Still Rattled: A Baxter Boys Novella

by Jane Charles

“I know.”

  “You’re not mad.”

  “No. I kind of like it.”

  “That’s because you don’t have to try and sleep with it like this.”

  She chuckles. “Sorry.”

  “Never, ever be sorry, Kelsey.” I kiss the side of her neck. “Get some sleep.”

  She rolls on her back and looks up at me. “I’m really glad we talked this morning.”

  I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Me too.” Then I kiss her, like I’ve been wanting to all day.

  Her lips soften against mine, accepting me and I deepen the kiss. Her arms wrap around my shoulders, and I pull her close, practically on top of her. The more we kiss, the harder I get. This is all we have and no matter how uncomfortable I become, I’m not pulling away from Kelsey.

  Our breaths mingle and match. Almost breathless, but I can pull away from her. I’m lost in all that is Kelsey, and I’m not sure I ever want to be found.

  Five pizzas are lined up on the island in the kitchen and none of them are of the cardboard frozen variety. Beside them, there’s a large bowl with a tossed salad in it.

  “You said pizza,” Alex laughs.

  “This is not what I meant.” My mouth is watering at the sight and smell. “Are these homemade?”

  “Of course,” Dylan says as if a little insulted.

  “I’ve never had homemade pizza before.”

  Then he grins. “Then take your pick, as many pieces as you want. There is plain cheese at the end, and a mixture of ingredients until the last, which pretty much has everything you could imagine.”

  Alex hands me a plate and with the spatula, I pull two separate squares onto my plate and then toss some salad into a small bowl before taking it to the dining room. Alex does the same and sits next to me. He leans over and gives me a lingering kiss.

  Upstairs we made out for a long while before Alex pulled away. It was getting heated, and he could make me forget myself. I’m not sure I would have had the power to say no if he would have asked. But he didn’t. Just kissed me until I was so hot I wanted to strip out of my clothes. He didn’t even attempt to caress a boob or anything else, just kissed until he stopped because I needed a nap. Then he got out of bed, covered me with the blanket. The last thing I heard before I fell asleep was the shower running. I’m assuming it was him, but five other guys do live here.

  “Didn’t you guys do enough of that upstairs?” Zach says as he takes a seat at the table. “There is a no fondling or kissing policy at meals.”

  My face heats, and I pull away from Alex.

  “He’s kidding,” Alex assures me. “And probably jealous.”

  Zach just snorts as the others guys come in from the kitchen carrying plates loaded with pizza.

  The front door opens and all I hear is, “He tied you to a bedpost? Oh my God, are you serious? I want someone to do that to me.” Is she talking on the phone or is someone else with her? I can’t see anything because whoever it is, she’s still in the foyer. And, I’m not so shocked that she just walked in without knocking or ringing the doorbell as I am about her conversation.

  “I wasn’t for it at first, but damn, it might have been the best sex I’ve ever had.”

  I guess there are two girls, who I still can’t see. Did one of these guys tie her to a bedpost? Do I want to know?

  Then I glance at Alex and my body flushes with heat. I don’t think I’d mind Alex doing that to me. Not after the way he kissed me upstairs. Anybody who can kiss like he does has got to be great in bed too.

  What the hell am I thinking? I will not be having sex with Alex.

  “Mia, how is it that you always know when I make pizza?” Dylan calls.

  “Yes!” the girl cries right before her and another female walk into the living room. Do these guys only hang out with people from their graduating class? Mia Marin was a gifted actress back them, often staring opposite of Zach on the stage. With her is Alyssa Landon, another actress from Baxter, who landed as many lead roles as Mia.

  “Hey, Kelsey,” Alyssa says. “Joy told us you’ve been hanging out with Alex.”

  “And, I highly recommend silk scarves and bedposts.” Mia winks at Alex and my face gets even hotter.

  “So we heard,” he answers dryly.

  “They are already done?” Alyssa gestures to the stack of presents I wrapped earlier.

  “Kelsey saved you this year,” Sean answers.

  “Thank you, Kelsey,” Mia says as she walks into the kitchen.

