Channel Kindness

by Born This Way Foundation Reporters

  The first thing you would notice walking in might be the selection of gifts offered. For instance, there was a teddy bear that said, “Shut up … Wait, I’m sorry. That wasn’t the real me,” or a chocolate box with the words, “I love you, but maybe you should watch your weight.” Both are examples of unhealthy communication meant to control and manipulate. Both compel customers to look at conversations that involve listening, caring, and respecting each other. Those are the true gifts that come from learning how to #LoveBetter.

  The One Love Foundation, named for a young woman whose last name was Love, strives to show us that being kind to one another—in relationships, at schools, on our city streets, and in our world—is undeniably possible to achieve. Wherever the message surfaces—at a pop-up Valentine’s Day–themed store in New York City and whenever or wherever else—we are reminded that

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  love should be a transformational force of good that guides communities every day.

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  We all deserve to #LoveBetter.

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  BEYOND THE PAGES

  TYRAH MAJORS

  Once upon a time, there was a little girl who had her own dreams of who she wanted to be when she grew up. Not a princess, as some others might dream. Not an astronaut, a veterinarian, nor a teacher. All of those are fine dreams, of course! But this little girl—let’s call her Tyrah—dreamed of being an author one day. She loved to make up stories, then write them down, and she read all the time.

  The only problem with almost all the storybooks Tyrah read was that mostly all the characters were white or nonhuman. As an African American girl, she wished that the pictures showed children and adults who looked like her.

  Tyrah—okay, you guessed it, that’s me—slowly let go of her dream of becoming an author. Why? For many of us, dreams evolve and change as we grow up, and we don’t always listen to that voice inside of us saying we can do and be whatever we put our energies toward. For me, life became more demanding, and other goals took precedence.

  Then, shortly after my great-grandma passed away in late 2014, instead of dreaming about being an author, I actually sat down to write and illustrate a children’s book based on my personal experiences with her. Grammy and Me captures a day in the life of a loving relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild, while celebrating the magic and wisdom shared from one generation to the next and the importance of family.

  We forget sometimes that our first and often most lasting influences come from the family members who teach us about the world, history, and self-awareness. My hope in telling this story is to remind readers of that magic. Too often, as I look around in public places, I see kids with their parents but without much interaction. The little ones often have some sort of electronic device in hand, and the parents are usually having their own conversations.

  Technology is part of our lives, for sure, but there is no replacement for talking to and truly interacting with your children during their early years. Those interactions play a vital role in making sure kids gain the guidance to thrive and live their lives positively. My great-grandmother kept the two of us busy with shopping, dining, and cooking, all while sharing an education’s worth of life lessons with me.

  Grammy and Me, the story of an African American little girl and her great-grandma, is also intended to promote diversity in children’s literature. A 2015 statistics states that 85.8 percent of children’s books are about white or nonhuman characters—clearly this is not an accurate depiction of the world. Remembering my wish as a child, I really believe we need more diverse books, so that kids of color can grow up seeing themselves represented in the stories they read.

  The first time I heard a young reader say, “Oh, she has the same hair as me!” while pointing to my book was priceless.

  More than anything, writing a book and fulfilling a dream that had fallen by the wayside was the kindest thing I could have done for myself—a big kick in the pants to remind me, and others who I’d love to inspire, that whenever self-doubt creeps in, change your mindset. Believe me, the self-doubt I had was brutal. Nobody hired me to write a kids’ book. What was I thinking? Who’s going to buy it? How can my illustrations compete with the pros? And so on.

  Luckily, I pushed through and ignored the self-doubt. Before long, I was an author—my dream—with a published book I was selling and changing how children in my community get to see themselves represented on the page.

  Whenever self-doubt surfaces, it might help to take a look at someone in your family (like my grammy) or someone you admire and remember all the odds they had to overcome. So can you!

  Bottom line, I hoped my dream would come true and that my writing would help make a change; to portray things that most children’s books don’t, all pertaining to kindness, which flows throughout the pages. One fellow Channel Kindness reporter once said, “There’s kindness everywhere, you just have to know where to look!”

  Kindness really can be found anywhere, even on the shelves of the library and in the pages of a story about a woman gone from our midst who wanted us all to dream of a kinder world beyond mine.

  Thank you, Tyrah, for pushing through, overcoming your self-doubt, and writing a beautiful book about your relationship with your grandma. I am fortunate enough to have two grandmas alive today, and I am so grateful for my special relationship with each of them. Seeing ourselves represented in the pages of a book—written by us, told by characters that look like each of us, and with experiences that mirror ours—is vital for young minds. Thank you for not just searching for that story, but for creating it when you couldn’t find it. For young people of color who are reading this and want to write more, please check out Writers of Color, or for more resources and a community, check out People of Color in Publishing.

