by K. C. Crowne
I lifted a finger to my lips, remembering the sensation of Silas’ mouth against mine. I had kissed before. But I’d never done it with a friend’s father. And I’d never been kissed like that.
I’d betrayed my best friend.
I was still standing against the door when I heard footsteps. I moved away just in time for the door to swing open. Christopher stepped inside and started speaking immediately.
“Molly, I’m so sorry. I’ve been such a dick to you since we arrived, and I—” He stopped and cocked his head to the side, staring at me. “Are you okay?”
I felt the blood rush from my face and likely looked as pale as a ghost. “I’m fine, why?”
“You just look a little shaken up.”
“Oh, I’m fine.” My voice didn’t even sound like me. I brushed it off with a wave of the hand. “And you’re fine too, Christopher. I know being around family can bring out the worst in us sometimes. Especially with the pressure you’re under.”
“It’s still no excuse. I pulled you into this mess and I just keep leaving you here with my family when I can’t even stand to be around them most of the time.”
“They’re not so bad, really.” I cringed, expecting him to fight with me over that again. I was defending his family again - but truly, they’d been nothing but kind to me.
And if anyone should have been apologizing, it was me. For coming onto his dad.
But Christopher kept talking. “I know, I know. They’re not terrible, I just have this vision of them in my head, likely tainted by the way my mom talked about them.” He fell to the bed with a dramatic sigh. “I’m just not like them and don’t think I ever will be. But that’s not their fault.”
I sat down beside him on the bed. I didn’t say much; I let my friend do all the talking. It was clear he had a lot to get off his chest.
“I mean, besides my dad, that is. He can be pretty terrible at times.”
I thought about his dad’s lips against mine. He didn’t seem terrible to me. But I didn’t say anything.
The dinner bell chimed, interrupting our discussion.
“Already?” I said, checking the time. My head was spinning. I hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten. Time seemed to pass differently here.
“Yes, that’s why I came back. I made a promise to Mama G, and I never break my promises to her,” Christopher said. “Come on, let’s head down.”
The very idea of seeing Silas so soon after the kiss filled me with dread. My feet felt like they had lead weights attached to them, and it took me far too long to stand up and join Christopher, who was standing at the door and giving me the strangest look.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I lied. “I’m fine.”
I put on a sweet, fake smile and walked past him. Each step felt like I was walking toward my doom. I dreaded the moment of stepping into the dining room and looking Silas in the eye.
I feared everyone at the table would see right through us and would know what we’d done.
They would know what I’d done.
We turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs and walked toward the dining room. I let out an audible breath when I saw that Silas wasn’t at the table.
Maybe he won’t be joining us, I thought.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I’d dreaded seeing him on the walk down, but now that I was there, it felt weird not seeing him at the table.
I wondered if he was avoiding me.
The idea of that made me sad, and not just for me. I had been the one to suggest that Silas try spending more time with his son, and because of me, he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him. What the hell was wrong with me?
I took my seat next to Christopher.
I cleared my throat. “Is Silas not joining us?” I asked, needing to know the answer in order to prepare myself.
“Maybe, maybe not,” Mama G said with a chuckle. “He can spend entire days with those horses sometimes.”
“Yeah, I think he loves those horses more than he loves me,” Christopher commented.
I thought it might’ve been a joke. But Christopher’s expression was serious, as if he’d just said something that’d been on his mind for a long while. And if anyone had thought it was funny, they kept their laughs to themselves.
The room grew silent, and the sound of a throat clearing behind us jerked our attention to the door. Silas was standing in the entryway.
All eyes were on him. With what looked like discomfort, he said, “Sorry I’m late.”
He slid into his seat. I stared down at my plate, not wanting to make eye contact with him. No one said anything else as Mama G passed the food around the table, all of us helping ourselves.
I’d never experienced such silence from a room filled with people. Not even a cough. It was as if no one knew what to say. All of us wondered if Silas had heard Christopher’s comment.
Silas
Molly was right. I still had time with Christopher. I’d heard his words, and while they stung, it came as little surprise. I’d never been an affectionate person, and my stint in the service had solidified my need for self-preservation. I hadn’t known how to be a father, much less a father to a teen who was used to the city.
But that was on me.
As soon as dinner was over, I stood up and began collecting the plates. “Christopher, you wanna help me in the kitchen?”
That was my way of asking him to talk. Mama G had stood up, but as soon as I said those words, she when right back down.
Everyone knew what it meant.
Christopher did too.
And I knew he wouldn’t argue about helping with the dishes with his grandmother sitting there. The boy had some issues with talking back and whatnot, but he never showed disrespect to his grandma. I’d done at least one thing right.
“Sure,” Christopher said dryly. He began collecting plates as well, and we walked them into the kitchen together.
Once we were alone, I let out a deep breath. “Son, I know I’m not the best at showin’ it sometimes, but I do love you. More than the horses,” I added, trying to lighten the tension.
