My Year of Saying No

by Morrey, Maxine

  Oops! Damn that nightcap.

  OK, so now I had two options. Pretend I hadn’t said it and hope he hadn’t heard or just laugh it off.

  ‘You’d planned to bid?’

  OK, so I guess hoping he hadn’t heard wasn’t an option.

  ‘Only if the winning bid was looking a little terrifying, even for a tough customer like you.’ I risked a glance. ‘Friends take care of each other, right?’ I shrugged, like it was no big deal and all a bit of a joke, even though I knew if I’d been attending the gala, watching some ridiculously wealthy woman gloat over her winning bid wasn’t something I’d be in any great hurry to see. Of course, as well as the cougars, there was also the possibility that some of the younger socialites and celebrities would be holding up their cards. I wasn’t sure which was worse.

  ‘They do,’ he said, quietly. ‘Which is why I’m going to ask what that thought is that’s racing round your brain right now.’

  Ummm…

  I waved him away. ‘Nothing important. Just a… work thing.’ Sort of true. ‘So, anyway. That’s just a heads-up. You’re on the menu, so to speak.’

  ‘Do I get a say in this?’

  ‘Lady Genevieve Carstairs has already stated there’s a ten grand starting bid with her name on it.’

  Seb sat bolt upright. ‘What?’

  I smiled at his surprise.

  ‘You heard. It’s no secret she’s got a thing for you. Besides, why are you so surprised people are interested? You’ve got a mirror, Seb. You know you’re hardly the back of a bus.’

  He gave me a look that was so adorably embarrassed, the butterflies in my stomach I’d been fairly successfully keeping in check suddenly made a bid for flight. ‘You know what I mean.’

  ‘Your injury?’

  He met my eyes.

  ‘So? You’re missing a bit. So what.’ I shrugged. ‘It’s not exactly put a dent in your dating prowess from what I’ve seen.’

  ‘Sometimes the women I’ve dated haven’t known initially, depending on how we meet.’

  ‘By which time, they’re probably already half in love with you.’

  He gave a laugh that caused Scooby, who had by now joined us and was snoozing at the foot of the bed, to open one eye. Seeing there was nothing much of interest to him, he closed it and went back to sleep.

  ‘I hardly think so.’

  ‘Says the man who already has ten grand bid on him.’

  ‘I feel so cheap.’

  I grinned and gave him a prod with my toes. ‘From what I understand, that’s just her opening bid. I’m pretty sure she’d go a lot higher.’ I shuffled my position. ‘You don’t have to do it, you know,’ my tone a little more serious now. ‘If you really don’t want to. It was initially just said as a joke, but then it kind of took on a life of its own.’

  His hand curled gently around my foot absent-mindedly. ‘But if she’s serious, that’s ten grand for the charity.’

  ‘True. But you shouldn’t do things you’re uncomfortable with, no matter what.’

  ‘Let’s just see nearer the time.’ He glanced at the clock. ‘I should let you get some rest. Sorry. Sat up keeping you talking.’

  ‘That’s OK. It’s been nice.’

  He pushed himself back onto his feet and looked down to where I was now perched like a little gnome on the edge of the bed. ‘It really has.’ His voice was soft and a flicker crossed his face. At least I thought it did. But then it was gone. The only light was from the side table lamp and I was pretty tired, so it was entirely possible I imagined it anyway. ‘There’s fresh towels in the bathroom. Just use whatever you need in there and shout if there’s anything else you want.’

  ‘Thanks, Seb. This is all really kind of you.’

  ‘My pleasure. Really.’

  ‘What time is Angus coming over again?’

  ‘He said eight thirty, but our Angus is an early riser, so he’ll probably be round about eight.’

  ‘Oh god,’ I groaned, looking at the small, shabby-chic style clock on the bedside table. ‘Maybe you should have told me that earlier.’

  Seb shook his head. ‘It’s fine. Sleep as late as you want. I’ll be up and can give him the keys. I already gave him a rundown of what’s been going on, so he’ll be fine to just get on and work his magic.’

  ‘I can’t do that. It seems rude.’

