My Year of Saying No

by Morrey, Maxine

  ‘No, it has. I mean, it’s lovely. You’re lovely. What you said was lovely, I’m just a bit nervous all of a sudden and seem to have lost the ability to take a compliment. Or, you know, act like a normal person.’ I was horribly aware I was now babbling and quickly clamped my mouth shut.

  Seb gave me a lazy, unbelievably sexy, smile. ‘Normal is very overrated.’

  I returned the smile. ‘That is true.’

  He pulled me to him. ‘You look stunning. Really.’

  I felt the blush rise and hoped it didn’t contrast too much with the emerald green of the corseted satin gown. I flapped a bit to move some air around. It didn’t really work, but I had noticed Seb’s eyes drift.

  If we’re being honest, I wasn’t exactly overendowed in the ‘upper echelon’ department, so I was as surprised as anyone when I’d tried this dress on. Whatever sorcery went into the construction, it seemed to involve finding a whole lot more cleavage than I started out with. Hence, I wasn’t used to having it on display.

  ‘Umm… eyes up, soldier!’

  Seb’s head snapped up. ‘Sorry.’ And he did actually have the dignity to blush, so, for a moment, we were a matching pair.

  ‘This is what happens when I leave Jess in charge of finding a dress for me.’

  ‘Remind me to thank Jess later. Several times.’ He gave me the cheekiest of grins and I bumped my arm against him. ‘Come on, I want you to meet some people.’

  ‘Sebastian, darling!’ A woman whose age it was impossible to guess, thanks, I imagined, to access to a decent plastic surgeon, approached us in a cloud of expensive, and very heady, perfume.

  ‘Lady Gardner, how lovely to see you. Thanks so much for coming and supporting us tonight.’

  ‘Absolutely no question! Although, you naughty thing, changing that auction lot has rather caused a few tantrums in our house.’

  Seb frowned. ‘Which auction lot?’

  Glancing at the younger woman with her, and the way she’d been looking at Seb, I had a pretty good idea.

  ‘The date with you, you silly boy. Petunia here had already demanded we bid on it.’

  ‘Mother!’ Petunia snapped in horror.

  Lady Gardner waved her away. ‘She’s been looking forward to it for ages! Obviously, her father would have kept bidding until she won. You know what he’s like when it comes to her.’

  ‘Mother. Be quiet!’

  I gave her a sympathetic smile but received only a glare for my trouble so I left her to it. I guessed the fact that Seb was still holding my hand hadn’t exactly won me any favours in her eyes, but at least I’d tried.

  ‘That was really just a bit of a joke a couple of the staff started. It wasn’t really ever going to be a proper… thing.’ Seb hesitated, stumbling over whether to describe himself as an auction lot.

  ‘Oh. Really? That is a shame. Genevieve Carstairs certainly didn’t seem to know that. She’s been telling everyone she planned on winning that bid, whatever the price.’ Lady Gardner seemed to suddenly notice me. And the fact Seb was attached to me. ‘But I see why things may have changed now. Never mind,’ she smiled, ‘Maybe next time.’

  Ummmm…

  Seb squeezed my hand as though he could he hear my brain turning that sentence over.

  ‘Mother. Can we go now?’

  Lady Gardner rolled her eyes. ‘Lovely to see you, Sebastian. And nice to meet you…’

  She hadn’t actually met me. Poor Seb had barely had a chance to introduce me, so it was hardly surprising she didn’t know my name.

  ‘Lottie,’ I filled in for her.

  ‘Lottie. Lovely. Well, good luck tonight! It’s looking marvellous.’

  ‘Thank you. I hope you enjoy yourselves.’ Seb included both the women in this. Lady Gardner beamed. Petunia gave him an awkward smile that still did nothing to hide the lust. Her eyes dragged to me, and the smile disappeared completely, turning cold.

  ‘Maybe next time, Seb,’ she repeated her mother’s phrase before stalking off on long, Bambi-like legs without an ounce of cellulite.

  ‘Her mother didn’t mean that. She’s just kind of a bit ditsy.’

  ‘Petunia definitely meant it,’ I said. ‘Money buys everything but taste and manners.’

  He gave me an apologetic look. ‘I don’t know what her problem is.’

