Wanted (The Dare to Dream Series Book 1)

by Jennifer Kittredge

  “Daniel, we need to talk. There’s so much we need to figure out.”

  “I know, Kate. I know. I’ve messed up. I’m truly sorry. I let my ego get in the way of what we had. I want to make that up to you. I don’t want to lose us, Kate. You’re my world.”

  “Daniel, I’m not your world. I haven’t been your world in a very long time. There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to say it. I want a divorce.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me, Kate!” His voice raised. “We can work this out. We don’t need to jump to divorce over something so trivial. It meant nothing to me.”

  “How many times, Daniel? How many times have you been unfaithful to me?”

  His head dropped. He couldn’t look me in the eye. I knew right then and there, it was too many to count.

  “You took something so sacred to me, Daniel, and you desecrated it. When we took our vows, I meant them for life, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m a shell of myself. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Seeing you with that woman wrapped around you showed me how little you value us. I can’t keep pretending to be happy, Daniel. It’s not fair to us—it’s not fair to me.” I choked back a sob.

  “Kate, I’ll go to counseling. I’ll do whatever it takes. We’re a family. What will people think? What about the children?”

  “I don’t care what people think, Daniel. I care about how I feel. The kids are adults. They’re in college and will survive this. It will be painful for them, but they will survive. We all will.”

  “I don’t want this, Kate. I won’t agree to it.”

  “Agree to it or not Daniel, it’s happening. I won’t live like this anymore. I’ve given up my entire life so that you could achieve your dreams, and how do you repay me? By throwing it all in my face. As if what I did wasn’t enough. You made me feel less than, Daniel. You made me feel as though I wasn’t enough.”

  Tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldn’t hold them back any longer. I didn’t want to cry—I had cried enough tears—but here they were again. I let them fall.

  “Kate, please,” he pleaded, “give me another chance. I know I messed up. I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose us. Please.”

  “Daniel, I just can’t. Going away this last week showed me what I want. We lost us a long time ago. There’s just no way to get us back. I’m sorry. We had a good run, but it’s over.”

  “I won’t let this happen, Kate. We have too much at stake. Our lives are too intermingled. I’m not going to let go of all I've built so easily.”

  “All you built, Daniel? Just you? What about me? What about what I’ve contributed to us over all these years! I built this too, not just you!”

  “I built this, Kate. I worked my ass off every day for everything we have. Look around. Without me, you’d have none of this.”

  “You’re a bastard. As if raising our children was nothing. You just proved my point, Daniel. You never took what I did, because I didn’t bring in money and contribute financially, as worthy. You are absolutely unbelievable, you know that?” I screamed.

  “Yes, Kate, you contributed, but not as much as me. You didn’t work day and night to accomplish all that I have. I won’t let this go, all that I’ve built. It’s mine. Do you understand me? You’ll stay and we’ll get through this. That’s final.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. Who do you think you are, Daniel? You don’t own me. You cannot order me to stay. I’m leaving, and that’s final.”

  I pushed my way past him, making my way to our bedroom. I began packing a bag. I had no idea where I was going, but I was getting the hell out of here.

  Getting out of the house was a complete blur. I threw things into my bag so quickly, I had no idea what I packed. Daniel tried to block me from leaving and things got ugly pretty quickly. Screaming and yelling ensued as I made my way to the garage. Daniel hated to lose. He was so used to winning. Seeing his world unravel before his eyes would sit well with him. He liked control, and this was totally out of his control. I knew it would be a battle. I knew he’d never let me go easily, but I was prepared for the fight. I’d have to fight for my freedom. I’d have to have to fight for my life.

  I pulled into Jen’s driveway and put my head on my steering wheel. I sat there for a long time. No tears came, and my mind was basically numb. There was a knock on my window. I looked up and into the eyes of Derrick, Jen’s hubby. I rolled down my window.

  “Hey there, pretty lady. Why don’t you come inside? Jen’s home.”