  “These guys are helpless when it comes to wrapping. Joy said this was their shopping day and we were expecting to fix their mess.”

  I would be afraid I stepped on their toes, since apparently that’s why they are here, but Alyssa is grinning as she goes into the kitchen.

  Those two must hang out here a lot because they don’t wait for an invitation but grab plates and start piling the pizza on before finding a spot at the table. I’ve never felt that comfortable anywhere. Will I ever have a place I can just walk into that’s not my own and make myself at home?

  “So, viewing party next Friday?” Mia asks.

  With that, my stomach clenches and my appetite disappears. Next Friday they air the segment of me and Alex.

  “We are all going to watch it. How can we not?” Alyssa says. “So, we might as well make a party of it, with Dylan cooking, of course.” She grins at him.

  Alex grabs my hand and squeezes.

  “Or, maybe not,” Mia says slowly, looking at me. “You okay Kelsey?”

  “Yeah,” I finally say. “Still getting used to the idea that the world is going to hear things that only a few knew before I told Alex.”

  “The conversation had to be had,” Alex says. “But, we should have had it six years ago and not on camera.” Then he looks at Mia. “Kelsey isn’t the only one who wishes the cameras had not been there.”

  “Both of you?” Ryan asks.

  “Yep. Everyone will soon know our secrets.”

  Nobody is smiling any more. “Before Baxter secrets?” Sean asks.

  “Before Baxter secrets,” I confirm.

  There is silence around the table. Pasts are supposed to be buried, but not forgotten. Who you were before you got to Baxter did not necessarily mean that is who you’d be when you left. All of us changed and grew. We were given hope. The promise of a great future was within our grasp if we worked for it. That meant getting good grades, excelling in our art, meeting with therapists, taking medication if prescribed. We worked on ourselves, sometimes for four years, wiping the ugliness of what was to be our future from our souls.

  It’s our choice to tell everyone, or no one. These guys only know some of mine, and I’m willing to bet I don’t know all of theirs. It’s not important to our friendship.

  “Maybe it should be a group viewing,” Dylan says.

  “I’m not so sure.” First, I wasn’t sure if I was going to watch. If I did, it was going to be in privacy with Kelsey.

  “It’s better to watch it with us,” Mia says. “Guaranteed support with none of the judgment.”

  She has a point.

  “If there’s a storm that needs to be weathered, who better to have your back than us?” Christian adds.

  I look at Kelsey. It’s her call. If it were just me, yeah, I may let them have their viewing party. I’ve had the support of these guys since Baxter, Kelsey only reconnected with them at Thanksgiving.

  Her eyes meet mine. “Yeah. It’s nice to not feel so alone anymore.” Tears sparkle in her eyes, but she quickly blinks them away.

  This is not something that either one of us is going to look forward to, but since it’s going to happen whether we like it or not, I’m glad Kelsey will be by my side and that we’ll be surrounded by the best friends a guy could have.

  “So, about those scarves, Mia,” Zach says. “Were they 100% silk?”

  And with that one question, I’m confident Kelsey went from worry to shock by the way her eyes widened as she looked at Zach as if she
couldn’t believe he asked such a thing.

  I love that she’s shocked, and that she’s so easily embarrassed. In time, she’ll get used to everyone, I hope, but I also hope she holds onto some of her innocence. She may have had a kid once upon a time, but her reaction at Mia and Alyssa’s conversation was downright almost virginal.

  “Of course.” Mia holds out her arms. “See, no chafing.”

  “Just wrists or ankles too?” Zach asks as Kelsey’s face gets redder.

  Mia gives him a sly grin. “I’ll let you use your imagination.” Then she winks at him.

  “You’re killing me. You just don’t drop a few details and not give us the whole story,” Zach complains.

  He probably has more sex stories to tell than anyone at the table. Not that I ask him, but he’s seen and heard everything. Some of the clubs and events he’s gone to as a drag queen has left him with endless stories to tell. And, the one thing Zach has never shied away from was anything that could be considered erotic in any manner or form.

