My Year of Saying No

by Morrey, Maxine

  I lifted my head and raised my gaze. ‘Oh pfft. You’re as much as a softie as the rest of us.’

  His eyes widened and he put a finger to his lips. ‘Ssssh! You can’t just go blurting slander like that about. I’ve got a reputation to maintain.’

  ‘Oh yes, adding sensitive to good looking ex-military man is really going to hurt that reputation.’ Jess frowned momentarily, before her wide, even smile burst through.

  Seb returned the smile but quickly lowered his eyes to his glass and took a swig.

  ‘So, Seb, Lottie tells us your dad is into gardening too? Is that right?’

  The relief on Seb’s face to have the attention drawn away from himself and onto far safer ground was palpable as he proceeded to tell Dad about his own father’s green fingered habits.

  ‘He seems very nice,’ Mum said as I took her over to the buffet, where we began loading up two plates, me holding one for Dad as he continued his chat with Seb.

  ‘He is,’ I replied, in as casual and non-committal a tone as I could possibly muster before sneaking a glance at Mum, who was busily engaged in filling Dad’s plate with all the things she knew he liked. And then she caught my eye and smiled. Not a huge smile. Just one of those tiny but knowing smiles that mothers have a habit of giving just when you think you’ve managed to sneak something by them.

  * * *

  The view from Harry’s apartment really was quite stunning and I stood staring out of one of the large picture windows onto the scene below, mesmerised a little by the champagne but mostly by the shimmering, glinting lights of the city spread below me.

  ‘Not a bad view.’ The slight whine that underpinned the aristocratic accent burst the bubble of magic. It was the voice I’d last heard making me a very easily rejected offer on New Year’s Eve. I’d described him to Jess later and apparently he was Tarquin double-barrelled something or other, an old friend of Harry’s. She’d added the word ‘unfortunately’ to the end of this explanation and it was easy to see why. ‘You should come and see mine. It’s rather superior to this.’

  I glanced at him, assuming he was making a joke, but he met my eyes and there was no humour there. Unbelievably, he really was that obnoxious.

  ‘What?’ he asked.

  I never was much good at hiding my emotions.

  I shrugged, hoping he’d take the hint that I really had no interest in continuing the conversation.

  ‘So? Back to my place after this? You can see for yourself then.’ He smirked. ‘In fact, there’s quite a lot there that’s superior.’

  Oh. My. God.

  I shook my head in disbelief and swigged the rest of my fizz.

  ‘Is that a yes?’ This was, in theory, a question, but the manner in which he said it possessed an overtone of privileged expectation.

  I turned to face him. Yep. There it was. That look on his face – one that said ‘there is absolutely no chance of me not getting my way on this’. Well, I had news for him.

  ‘No. That’s a no. A most definite no. What the Americans call, I believe, a hard no.’

  He looked confused. ‘Are you sure?’

  I felt my mouth drop open. ‘Yes. I’m sure. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything in my life.’

  ‘You do know who I am?’

  I know what you are, that’s for sure.

  ‘My father is an earl. That’s going to be my title when he off and pops his clogs. I’ve got more money than god, and I’m very good looking.’ He squinted at me. ‘Or am I just barking up the wrong tree, so to speak?’

  ‘You are barking up the wrong tree entirely. But not for the reasons you’re suggesting. I like men. I just don’t like you.’

  With that, I grabbed a glass off a passing waitress and stalked back to where Seb was stood laughing with Harry and Jess. Unfortunately, I was followed.

  21

  ‘Harry, old man,’ Tarquin began, cutting across the conversation and not even acknowledging Jess or Seb, as though they were beneath his notice. ‘What’s up with this one?’ He waved his champagne flute in my direction.

  I’ve never felt the desire to push anyone through a window before, but this bloke was sorely testing me. Did his insensitivity and rudeness know any boundaries at all?

  Harry gave me an apologetic look. ‘Nothing. She’s lovely. Why?’

  ‘I’ve just asked her out for a second time and she’s turned me down. Again.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Propositioning someone and asking them out are two very different things.’

  Tarquin snapped his head towards me. ‘If you’re playing hard to get, you’ve blown it. I won’t ask a third time.’

