Erik's Absolution

by Kristine Allen

  Have her flash a full-on smile, no matter how sad it was, and it was nearly bursting out of my body.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes before she started telling me how well our son was doing. It was an obvious attempt at changing the subject, but I didn’t call her out on it. It was fine with me to let her take lead on this situation, and I would just be there for her.

  According to his nurse, Kassi said we should plan on him being here until close to his due date. Shit, that was almost two months or more. Then she said lots of things factored into it, which could change that estimation. She said some babies went home earlier if they were meeting certain milestones and physiological competencies.

  So his feeding ability needed to be such that he could grow appropriately, of course his respiratory system would have to be mature enough to have control of his own breathing, and he would need to be able to maintain adequate or normal body temps without the little gadgets they had in the hospital to keep him warm. Of course, there was no specific order to these, and they wouldn’t all necessarily happen at the same time either.

  We talked for what seemed like hours, but I knew it was not nearly that long. She told me that she would be staying in the Ronald McDonald house for a while and that they were talking about letting her leave this place too, if her labs came back good tomorrow.

  “I’m pretty sure there are more rooms available there. I could give you the info, if you want.” Fuck me, there was no way I could be that close to her and remain the gentlemen. Don’t get that twisted, I didn’t mean I would try to do anything with her sexually, I wasn’t stupid and I knew she was still healing. But I would want to hold her. Feel her heat against me in my bed at night. Rest my hand on the curve of her hip. Slide it under her shirt to cup her rounded breast. Just the thought of it was making my dick stiffen. Fuckin-A, I was a pervert thinking those thoughts with my son mere feet away! Hell, I was acting like he could hear and understand my thoughts. These two made me brain-dead, everything in me jumbled and all over the place.

  “Well, I figure I’ll get a hotel room. After all, I’m going to be working too, and I don’t want to take up a room for a parent who needs it more than me.” The look on her face told me she thought I was sweet for my kind consideration of others. To me it was common sense. My parents raised all of us to look out for others. Part of the reason I was a great Marine.

  We set a time to meet up in the NICU tomorrow after I discharged. Little did she know, she would be seeing me sooner than that.

  “Chasing Cars”—Snow Patrol

  ERIK GOT DISCHARGED A day before I did. He didn’t tell me where he was going, only that he would be staying around for both business and Sebastian. We had made a “date” to meet that first day he was discharged, but I would never call it that. He would probably trip out, and I wasn’t in a hurry to get mixed up with him emotionally.

  About thirty minutes or so before I was supposed to head to the NICU, someone knocked on my door hidden behind the biggest, most beautiful bouquet of velvety red roses I’d ever seen. When I realized I’d seen those muscular legs somewhere before, a wry smile crept onto my face. What the hell was he doing?

  “Delivery for a Ms. Donahue? It says she is a gorgeous brunette with the most beautiful ice-blue eyes. It says I’ll know her when I see her.” He peeked over the top of the big-ass bouquet and hell if I could hold in my giggle. He was ridiculous—and just what I needed to brighten my mood.

  “You’re crazy, you know that?” With a smirk, he set them carefully on the deep windowsill.

  That was the first day.

  The next day he showed up to be my ride when I got discharged and helped me get settled in my room at the Ronald McDonald house.

  Every day after that, he would swing by to pick me up, never letting me walk in the rain or alone. He was proving to be the sweet, considerate man I knew when we first talked that night so many months ago.

  Of course, I wasn’t oblivious to what he was doing, but he was still carry something heavy and painful. I could see it in the shadows that always lurked in his blue-green eyes, despite his laughter, jokes meant to cheer me, and smiles.

  The day after I had been discharged, my landlady, Nancy, had called and told me she didn’t want to see a penny of rent until I was able to go back to work. She said she felt bad that she hadn’t been able to make it up here to see me and it was her gift to us since she hadn’t gotten a baby gift yet. My tears had burst from the dam that day too. No matter how much I argued, she wouldn’t budge. Matt and I had been blessed when we drove past that house and I had scribbled down the number from the For Rent sign.