  “You know, it’s a slippery slope from silk and feathers straight to leather,” Zach says. “And darling, I know the perfect place to shop for all of those naughty needs.”

  “Advise from your friends at the club?” Dylan asks dryly. I’m not sure what his take on sex is, and I never asked. But, I’ve yet to know him to date anyone and have suspected he’s a prude deep down.

  “We don’t just share makeup tips or which undergarments are more flattering to the figure.” He winks at Kelsey.

  Her face is going to be on fire if it gets any redder.

  “Oh, do tell,” Mia encourages.

  “Please don’t,” Dylan counters. “And let’s talk about something more important.” He levels his eyes on Mia. “Christmas with your mother, or here?”

  She rolls her eyes. “That woman means well, and she tries, but Thanksgiving was bad enough.”

  Alyssa is nodding her head. Mia had promised her mom that she’d do Thanksgiving with her, but only if she could bring some friends, and Alyssa is one of them that went with her.

  “She spent my entire formative years shipping me from one school to another while she spent the holidays with her latest sugar daddy and can’t get why I’m not suddenly embracing this need and desire to spend each and every holiday as a family.” She rolls her eyes again. “She’s in love, which of course, makes it all better.”

  “I’m not going back,” Alyssa says. “It’s going to be Orphan Christmas for me.”

  “Me too,” echoes Mia.

  Kelsey frowns. “Orphan Christmas.”

  “Yep. That’s what we’ve called it since freshman year in college when practically everyone headed home for the holidays,” I explain. “Except us.”

  “It’s not like we had homes to go to,” Sean snorts.

  “Or ones we wanted to return to,” adds Zach.

  “That’s when we had our first Orphan Christmas, and it continues.” Mia grins.

  “With one new addition, of course.” I nod to Kelsey.

  “Oh no.” She holds up her hands. “I don’t want intrude on your thing.”

  “You wrapped the presents and ate the pizza,” Dylan says. “It’s too late, you’re stuck.”

  “Even numbers again.” Mia holds out her glass of wine as if toasting.

  “Even numbers?” Kelsey asks.

  “Scarlett Hannigan is one of us, but she headed out west over the summer when she couldn’t find a job after graduation.”

  “Has anyone heard from her?” I ask. It was weird when Scarlett just decided to up and leave one day, without even a hint to anyone that was her plan.

  “No,” Mia says. “My calls used to go to voicemail. Then the mailbox was full. Now it’s disconnected.”

  My gut tightens. We’ve all been worried about Scarlett, but I assumed one of the girls was in touch with her. It’s like I’ve just realized that my little sister has gone missing.

  “Have you tried to find her?” Sean asks.

  “Mom has hired private investigators from here to California.”

  I just hope they find her and all is well.

  “They have permission to kick her ass for making us worry and then stand there while she calls me.”

  Mia is being hopeful, but I know she is worried, just like every one of us is.

  I take a deep breath before entering the brownstone. “Who is going to be here?”

  “All the guys,” Alex answers. “They each took the night off. Christian even had the guys cancel a gig, and Zach got someone else to fill in on judging some drag queen pageant.”

  My stomach knots. “They did not need to put their life on hold because of this.”

  “Wouldn’t we, for them?”

  I look up into Alex’s blue eyes and nod. These guys have become so important to me in such a short time. Not that I spent much time here after last Saturday. I still had to study for finals, go to classes and work at the bookstore. But, I did see Alex. He came by my place when I got home and we hung out in my room, talking and cuddling. A few times he spent the night. I don’t mind being at the brownstone, but with the guys and girls coming at all hours, it’s hard to get time alone with Alex. And, we need alone time. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other still. We’ve shared some dreams and worries, but there’s more to go.

  “Joy, Mia and Alyssa will be there too.”

  I already know that.

  “But also Zoe and Kate?”

  Just because everyone else graduated with Alex, do I assume the others did too? “Zoe St. John and Kate Elliott?”

  “Yes.” He kisses the tip of my nose “They wouldn’t invite anyone who wasn’t at Baxter.

