My Year of Saying No

by Morrey, Maxine

  Seb’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. ‘Thank you,’ he said, his voice soft.

  ‘Even if you are a pain in the arse sometimes.’

  ‘Only sometimes?’

  ‘Don’t push it. I’m being kind.’

  Seb stepped closer, hugged me tight and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. ‘Thank you. And sorry for being a pain in the arse. At any time.’

  I relaxed into the hug and we stood there in silence for a few moments.

  ‘You should get some rest. You looked done for in the car.’ Pressed close, I could feel his deep voice reverberating through his chest as well as hear it.

  ‘Mmmhmm,’ I agreed. He was right, but a part of me, perhaps the part still happily doing the backstroke in champagne, felt more than happy to stay right where I was. Thankfully, the majority of me had already taken a lurch towards sobriety and won out. I stepped back, Seb’s arms falling away. He was, however, still looking at me. ‘What?’

  ‘I’m just checking you’re OK,’ he paused. ‘That we’re OK.’

  ‘Of course we are.’

  He rubbed a hand over a chin that held a shadow of stubble. ‘Like I said, I’m just used to dealing with this stuff on my own. Not having someone else dragged in.’

  ‘And like I said, no one dragged me anywhere. If Harry hadn’t come out when he had, I’d have been starting on Tarquin for what he said about Jess too, so don’t go thinking you’re special or anything.’

  That made him smile. ‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’

  23

  I’d already piled the blankets and pillow into a little pile on the end of the sofa and, after getting the two dogs off the space, an action they did most reluctantly, I set about making the linen into a cosy bed for my guest.

  ‘I can do that.’

  ‘It’s fine. I’m nearly done.’

  ‘You don’t need to fuss, Lots. I’ve slept in far worse places than this.’

  I slid my eyes to him and I could see him replaying the sentence in his brain.

  ‘Yeah, that came out different from how it sounded in my head.’

  ‘I should hope so!’ I teased, standing back to survey my work.

  ‘Looks great,’ Seb came to stand beside me. ‘Very inviting.’

  I let out a sigh. ‘I really wish you would take my bed. It’d be much more comfortable for you. I’m more…’ I’d always wanted to be taller and wasn’t about to say the ‘s’ word, ‘compact. I fit better on here. You’re definitely not compact. You’re the very opposite of compact.’

  Seb stepped past me and sat down, as if staking his claim. ‘What exactly does that mean?’

  I shrugged. ‘You’re big. Bulky. Large.’

  ‘Yes, to all the above. But I’m still not taking your bed.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because it’d be rude.’

  ‘No, it wouldn’t,’ I said, sitting down next to him and bouncing slightly on the sofa as though I was testing out a mattress in that completely pointless way that everyone, including myself, has done while shopping for one.

  ‘Yes, it would. Plus I’m far more used to sleeping in different situations than you, and can pretty much sleep anywhere.’

  I thought about that. ‘I’m pretty sure I could do that too. And I’ve fallen asleep on here plenty of times.’

  ‘Not the point,’ Seb said, gently nudging me out of the way with his hip. ‘You’re not sleeping here. I’ve claimed it.’

  Now stood, I looked back down at him. ‘It’s my house. My rules.’

  His grin was wide. ‘Nope.’

  ‘You’re impossible,’ I huffed.

  ‘Quite probably,’ he replied, leaning back and swinging his legs up on to the sofa, Both hung over the end.

  ‘Oh, Seb! Look. You can’t sleep like that.’

  He caught my hand. ‘Will you stop fussing and go to bed?’

  ‘But you—’

  ‘I generally don’t sleep like a laid out corpse, so you’re worrying about nothing. Plus, this is coming off in a minute, so I’m already a little more… compact.’ He winked at me, as he tapped his artificial leg.

  ‘That’s not funny.’

  ‘It’s kind of funny.’

  ‘You have a weird sense of humour.’

  He gave a head wobble. ‘Admittedly, there’s probably a little more darkness than there used to be, but that’s often part and parcel of the life I had. Most branches of the armed forces can have a pretty dark sense of humour at times.’

  ‘I guess I can see how that would develop.’ A huge yawn enveloped the last word.