  I looked to the ceiling. ‘And people say there’s no god.’

  Jess attempted to cover her snort by burying her face in Harry’s shoulder as Seb’s face disappeared quickly into his champagne glass. Tarquin just looked at me, a stunned expression on his face, his mouth opening and closing like a very posh fish. And then Harry burst into laughter.

  Tarquin glared at Harry before snatching a glass of drink from a nearby waiter and downing a good proportion of it.

  Harry, unbothered by his friend’s expression, threw an arm around his shoulder and, ever the gentleman, made the proper introductions that Tarquin himself should have done before butting in and taking over the conversation of our small group.

  ‘Tarquin, you obviously know Jess, and have also met the delightful Lottie properly now.’

  ‘Actually, I didn’t know her name.’

  Harry pulled a face. ‘You said you’ve asked her out twice and you’ve not even bothered to ask her name.’ He shook his head, laughing. ‘No wonder she turned you down.’

  ‘Shouldn’t you be using Charlotte by now? Lottie is rather a childish moniker, don’t you think?’ He said, a sneering tone lacing the words.

  ‘I like it,’ I said, defiantly. Out of sight, I felt Seb’s hand lightly touch my back in support. He knew I didn’t need him to defend me, but it was nice to know he was there all the same.

  ‘And this is Seb Marshall. Seb, this is a good friend of mine, Tarquin Farquar-Stour-Pendleton,’ Harry said, frowning slightly as Tarquin shoved his free hand in his trouser pocket instead of extending it as his friend had obviously expected him to do. Clearing his throat, Harry continued, ‘Seb is the founder of the charity that I’m honoured to be doing a triathlon in aid of later in the year.’

  Tarquin tipped his chin up a little, acknowledging this information. ‘I see. I suppose you must be very grateful that there are good, fit men like Harry here willing to put themselves out and do that sort of thing for you. I mean, as you can’t do it for yourself.’

  I exchanged a glance with Jess, who was clearly seething. Neither of us had missed the veiled dig. I risked a glance at Seb, hoping that he might have missed it, but one glimpse was enough to see the slight flicker in his jaw. Tarquin was looking particularly smug and my eyes drifted once more to the window. It was enough to insult me but quite something else to be so casually callous. Not to mention uninformed. Had the Para Olympics passed him by entirely? Had he never heard of the Invictus Games? But the more I got to know Tarquin Farquar-Stour-Pendleton, the easier that possibility was to believe.

  Seb swallowed and gave a brief, practised smile. ‘The charity is always grateful to people who are good enough to give up their time to help us, in any way.’

  It was a good answer. Tactful and inoffensive. Unlike Tarquin, who raised his eyebrows briefly as if to acknowledge the answer, but it was clear that he hadn’t got the rise out of Seb he’d wanted to. His eyes slid to me, then flicked back to Seb, pausing a moment before switching back to me again, his brain trying to work out if there was a connection and what it was. Apparently, he came up with something, because a small sneer curled the edge of his mouth before he turned away, looking for yet another drink.

  ‘Why do you never hire enough bloody staff, Harry,’ he snapped before stalking off to replenish his glass.

  Harry
gave a small, noticeably awkward laugh. ‘Sorry about that. Tarq never seems to think before he speaks, so things can sometimes come out sounding different from how he actually means them.’

  It was a valiant effort but one lost on Seb.

  ‘He knew exactly what he was saying, Harry. But don’t worry about it. You’re not responsible for him and shouldn’t be apologising for him.’

  Harry ran a hand over his hair. ‘He does say the most ridiculous bloody things sometimes. Why he’s having a dig at you, I don’t know. A lot of his family were in the military, so he holds them in the highest regard.’

  ‘Right. Yes, I can see that.’ Seb smiled at Harry, softening the reply, letting him know that this wasn’t Harry’s fight.

  Harry’s shoulders sagged a little and Seb moved slightly and bumped one with his own.

  ‘Don’t worry about it, mate. Like I said, not your fault. Don’t give it a thought. You’ve got a wonderful fiancée there – you’re supposed to be enjoying your engagement party, not excusing other people’s poor manners.’