Christopher turned on the water, as if trying to drown me out. I walked over to the sink beside him, my hands buried deep in my pockets.
“I mean it, Christopher. I missed out on a lot, and I’m sorry, but I’d like to make up for that.”
“You can’t make up for those years,” Christopher said after a moment. “You just can’t. I went almost my whole childhood without knowing about you, even thinking another man was my dad for a while. But you were here the whole time.”
“I didn’t know about you, Christopher. How could I have been there for you if your mother never told me about you?” I tried not to speak ill of the dead, but I wouldn’t be blamed for something I had no control over. The stuff I did, I’d take the heat for.
“No, even after that. When you did know,” he said, turning the water off and facing me. He put his hands on his hips and looked me in the eye. Molly was right; he did look just like me, especially when he was mad. I could see the heat in his eyes.
“I wanted to come out more, but your mom insisted it would just confuse you,” I confessed.
“And you don’t think it confused me to find out about you later?”
“I—I mean, yes, but I wasn’t thinkin’ back then. Neither of us expected your mom to pass away so young.”
“And that’s not even the biggest issue I have, Dad,” he said, making the word “dad” sound like a bad word. “My biggest issue is how, after all those years of being absent, you swooped me away from everything I knew and just expected me to be like you and your brothers - to enjoy this life and to never leave to do what I wanted to do.”
“I just wanted to get to know you.”
“And force your way of life on me?” His voice had risen in volume.
My blood boiled. Not at him, but at the situation. What’s done was done. I couldn’t make his mother
tell me about him. I couldn’t change what I’d done, going into the service rather than remaining at home. Maybe if I had, maybe I’d have known about him and been a part of his life, maybe I could have given him the life I had always imagined giving my kids.
But I couldn’t go back and change a thing.
Yet it felt like that was the only way I would ever have a relationship with my son.
I slammed my fist down on the counter without even realizing it. “Son, I can’t change the past.” My anger wasn’t directed at him - it was at myself. “I don’t know what I can do to make this right.”
“I don’t want anything from you, Dad. I just want to live my life.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond, turning and leaving the moment he’d spoke the last word. I listened to his footsteps going up the stairs. I stayed in the kitchen, cursing myself under my breath and wishing I knew the words to say to fix everything.
“Is everything okay?” Molly’s voice asked from the doorway.
Dammit. Now I had to face her. After the kiss in the stables, I wasn’t ready for that. I couldn’t talk to her right now.
“Everything’s fine,” I lied, walking toward the back door. I had to get out of there.
“Silas—”
I opened the back door and let it slam behind me. My mother would have had my hide for it when I was younger - hell, she’d still probably give me an earful later - but it felt good to slam the door behind me.
The rage built up inside of me, and I needed a release.
Any release.
I headed for the stables where I felt most at home.
I felt like a petulant child stomping my feet as I went, but it felt good to get some of that out. I couldn’t get to the stables fast enough, and as soon as I stepped inside, I felt at ease.
I walked over to Jagger, knowing I had to control my emotions around the likes of him. I took a few deep breaths and steadied myself, not wanting to pass my tension onto my horse. I needed a ride, needed to get out on the trail.
I had just stepped up to his stall when I heard footsteps and her voice.
“Silas, we need to talk.”
I sighed. “Not right now, Molly.”
“Yes, right now,” she insisted. “Because the guilt is eating me up. I can’t take it.”
“I’m not in the mood,” I said, running a hand over Jagger’s mane.
I thought maybe she’d left. It grew quiet, and I felt at ease again. Until she stepped up beside me.
“Careful, he’s not as gentle as the other horses,” I said sternly. “He’s a bit wild.”
“I can take care of myself,” she said. Her voice was almost as stern as mine, and I was surprised to hear it coming from her.
I glanced at her and could tell from the look on her face that she wasn’t going anywhere until we talked. I knew stubbornness when I saw it, and it was written all over her face.
I sighed. “Molly, I just had an argument with my son. I’m really not in the mood.”
“I know that, and I want to help. But I can’t help you with this awkwardness lingering between us,” she countered. “And I can’t even look Christopher in the eye right now, so can we please just clear the air? I know it has to be weighing on you like it’s weighing on me, muddying things up even more.”
Smart girl.
“I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want me to say? I’m sorry I kissed you,” I said, raising my hands in the air. Jagger reacted to my mood, stepping back and stomping his feet. “Come on, let’s leave him be until I calm the fuck down.”
Molly followed me to an empty stall. Just the two of us. I knew it was dangerous, but I also didn’t want the horses to feed off my negative energy.
“You’re sorry?” she stammered. “I kissed you.”
“I think we both played a part in this, but I’m the older man here. I took advantage of you and—”
“You didn’t take advantage of me,” she interrupted, giggling. “Listen, Silas, I may be younger, but I’m not a child. I’m perfectly capable of making decisions for myself.”
“So you made the decision to kiss me?”
