“Promise me you won’t let it come to that.”
I nodded. “I promise.”
We approached Tucker’s truck, but he wasn’t there.
“Thanks for walking me,” I said, hunching against the morning chill, and the new distance and awkwardness cycling between us.
“We can still hug it out, right?” He opened his arms.
I shouldn’t have, but I stepped in for a quick hug anyway, his spicy cologne hitting my senses and taking me back to a thousand different moments, just like this. Tears stung my eyes and I breathed him deep.
“See you later, Ems,” he whispered, his breath warm on my brow.
It would’ve been so easy to tilt my head back and look into his eyes. To stand on tiptoe and kiss him.
But, that wasn’t us anymore.
I had to remember that.
“Have a good day,” I said, raspy, releasing him.
He stepped away, eyes glossy. “You, too.”
This was the worst. I watched him walk downhill, Tucker passing him at the bottom. They both tensed, but ignored each other after that.
I dabbed at my eyes and drew a deep breath; not sure I was ready to face Tucker with the disbelieving look he was giving me.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.” I opened my door and slid into the passenger side.
He started the engine and backed out of his spot, heading down through campus. “So, are you guys back together?”
“We’re trying to be friends,” I offered. It was true, wasn’t it? I mean, Nick definitely wanted to be more, but that wasn’t the point. We could still care about each other without being a couple. Tucker said it himself last night, didn’t he?
“Oh, yeah?” He lifted his brows, not a hint of a smile on his face. “Good luck with that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He lifted a shoulder and sat back in his seat. “No offense, but you’re delusional if you think you can stay friends after dating for two years. A guy like that won’t quit until he has you back—”
“You act like you know him,” I said, trying to hide my annoyance, but he had no right to judge Nick like that. “You have no idea who he is, and you honestly don’t know that much about me either. Besides, you have no room to talk after your Lauren thing last night.”
He tensed and frowned. “What Lauren thing?”
I shrugged. “Looked like you guys aren’t as done as you said you were. You could have been honest with me about her, Tucker.”
“I was honest,” he sighed, as we pulled past the cafeteria. “She was having a rough night.”
“I thought friendship after dating doesn’t work?”
He flicked the radio on, nodding. “Me and Lauren are different.”
I frowned, and studied the scenery outside my window. “Right. I should’ve known. The rule only applies to certain couples.”
-Tucker-
We rode in silence back to the trails we cleared at the beginning of the week. The drive only took an hour and a half this time. Another team came to split the fallen trees into cords yesterday. We loaded as many as we could into my truck and headed back to campus, not a single word passing between us.
I didn’t get her. A few days ago, she was freaking out at the sight of her ex, and now he was meeting her alone and walking her to work? Sounded more like an on-again, off-again thing to me. She wasn’t really done with him. And if she wasn’t really done with him, I had no business wondering if there was something worth pursuing between us. Not that I was wondering . . . I didn’t have time to wonder.
I cranked the music and we took the first load to the woodshed behind the Blackberry cabins. Hunter and Mal met us there with a truckload of their own. We unloaded and headed back up the road.
“So, what?” I asked, when we were halfway there again. “Now you’re not talking to me?”
She lifted a shoulder. “I don’t really have anything to say. I mean, you’re kind of being a hypocrite.”
Dang. She wasn’t messing around, was she?
I tightened my grip on the wheel and glanced over at her. She was staring out her window, running the ends of her ponytail through her fingers. “A hypocrite?”
She shrugged. “You and Lauren didn’t exactly look like just-friends last night.”
I sighed and turned back toward the road. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”
“You’re basically Barbie and Ken. I mean, why wouldn’t you be together anyway?”
“Barbie and Ken are a nice idea, but they don’t always work out in real life. Me and Lauren were the perfect example of that.”
She went quiet again, shaking her head. “It’s not really any of my business. I just think it’s weird that you’re going all gung-ho on Nick when you’re basically doing the same exact thing.”
“It’s not the same thing,” I countered. “Not even close. I was there for Lauren last night and that was it, and I made that more than clear to her. What your ex is doing is next-level player status.”
“You don’t know that,” she said, rubbing her shoulder.
I didn’t miss the venom in her tone.
“If you want to see it that way, I guess I can’t really stop you,” I said.
“I’m not blind,” she shot back. “Maybe you need to just . . . let it go, or something.”
Dang. I knew her true colors would come out at some point, but I never really expected her to be this quick-to-judge. We rode the rest of the way sitting on ice, reloaded the truck, and headed back to campus in the same frozen state. After we finished unloading the last of it at the storehouse, she darted down the hill. I shouldn’t have been surprised when Lauren just happened to cross paths with her on her run, like she always came through the maintenance yard.
“Oh. Hey, Tuck,” she said, plastering a smile on as she passed Emery.
Emery glanced at us over her shoulder, lifting a brow like she saw this coming, before she turned and went on her way.
I furrowed my brows. “Did you need something, Lauren?”
“I was just wondering if you’re coming to the bonfire tomorrow tonight?”
That’s right. The bonfire was happening tomorrow night. “Not sure. Why?”
She shrugged. “Emery was asking about you yesterday. I think she has a thing for you.”
