using you for the potential side benefits, which includes seeing your dog.” I
shrugged and pointed to the bag Rick had gotten at the reception. “You should open that one next. Maybe it’s a starter kit for you of some sort.”

  “I’m concerned it might be. What sort of starter kit would she give me, though?”

  “That’s a good question. What could you possibly need a starter kit for?”

  “Being a good slave, as I have not taken any lessons on being properly subservient. Honestly, I’m going to make a terrible slave.”

  “But you have a cute dog. That makes up for any other flaws you may have.”

  “I see my dog has thoroughly charmed you.”

  “She really has.” Annabel Lee’s owner had done some significant charming of his own, and I debated gathering the courage to be direct with him about it. If there was another woman somewhere, I hadn’t seen any evidence of her, and well, if I could take her place without actually bothering someone who’d gotten to him first, I wouldn’t have a complaint with that. “What counts as a good starter kit?”

  “At this point, I really don’t know.” Rick opened the bag and revealed a large jewelry box. “I’m now scared to open this. The only jewelry I wear is a watch, and I’m not sure what else could be put in here.”

  I held out my hand. “I’ll open it for you if it’s that scary.”

  He handed me the box. “I hope it doesn’t attack you.”

  “Would Elizabeth or Edward put something in a box that might attack me?”

  “At this stage, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

  “That would be a spectacular headline. BRITISH LORD MURDERED BY NEWLYWEDS IN GIFT-GIVING INCIDENT. You’d go down in history as the first to be murdered by a jewelry box.”

  “Now I’m wondering how someone might die from a jewelry box.”

  “Maybe you could be bludgeoned to death with one? It’d be a lot of work, though. That’d be a spectacular headline. NEW YORK WOMAN MURDERS BRITISH LORD WITH A JEWELRY BOX.”