The Run Around

by Bernadette Franklin

  I considered that. “I can’t tell if she likes or hates you, Rick.”

  “I can’t tell, either. I could figure out how to use a single pack, but how am I supposed to use so many of them?”

  “You’ll have to get creative.” I continued separating them into piles with Rick’s help and determined that his cousin had purchased three hundred condoms for his enjoyment. “There’s over five years of condoms here if we assume you will indulge five times a week.”

  “At the risk of being beaten to death with my own condoms, how many do you think we could go through on a cruise?”

  “You wouldn’t be of much use if I beat you to death with your condoms. That would also be a huge waste of an entire human, and I might damage the condoms. Let’s not be wasteful.”

  “I like the way you think. I just don’t want to be offensive, and honestly, I’ve had no idea how to approach you. I didn’t want to come across as one of those creeps.”

  “Well, this could make a good headline. New York Woman Kidnaps British Lordling For Evening Entertainment. I’ll even let you go to work when we aren’t reading, playing with our dogs, or keeping ourselves otherwise occupied. I’m no good at the whole flirting thing, either. That’s probably why Juliette insisted on dressing me up in red and hoping for the best. The little black dress is as little as I’d let her make it. That was a battle, Rick.”

  “I don’t want other men to see you in a little black dress. I have womanizing cousins, and I’d hate to have to murder them at my cousin’s gala. Since we’re confessing, anyway, my plan was to ask if you’d consider a relationship with me sometime during the cruise, but I am much happier that my cousin opted to give you the gift of an entire human. This way is a lot less stressful—and I was concerned the rest of my family would try to interfere. They already have, putting you through hell planning this wedding!”

  “I just figured they were rich snobs and would annoy any wedding planner equally. I’ve dealt with rich snobs before. It’s easy. No is a powerful word, and I like using it. And the more often I have to tell someone no, the more stubborn I’ll get about it.”

  “I had guessed as much, which was why I was worried about asking you. I figured if I didn’t ask, at least I could still be friends with you.”

  “Being friends is mandatory in any sort of relationship. But that was a good thought. I had similar. I will also admit I was jealous of whomever the woman was you were interested in.”

  Rick snickered. “You were jealous of yourself, then.”

  “Well, I guess I have a chance against the competition.”

  “That you do. I still fully intend to enjoy a lot of time reading on the balcony, and it’d be much nicer with you keeping me company.” Rick examined one of the condoms. “And if we get tired of reading, I guess we have options, don’t we?”

  “That we do.”

  Twenty-Four

  I am a fierce dragon, and my hoard consists of books.

  Had I been thinking clearly, I would have remembered I’d spent months overworking and not nearly enough time resting. After we took our time getting to know each other better, I barely had the energy to take a shower before Rick helped me into my pajamas and put me to bed.

  A knock woke me, and I cracked open my eyes to discover my cabin had been tidied and there was no sign of my evening activities with Rick. Grumbling a curse, I got up, stumbled across the room, and cracked open my door to discover my brother and Rick, both bright eyed and ready for the day.

  “I don’t know what you want, but the answer is no.” I considered shutting the door on them, but I stifled a yawn. “What do you want so I can tell you no?”

  Rick grinned, and he looked rather proud of himself. Mat didn’t seem to notice, and he replied, “It’s time for breakfast.”

  “It’s a cruise. I can eat when I want, how I want, and where I want. Go away. I’m going back to bed.”

  “Did you even drink last night?”

  “No, I didn’t, but I am still tired from planning the wedding.” I made shooing motions with my hands. “I am going to hide in my room, eat chocolate all day, and maybe go through my stash of cheese, which was a gift from the bride yesterday. I have enough food in here to survive through a siege. Unless something is going wrong, I want to be left alone.” Then, because I could use a little more tender loving care, I pointed at Rick. “Since he lives next door to me for the next few days, you can recruit him to bring me a plate. Just tell the staff why he’s stealing a plate so we can return it without them panicking a plate and cutlery went missing.”