  ‘Rude is your host keeping you up way past your bedtime.’

  ‘You have no idea when my bedtime is!’

  ‘We’ve been friends for long enough for me to have a pretty good idea. Although, to anyone else, your fondness for pyjamas might suggest your bedtime is more akin to a toddler’s.’

  ‘I like to be comfy. You’re lucky I didn’t wear them this evening.’

  ‘I did wonder if you might. But, so long as you came, I wouldn’t have cared what you wore, to be honest. It was just fun getting together. At last.’

  And there it was. The biggest of red flags that Seb Marshall didn’t think of me in that way. I’d made an effort, although in a way that hopefully looked like I hadn’t made too much of an effort, but in the end, I could have rocked up in my pyjamas and he wouldn’t really have noticed the difference.

  ‘It was,’ I said.

  ‘OK. Night, Lottie.’

  ‘Night, Seb. Sleep well.’

  He gave a little wave and left, heading towards his own room.

  I scooted along to the bathroom, did all the things I needed to and swapped my clothes for the T-shirt he’d left me. Made to fit him, and not me, it was generously sized and perfect as a nightie. Thanks to Seb’s height, it was also long enough to cover all the bits required in order to maintain a certain amount of decency should I accidentally run into him on the landing.

  * * *

  I’d set my alarm and so was washed, dressed and downstairs by half eight the next morning. Without my make-up bag, I’d done the best I could to hide exactly how tired I felt with the basics of my compact and a slap of lippy. It’d have to do for now. Besides, as it was clear from last night that Seb didn’t view me in a romantic way, it didn’t really matter anyway. No pressure. Besides, he’d already seen me plenty of times on video calls looking knackered with scary hair, so this morning was probably not the worst. At least I’d brushed my hair.

  I called out but got no reply and, poking my head into the lounge, couldn’t see Scooby or Seb in the garden either. Wandering into the kitchen, I made my way over to the window. The weather was bright and sunny, but, judging by the way Seb and the man I guessed was Angus, were wrapped up as they bent over the open bonnet of my car, pretty damn chilly. Scooby was busy sniffing around the immediate area and, apparently having completed that task, now took a lazy puppy sit next to his owner, resting against him, and waited patiently.

  As I saw Seb straighten from the car, I stepped back, ensuring that I didn’t get caught watching in case it looked weird. Or in case he somehow got the telepathic message I’d accidentally been staring at his bum for a good proportion of the time.

  Taking a seat on one of the bar style chairs at the breakfast bar, I waited for Seb and his pooch to return. Scooby made an appearance first, charging into the kitchen and sliding inelegantly to a halt in front of me as I hopped off the stool and crouched down to greet him. He pressed his head against me in delight as I fussed over him, deep groans of happiness emanating from him as I did so.

  From the corner of my eye, I saw two trainers come to stand next to me and looked up at the unfairly gorgeous body and face they were attached to.

  ‘I’m totally coming back as a pampered dog in the next life,’ Seb grinned down at me. ‘Good morning, by the way.’

  ‘Morning,’ I said, giving Scooby one last chin rub and standing.

  ‘Sleep all right?’ my host asked, heading over towards the kettle. ‘Tea or coffee?’

  ‘Tea, please. And yes, thank you. Very well.’

  ‘You didn’t need to get up so early. I told you that. It’s all under control.’

 
‘I know,’ I shrugged. ‘So, what does he think?’ I nodded towards the window.

  Seb dropped a teabag into a cup and then shoved a coffee pod into the machine next to the kettle. ‘He’s not fazed. Quietly confident.’

  ‘Right.’ I moved to the fridge and found the milk. Taking it out, I put it down next to where Seb was making the drinks.

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘He knows I’ve had it looked at a couple of times though?’

  ‘Ummhmm,’ Seb nodded, concentrating on the task in front of him before handing me the milk back. ‘Ta.’

  I returned it to the fridge.

  ‘So, you ready for breakfast?’

  Apparently we were done with the car conversation, so I let it go. It couldn’t hurt to have someone else look at it and, right now, I just hoped Angus really was the miracle worker he’d been touted as, because otherwise I was going to have to fork out to have the bloody thing towed back home. ‘You don’t need to go to any trouble, Seb. Really.’