  ‘Go to bed, you.’

  ‘OK. I can see I’m on a losing streak here.’

  ‘You are.’ He reached out, catching my hand. ‘But don’t think I don’t appreciate the thought behind it all.’

  I bent and hugged him, wished him a goodnight and pottered off to my room.

  Ten minutes later, I was just dragging myself into bed when I realised I’d forgotten my glass of water. Damn. I pulled my dressing gown on and padded to my door. Cracking it open a little, I listened for movement. Hearing none, I stuck my head through and listened again. Still nothing.

  I pulled the door open and tiptoed through. The living room was shrouded in darkness, the street lights outside having now turned off for the night, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. Misjudging the corner of the hallway, I stubbed my little toe on the skirting. The tiniest of noises escaped from my lips – which was actually pretty good going considering how much it bloody hurt – and I crouched, squishing my toes in my hand to try and ease the pain.

  ‘Let it out. It’ll make you feel better.’ His voice, low and gravelly with a hint of sleep, drifted around me.

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.’

  ‘I wasn’t asleep yet. You all right?’

  ‘Hmm.’

  ‘What did you do?’

  ‘Stubbed my little toe.’

  ‘You should have put the light on.’

  ‘I thought you were asleep.’

  ‘It’s your house.’

  ‘You’re my guest.’

  ‘Put the light on now.’

  ‘It’s all right, I can sort of… Oh! For fuu-argh…’ Seriously? Again?

  ‘Lottie. Put the damn light on.’

  ‘Are you decent?’

  His laugh was low and way too sexy for this time in the morning. ‘As near as I get to that, yes.’

  I flicked the light on, immediately hitting the dimmer switch so that it was just enough to move without any more injuries but not too much of a shock to either of our systems.

  I grabbed a glass of water and poured another for my guest. Making my way over, I saw Seb, sprawled on the sofa, one leg hanging over the end. Sprawled in turn, on top of his master, was Scooby, who apparently hadn’t woken at all. To the right of them, resting within easy reach, was Seb’s artificial limb.

  I set the glass down just in front of him on the coffee table. When I looked up, even in the low light, I could see him looking at me. He’d seen my gaze take in the leg and my memory flashed back to what he’d said a while ago about an ex getting a bit freaked by it all. His face was blank as he met my eyes.

  ‘What?’ I asked.

  He rolled his head from side to side. ‘Nothing.’

  I looked back at the leg. ‘Did you want me to say something?’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘So why are you looking at me with that non-expression?’

  He let out a chuckle. ‘What’s a non-expression?’

  ‘I don’t know, but you have one and you do it whenever you don’t want people to know what you’re thinking.’

  ‘Is that so?’

  ‘Yep. And honestly, it’s kind of annoying. It might be easier just to tell people things sometimes.’ Apparently, that sobering plunge pool in my brain hadn’t quite done its full job yet. My mouth was still a little unfiltered thanks to the alcohol.

  ‘Probably.’

  ‘It
doesn’t bother me, if that’s what you’re worried about,’ I said, nodding towards his leg.

  ‘I’ve heard that one before.’ His voice, like his face, held little expression at this statement.

  I shrugged. ‘Yes. But this is me. And, as we’ve already established and as you never hesitate to point out, I’m a terrible liar. Especially when I’ve been drinking.’

  ‘That is true.’

  ‘Honestly, Seb. I really don’t care. I know tonight probably didn’t help, what with Turnip Tarquin and his comments, but…’ I shrugged. ‘I just don’t think it’s a big deal. You’re an amazing bloke and I l—’ I stopped and cleared my throat. ‘Like you just as you are. All the stuff you’ve been through is what makes you you. Who knows? Maybe you were a real arse before and this has changed you for the better? Either way, just relax the hell out about it, will you, and stop trying to protect me from everything.’

  He didn’t say anything for a few moments and I took a sip from my glass. I wasn’t sure where all that just came from. Mostly a champagne bottle, if I was to take a guess, but I suddenly wasn’t sure if it had been wise.

  ‘Maybe I was a real arse?’ Seb asked, unable to hide the amusement in his voice.