“Yes,” she blurted out. As soon as the words left her mouth, she looked surprised. “I mean, I wasn’t thinking straight, but…”
“Exactly. You weren’t in your right mind.”
We were in close quarters. Too close.
“Fine,” she said with an audible sigh. She walked straight up to me, a defiant look in her baby blue eyes. “I’ll admit that I made the choice to kiss you. I was in my right mind and I did it anyway. Are you happy? I was just trying to make excuses for my behavior, but there is no excuse. I did it. I wanted it. There. Happy now?”
“No,” I said, but the word caught in my throat.
And then, before I knew what the hell was going on, it happened again.
Our lips smashed together, silencing us. Molly was showing me just how much she wanted it, her mouth opening to mine. Her tongue moving along with mine. Her surrender.
There was no stopping this time. I pushed her backward against the stall, lifted her into my arms and held her against me. Her body wrapped around mine, her thighs squeezing me tightly as my mouth explored hers, tasting her and savoring every part of it.
Clearly, I had been wrong.
She very obviously wanted me.
And I wanted her too.
Molly
I was in sensory overload. His strong hands moving over the length of my body. His scratchy beard against my smooth cheek.
His body against mine.
His erection pressed into me, hard and stiff against my belly. I may have been a virgin, but I knew what it was - and I knew what it meant. The heat between us was mutual.
There was no denying it.
“Yes,” I whimpered. “Please, Silas, yes.”
I wasn’t even sure what I was asking for - I just knew I wanted him. I wanted him to have his way with me, to give himself to me.
And I would be his.
I was his already.
“You’re not really his girlfriend, are you?” Silas growled into my ear.
I should have lied and kept up the charade for Christopher’s sake, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep lying to him.
“No,” I said, my voice coming out breathy.
“Good.” Silas’s voice caused a rumble through his body.
He unzipped my pants and slipped them down to my ankles as I fumbled with his belt buckle. He finished removing his pants for me. He grabbed my ass, hoisting me higher against his body and turned around, carrying me in those huge arms of his.
I had no idea what I was doing, but I let Silas lead the way. I gave him control of my body and trusted him to take care of me.
He didn’t disappoint.
He thrust into me, taking me by surprise. I wasn’t prepared for him at all and let out a soft cry, my head falling forward against his chest as he penetrated me.
I’d never felt so fulfilled, so stretched. There was pain, but nothing like what you read about. I was so wet and ready for him, he slipped in easier that I thought he would. And I’d been right; he felt so much better than my fingers.
“Are you okay?” Silas asked, concern lacing his voice.
“Yes, just be gentle at first,” I said, still impaled on his cock.
“Of course.” He pushed hair out of my face as he lifted my head up, staring me dead in the eyes before kissing me deeply.
He moved in and out of my body slowly at first. I almost couldn’t take it, the sensation was overwhelming, but I didn’t want it to stop. I’d never felt anything like it before.
Silas’s grunts were like music to my ears, knowing that my body was giving him pleasure, making him feel good.
Just as he was making me feel good.
“Oh God,” I whimpered, my face scrunching up as a wave of pleasure hit me. My nails dug into his back as my thighs quivered. “Silas, oh God—”
I couldn’t put into words the feelings going on in m
y body. I’d had orgasms from masturbating before, but this was entirely different. The intensity hit me hard, and I screamed out in pleasure, clawing at him and thankful for his strong arms holding me. My body wrapped even tighter around him, trying to pull him in even deeper.
When the feeling subsided, Silas turned and moved over to a bale of hay, with me in his arms and his cock still inside of me.
He lowered me to the hay, laying me flat on my back and hovering above me. He stared down into my eyes as he thrust into me and seeing the look on his face was pure heaven.
His face twisted into one of pleasure, and I squeezed my muscles around him. The fullness was still so new to me, so surprising. It felt like he was going so deep inside of me. I had nothing to compare him to, but he felt large and thick - larger and thicker than my fingers.
I wrapped my legs around him and tried to meet each thrust. My nails dug into his back as he continued moving in and out of me. His movements became more desperate, his breathing more ragged.
And the familiar warmth from before was building up inside of me again too.
“I’m close,” I whimpered, writhing underneath him. Hay poked and prodded my body, and I was sure it would be tangled in my hair, but I didn’t care. My focus was on the fire inside me, the explosion waiting to happen.
Silas let out a deep, animal groan and buried his shaft inside me, grabbing onto my leg and positioning it so he could go deeper. With eyes wide, I stared up at him, watching as he came inside me - feeling him throbbing as he unloaded his seed deep inside my body.
I should have been concerned about birth control in that moment, but no. My body began spasming in pleasure as I came with him. Our bodies shuddered and shook as we came together.
Once the last wave of pleasure washed over me, Silas collapsed beside me on the hay. “Jesus Christ,” he growled.
My entire body was shaking. Aftershocks shot from my lower regions. I now understood why they said good sex would make it hard to walk afterwards. I wasn’t sure my legs would work again.