  Rick chuckled. “I have no problems with bringing you a plate on my way back. That’ll save you a trip halfway across the ship, Mat.”

  “Mom and Dad want to see you.”

  “I’ll go see them tomorrow or the day after.” I pointed at the floor. “I am not leaving my room today. I am going to sleep. You hear me? I deserve sleep, and I will enjoy it. I have presents to open, too, because I was too tired to open them last night.” I took a moment to look Rick over, made a note to add him to the presents I needed to unwrap, and resumed glaring at my brother. “Defend my rest. I will allow Rick to bother me if he’s bringing me food. Anyone else will be sent away. And Rick’s only getting away with it because he’s my neighbor for the week.”

  “All right, all right. I’ll tell Mom and Dad you’re being crabby and need sleep.”

  “I’m also planning on reading a new book. I was given a new e-reader yesterday, and I will enjoy reading on my balcony.”

  “Ah, I see. I will tell them you have developed bookworm tendencies again.”

  “I am not a worm. I am a fierce dragon, and my hoard consists of books. Knock on my door at your own risk. In fact, Rick, please ask someone for a do not disturb sign. I don’t want to be disturbed!”

  “I’ll take care of it.” Rick grabbed my brother and hauled him away from my door. “Come on, Mat. I don’t want to die today, and she looks ready to kill us both and toss us overboard. And she might bother to tell someone she dumped our bodies into the sea when she’s done.”

  I closed my door and locked it. I then made certain the door to Rick’s cabin remained unlocked before I went back to bed to enjoy some quiet time.

  The next time I woke up, a weight on the side of the bed disturbed me. “I’ve brought you a plate. I waited until they refreshed the buffet so everything was nice and hot for you. You’re missing a ridiculous number of hungover people complaining they’re hungover, so really, you’re not missing anything. I made sure nobody was out in the hallway to notice I took the plate into my room. How are you feeling?”

  “Like it’s the first time I got enough sleep in approximately six months,” I admitted, yawning and sitting up. “Sorry about earlier.”

  “You looked tired, and I’d be grumpy too, if someone woke me up before I wanted to be woken up. He annoyed me first, and he barged into my room, which makes me really happy I hid our stash.”

  I grinned at that, got out of bed, and took the plate out to the balcony, which had chairs for two and a little table I could have breakfast at without getting crumbs in the sheets. Rick followed me. “Smart move. I’d noticed my room had been tidied. You didn’t have to do that, but thank you.”

  “I figured someone would bother us, and having a lot of rather unique gifts sitting out would invite unwanted questions. In good news, I claimed I was going back to bed because I’ve been working too hard. Unbeknownst to them, my plans for the bed don’t involve catching a nap.”

  The plate, which had enough food for two or three, would do a good job of sustaining me for a few hours. I stabbed some scrambled eggs and went to work shoveling breakfast into my mouth. “Do you think they’ll leave us alone?”

  “You have a do not disturb sign on your door, so I think there’s a decent chance you’ll be left alone for a while. They even gave me one, too. Before I came in here, I used a sticky note to inform people I had been working overtime lately and needed some quiet time. We�
�ll just have to be somewhat quiet if we want our ruse to work.”

  “Why are we hiding what we’re doing, anyway?”

  “I want to see how far my family will go to remove me from the pool of eligible bachelors. That’ll also teach them for getting involved in the first place.”

  “If your cousin demands a condom count, we’re caught,” I replied.

  “There is that, but I think we’re going to have to adjust our weekly averages based on what we learned last night.”

  I’d learned I could be convinced to abandon my books with little effort on his part.

  Rick chuckled and relaxed in his seat. “I’m viewing it as a challenge to see how much damage we can do to our stockpile. I’m sure we’ll both enjoy it. After we get back from the cruise, we can see what the boutique offers couples looking to add a little spice to life.”

  Well, I had no doubt Rick was an active and interested partner in our evening activities. “Game on, but after breakfast—and we’ll have to make a friendly wager.”