“Really.” I don’t know why that lit a fire in my chest, but it did.
“Mm hmm.” She put her earbud back in and cleared her throat. “You should come.” Turning back to the path, she started her pace again and disappeared around a corner in the distance.
I thought she was overreacting to the whole Lauren thing today, but if she was starting to feel what I was starting to feel, it made perfect sense.
Maybe a night at the bonfire wasn’t really that bad of an idea. If Emery was there, it might be worth going to see if I could fix whatever happened between us today. It was a fine line I was walking with her. She was cute, and she was available, and I was positive we had a vibe that I’d be pursuing if this was any other summer. If she wasn’t fresh out of a serious relationship. If I was positive I could go after her for the right reasons, maybe I would.
My brothers’ faces surfaced in my mind. I took a sharp breath and joined the cafeteria line.
Help me do the right thing, God.
FIFTEEN
-Emery-
Saturday was a blur of washing laundry and cleaning my room. After dinner, I went out to put in some more time on the court. The whole time I was out there, I tried to envision what playing at the college level would be like. It wasn’t that hard. I’d watched it enough to know it would be cutthroat. A hundred swishes after I came out to shoot, I went back to my room. It smelled like someone blew a perfume factory up inside, Lauren standing at the mirror, spritzing herself like she’d gone thirty days in the desert and fragrance was her only water. She tousled her beachy raven waves and dabbed at her smoky eyes.
“Hey,” I said, in passing. We hadn’t really talked the past few da
ys, which I was beyond fine with.
“Hey,” she said, coming to lean against the wall beside my bed. “So, Nick?” She lifted her perfectly arched brows, tilting her head like I owed her an explanation.
I didn’t want to talk about Nick.
“What about him?” I asked, pulling out a fresh set of clothes.
“You guys were a thing, right?”
I rolled my eyes and headed to the bathroom to change.
A thing . . . that was laughable.
She followed me to the door. I closed it.
“Don’t be shy, roomie,” she said through the wood. “It’s okay to spill to me.”
Roomie? What was this?
“There’s nothing to spill.” I pulled my shirt over my head and zipped my jeans. “We dated. We’re over. End of story.”
“Really?” she asked, her voice a pitch higher than before. “I mean, better for the single world, but he’s . . . ridiculous cute. You really think you want to just give him up like that? I mean, I’m not judging, but he seems like a catch to me.”
I opened the door, drawing a deep breath as I held her scheming gaze. “I know he’s hot, Lauren. I’m not blind.” Pain surged in my chest again when I thought about how proud I’d been when he asked me to homecoming two years ago. I’d crushed on him for the whole year before that. He’d caught wind of it, and told me he’d had a thing for me too. But my heart needed to shut its mouth about Nick. My heart had no idea what it was saying. “Hot, or not, I’m done with him.” I turned toward the mirror, leaning over the sink to wash my face. “I have to be.”
“You don’t exactly sound done,” she said, furrowing her brows.
“I am. And you sound like the dating police.” I dried my face and pulled my hair up into a bun. “Anything else, officer?”
“I don’t mean to pry, but I think I get where you’re at. Let me ask you this. If you saw him holding hands with another girl, how would you feel?” She squinted, waiting.
I closed my eyes and released a sigh. I didn’t want to have to talk about this here. It’s why I came to Bridgeport in the first place. To escape the pitying looks, and the million and one questions about him, about being the girl who got played. About whether or not it was fair to drop him because he made one mistake.
It was completely fair.
“Seeing him make out with another girl while we were dating was enough for me to know how I feel. Anything else?”
I had to keep reminding myself about that part. The Bridgeport Nick wasn’t the real Nick. I couldn’t trust him. Definitely not here.
She crossed her arms, chewing the inside of her cheek. “He cheated on you?”
I nodded, smoothing my hair and running a coat of mascara over my lashes. A layer of Chapstick later, I called it good. “His friends convinced him to drink at a party, and a girl who was obsessed with him was there. I’m sure you can guess the rest.”
“Oh.” She furrowed her brows.
“Yeah. So if you want him, he’s all yours.” I don’t know why those words tasted so sour coming out, but the thought of her with him made me second-guess myself. Aside from Carly Graves, I hadn’t really thought of him finding someone new. Lauren was beautiful, and trendy, and loyal. At least, I’d seen her be loyal to her best friend Mila. She was way more his type than I’d ever been.
She shook her head. “Listen. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Guys don’t look at girls like that unless there’s love involved.” A shadow of regret rolled through her gaze. “I know that now.” She studied the bundle of wildflowers I’d put in a cup on my nightstand. “If you think he’s really sorry, you should think about giving him another chance.” She glanced at herself one last time in the mirror, trailing a finger around the edges of her lips. “We should head down there, though. Come on. I saw them lighting the fire on my way up.”
We? What was she doing?
She grinned and looped her arm through mine, walking with me to the volleyball pits, a decent crowd of staffers already sitting around the fire, some in chairs, some on blankets, some in the sand. She led us toward her group of girly friends, and they all started talking about their time at college.