  I felt a knot unwind. ‘Maybe.’

  ‘I wasn’t.’

  ‘So you say.’

  The low chuckle came again. ‘It’s a good job I like you.’

  ‘Just saying it as it is.’

  He tilted his head so that he was looking more directly at me. ‘So am I.’

  I bobbed my head. Yep. Definitely need that water. There was still way too much alcohol sloshing about in my brain. And with Seb lying on my sofa, looking sexily rumpled, that was not a good thing.

  ‘Not much of a guard dog, is he?’ I nodded my head at the still softly snoring lab sprawled over him.

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Isn’t he heavy?’

  ‘He’s not exactly light.’ He smirked. ‘My own fault. I did this with him all the time as a puppy and now, if I’m ever prone on a sofa, he thinks that’s a cue. He doesn’t really get the fact he’s a tonne heavier now.’

  ‘You OK?’

  ‘I’m tougher than I look.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Machismo is not attractive.’

  ‘Isn’t it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Never?’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Bugger.’

  I gave a muscular arm a prod with my toes. ‘Right. I’m going to bed. Do you want me to pass you this?’ I pointed to the glass. ‘No, I’m OK. He’ll wriggle a bit in a while, stand up and stretch, probably tread on something delicate and then get down and spread out on the floor. I’ll get it then.’

  ‘Something to look forward to.’

  ‘I always think so.’

  ‘OK. Well, goodnight. Again.’

  He lifted his hand off the dog’s back and caught my fingertips. ‘’Night, Lottie. Thanks.’

  * * *

  When I got up the next morning, the blankets and pillows were stacked with what could only be described as military precision, and there was no sign of either Seb or Scooby. Humphrey, however, was still spread out like a fur rug in his bed at the side of my bed and hadn’t bothered to follow me in to the lounge. He’d get there in his own time.

  I looked around. Seb’s bag was gone. The only sign that he’d ever been there was the neat stack of bedding.

  I frowned, casting my mind back to the previous night, or more accurately early this morning. Oh god, had I told him he was probably an arse before his injury? I leant on the counter, my head in my hands, not only because my brain was dancing a samba in my skull but at the thought of how I’d just blabbed on.

  ‘That doesn’t look like a happy pose.’ Seb’s voice broke into my thoughts and I simultaneously stood up way too fast and jumped, neither of which was good for my balance and I stumbled back, bouncing off the sink.

  Seb was across the room a lot quicker than I could have moved this morning. At least without the added incentive given by someone scaring the crap out of me, of course. Actually, he moved a lot faster than I ever did.

  ‘You all right?’ he asked, as I grabbed at the counter top, trying to steady myself. My sudden movements had done nothing for the skull samba, apart from perhaps encourage an encore. He tilted his head. ‘Try not to look quite so surprised. I’m pretty good on this thing now.’

  I gave him a pathetic punch on the arm. ‘It’s nothing to do with that. You were drinking just as much as me last night and I have no intention of moving anywhere near that fast for at least a week, judging by how I’m feeling right now.’

  His hand was at my waist, warm and strong and I tried not to think about how nice that felt.

  ‘You just made me jump. I thought you’d left.’

  ‘Nope. Just nipped out to get these.’ His hand dropped and he turned back to where he’d deposited two large coffees on the table. ‘Thought we could both do with one.’

  I took a sip of the one he handed me and felt it sear down, the caffeine racing round, kicking out at my system, trying to boot it back into some semblance of life. ‘Thanks.’ I looked him up and down. ‘Why don’t you look like you have a hangover? That’s hardly fair.’

  ‘Maybe I’m just a bit better at disguising it than you. But I’m also less… compact,’ he winked at me, ‘than you. That’s going to make a difference.’

  ‘Not necessarily. I could drink my ex under the table.’

  ‘He a big guy?’

  I looked at Seb and thought of Tom. Hmm. ‘Not really. I mean, he was sort of tallish but not as tall as you. And kind of rangy.’

  Seb shrugged his eyebrows in reply.

  ‘Yeah, fair enough. Thanks for this though.’

  ‘Did you really think I’d leave without saying goodbye?’

