Channel Kindness

by Born This Way Foundation Reporters

  Mason says, “I believe that the GoGirlGo! program has the potential to have a big influence on the youth of our rural community. I think it is important to have a program such as this for girls to have an avenue to express their concerns with their physical and emotional well-being.”

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  Dr. Nolan’s initiative gained support from the Wetzel County Board of Education after she gave a presentation detailing her plan to implement GoGirlGo! Her passion and determination to make a difference made quite the impression on the director of secondary and vocational education, Tammy Holbert Wells.

  “GoGirlGo! in a remote, rural area like Short Line will impact young girls in ways beyond the mission of the program of increased physical activity,” she said. “The young physicians working with these girls will undoubtedly be excellent role models for our students to emulate, and Breanna is one of them.”

  Wells continued, “How much hope does that give a young girl with a brain on fire and the drive to succeed? Imagine the young lady that has skills and smarts but has never dared to dream of becoming a physician or whatever she wishes? Seeing a physician from her hometown working with others to make a difference just may be the catalyst for her to achieve her dreams.”

  Nicholas’s story highlights the importance of learning how to take care of your mind and body. From meditation to physical activity to learning about nutrition, there are several ways to be kind to yourself, and we encourage you to practice them. My mom loves to do ballet, and I love yoga and gyrotonics—it’s important that we all find our own self care practices. Thank you for the important reminder, Nicholas! To learn more about GoGirlGo, we invite you to visit the Women’s Sports Foundation.

  As proactive as GoGirlGo! is, programming alone does not change lives for the better. Rather, it’s the people running the programs who make them fly, or not. What they give lasts forever—by being kind and courageous enough to show up and encourage younger individuals to foster their dreams and take the needed steps to make them a reality.

  37

  STARKVILLE PROUD

  TERRIUS HARRIS

  The story I’m about to report almost didn’t happen. It’s the story of the planning of a Pride parade in, of all places, Starkville, Mississippi.

  Pride! It’s a time where millions of LGBTQ+ individuals around the world are able to fully express and celebrate who they are. A time when, no matter your differences, there is a home for everyone. Pride parades in particular are known for their extravagant displays of love of all kinds and a unique feeling of joy for all. Said parades are usually held in more liberal cities, such as New York City; Washington, D.C.; or Atlanta.

  And yet, in what was potentially a monumental step forward, Starkville—which is commonly known as a small, conservative city in a conservative state—had an opportunity to join the ranks of the aforementioned cities.

  * * *

  This is a story where discrimination and exclusion were poised to stop a major success. However, this is also a story about how the powers of courage and kindness combined to become a force greater than the sum of those parts.

  * * *

  It begins in late 2017, when twenty-two-year-old Starkville Pride Director and Founder Bailey McDaniel had a vision in which Starkville would not only hold its first Pride parade ever but also the largest parade of any kind in its city’s history.

  But, in a firm rebuke, the Starkville Board of Aldermen voted upon and denied the request to hold the parade. For a moment, it appeared there was no recourse. Refusing to give up, the Starkville Pride leaders opted to file a lawsuit against the city based on their alleged discriminatory decision. After the filing of this lawsuit, the board again voted to bring the event back into consideration, and after a 3–3 tie, Starkville Mayor Lynn Spruill cast the tie-breaking vote—which was the turning point in favor of Starkville Pride. Planning could move forward to bring Bailey’s vision for the Pride parade to life.

  On the morning of March 24, 2018, the Pride leaders nervously wondered how many participants would actually show and whether or not there would be threats along the route. But at the appointed hour, as Bailey arrived with other Pride leaders, they saw no reason to worry: An estimated three thousand people had shown up to be part of the parade! It was their first-ever LGBTQ+ parade, of course, and the largest parade of any kind in the city’s history.

  * * *

  People, no matter if they were straight, gay, bisexual, transgender, black, or white, joined together to show their support for the community they love. Marching side by side, step by step, thousands rejoiced. The excitement was contagious. People have marched in Mississippi before to bring about change, and this Pride parade was also an important step in the state’s history.

  * * *

  An event of celebration and representation of the city’s value for its diverse populations, the day changed Starkville forever. A true light in the dark, the story to be told does not need to focus on its beginning, but instead on its happy ending. The conclusion has inspired countless young people to know that they, too, can make a change. For a community of people, it reaffirmed that not only do they belong in Starkville—they are welcomed with open arms.

  The Starkville Pride Parade was an event that changed the face of Starkville and, with any luck, inspired other small rural LGBTQ+ leaders to push forward, just as Bailey McDaniel did.

  Although it had a rough beginning, hopefully this uplifting story has left the world a better place and caught the attention of others wishing to make change and, giving them hope, just like a rainbow after a terrible storm.