  “About?”

  “How long it takes my brother to figure out I’m making off with you.”

  “If he hasn’t figured it out by the end of the cruise, he needs a lot of help and an appointment with an eye doctor, as I have every intention of educating my family if they take their pressuring too far, and they will.”

  “Unless they ditch us at a resort on their dime. That’s not taking it too far. We just need to make sure they bring our pets to us. I’m sure I can get the extra days off work if I ask. I’m sure your boss will give you some time off work, too.”

  “I can probably arrange to give myself some time off work.”

  “Then it’s game on, and our goal is to get them to give us some time off at a resort where they won’t bother us. I think a week should be sufficient. How do we convince them we need time off at a resort?”

  “Do independent things, steal occasional glances, and sigh sadly now and then? That’s what I’ve heard is how people express being lovesick. I always thought it was weird they call it being lovesick. Honestly, I’m not going to do anything of the sort and act normal, which is oblivious if I listen to my cousin.”

  “I’m going to act normal, too, which is obviously oblivious. I really didn’t think you were interested until you said so.”

  Rick grinned at me. “I became suspicious you were interested when you took a rather intense interest in the condom collection.”

  “I won’t lie, it’s true. Too much temptation in one little room for me.”

  “You won’t hear me complain.”

  I giggled. “In good news, you already moved to the United States from Japan, and we live in the same city, so seeing each other will be simple. I’ll even give you a key, but you can’t steal my dog. You can steal me with my dog and cat, however.”

  “Do you want to be stolen?”

  “At least once, yes. Please.”

  Rick laughed. “I’ll ensure my theft of your person will be enjoyable for both of us. In case you weren’t sure, I’m rather the slow, methodical type.”

  “When I decide I want to get married, if you are too slow, I will ask you. I don’t want to be one of those couples who date for years without dedicating, but I’m happy to see how well we get along in close quarters. I don’t want to find out any nasty surprises after marriage.”

  “On that, we’re agreed.”

  “We can worry about it after we survive this cruise. There’s still six more days our families could do us in. We better enjoy ourselves while we can.”

  The third day into the cruise, Rick’s family conspired against us, coercing him into doing the many activities on the ship meant to entertain guests and keep anyone from getting bored. My family took advantage of the situation to force me out of my cabin and away from my books. The instant Rick’s Aunt Carolina realized I was available for her amusement, she stalked me across the ship. Like before the wedding, she always wanted something. Most requests I could answer with a simple no, and the ones I couldn’t, I sent her to Edward, which made her hesitate, but she ultimately left to go bother someone else about the matter.

  On the tenth such visit in a matter of six hours, I considered tossing the woman overboard. “How can I help you?” I asked, already aware I likely wouldn’t be helping her, as I would not be adjusting the ship’s schedule to convenience her.

  “What do you know about Fredrick’s living accommodations in the United States?”

  “Absolutely nothing,” I replied, puzzled by her question. “He has a cute dog, and I got to meet her. He lives somewhere near me, but I don’t know where. He knows more about my living accommodations than I do about his.”

  “Oh? Why might that be?”

  “Because Juliette Carter ambushes me and puts too much stuff in my car, and when she runs out of space in my car, she coerces anyone she can find to do her dirty work. She has her claws deep into Fredrick’s wardrobe, and he’s often unwilling to tell her no. I don’t complain because he brings his dog with him, and my dog likes to play with her. My cat likes Annabel Lee, too.”

  “Interesting. And it doesn’t bother you that he knows where you live?”

  “Why would it bother me? He’s always a polite gentleman. And anyway, the building has really good security. The security desk doesn’t allow anyone up to the residential floors who hasn’t been authorized.”

  I would need to talk to Jacob about giving Rick open access to my apartment—and a set of his own keys.

  “And you wouldn’t say he’s overbearing or otherwise obnoxious?”