  “I’m sorry, Derrick. I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Our door is always open, Kate. You know that.”

  Tears came as I tried to choke back a sob. “God, I’m a complete fucking mess.”

  “Yep. You totally are. Nothing a little wine and Jen time can’t fix. Come on. In you go.”

  I followed him into the house. Jen saw me and immediately wrapped me in her arms. I sobbed. “It’s okay, friend. Everything is going to be okay. A year from now, we’ll be looking back on this time, thinking, ‘thank God she left.’”

  “Will I, Jen? Do you really think I’ll be glad I left?”

  “That’s all up to you. It’s all what you make of it from here on out. You create your own reality. You just have to be brave enough to live it.”

  I gave her a half smile.

  “Let’s have some wine and sit out back, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  I didn’t say anything for a long time as we sipped our wine. So many thoughts swirled through my head. He really was going to make this difficult for me. He would never let me out easily.

  “Tell me what happened, Kate.”

  “Oh, Jen. It was just like we thought it would be, only worse. He wants to fix it. He cares about what everyone thinks. He said he built everything we had and basically, because I didn’t contribute financially, I didn’t really build it, he did.”

  “Son of a bitch.”

  “Yep. We decided when we had kids that I would stay home so they would never be in daycare. We didn’t want that. We wanted them to always have one of us there for them. I was happy to do that. I loved being with my kids. For him to throw that in my face hurts. How could he do that?”

  “Because he’s a selfish asshole, that’s how. He doesn’t see value in what you provided. He only sees value in money.”

  “Yep. That’s loud and clear. He tried to forbid me from leaving.” I laughed. “He forgot the girl I was when we first met. I don’t do ultimatums. I won’t be bullied into staying.”

  “What will you do?”

  “I’ll call Lisa first thing in the morning and rent a house. I found one in South Tampa that I absolutely fell in love with. I’m going to pick up photography again and start my own business. It’s time for Kate Jones to reemerge into the world. It’s time for me to live authentically.”

  “Wahoo, sister! I’m so proud of you, Kate. I know this won’t be easy, but I know damn well you can do this. What about Ryan? What are you going to do about him?”

  “I’d love more than anything to run back to Beaufort and fall into his arms, but that’s not fair to him. I’m still legally married. I’m a complete mess. He deserves more than that, Jen. He deserves a woman who is whole and available. I don’t know if I’ll ever be those things.”

  “You will be, friend. It’ll just take some time. I promise you, you will come out on the other side of this stronger and more alive than you’ve ever been.”

  “I hope you’re right, friend.”

  “I am. Just wait and see.”

  I was so thankful for Jen. She had a way of setting my heart and mind at ease. We sat out back until midnight, talking, laughing, crying, and dreaming. Derrick came out and brought us a plate of cheese and crackers.

  “Thought you ladies might need some food in your bellies.”

  “Thanks, babe. I’ll be in shortly.”

  “Take your time.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  The next morning, I called Lisa and to
ld her I’d like to rent the house in South Tampa. She was delighted and told me she would call the owner and get the ball rolling. I thanked her, realizing I would have to go shopping for furniture if they accepted. Also, I needed to find an attorney. I knew I wouldn’t find one this weekend, but I could at least start doing some research. I really had no idea where to begin. Daniel would have ties to every attorney in the county because of his job. Who would want to take him on? Well, not everyone liked Daniel. There had to be an attorney out there who would love to take him on. I just had no idea where to find them.

  Derrick strolled into the kitchen as I sipped my coffee.

  “Hey, Derrick. Any idea where I can find me an attorney who won’t be scared of going up against Daniel?”

  “Hmmmm, let me think about that. I’ll ask a few of the guys in my office. A few of them have hired high-powered attorneys for their divorces. Let me see what I can come up with for you. Give me a few hours.”

  “Thanks Derrick, and thanks again for letting me crash here. I just can’t go home. I can’t bear to be in the same vicinity as him.”