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  MORE THAN JUST A BLANKET

  THERESA STIER

  How do we keep the memories alive of someone who has passed away, someone who loved and protected us with every fiber of their being? How do we keep their comfort and support in our daily lives and even share some of it with others? How do we grapple with losing someone so completely beloved to suicide?

  Those aren’t easy questions to answer. That’s what happened to three sisters—Angela, Christina, and Mia Varney—whose mother, Annie, died by suicide at a young age after struggling with debilitating depression.

  The heartbroken daughters comforted one another in their grief, and then, together, came up with a way to keep their mom’s memory alive: by making Annie’s Kindness Blankets. The idea was a “pay-it-forward kindness campaign” created by them, three young girls “dedicated to #BeTheVoice and help stop the stigma around depression and suicide.” Their purpose was to create blankets as everlasting hugs for anyone in need, to let others know they were never alone.

  Taking turns telling their story, they recalled how the idea came about:

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  “Whenever we were sad or having a difficult day, or even when we were so happy, a hug from our mom would instantly improve our day. Her hug was warm, generous, and heartfelt. We decided blankets were the best way to reproduce the essence of a hug from her. It made sense to us, to pass along as many of these hugs as possible to people all over. A hug that doesn’t judge, doesn’t let go. It is comfort or joy when you need it. All made with unconditional love.”

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  We all need hugs in life, especially through the hard, bleaker passages. What better way to do that than wrapping yourself in a blanket when no one is around? You might wonder how these blankets provide kindness or how they’re any different from a blanket you could get at a store. These blankets are unique because they’ve been created by the daughters of Annie—along with help from the girls’ aunt, cousin, and community—each of whom has sewn a message of kindness of heart into the blanket, each of whom feels your pain and your loss and is there for you.

  Annie’s daughters understand the journey of grief:

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; “People deal with the loss of a loved one differently from one another. Some deny, some cry until they are numb, some visit the place of burial, some silently and emotionally shut down. This was something so tragic and so horrible that happened to our family, we needed a ray of light to help heal our hearts. When our mom passed, we were lost—we were living in a haze. Nothing made sense and the world seemed chaotic. We needed something to calm our souls. To give to others to let them know that they are never alone. We wanted others to remember that there are kind people in this world who truly care. This is what we chose to do, to help keep peace in our broken hearts.”

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  Within a year, the Varney sisters had given out well over 1,100 blankets, and had more than sixty people helping to create these blankets—adding to the warmth and healing power of blankets that bring people together from the moment they are made to the moment they are delivered. How amazing is that?

  What a beautiful way to keep Annie’s memory alive and to share warmth and connection with so many others. I believe that the best type of kindness is the one that inspires kindness in others—and by sharing the blankets, giving that warm hug when someone feels alone, the three of you are catalysts for kindness. You are making a huge difference and realizing Annie’s hope that people know that they are never alone. If you want to help make blankets or if you need a blanket (as we all do sometimes), please check out Annie’s Kindness Blankets.

  The ability to keep Annie’s memory alive is profoundly demonstrated in this pay-it-forward campaign. And, as they describe it, the sisters feel her presence daily, connecting them to others who are doing healing work:

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  “Whenever we reach out and ask for help, we can’t explain the amount of responses we get in return. We believe that the passing of our mom has directly affected thousands of lives. We believe that she has helped us to help others understand that you may be the most incredible, beautiful, kindest soul on this planet and have so many love you, and still feel so alone inside. She, along with our community, has helped us change the stigma of depression, mental illness, and suicide. They have teamed up with us in so many ways to ensure others know that they are never alone. They have been a lifeline to us.”

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  These girls are not only remembering their mother in such a beautiful way; they are helping others in the process. And that, they believe, is exactly what Annie would have had them do—to #BeTheVoice of kindness.

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  PARTIES WITH PURPOSE

  RILEY GANTT

  Nothing happens by accident—especially when it comes to connecting to someone who you just have to feel is in your life for a reason.

  It has always felt absurd to me (in a good way) when two people miss a connection one time and make it another. It’s like the universe saying, Hey, you missed something special!

  That’s what happened with me and Lulu. There were so many opportunities for us to connect back in the days when my mom owned an art studio called Tinker. Hundreds of people passed through those doors, some of whom we got to know pretty well. One of these people was Lisa Cerone, mom of Lulu and Jasper. Though my mom and Lisa were friendly, I am not entirely sure that I ever actually talked to Lulu or her mom because I was usually the active girl running around the store “helping” my mom. After Tinker closed, for the most part that seemingly would have been the end of crossing paths with most of the store’s patrons.