  I looked at him for a moment before realising he was actually serious. ‘Oh my god. Seb. You’re kind of adorable.’

  He gave me a look. ‘And now I sound like a puppy.’

  ‘That’s good. I love puppies.’

  He grinned and gave me a squeeze.

  ‘Her problem is that she fancies the arse off you and had plans to seduce you via that auction lot. And then it all went to pot. Although I think she’s still planning for it to be on the cards at some point.’

  ‘Then she’s in for another disappointment. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever been seduced in my life.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Yeah right.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Of course you have. You probably just think it was all you. But I can pretty much guarantee, some of those dates? You weren’t in control at all.’

  ‘Well. Whether that’s true or not. And I’m erring on the side of “not in a million years”, there is no way I’m interested in Lady Petunia Gardner.’

  ‘She’s obviously rich.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘I don’t know. She’s pretty. And she doesn’t have cellulite. That’s kind of all I have to go on right now.’

  He shook his head and gave me a look that sent a bolt of electricity firing out in every direction. I tried to get some more air in, but this bloody dress seemed to be doing its utmost to prevent that. All that happened was I suddenly became a heroine in an old Barbara Cartland novel, complete with heaving bosom!

  ‘OK, you really need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing, or I’m going to have to go and sit down for a bit.’

  ‘I’m not doing anything!’ I protested. ‘It’s this flippin’ dress! It’s got a will of its own.’

  His eyes were suddenly heavy-lidded and he leaned into me, moving us back a little behind one of the fairy-light wrapped trees. ‘I know we’ve been planning this for months, and you’ve worked so hard on it, but right now I’d happily leave to get you alone.’ He rested a hand at my waist and I felt the warmth of it through the fine fabric of my dress, his touch setting off a fizzing and tantalising warmth that began in my stomach and radiated in every direction.

  ‘I know you’ve turned me down once this year, so I probably shouldn’t even be thinking this, let alone saying it.’ He ran a hand back over his hair, freshly cropped for the event. ‘But, honestly, none of those feelings have gone away and seeing you standing there tonight…’ he swallowed, then smiled. ‘You took my breath away, Lottie. I don’t know what else to say. I was floored. And if I’m wrecking everything by telling you all this, I’m sorry and I’ll do my best to fix it again. But I just can’t not tell you how beautiful you are.’

  Neither of us said anything for a moment. I opened my mouth to say something, then closed it again. Seb shifted his weight.

  ‘And now you can tell me “no” again.’ He smiled, a hint of resignation showing in the dark eyes.

  I looked up at him. ‘Do you think we could do that?’

  His brow wrinkled. ‘What?’

  ‘You get me alone somewhere?’ I was going for teasingly sexy, but all that happened was a bloody great grin.

  Seb studied me for a moment, before his smile matched mine. Then he gave a groan and dropped his head to my shoulder, closer to him now with the help of the five inch heels.

  ‘No.’ He ground the word out. ‘Unfortunately.’

  ‘Damn.’

  ‘My thoughts exactly. Except a little stronger.’

  ‘Double damn?’

  He moved, his breath tickling my bare neck. ‘Something like that.’ Seb pushed himself back and pulled a face.

  ‘You all right?’

&nbs
p; ‘Mmmhmm,’ he replied, shifting again.

  ‘Oh… oh. I see.’

  ‘That’s kind of what I was hoping to avoid.’

  I giggled.

  ‘It’s not funny,’ he said, with a massive grin on his face.

  ‘Then why are you smiling?’

  ‘Because I’m thinking about getting you alone.’

  ‘Then you’d better stop doing that or you’re going to be stuck behind this tree all evening.’

  ‘So long as you’re with me, I can think of worse places to be.’

  ‘Seb.’ I leant my head on his arm for a moment. ‘You really need to be out there schmoozing.’

  ‘I know.’ He let out a sigh. ‘I know, I know.’ He cleared his throat, gave one more shuffle, looked at the heavens for a few moments and then back at me. ‘OK. We’ll pick this back up later.’

  ‘Sounds like a plan.’