  I took a sip, looking at him over the top of my cup, but didn’t reply.

  He gave a little eye roll and smiled. ‘Just for the record, I wouldn’t. Besides, unless I imagined it, I think your mum invited me to Sunday lunch today and I said yes.’

  ‘OK. And no, you didn’t imagine it. You’re definitely invited.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘I should feed you something. I think I have bacon…’ I squinted at the light in the fridge.

  ‘Here.’ Seb gently took my cup from me and headed over to the sofa. ‘Come and sit down for a bit and drink this. Let it work its magic.’

  I gave him another look as I followed his instruction. ‘And who waved their wand over you?’ I asked, grumpily.

  ‘I’m just better at hiding it.’

  ‘I’d feel better if you looked as rough as me.’

  ‘You don’t look rough. Believe me. You look just as lovely as always.’

  ‘OK. At least now I know you’ve definitely got a hangover. Your eyesight is still shot.’

  He gave me a look and then glanced around. ‘Where’s Humphrey?’

  ‘Still in bed. Like a normal person.’

  Seb’s lips twitched. ‘Doesn’t he have to do ablutions like normal people?’

  ‘Of course. But he just does it in his own time. There’s no rush.’

  Seb grinned, and my tummy, which had been quietly churning, did a flip that had nothing to do with champagne or late nights and everything to do with Seb Marshall. I ignored it. My defences were down right now, but once I was fully sobered up and not fighting a raging hangover, I’d be right back in control. I just needed a minute or two.

  As if hearing his name, Humphrey chose this point to wander out of the bedroom, survey the area, have a moment’s play with Scooby before toddling to the door. Turning, he looked back at me, expectantly.

  ‘See? In his own time,’ I said, pushing myself up extremely reluctantly.

  Seb placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. ‘Stay there. I’ll take him. I’ve already got shoes on.’ He ran his eyes over me. ‘And, you know… clothes.’

  ‘I have clothes on!’ I said, flushing bright
red.

  He did that grin again. He really needed to stop doing that for about the next hour or so. ‘I meant outdoor clothes.’

  ‘It’s only the garden for the flats and I’d put a coat on.’

  ‘I know. But I’m dressed.’

  ‘I wish I had a house with a proper garden that Humphrey could go out into whenever he wanted.’ I suddenly felt a bit emotional. ‘Do you think I did the right thing getting him? Was it selfish to bring him into a flat?’

  Seb had wandered over to Humph and popped a lead on him, but he turned now, watching me for a moment. Scooping up my little pooch, who looked swamped by the broad chest and also remarkably comfy resting on the one muscular arm that held him, Seb walked back and sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of me.

  ‘Oi.’ The word was soft.

  I lifted my eyes.

  ‘You are the least selfish person I have ever met in my entire life. And yes, I think you did the right thing in getting him. You gave him a home where he’s loved and cared for and gets everything he needs and more.’

  ‘But if he had a garden…’ I let the thought trail off.

  ‘If he had a garden, it would be nice, but he’s no less happy for not having one.’

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘I’m positive.’ He stood, towering over me. ‘I’m also positive that if I don’t get a move on, he will be tiddling all down my arm, which is not a situation I’m eager to find myself in. Drink your coffee and relax. And stop overthinking.’

  I closed my eyes and heard the door shut softly behind them. All of a sudden, I jumped as a weight bounced on my knee. Scooby looked up at me with doleful eyes, one paw on my leg, and I immediately bent to cuddle him.

  ‘Sorry boy, I didn’t realise you were still here. I thought you’d gone with your master.’ He emitted a little groan of pleasure at the cuddles and I smiled. ‘But I’m glad you stayed.’ I curled up on the chair and Scoobs put his other paw up and looked at me. We both knew he was going to win. ‘OK, fine, but you can’t sit on top of me like with your dad. You’ll squash me flat. Here,’ I scooted back in the armchair so there was a little spot in front of me, which Scoobs manoeuvred himself into, curling his body round like a Cumberland sausage until it fit. His bum was shoved into my stomach and my arm was round him, cuddling his solid frame and enjoying the comfort and warmth his presence gave out. And then I went back to sleep.