Right. There was a future to look forward to after Bridgeport. I had a top-tier basketball team waiting for me, and I could find a way to stay in the game at least on some level after I was done playing. On some level, it felt so small, only wanting basketball. I mean, I could do the kinesiology thing and become a trainer, but, would there be any meaning left if I wasn’t in the thick of the game? There had to be something more . . .
“What about you, Emery?” Lauren asked, leaning her head against mine like we were sisters, or something.
This was getting so weird.
“What are your plans for college?” she asked.
I cleared my throat, chewing the inside of my cheek, wishing June, or Mal, or even Tucker would appear and save me. “College?”
“Yeah. Did you get your acceptance letters yet?”
“I’m going to play basketball at Biola.” I half-whispered it, hoping they wouldn’t recognize the name. I hated being in the center of the spotlight, and every time I’d mentioned my full-ride to Biola, someone lost their mind.
“Nice!” Lauren said, grinning. She turned to Mila, lifting her brows.
I cleared my throat, scanning the group of guys to our left, Nick’s familiar broad shoulders teasing my vision, and my heart. I’d imagined nights like this with him at college. Walking hand-in-hand to class. I’d envisioned catching some of his games, and him coming to mine. But that was all behind us now.
My gut tightened.
Hailey flipped her hair. “You must be so excited, Emery. I mean, you got into Biola. People practically sign a blood-oath to get in there.”
“I’m beyond excited.” I fought against the disappointment I felt at letting Nick distract me again. I got into my dream school! I couldn’t let my dating status change my attitude about it.
“Yo, Chuck!” Mal shouted at me, catching my eyes from beside the fire. Nick stood beside him, studying me like he was haunted. The firelight flickered in his stare, stirring up so many emotions I wanted to forget. I fought to keep them all in, failing miserably.
“We were just talking about the girl who made Bridgeport Maintenance history,” Mal said.
Nick took a drink of his soda and lifted his brows in a clear invitation. A thousand different nights blazed through the space between us. Walks at the park, days at his games, nights at the movies. Friends. Family. Laughter. Us. Why couldn’t I just erase them all?
Nick nodded toward the lake and headed in that direction.
I released a heavy breath, fighting so hard to stand my ground, but hearts beat louder than sanity sometimes.
I couldn’t breathe.
“I’ll be right back,” I whispered to Lauren.
She glanced at Nick’s silhouette breaking off from the group of guys.
“Go for it,” she said, eyes gleaming. “How do you know he hasn’t changed until you let him prove it?”
I bit my lip, trying to make myself stay, but there had been so many nights between us just like this one, and my bones screamed to go, my skin firing on a million different impulses, and all of them called his name.
I swallowed and bit my lip, studying his silhouette, barely visible against the darkened lake.
-Tucker-
A healthy crowd was gathered around the fire, roasting marshmallows, laughing like they’d been waiting a lifetime for this. I meant to be out here earlier, but a toilet got clogged in the cafeteria, and I was on-call for the night.
The job came with some definite perks.
I approached the crowd, scanning the faces for Emery’s, but she must not have come.
“Hey,” I said to Mal.
“Don’t look now.” He handed me a marshmallow on a stick. “But your girl’s getting blindsided by her ex over there.”
“What?” My eyes darted to the shoreline. Two shadows stood
side-by-side, the feminine half a foot shorter than the jerk’s. “How long have they been over there?”
“I don’t know,” Mal lowered his stick over the fire. “A good fifteen at least”
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath, reminding myself it wasn’t my place to worry about it. They were inside camp code. They were both adults. I’d barely known her a week . . . as hard as that was to believe. I mean, talking to her made it seem like I’d known her forever. And, we weren’t exactly on the best terms when we split ways earlier. I was hoping to fix that, but . . .
Their shadows were a few inches closer now. “Don’t do it,” I whispered, like she could actually hear me, my heart sinking the closer they got.
“Oh, snap,” Mal said, eyes back on the lakeside. “They’re not . . . oh. Uh. Maybe they are.”
I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t peel my eyes away, my blood boiling when their shadows melded into one. My gut dropped, her puffy eyes from the day he showed up coming back to haunt me. The whole story about the party, and the other girl, and the fallout she dealt with—because of him—kept swirling through my mind. I sighed, testing my marshmallow. “What is it with girls, Mal?”
“If I knew, I’d tell you.” He shook his head as he turned back to the fire. “Actually, no I wouldn’t.” His chuckle turned sinister. “I’d keep it to myself.”
“Yeah, you would.” All the hope I’d been feeling on the way down here fizzled out as I made my s’more.
Lauren stepped to the fire beside me. “You made it.” My whole body tensed when her shoulder brushed mine, and she flipped her hair. “I was wondering if you’d show.”
I didn’t come for her, but I didn’t know how to make that clear now that my Emery plan had failed. “You want a s’more?”
She nodded, and I handed her a mallow on a stick. “Thanks. So, I never asked you how your family’s doing.”
Emery and her ex came back to the fire, hand-in-hand.
Awesome.
I wasn’t sure what I should do about it besides forget I thought for a second she was available. I glanced at her and her eyes met mine, doubt curling in her stare before she frowned and looked away.
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