J.
Page 28
xviij
AS she closed the binder and rubbed her hands, she noticed Jerboa's curly haired rival leaving the hall. His face was thunderous. He was almost as skinny as Jerboa. Only his lack of height made him appear more proportionally balanced. His vest was red, with the VJ logo stitched in green and white. He wore no socks. Veda smiled weakly. He interpreted it as an invitation to join her on the bench. He sat beside her and glanced at the binder.
"Jenneting's opera," he snorted. "I bet it's crap."
"Well..." Veda wondered where she could begin in constructing a defence of the opera on themes mathematical and metamathematical.
Another cheer erupted away in the hall, and a chant of
JER-BO-A, JER-BO-A
started up. He cursed and kicked his heel against the leg of the bench.
"He's doing well?" she enquired innocently.
"Set a new record," the boy scowled. "I'm out of it. My hand-grip tore."
"You have a…keen rivalry?" said Veda diplomatically, "Keen but friendly?"
He snorted. "No. He's a complete, utter and absolute wanker. I'm Jargo. Jargo Jaconet."
"Jacko?"
"Jargo," he growled. "Short for Jargonelle. What kind of imbecilic, wanky name is Jacko?"
Jargonelle Jaconet, velcro jumper and knicker nicker
Jargo Jaconet collects clothes: underwear, socks, pants, T-shirts, vests, bras etc. He collects them from washing lines, sometimes from launderettes, sometimes hot from the dryers. He catalogues and sells them to Vagrant Juveniles. He is, however, not a pervert. He steals to order, for wearing, not wanking. Unfortunately, Jargo was denounced to the police when the chemist who developed his photos recognised her bra in the prints. This is an example of Jargo's art:
Lot 42: Still Life, Socks and Shorts
Recent Acquisitions include:
from the washing line at No. 42 Jericho Drive
dark blue and white poker dotted boxer shorts (waist 26)
crimson and orange striped boxer shorts (waist 26)
white socks (two pairs)
grey flannel trousers (w 26, i/leg 28)
one white shirt (chest 34)
grey school socks (size 6-8)
Note : donor out fishing instead of doing his Maths homework (don't blame him)
from a locker room at the sports ground
one rust brown running vest (sweat-stained)
navy joggers, (waist 48 - he needs more than joggers, the fat bastard!)
white nylon shorts (elastic waistband stretched beyond repair)
Note : wobble-bottomed donor was in the shower after his run
from a bedroom at Jasmine Cottage
one nightie showing Winnie the Pooh eating hunny (or "honey")
one black bra (unnhhhh)
an assortment of knickers including black
Note: donor a highly fanciable piece of totty
from a dormitory at a hostel in Jura
one pair of white girl's knickers
one white sports bra
one pink hair slide
white socks with a buttercup ankle motif
Note: Fleecy, I love you!
On his arrest, Jargo Jaconet was interviewed by the police and a probation officer who asked him to name, in forty-two seconds, the 10 incarnations of Vishnu.
(Matsya the Fish, Kurma the Turtle, Varaha the Boar, Narasingha the Lion, Vamana the Dwarf, Parasurama, Rama, Krishna and Kalki)
Unfortunately and unaccountably Jargo forgot about Buddha and thus failed the test. He was sentenced to stand for forty two minutes in just his underpants (a red and white slip) whilst a judge in full scarlet and white regalia and a huge woolly wig threw squashed plums at him, Jargo defending himself with a leek. Whilst this was Virtual Justice, it is believed Jargo enjoyed the experience and looks forward to repeating it one day with a young lady dressed in a sheepskin.
Away from nicking knickers, Jargo enjoys Japanese food (he loves wasabi – it clears his sinuses more effectively than any other compound known to Man or sheep), playing guitar, Zen Buddhism and Judaism and driving jeeps in the desert areas of Jordan. He is famous for being the first fourteen year old to drive solo from Jerash to Jebel Umm ad Daami, and then climbing the 1834 m peak. With velcro of course.
Jargo Jaconet was born on September 30th and is JASOn's Tarboy.
Another cheer burst from the hall, another chanted
JER-BO-A
JER-BO-A.
Jargo picked at the ripped red pad in his hands. "He thinks he's a logician but he always avoids a proper debate." He looked sharply at Veda. "You're a journalist, aren't you? Would you like to do a feature on me?"
He ran his hand down one goose-pimpled thigh and let it rest on his scuffed kneecap. "I'm captain of the county team, you know." She gave a half-shrug. "I drove across a desert and I play the guitar in a kind of blues band. Jewish Blues. We play songs with Zen Buddhist lyrics. We're called Izzy Cohen and the Koans. It's a sort of pun."
Veda blinked at the notion of such a curious hybrid. Jewish-Buddhist Blues.
"I'll lend you a tape." His hand strayed to her knee. "You can judge my fingerwork." And he let his fingers work up her thigh.
Erhemmm. Veda stood up. Some of Jerboa's notes slid from folder to floor.
"I'll help you." Jargo knelt beside her and 'lost his balance' so his hand pressed against her breast. "I'm sorry." He pushed himself upright.
Veda gathered the sheets of paper, blushing furiously and wondering what she had done to be pursued so openly by yet another ravening sex-starved, sex-mad teenager.
"Jenneting and the others," said Jargo. "They're all mad, you know."
"And you?" said Veda, settling back onto the bench.
"I'm interesting. I'm the Tarboy." He grinned. "It's Australian slang for a boy who applies tar to freshly sheared sheep when they've been nicked by the razor. That's me. Tom the Tarboy." He grinned again. "I would apply tar to your wound if you'd dress up in a sheepskin for me."
"Tell me about the Jewish Zen Blues," said Veda.
"Weh, oi weh, we all fade away," he warbled suddenly, "Oi MU, oi MU, What you gonna do?"
"Iestyn Thomas is part of your band?" said Veda.
"Sure," said Jargo. "So's Josh Jukes."
"Iestyn's not Jewish," said Veda.
"I know." Jargo smirked. "And I know how you know." Veda blushed. "You should be ashamed of yourself. You're old enough to be his mother."
"I hardly think so," said Veda, trying to recover some dignity in front of the grinning adults. "I'd have been twelve."
"Possible," mused Jargo.
"No it wasn't," snapped Veda.
"Do you want to find out if I'm Jewish?" said Jargo.
"Later," said Veda. Much later.
"Oh, go on," whined Jargo. "It isn't fair. You shagged Iestyn.."
How did he know that?
"How did you know that?"
Jargo merely smirked and told her he had become interested in Judaism whilst on holiday in Jordan. His passion then had been mosaics and he had visited the Roman Theatre in Amman to sketch, photo and then model
No. 1 (Inv 43) A fragment from the south-east exedra of the Church of St John the Baptist in which two acanthus scrolls encircle a stork and a hound. Small swastikas fill the spaces. Prov: Jerash, Church of St John (529 A.D.)
and No. 17 (Inv 8) A sheep with thick wool and a large wavy tail Prov: Jerash, Church of Elias, Mary and Soreg (late 6th Century AD)