  ‘I know but…’

  Jess tucked her arm through Harry’s. ‘He’s right.’

  He looked down at her, the smile breaking onto his face softly as he did so. ‘I know.’

  She paused for a moment. ‘Is that true then, about his family all being in the military?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ Harry replied. ‘I mean, obviously going back, a lot of the commissions were bought and so on, but there’s been generations of Farquar-Stour-Pendletons wearing a uniform.’

  ‘So how come old Tarq didn’t join up?’ Jess asked.

  ‘That’s the thing. He did. I think he quite fancied himself in a uniform.’

  ‘I think he quite fancies himself full stop,’ I interjected and Jess grinned.

  Harry wobbled his head a little in acknowledgement, and possibly agreement, of this statement. ‘I’m not sure how much he’d considered the realities of Army life past the swanky uniform and formal dinners, but he did sign up as an officer.’

  ‘So, what happened?’

  ‘Oh, there was some sort of health complication in the end which meant he couldn’t finish his training. Even I don’t know exactly what it was. Tarquin was pretty upset about the whole situation, to be honest, so we didn’t really press him on it. I know he regrets it though,’ Harry added, as if hoping that would excuse his friend’s earlier behaviour.

  ‘I see.’ Seb nodded.

  ‘Yeah, it was a tough break for him.’

  ‘Ummhmm.’

  Jess glanced around before speaking, lowering her voice when she did. ‘I still struggle to see how someone as lovely as you and someone as… unlovely as him can be such good friends.’

  Harry dropped a kiss on the top of her head. ‘I know he doesn’t always present himself in the best light, but I’ve known him since Prep. Our families have been friends for generations.’

  ‘That doesn’t mean it’s compulsory for you.’

  ‘I know. He was out of line tonight, and I’m not happy with him for that. I already have plans to talk to him.’

  ‘Don’t worry on my account. Seriously,’ Seb reiterated.

  ‘No. He embarrassed me and he needs to learn to think a bit more before he opens his mouth.’

  ‘Fair enough, but for now let’s just focus on what we’re all here for and celebrate.’ Seb lifted his glass and we all chinked together. ‘Cheers!’

  * * *

  ‘You OK?’ I asked as we walked back from the bank of lifts, having seen my parents off, but not before them having secured an agreement from Seb that he’d come to Sunday lunch the following day.

  ‘Me? Sure.’

  ‘OK.’ I nodded.

  ‘Honestly, Lots. If this is about earlier, put it out of your mind. I have.’

  I wrinkled my nose. ‘I just don’t understand why he was like that. I can understand him being rude to me, but he’s never even met you!’

  ‘People are what they are. But I can think of a couple of good reasons.’

  ‘You can?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Which are?’ I asked, leaning against the wall next to the front door that we’d left ajar.

  Seb tilted his head at me. ‘One, you.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Why me?’

  ‘Because he clearly fancies the arse off you and you turned him down. Twice. And then he sees you standing with me and, by the look he gave, obviously thinks something’s going on.’

  ‘But it’s not,’ I said, wrinkling my brow.

  Seb looked at me for a long moment, then shook his head. ‘No. It’s not. But it’s not hard to see old Tarquin isn’t one worried by the facts.’

  ‘So, what’s number two?’ I asked, readjusting my position on the wall and trying not to slide down it. All of a sudden, I was really, really tired.

  ‘You all right?’

  ‘Mmmhmm. Number two is what?’

  ‘He’s got a chip on his shoulder about not making it in the military.’

  ‘But, and it pains me to say this, if he had a medical condition, it can’t be helped.’

  ‘True. But that doesn’t always stop people regretting stuff. It can be hard to let go if that was your dream.’

  I shook my head and then put a hand out, finding Seb’s chest to steady myself on. Note to self, do not shake head after that many champagnes.

  Gently, Seb rested a hand at my waist. ‘You OK?’

  ‘Yep. Just… old brain got a bit loose in there for a moment.’ I looked up and saw his smile. ‘What’s funny?’

  ‘You are. But in a good way.’

  ‘I will accept in a good way.’

  ‘Excellent.’