  “You’re welcome as long as you like, Kate. You know that.”

  I smiled at him.

  “What’s going on in here?” Jen teased as she entered the kitchen.

  “Oh, just plotting on how to take Daniel down,” I replied.

  “Oh, this is even better than I thought.” She giggled.

  “Derrick’s going to put some feelers out for an attorney for me. I’m afraid they may be few and far between when they find out who I’m divorcing.”

  “I think you’ll find plenty of attorneys who’d love nothing better than to stick it to Daniel Jones. You may have to take applications, Kate. They’ll be lining up to take him down.”

  I hoped she was right. I would need someone who wouldn’t be intimidated by Daniel, someone who would guide me and steer me in the right direction.

  “I hope you’re right, Jen.”

  “I am. Aren’t I always?” She giggled and gave me a wink.

  “I wouldn’t say always, but most of the time.”

  “I would say all of the time, but I have to because I’m her husband.”

  The three of us laughed out loud. It felt good to laugh. My soul needed it.

  “Okay, I’m off. I’m going to look at furniture and hopefully meet with Lisa. If all goes according to plan, I can move in next weekend. Are you guys sure it’s okay for me to stay here until then? I don’t want to impose.”

  “Kate, how many times do we have to tell you? The door is always open for you. And besides, we can ignore you when we need to.” Derrick laughed.

  “Ha, very funny. But yes, ignore away. Just pretend like I’m not even here.”

  I signed the rental agreement and a feeling of relief and excitement rose up within me. I’d never officially lived on my own and was excited about it. Daniel would freak out, but I didn’t care. This was about me. This was about rediscovering who I really was and getting in alignment with me.

  I left Lisa’s office with key in hand. I could move in next Saturday. One week from today, I would officially be on my own. I spent the afternoon shopping for furniture. It was fun. Mine and Daniel’s tastes were so different. I had basically decorated our home to suit him, so picking out furniture for myself was exciting. I spent the entire week getting things for my new home, getting everything in place for my new photography business—Captured—and was well on my way to my new life. I had exchanged a few texts with Daniel letting him know I was moving forward with the divorce and that we needed to figure out a time to talk with the kids, together.

  He was still being difficult but having some distance from him helped me to keep my perspective. We were meeting tonight for dinner on neutral territory. I had to let him know I’d retained an attorney. Derrick had located one for me, and I really clicked with her. She was smart, savvy, and didn’t take shit from anyone. She knew Daniel and didn’t think too highly of him, which was good for me. She and I were meeting that afternoon so we could get a plan in place and get the ball rolling on serving him paperwork.

  The thought of dinner with Daniel tonight was nauseating, but it was something I needed to do. I wanted to keep this divorce as amicable as possible.

  I met with Melissa, my attorney, and liked what she had to say. Basically, in Florida, a marriage over seventeen years was always an equal fifty-fifty split. No questions asked. The judges were pretty strict about this, and it wasn’t often that they gave one more than the other.

  “Daniel will have a heart attack.”

  “Kate, Daniel knows the law. He’s not an idiot. No matter who he is, the judge will be fair. Well, most of them, anyway. But honestly, the only way he can make this difficult it by dragging it out. In the end, it will come down to him having to acquiesce. Hopefully, he’ll just do it to begin with and not be a total asshole, but something tells me he’ll drag it out in hopes that you’ll change your mind.”

  “What if I don’t want fifty-fifty? What if I just want out? What if I simply want a little bit financially so I can get on my own two feet?”

  “That’s entirely up to you, Kate. You have to figure out what you want. Why don’t you take some time next week to think about what you want in regard to the divorce? I know you’re moving this weekend, so next week will be fine. In the meantime, we can at least serve him paperwork to get this moving forward.”

  “Thank you, Melissa. I truly appreciate you. This is not easy for me but definitely necessary.” “I’m here, Kate. Just keep me in the loop. I’ll take care of everything that I can legally.”