  ‘No trouble. I’m eating. Makes no difference to do extra. And if that was your stomach I just heard, I think I already got my answer.’ He grinned as he leant over and snagged a box of eggs from the side, launching into the creation of his breakfast masterpiece.

  16

  A little over an hour later, Seb and I were cosily ensconced in his car, having left Angus to it, and on our way to a couple of garages in which we’d narrowed down some possible options over the insanely delicious breakfast he’d cooked. We pulled into the forecourt of the first and nosed around until a salesman came over and asked if he could help.

  By early afternoon, I’d test driven three different cars and pretty much decided on the one I wanted. All I needed to do now was to see if Angus could work his magic, so I could get a decent part-exchange on my old one. Just as I was pondering this over a hot chocolate in a cosy café Seb had led us to, his phone rang. The café was quiet and snug, and Seb quickly rose, laid a hand on my shoulder for a brief moment and then stepped outside as he took the call. We’d chosen a battered but characterful leather sofa in the window to sit on, but the warmth of the café, contrasted with the chill winter air outside, meant that the glass was steamed and all I could see was a shadowy outline of Seb, huddled into his down filled coat.

  A few minutes later he was back, rubbing his hands together and grabbing his mug to wrap them around and warm up.

  ‘That was Angus,’ he said, taking a sip and giving a little shiver as the hot liquid warmed him.

  ‘And?’ I asked, my fingers tensing around my own mug in anticipation.

  Seb’s eyes dropped momentarily to my hands before meeting my eyes again. ‘Relax. It’s all good. Running like a champion again.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘So, he found the fault?’

  ‘Yep. Something in the wiring that’s obviously got missed. Loose connection. It was kind of buried in there, which is probably why the others have never found it. Or they just weren’t looking in the right place, but Angus is almost forensic when it comes to stuff like this. Hence, all done.’

  ‘How much do I owe him?’

  Seb shook his head. ‘Nothing. And you can’t offer him anything either. He’ll be offended.’ He shifted position on the sofa and turned to face me a little more. ‘Angus sees things like this as his way of giving back.’

  ‘But he doesn’t owe me anything.’

  ‘No, but he feels he owes the charity something, and ergo, me. Even though I’ve told him a million times that’s not how it works.’

  ‘But doing things for the charity, you, or anyone connected to you makes him happy.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  I took a bite of the gooey chocolate cake I’d ordered alongside my drink. There was another slice in a box on the table for Angus, who Seb had told me was a fiend when it came to chocolate cake. The soft buttery icing melted in my mouth and I had a feeling Angus wasn’t going to be disappointed. ‘I can understand that.’

  Seb gave me a soft smile. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘It still feels weird though.’

  ‘I know.’

  He finished off the slice of cake on his plate and I saw him eyeing the box.

  ‘No.’

  ‘What?’ he asked, looking innocent.

  ‘Don’t give me that look,’ I replied, laughing. ‘I’ve known you too long. You were definitely eyeing that box of cake and, in the light of knowing the man has miraculously fixed my car, I’ll defend it with everything I have!’

  ‘Is that so?’

  ‘Absolutely!’ To illustrate this, I moved the box as far away from him on the table as possible.

  ‘You know I can still reach that, right?’

  ‘You’ll have to go through me first.’

  ‘Lottie, I could sling you over my shoulder like a sack of spuds if I needed to.’

  I drew myself up. ‘Try that, buster, and your prosthetic will be the least of your troubles.’

  ‘Oooh!’ Seb winced and pressed his legs together a little. ‘You’ve got a mean streak, you know that?’

  ‘I have not. It’s called determination.’

  ‘Oh, I see. That’s all right then.’

  ‘I’m glad we agree.’

  ‘I didn’t say that.’ But I saw the smile before the huge mug eclipsed most of his face. ‘So,’ he said, reappearing. ‘You definitely decided on that car?’

  ‘I think so. I think I’d like to go back and have another quick look and maybe another drive, but it’s kind of what I had in mind anyway and it felt nice.’