  Change requires vision for a better day and not giving up hope when all looks unfair and mean. Change requires courage, like that of a twenty-two-year-old Pride parade organizer and the mayor of a small Mississippi town who was willing to cast a tie-breaking vote in favor of fairness and inclusion. Most of all, it takes a village—one composed of all those who marched in pride for themselves and one another.

  * * *

  When Starkville—and other places like it—win at opening arms and hearts to all members of our community, we all win.

  * * *

  Love always wins, and Terrius’ story is proof of that. The LGBTQ+ community should be respected and embraced, and if you identify as LGBTQ+, know I wholeheartedly celebrate you just the way you are. You matter. You are important. And I promise you, you are loved. If your community doesn’t celebrate Pride, I encourage you to safely start your own movement. For resources on building a LGBTQ+ inclusive community, visit Center Link or GLSEN, and if you identify as LGBTQ+, check out TrevorSpace, an online affirming community for LGBTQ young people.

  38

  WOODLAND’S HISTORIC Push

  JUAN ACOSTA

  As a young person growing up in Woodland, California—a mid-size city of fifty-five thousand people or so, not far from the state capital of Sacramento and driving distance to San Francisco—I always felt that when it came to being out, my hometown was still stuck in the past, in a time of intolerance and exclusion.

  Just over twenty years ago, in 1998, Woodland’s city council voted down a filing that would have allowed a gay Pride celebration to be held within our city limits. By the summer of 2018, I hoped there would be a much different prevailing attitude. When I arrived at City Hall on the evening of Tuesday, June 19, I tried to reassure myself that there would be no last-minute detractors and that local leaders would agree it was time to celebrate a historical and long-overdue moment. A moment I knew would bring happiness but, furthermore, would provide a message of empowerment to so many people in our community.

  From the instant I looked around at the smiling faces of all present, I knew history was going to be made in Woodland, California, as the city proclaimed June the official LGBTQ+ Pride Month. I was one of many who had helped draft the proclamation, in addition to fellow community member Marie Perea, who pushed for the resolution to pass.

  Then-Mayor Pro Tempore Xóchitl Rodriguez stated that the Prid
e Month proclamation was an essential step toward empowering the LGBTQ+ community for their contributions to the city. She began,

  * * *

  “We want to ensure that all community members feel welcomed regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.”

  * * *

  The proclamation seemed to do exactly that—fulfill and send across a message of empowerment and welcome to many members of the community. One of them was Favio Tello, twenty-four, who identifies as queer.

  Favio spoke in support of the proclamation during the public comment session and shared his excitement after the proclamation passed. Eager to be a part of such a historic and meaningful moment, he stepped forward to solemnly say,

  “My closeted self would have loved to see this visibility brought forth for the LGBTQ community.” Then, more boldly and with a proud smile, he added, “The queers are here, darling, and we are never going to back down!”

  City council member Angel Barajas shared that he believes the proclamation is an acknowledgment. In his words, it is a message “that city leaders not only proclaim that LGBTQ+ members have always been an integral part of our community, but the need of equitable treatment, education, and acceptance must continue for everyone.”

  This proclamation will remain in the city’s history books forever, but the impact that this change has is unbounded.

  Juan, what a beautiful story and an incredible gift you’ve given your community, and Favia, yassss. Last year at WorldPride, I shared my own story about struggling to be accepted, not to compare but as a reminder that we need to love and be proud of who are (and do the same for others). Everyone should be celebrated, the world needs more love and pride, and I’m so grateful you brought it to Woodland and embody it every day. To read more about the history of Pride and find resources on how to support your community, please check out the Human Rights Campaign.

  The message of embracement for a community longing for acceptance and inclusion was crucial—a true testament that a simple message of kindness and belonging can not only welcome many but also uplift those who feel alone, forgotten, and abandoned.

  As much as I had longed for this history-making moment to have taken place earlier, the fact that I was able to help and be a part of a historic moment, to help out my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, is one of the greatest experiences to have happened in my life. Seeing people raise their Pride flags, cry, and smile in triumph, love, and excitement is something that will remain with me forever.

  39

  LOVING BETTER IN NEW YORK

  BROOKE A. GOLDMAN

  If you are a busy New Yorker who, by chance, was dashing off to work or to a social engagement in the middle of a freezing-cold February not long ago, and you happened to pass by the corner of Bowery and Prince Street in Lower Manhattan, you might have spotted an unfamiliar sight: a romantic-looking pop-up called Love Better, seemingly devoted to the Valentine’s Day season and gift-giving.

  If that had been your guess as to the pop-up’s purpose, you only would have been half right. Of course, from the outside, if you were just sneaking a peek through the large storefront’s windows, Love Better—lined with pink walls, decorated in hearts and balloons galore—did look like any other Valentine’s Day store. But the moment you stepped inside, you would have discovered that the pop-up was much more than a gift shop. By the time you walked out, you might well have learned vital, even life-saving, knowledge about the differences between healthy, loving relationships and unhealthy, potentially abusive ones.