  ‘But you’re still wrong. Tarquin’s not that bothered about me. Certainly not enough to insult you over. He’s just annoyed with me because he thinks someone of my comparatively lowly station should be so impressed by all his money and trinkets that I should be forever grateful he chose me to bestow his cheap propositions on. The idea that someone, anyone really, but especially someone like me should dare to say no has just put his aristocratic nose out of joint.’

  ‘I think there’s more to it than that. Being turned down by you would be upsetting for anyone.’

  I looked up, but the light was low in the hallway and I couldn’t see his expression. ‘You’re teasing me.’

  I saw his head tilt briefly. ‘Maybe. Maybe not.’ His voice was soft, low and deep and I felt something shift within me. A flame that I’d been trying to keep doused made a flicker into life from the embers.

  ‘Seb, I—’

  ‘Where have you been?’ Jess burst into the hallway. ‘I’ve been looking for you everywhere.’

  ‘We were just seeing my parents off. Why, what’s wrong?’

  ‘Oh, have they gone? I wanted to say goodbye and thank them.’

  I gave her a hug. ‘They didn’t want to interrupt you, but they said to thank you very much for inviting them.’

  ‘Aww, I’ll message your mum in a minute.’

  ‘So why were you looking for us?’

  ‘Harry’s got someone he wants Seb to meet and my bloody feet are killing me. Come and sit on the balcony with me while they talk boy stuff?’

  ‘Of course. You OK with that?’ I turned to Seb, able to see his face a little more as we headed back into the main living area, which was just atmospherically lowlit rather than slightly dark as the hallway had been.

  ‘Talking boy stuff? Absolutely.’

  I gave him a little look and he brushed my fingers with his own.

  ‘Go and sit with Jess. Relax. Have fun.’ He squeezed my fingers gently before letting go and taking the outstretched hand of the first man Harry introduced.

  Immediately Jess grabbed hold of my hand and tugged me towards the balcony. Sliding the door open, we stepped through before she slid it back across, leaving just a small gap. The night was cool but a welcome contrast to the heat of the party room. Jess flopp
ed onto a lounger and I sat sideways on one opposite, facing her as she kicked off her shoes.

  ‘Seven hundred quid and they’re murdering my feet!’

  I stared down at them. They were pretty. Gorgeous, in fact. Jess had always had fabulous taste in fashion, but I just couldn’t imagine spending that much on a pair of shoes.

  ‘I know,’ she said, reading my expression. ‘It’s stupid money, but I made the mistake of admiring them online and, the next thing I know, I have a delivery.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘I’ve told Harry he needs to stop doing it or I won’t say anything any more.’

  I gave her a grin. Jess not saying what was in her head would be a first, but I knew what she meant. ‘Not a horrible problem to have.’

  ‘No, I know I’m super lucky and probably sound like a spoilt cow moaning that my fiancé buys me expensive gifts, but I don’t want to feel… I don’t know. Kept. I earn my own money. Obviously it’s nothing like in Harry’s league, but I work hard for it and I like spending it on stuff.’

  ‘Somehow I don’t think you’d ever struggle to find stuff to spend money on, Jess.’

  She returned my giggle. ‘That is true. I am exceptionally talented in that regard. But you know what I mean.’

  ‘I do. And what did he say?’

  ‘He got it. Eventually, I think.’

  ‘He just enjoys spoiling you. Like I say, not the worst problem in the world.’

  ‘I am lucky. I do know that.’

  ‘I know you do. He’s lovely. And completely adores you, which makes me so happy. I really like him, Jess. I’m so happy for you both.’

  She sat up and gave me a big hug. ‘Thanks. I’m so glad you like him. He thinks you’re wonderful as well. I’m so pleased it’s working out. He thinks Seb’s great too. They’ve really hit it off. It’s lovely.’

  ‘It is,’ I agreed. ‘He did mention he’s spoken to him a few times.’

  ‘Yeah, Harry really enjoys his company. It’s just such a shame he’s so far away from all of us.’ She sent me a mock innocent look as she said this and I rolled my eyes. ‘Oh, come on. You can’t say you’re not sorry too. And what was all that in the dark hallway?’