  Zoe and Kate were in choir with me, and Kate also played the piano. Zoe was always quiet and kept to herself, except when singing. She has probably one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard. As for Kate, we spent more time together in the music room. Learning new pieces. While I stuck with the piano, she also learned the violin. We even tried to compose a song once. It sucked, but it was fun trying.

  “Kelsey,” Kate greets me with a hug as soon as I walk in. “How the hell are you? Still playing and singing?”

  There is just something infectious about Kate and her spirit and I relax immediately. “Teaching,” I answer.

  “That’s right.” Her eyes widen. “You’re going to be teaching at Baxter. That is so awesome.”

  “Hey, Kelsey,” Zoe greets me with a smile. She’s holding a leash and at the other end is the cutest Pomeranian.

  “Yours?”

  She shakes her head. “Dog sitting.” Then she picks it up and wags a finger in its face. “And training.”

  The pup responds by licking her finger.

  “That thing better not pee or shit on the floor.” Dylan comes from the kitchen carrying a tray of potato skins. There is no meal on the table, just a bunch of appetizers. Not that you can’t make a meal out of appetizers. I approach the table. It’s covered with platters loaded with potato skins, three different types of wings, cheese, meats and crackers, meatballs, deviled eggs, some kind of sushi rolls, bacon wrapped chestnuts, fruit sticks, egg rolls and stuffed mushrooms.

  “And no feeding the dog.” Dylan looks pointedly at Christian.

  There’s also about three different dips on the table and a plate of celery, carrots and those mini tomatoes.

  “The thing’s a runt. It needs food.”

  “Dog food. Not people food.” Dylan stands back. “Well, fill your plates before the food gets cold.”

  The guys fall on the table like vultures, the girls too. As delicious as everything looks, I’m really not sure I can eat. My stomach is in knots, getting worse as the day goes on. Then I remind myself that it is an hour show, and Alex isn’t the only one who didn’t make it. Hopefully, they didn’t spend much time on us.

  “Eat something Kelsey,” Alex says and gives me a gentle push to the table. “Everything is going to be okay.”

  I can only pray he�
��s right.

  That wasn’t so bad. Or, at least I didn’t think it was. They only showed Kelsey telling me she wanted a foot, and that she’d given her daughter up for adoption. They cut to me a few times doing her tattoo, but none of the details in my life came out. Plus, with my name they listed where I work, Skin Scribes. Maybe I’ll get new customers out of this. Though, anyone watching the show would want their tattoo done at Reed’s, but I can hope.

  I breathe a sigh of relief when our segment is over, and Kelsey visibly relaxes next to me.

  “Do you think you can eat something now?”

  “Yeah.” She smiles.

  Before the show she’d eaten all of a carrot.

  Nobody has said anything, not that I expect them too. They won’t ask a thing unless Kelsey offers. I’m glad they were here since I was expecting the worst, but this wasn’t bad at all. It’s not like they didn’t know she was pregnant at the school and gave the baby up. The segment didn’t even mention anything about Brandon, so her full story isn’t out there and none of mine.

  “Fix a plate of hot stuff and we’ll pop it in the microwave, then you can add cold stuff to it.”

  “Thanks.” She smiles and gets up from the couch. Even her movements are smoother, calmer. I hadn’t really realized how much tension she was holding in. I knew I was, but she was in a worse state.

  We finish watching the episode as she eats. Kelsey blows out a breath and takes her plate to the kitchen. I think we were both afraid they’d return to us to air the real dirt.

  “To see the unedited auditions for each of our artists, go to our website…” I don’t hear anything else because of the crash in the kitchen.

  I rush to the kitchen, and she’s picking up the glass.

  “I’ll do that,” Dylan says, coming around me.”

  Kelsey just stays where she is, in the middle of the kitchen floor, glass around her. I squat down in front of her. “I thought it was over. I really did.” Tears sparkle in her eyes.

  I understand completely. I thought we were free and clear just to have the rug pulled out from under us.

  “Let’s check out the website. Maybe they are advertising uncut, when it’s not.” I stand and pull her to her feet. “We won’t know until we see it.”