  * * *

  The evening passed in a whirl of introductions, expensive champagne and delicious food. The auction did even better than we’d hoped for, even without the delectable Seb as a prize, a fact that Petunia was still miffed about, judging by her expression, but I’d lost sympathy on that particular front. Saying no to bothering about rude, spoilt brats was one of the easier tasks of the year, it turned out. I glanced back at the object of her desire, who was laughing with Harry about something. Saying no to Seb Marshall was not going to be an easy task. Luckily. I didn’t want to. He was now most definitely on my Yes list.

  As the night wore on, the dance floor began to fill. Jess and I had already had a few goes at shaking our things out there. Then the band segued in to a slower melody and Harry appeared on the floor to sweep Jess into a romantic embrace. I smiled as I walked away, watching the love shining out of both their faces. And then I stopped suddenly as I bounced off something. Or rather someone. His arm came out to steady me.

  ‘Oops!’ I said, as Seb’s arm rested at my waist. ‘I was just coming to sit with you.’

  ‘And I was just coming to dance with you. If you’ll allow me the pleasure.’

  Oh lord, Seb. Don’t say things like that when I’ve had several champagnes and you’re looking like you do right now…

  ‘Oh! Yes.’

  ‘I’m no Mario, but I can shuffle around with the best of them to a slow song.’

  ‘You don’t have to,’ I said, slightly concerned. I know he hated me, or anyone, fussing about him, but it had been a long day and he’d been on his feet a lot already.

  He looked at me for a moment. ‘It’s nothing to do with my leg. I’m just shit at dancing. Always was.’

  I grinned and gave him a little push in the chest. ‘I think I’ll be the judge of that. I bet you’ve got a killer shuffle.’

  ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ he said, as we reached a space on the dance floor.

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ I replied, enjoying the feel of his body close to mine, his arms around me, the smell of him and the tantalising feel of his breath on my ear when he dipped his head to speak to me over the music. I wanted the night to both last forever and be over in equal measure and, as Seb gently tangled the fingers of one hand in my hair, I felt everything slide into place. I was where I was supposed to be. With the man I was supposed to be with. The years I’d thought I wasted weren’t wasted. They were just a path I had to tread to get me to where I was supposed to be. Here. With Major Seb Marshall.

  * * *

  ‘We can get away soon,’ Seb laid a hand on my cheek. ‘You look shattered. Why don’t I get you a taxi now and you can head back to the hotel?’

  ‘No, I’m fine. Really. I’ll just wait until you’re ready to go too.’ I was in little doubt that the only thing that would be happening tonight now was both of us collapsing on the bed. Possibly still fully clothed, but it would still be nice to do that together.

  ‘Seb?’

  I saw his face register the voice before he even turned. For just a moment, emotion filled his eyes and then, just as quickly, it was gone. In its place was… nothing. The unreadable face that I’d not seen in a long time was back.

  He turned in the direction of the voice, and I followed.

  ‘Hello, Seb.’ The woman hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward, placing a kiss on his cheek. Mid-thirties, elegant, and strikingly beautiful, with long dark hair that bounced in soft curls down one side, the sheen of it reflecting the soft lighting around us.

  ‘Hello, Maria. I didn’t realise you were coming tonight. I… I would have come and seen you earlier.’

  I glanced at him as subtly as I could. There was something going on here that I didn’t understand, but what I did know is that, whoever this woman was, her being here wasn’t something he’d expected.

  ‘You had a lot of people to meet and greet,’ she smiled softly at him, and he nodded. ‘It looks like it’s gone very well.’

  He nodded. ‘Yes. I hope so. I’m sorry,’ he said, turning to the man with her, ‘we haven’t been introduced. Seb Marshall.’

  ‘Mark Bishop.’ Older than the woman, but just as attractive, they made a perfect couple.

  ‘Pleased to meet you.’

  They shook hands.

  ‘Mark Bishop,’ Seb repeated before looking back at him. ‘Bishop Investment Holdings?’

  The man nodded. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then I believe I owe you a large thank you. Your recent donation was incredibly generous.’

  ‘It’s a good cause.’

  ‘Well, it’s very much appreciated, sir. Thank you.’

  He nodded again, graciously and without ceremony.

  Seb turned to me. ‘Maria, Mark, this is Lottie.’