  “Him?” I blurted, astonished his aunt would think of him as anything other than polite and caring. “Why would you say such a thing?”

  Mat snorted, and I kicked him beneath the table.

  “He is a rather severe young man, much to our dismay. I wanted to ask if you might be willing to do me a favor.”

  I polished my favorite word in the dictionary and prepared to use it. “What sort of favor?”

  “It would do little Fredrick some good if he could spend more time with people outside of work, and while your brother is a charming enough fellow, you live much closer than he does, and he doesn’t find your presence offensive.”

  I would hope not, considering how much effort we’d put in attempting to decrease the size of his condom collection. “I have no problems spending some time with him if he needs local company. I can always use some company when I go to the bookstore, and there’s one near me that welcomes dogs. Lenore has an exception because she’s on leash, although they don’t normally allow cats in.”

  “Excellent! When is best for you? I will go make certain he knows that you require assistance with your bookstore ventures. How many trips do you think you need? Little Elizabeth mentioned she was giving you gift cards to your favorite stores, and it would be gentlemanly of him to carry your purchases for you and help hold the leashes while you browse.”

  Who had taken over Rick’s Aunt Carolina and turned her into someone deceptively nice? “I usually take Edgar Allan Paw and Lenore to the store when the weather sours. He doesn’t handle cold, wet days very well because of his age, and he likes the heated seats in the car. So I suppose it would be the first Saturday or Sunday that has poor weather. There’s a nice little park near the store we go to as well.” In reality, the park was several blocks away through shit traffic, but Edgar Allan Paw didn’t mind a longer car ride. “It can be quite the juggle trying to pick books while managing their leashes.”

  “That’s just lovely. I’ll go recruit him to help you. That’s the least I can do after burdening you so much these past few weeks.”

  Months, but I smiled rather than correct her. “That’s very sweet of you. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” She left without a word, and my brother’s eyes narrowed.

  I could think of thirty rude things my brother might make a comment on, which would get us in trouble with our parents. “Don’t say it, Mat.”

  “Sh
e’s acting weird,” he replied.

  My parents nodded at that, and my mother said, “That woman has been a bloodthirsty harpy the entire cruise, and she’s now playing nice. Your brother is right to be concerned.”

  “Don’t say it, Dad.”

  “Why are you telling me not to say anything?” Dad complained.

  “Because you will, and it’ll be truthful, and because it’s truthful, we can’t protest, so if you don’t say it, you may not be overheard, which saves us a lot of trouble later.” I smiled. “We’ll just leave it at that was weird and try not to worry about it. Should she bother Rick, well, he can hold the leashes while I buy some books, and it shouldn’t inconvenience him too badly.”

  After we bought books, I could take him home and reward him for being a helpful gentleman, and we’d both enjoy it.

  “Rick’s usually busy,” Mat muttered.

  “And if he’s busy, he can tell his aunt that he can’t, and there’s no harm, no foul. My feelings aren’t going to be hurt if he’s busy.” Well, mostly. My newly revitalized libido would be unhappy, but I could be a patient woman. If he played hard to get, I’d have to go on a hunt and figure out where he lived and come knocking at his door. I figured turnabout was fair play, and Rick knew where I lived. “If he isn’t busy, I’ll remind him that you need a great deal of attention or you feel lonely.”

  “Cute, Hope.”

  I grinned at him. “Juliette has worked very hard to make me cute, so thank you.” Even my most casual outfits for the cruise did wonders for me. “She’s very good for my self-esteem.”

  “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up about Rick having time is all. It astonished me he was able to come to dinner, but I think that was because he was still settling in the country and hadn’t restored his work schedule yet. He works too much, but I haven’t been able to find a way to get him to take it easier. He’s going to burn out one of these days.”

  Poor Mat. When he figured out I was pursuing a relationship with his friend, there’d be fireworks, and I had no idea if he’d be happy for us or not. “Well, if you think he’s in trouble, you could always come to New York and storm his castle. Surely he’s told you where he works or lives.”