  The pop-up was one of many installations, public awareness campaigns, educational programs, and media outreach efforts undertaken by the One Love Foundation, which seeks to promote safe and loving relationships among young people. While love, in all its splendor and/or heartbreak, is the most important thing in most of our lives, we are never really taught how to love. We aren’t given classes in how to know if we are being loved better, how to identify the warning signs of relationship or dating violence, how to avoid abuse before it begins, or what to do and how to seek help when we have begun an involvement in which the only emotion we feel is negativity.

  In the beginning, little else can feel as thrilling as the exhilaration of falling in love or the excitement of a new attraction, crush, or flirtation. And as feelings deepen, it’s so flattering to hear the words of being loved and adored and desired. When intimacy occurs, both emotional and physical, the tightening of the bonds between the two of you can lead to a love that is real, caring, and respectful.

  Sometimes, though, what masquerades as good love turns into something that is not healthy and can become harmful, dangerous, or much worse. At first, the signs of an abusive relationship may go unnoticed or ignored. Maybe it was something as small as a critical or controlling comment meant to guilt or manipulate—what you wear, what you can and can’t post, what music you like, where you go, who you choose to have as close friends or confidantes. Likewise, physical threats, lashing out in temper, or isolating you from family and others may seem minor in the beginning. Maybe there was a push or a slap, maybe a punch combined with yelling and demeaning words. Maybe there was behavior that could have been seen as stalking or invading space but which could also be interpreted as mere overzealousness.

  Brooke’s story discusses the importance of healthy relationships, something we cannot talk about enough. Love should be a transformational force of good that guides communities every day, you’re right. In every relationship you have, you deserve to feel safe, respected, and cared for. You deserve to feel loved. I am both heartbroken by the need for the work of One Love and grateful for the important conversations they’ve sparked. If you are or a friend is struggling with an abusive relationship, I encourage you to visit Love Is Respect to message, talk to, or text a trained counselor today, and to take an escalation workshop, check out One Love Foundation.

  Excuses are typically made. She didn’t mean it … He apologized and promised it would never happen again … It’s just an intense relationship. Unfortunately, patterns of abuse almost always escalate dramatically. Escalation takes extreme forms. Threats of “I can’t live without you” and “I’ll kill you if you ever leave” or “I’ll kill myself” are major red flags, as is an actual raging verbal or physical assault that is justified with the defense of “It’s just because I love you so much.” Victims are blamed and made to feel responsible for what they wore or said or did to bring on the violence.

  There is no time when a victim of abuse is more at risk of danger than when there has been an effort to leave the relationship. Awareness and the courage to turn to advocates for help are absolutely essential. Relationship violence affects every socioeconomic sector and every age group. One in three females and one in four males will, at some time in their lives, experience some form of domestic abuse—what’s been described as “the quiet crime,” because it takes place behind closed doors.

  In May 2010, Yeardley Love, a twenty-two-year-old senior, top student, and lacrosse star at the University of Virginia, was found in her dorm room, beaten to death by her ex-boyfriend. Known for her many talents and as a constant source of kindness, Yeardley was three weeks shy of graduation. On the playing field, she happily wore a number one on her jersey. All of her friends and family said that “to know her was to love her.” The tragic irony, as the One Love Foundation put it, is that her life was ended by the very person who insisted he loved her.

  The shock of her daughter’s death still haunts her mother, Sharon, who, together with Yeardley’s sister, Lexie, established the One Love Foundation. The organization empowers young people with knowledge about how to #LoveBetter. Sharon has talked about her own lack of awareness, saying, “I didn’t know then what I know now, that relationship abuse is a public health epidemic and that young women in Yeardley’s age group are at three times greater risk than any other demographic.” Sharon and Lexie believe that if more of the young people and others in Yeardley’s life had been able to see the warning signs, they
would have been able to intervene—and she would still be alive today.

  Working in virtual and real classrooms around the country, using such materials as a film entitled Escalation about a fictional young couple that exemplifies the perils of relationship violence, One Love has reached millions of viewers and has impacted more than half a million individuals in person. The Valentine’s Day pop-up in New York was another creative outreach effort to educate in a new and compelling way.

  After all, it’s still uncommon to have conversations about the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. In reality, although V-Day is supposed to be about romance and a celebration of loving relationships, its value seems more to do with it being a booming, multimillion-dollar industry. The pop-up store idea answered the pressing question of how to shine a light on the true meaning of love, when, for most marketers around the world, it has long been all about business.

  Cameron Kinker, the foundation’s engagement coordinator, explains, “We envisioned this pop-up as a place where people would come in and expect to buy a Valentine’s Day gift, but instead, they see all of these items that have signs of unhealthy behaviors. We want to call attention to a lot of the unhealthy behaviors normalized in our relationships today.”