  I left Melissa’s office with a little bounce in my step. I knew I should be sad, but I couldn’t find those emotions right now. I was excited. I was a little scared, if I was completely honest, but I was also looking forward to rediscovering me.

  Chapter Twenty

  I met Daniel at one of our favorite restaurants in Tampa. He was already there when I arrived.

  “Kate.”

  “Daniel.”

  It was awkward, which I’d known it would be. The man sitting across the table from me had become a complete stranger.

  “Kate, what can I do to make you reconsider? I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose us.”

  “Daniel, “us” was lost a long time ago and you know it. You’ve been unfaithful for years. That right there shows me you weren’t happy with what you had at home.”

  “Kate, I’ve apologized for my indiscretions. What more do you need?”

  “I need love, Daniel. I need passion. I need excitement. I need to feel wanted. I need to have an emotional connection. I need to feel as though I am the only girl in the world. I don’t feel any of those things. I haven’t for a while.”

  “Oh, come on, Kate! You’re talking about a fairy tale. No one has that. What we have is a foundation of compatibility, a history.”

  “That’s not good enough for me anymore, Daniel. I once thought it was, but I realized I deserve what I want. I’m worthy of all of those things and more. You can’t give them to me. Can’t you admit that we’ve grown apart? We had a good life together, but we’re both in different places. We both want very different things.”

  “God, Kate. How did we get here? How did we get so off track?”

  “I don’t know, Daniel. I never in a million years thought we would be here. I thought you were my forever.”

  “I am your forever. Please. Don’t do this.”

  “I’m sorry. You’ll be served paperwork next week. I wanted to tell you in person. I’m moving forward with the divorce, and I’ve retained an attorney.”

  The look on his face was utter shock. Part of me felt sad for him. He really didn’t think I’d go through with it.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. Kate, there’s so much history between us. How can you let that all go?”

  “It’s not easy. Believe me. But I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering if you’ve got some other woman sprawled acro
ss your lap, or when you’re late coming home, wondering if you’re really working or if you’re with someone else. It’s not the way I want to live, Daniel.”

  “Kate, we can go to counseling. We can fix this. I know I hurt you and I’m sorry.”

  “It’s too late, Daniel. My mind is set. We can do this amicably or you can make it difficult. It’s up to you. I choose amicable. I want us to tell the kids together when they come home for Thanksgiving break. I know it’s not ideal, but I feel like we owe it to them to tell them together and face to face.”

  “God, this is really happening, isn’t it?”

  “It is. I may as well tell you, I’ve rented a house. I move in tomorrow.”

  His jaw nearly hit the floor. Tears pooled in his eyes as they did mine. Even though I no longer wanted to be with him, a part of me would always love him. He was right, we did have so much history between us. I truly believed that if we could navigate this together, we could come out on the other side of it as friends.

  “Daniel, I’m sorry. I know that’s hard to hear, but I want to be honest with you. I would like for us to come out on the other side of this as friends. We were friends a long time ago. I think we could be friends again.”

  I saw the softer side of Daniel that I loved through the remainder of our dinner. We chatted and laughed like old friends. It felt good. We talked about how we would tell the kids, what we would tell them and what we wouldn’t tell them. I would never tell them about his infidelity. He deserved better than that, even though he was an asshole for cheating. The kids loved their dad. I didn’t want to taint that in any way. We decided Thanksgiving would be spent together at our house. We would tell the kids then. I knew it wouldn’t be easy for them, but I also knew I couldn’t stay for them. We finished dinner, and Daniel walked me to my car.

  “I’m going to miss you, Kate.”

  “I’m going to miss you too, Daniel.”

  He hugged me and then turned and walked quickly to his car. The feeling of sadness welled up inside of me. I let it come. I had to grieve my marriage. It was the only way I could come out on the other side of this whole.