  ‘Great!’

  ‘But if Angus has fixed my car now, you can just drop me back at the house and I can go back under my own steam.’ I glanced up at the old station-style clock on the wall, the second hand bouncing as it edged its way around the face. ‘You’ve got most of the afternoon left that way at least and I haven’t entirely swallowed up your day.’

  Seb kept his eyes on his mug as he finished his drink, tidying up the table once he’d done so.

  I popped the box of cake on top of my bag to take back to Angus. When he still didn’t say anything, I shifted in my seat. ‘Not that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done so far.’

  ‘I know,’ he said, flicking me a smile as he pushed his arms back into his jacket. Zipping it up, he pulled the beanie hat out of a pocket and put it on.

  ‘Seb?’

  ‘Hmm?’

  ‘You’ve gone weird.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You. You’ve gone weird.’

  At this, his smile broke through and the feeling dissipated, but there was no denying it had, momentarily, been there.

  ‘I do not go weird,’ he stated.

  ‘You just did.’

  He shook his head and motioned for me to go ahead of him. The car was parked close and, once inside, engine running and a warm breath of air filtering through, Seb turned to me. ‘OK, so here’s the deal. You were right. I did go a bit weird in there.’

  ‘Was it something I said?’

  ‘Kind of.’

  I opened my mouth to apologise, or explain, or… something, but Seb held up his hand.

  ‘But this is definitely a case of it’s me not you.’

  ‘Oh god. That’s never a good thing to hear.’

  He leant over and laid a hand over where I was now gripping my own together. Even if I got over the fact that Seb didn’t fancy me, which I’d kind of worked out already as I’d been single for some time now and he’d never attempted to ask me out, I had to admit I’d been holding onto the tiny glimmer of hope that perhaps there might be a spark once he met me in real life.

  ‘I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.’

  ‘You could never do that.’

  ‘It’s just that I know you’re on your Year of Saying No thing and I didn’t want to put you in a position that would make you feel awkward, or us awkward.’

  I swallowed and tried not to make that loud gulp noise that always happens when
you’re trying to be subtle. ‘I don’t think anything you say could make me feel that way, Seb.’ My voice was soft and my heart had sped up. Maybe I’d got it wrong after all? Maybe—

  ‘I didn’t really have anything planned this afternoon. Angus has taken Scoobs off on a massive hike and I’d only be sat at home on my own anyway, so I’m happy to come back with you. Gives us a bit longer to hang out too.’

  I nodded, the balloon of excitement and ridiculous romanticism deflating with a sad, slightly rude, noise inside my head.

  Seb winced, and sat back, turning to the steering wheel. ‘See? This is why I should have just kept quiet. You’ve already spent way more time than you expected with me and, unlike on the phone, you can’t just hang up when you’re bored.’

  ‘I’ve never done that!’

  He glanced over. ‘That is true. And I thank you for that.’

  ‘And I’d love for us to get to spend a bit longer together.’

  ‘Lottie, it’s fine,’ he said, putting the car into drive. ‘It’s me. We made a pact ages ago about being polite for politeness sake. Let’s not change that now.’

  ‘I’m not,’ I said, calmly. Honestly. ‘I would love for you to come back to the garage with me.’

  He gave me a sideways, slightly suspicious glance. ‘So why the expression?’

  ‘I didn’t have an expression.’

  ‘Yeah. You did.’

  ‘No, I didn’t. I have indigestion from that cake, that’s all. It was kind of rich.’

  Seb was driving, turning us back towards the direction of the last garage. Letting his eyes leave the road for the briefest of moments. ‘I’ve already told you you’re a terrible liar.’

  ‘And I’ve told you I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  His eyes were back on the road, but I saw the sigh he let out.

  ‘Honestly, Seb, I’m fine.’

  ‘OK,’ he nodded, without turning. ‘Let’s go and get this car then.’

  I made a noise of agreement but felt the churn in my stomach. I hated lying to him, especially when it was so obvious he knew that I was, but I couldn’t tell him the truth either. Wriggling in my seat, I shifted positions a couple of times, the discomfort in my head once more translating to my body.