  Imagine my surprise a few years later when I was invited to speak at an empathy and leadership camp called My Name My Story where our paths would cross yet again. On the list of names of presenters there was mine—Riley Gantt, founder of Rainbow Pack, a nonprofit that delivers backpacks full of homework and art supplies to kids who don’t have those basics at home. On the list was also what I should have spotted as another familiar name, Lulu Cerone, even though I didn’t make the connection.

  Two years older than I am, with blunt black bangs and an air of coolness about her, Lulu founded a nonprofit called LemonAID Warriors (the topic of her presentation). That, too, should have gotten my attention, because I hadn’t met many other kids like me, who ran nonprofit organizations. Thankfully, my mom was there with me and so was Lulu’s mom.

  Wouldn’t you know it? Our moms immediately recognized each other. Sure enough, this girl was Lulu from Tinker.

  We all ended up reconnecting, and ever since, I have looked up to her.

  We joke that I am always one step behind Lulu, but not in a bad way. When it comes to awards, speaking engagements, conferences, and so forth, Lulu always seems to do everything one year before I do. A role model, she is confident, charismatic, and passionate, someone who is eager to offer advice on running charities while still in middle school and high school.

  When Lulu mentioned she was writing a book, I was overjoyed.

  “It’s going to be good,” I burst out. “Better than good. It will be … utterly amazing!”

  When she asked if she could feature me in the book, that blew my mind. Then again, I was thrilled to contribute what I’d learned from being a kid wanting to create change and how to go about finding resources. What an honor to do so.

  Lulu’s book, PhilanthroParties!, is a recipe for spreading kindness through action—something the world really needs right now. The description alone is powerful:

  Why just party when you can party with a purpose? Eighteen-year-old Lulu Cerone shows young people how to bring social activism into their daily lives—and have fun while doing it—with this colorful DIY party planning guide perfect for every socially conscious kid!

  Her impulse for writing the book is clear: to motivate young people to get involved and feel the empowerment that comes from that. With so much practical advice, the process comes across as fun and easy. Lulu teaches readers how to throw as many as thirty-six different parties, each inspired by a personal experience that comes with a memorable story and each benefiting a different cause. One of her favorite chapters (there are a few) is about throwing an Ugly Food Feast. Lulu described it as “a dinner party where the meal is made out of food that would typically be wasted. There’s a recipe for veggie burgers made out of juice pulp, salad made from imperfect-looking vegetables that grocery stores would normally throw out, and banana bread made from brown bananas. It sends a powerful message about food waste and gets the conversation started.”

  Just as young people have the capacity to use social media to get attendees to turn out for social events, learning to use our networks for causes we care about and for book launches is equally important. At Lulu’s first big book party, hosted by a local bookstore, they sold out of the book, which, Lulu told me, “The manager said has never happened at an author event in their store’s history!”

  The message of the book offers a huge takeaway from the author:

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  “Anybody, regardless of their age, can positively impact our world. A simple message, but it’s so profoundly important.”

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  Since I had a friend so close to my age who started her own charity when she was very young, I had to ask Lulu what got her started and what kept her going all these years.

  The story she told me wasn’t of an overly ambitious ten-year-old with dreams of running a nonprofit. She just had always run lemonade stands to raise money for local causes. “It was just a fun thing that I did with my friends, and the fact that we were helping people made it even cooler.”

  Then came a major event: the 2010 earthquake that struck Haiti. It inspired Lulu’s first emotional response to a global issue. “I remember seeing images of the damage and crying. I wanted to help in any way that I could, so I stuck with what I knew best and organized a lemonade stand competition between the boys and girls in my class. We ended up raising $4,000 in two weeks, and it was an incredible, empowering experience.” Afterward, Lulu wanted to continue raising money for important causes, all while having fun. “So I established LemonAID Warriors to make things more official.” The message
that young people can have a powerful and positive impact on the world is why she has continued working on LemonAID Warriors.

  The theme of combining philanthropy with fun and hanging out with friends was a key motivation for writing her book—to encourage teens who can’t seem to find time for community service not to look at it as an obligation but rather as an opportunity to make a difference together. Her point? Adding “social action to social lives.”

  Doing the work of running an organization still takes time, as I’ve learned. I was curious as to how raising money for meaningful causes had impacted Lulu.

  She thought about it and said, “It’s had such a massive impact on me! I think, overall, it’s made me a kinder, more aware person. I’ve been much more conscious of the needs surrounding me since getting involved when I was young, both in my own community and in the world at large.” In fact, all of that shaped her goals for the future. “Now that I’m entering my freshman year of college, I’m considering pursuing international politics, which is definitely due to my experiences growing up. Also, I definitely think that practicing generosity at a young age instilled a tendency within me to be kind to others and help out whenever I can. One of the main reasons why LemonAID Warriors seeks to work with youth is because I truly believe that if you start giving back while you’re young, you’re much more likely to continue spreading kindness and having a greater awareness as you grow older—and hopefully for the rest of your life.”