  We all shook hands and smiled and I suddenly felt entirely out of place.

  ‘Well, we should probably leave you in peace.’ Maria smiled at us both, and Mark held out his arm for her to take. As she did so, the light caught and flashed on something. An exquisitely cut diamond the size of my thumbnail set atop a platinum band on the third finger of her left hand. Seb’s eyes settled on it for a moment longer than mine before he raised them to her.

  ‘It looks like congratulations are in order.’

  She glanced down, suddenly realising what he’d meant. ‘Oh,’ she looked flustered for a moment, clenching her fist and opening it again. ‘Yes. Mark proposed last summer. We’re… we’re getting married next month.’

  Seb smiled. ‘That’s wonderful, Maria. Congratulations,’ he nodded to Mark, who returned the smile. ‘You’ve got a special woman there. But I guess you already know that.’

  ‘I certainly do.’

  ‘It was great to see you, Seb. You look really well.’

  ‘Yep. Doing good. Thanks.’

  ‘I’m really pleased. Look after yourself.’ She leant and placed a gentle kiss briefly on his cheek.

  He gave a sharp nod and watched as they turned and walked away.

  ‘Seb?’ I prompted him after a few moments. The couple had gone, but his eyes were still fixed on the distance, his mind somewhere else.

  ‘Hmm?’ he turned back to me and, for a second, it was almost as though he was surprised to see me there, and I saw the wash of sadness across his face.

  ‘Someone you know?’ I asked. Clearly it was, but I didn’t really know what else to say, and Seb didn’t appear to be about to offer any explanation.

  ‘Err… yes. Yes, that was…’ he cleared his throat. ‘That was Maria.’

  I’d kind of gathered that much. I was more interested as to who Maria actually was and why her presence had had such an impact on Seb.

  I waited. Nothing.

  ‘And Maria is?’

  ‘My ex.’ He looked at me and clarified, ‘My ex-fiancée.’

  35

  Suddenly everything fell into place. He’d mentioned before that none of his relationships since had been particularly long lasting, and his ex from the health spa had said something about them just not having chemistry. Carla was gorgeous and so was Seb and although I knew that wasn�
��t exactly a prerequisite for a happy match, I also knew that it was hard to get chemistry to bubble when one of you keeps a lid on things.

  I still didn’t know whether Maria had walked away from Seb, or whether he’d pushed her away, but from the look on his face now, it was a situation he regretted. And now she was due to marry a man she appeared very happy with.

  I reached out to him but he was still distracted. The closeness of earlier, the attention, the lustful impatience… it had all gone.

  ‘You seem a little distracted. Shall I leave you to it?’

  ‘Huh? No, no. It’s fine.’ He turned briefly as he heard his name being called before turning back to face me, glancing at his watch as he did so. ‘It’s getting late so feel free to go if you want. I’ve got some things I still need to tie up here.’

  ‘Ooh, that sounds promising,’ Lady Genevieve Carstairs purred as she approached, wrapping her hands around one of Seb’s biceps.

  He turned his head towards her briefly, the smile automatic and distracted. Not that she seemed to notice.

  I shifted my weight, suddenly feeling like a third wheel. All the promise of earlier had dissolved into nothing. Even the celebratory fireworks had left trails of smoke across the twilight, but looking at Seb now, there was no trail of the feelings he’d professed just a short time ago. Seeing his ex had changed something, but with Lady Carstairs entwining herself around him, there wasn’t even an opportunity to ask him about it. To try to find out what had changed in those moments. And whether it was irreversible.

  ‘Oh!’ Genevieve widened her eyes and glanced between us. ‘Oh gosh, I haven’t interrupted anything, have I?’

  I hoped for her sake she didn’t have any acting aspirations because she was bloody awful at it.

  I did my best to keep my features immobile, even though I was inwardly screaming, Yes!

  ‘No.’ Seb shook his head and I swallowed hard.

  Lady Carstairs smiled and slid her arm to his waist. ‘Oh, I am glad. I hate to have to steal him away, but I’m still waiting for the dance Seb promised me as consolation for taking himself out of the auction.’ She gave a tinkly laugh, although I wasn’t sure at what. ‘You are a naughty man. And after I’d promised all that money too.’