  After about three weeks, Tom called me and told me to take the time off until Sebastian was released and that he would hold my position and utilize temps if he needed to at times we were short, which was weird because we were rarely short.

  When I questioned him, he brushed it off until I had interrogated him enough to get it out of him that Hunter had given notice and then quit. My heart ached at the news because I felt the door slam on that part of my life for good. Tom, oblivious to my heartache, had laughed a little after I had gotten it out of him, and he had asked if I was in the right profession or if I should’ve been a lawyer, which had me laughing too, despite my sorrow in knowing Hunter had truly severed all ties between us.

  At about the fifth week, Sebastian had a minor setback that extended his stay when we thought he might get to leave early. It was a devastating blow to me and Erik because he had been doing so well and we were hopeful he would be one of those that discharged earlier. Thankfully, he was in great hands, so that softened the blow a little.

  During the seventh week, Matt had come up to get me to take me home to get some of my smaller clothes since I had been losing some of my baby fat, and so I could visit my OB to complete my six-week checkup.

  “Everything looks great, all things considered,” she told me. “Don’t let this scare you for future pregnancies. Most women never experience a repeat abruption. Now, speaking of future pregnancies, what are we going to do for birth control? You know I am opposed to another IUD because we have already seen that, for whatever reason, they aren’t incredibly effective for you.” Her brows quirked.

  Heat flooded my cheeks, and I laughed lightly. “Yeah, I don’t think I want to try that again anyway.” We decided I would just take the pill for now and look at other options later.

  On the way back to Sioux Falls, Matt filled my ear full of all the crap the Marine recruiter had shoveled at him. We were still taking about it when we arrived back at the Ronald McDonald house. As we were walking up the sidewalk and I was telling him the Marine recruiter was full of shit and he was an asshole, I caught movement up on the porch. Erik stood from the porch swing and shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “What’s this about a Marine recruiter?” His brow was furrowed, but he was trying not to laugh.

  “She thinks this guy is blowing smoke up my ass, and I should go to college on the football scholarship I got, but she’s not listening that it’s not a full ride and we can’t afford to pay for board, books, fees, and all the other crap that goes along with it. If I do a single enlistment in the Marines, I can utilize the G.I Bill and even get a housing allowance for while I’m in school. But she’s tripping.” Matt was getting irritated at me, but I didn’t trust the recruiter guy.

  “Let’s go kick his ass, Hacker.” That was when I realized I had missed Joker sprawled in one of the chairs on the porch. Squealing, I ran up the stairs and threw myself into his arms. He hugged my tight, lifting me off the ground. “Hey, chica. You miss me that much? Does this mean you have reconsidered being my girl?” He and I had gotten really close since the hospital. Behind us, I’m pretty sure I heard Erik growl and my brother laugh. Little did Erik know, he had nothing to worry about. Joker had become like a second brother to me.

  Yeah, I still thought he was gorgeous, but it was more like I was proud of how handsome he was and the attention he attracted. I
wasn’t one of the ones attracted. That didn’t mean he didn’t like fucking with Erik. With a smirk, I shook my head at him. “Stop it, you know you don’t want me and all my baggage.”

  “Yeah, it would be a little weird telling my nephew I was marrying his mom. Poor kid might start thinking we were from the backwoods.” He chuckled.

  “Okay, that’s enough. I know you think you’re funny, but I’m not laughing.” Erik was trying to act like he was unaffected, but even though we were just joking around, he didn’t like it. He was possessive of me and had spent nearly every minute he wasn’t working or with Sebastian, with me. He hadn’t come right out and asked, but he was doing everything in his power to get me to fall for his charms.

  Little did he know, I already had, but I couldn’t let myself get hurt again. After the way he had rejected me, and then losing Hunter, it was too much and I just didn’t think I could handle having my heart broken again.

  “I’ll tell you what, I have to be back in town on Thursday to take care of some things for a client. How about if two seasoned Marines go with him to talk to this recruiter? If we don’t like what he has to say, we pull him out and he agrees to go to college even if I have to help cover some of his expenses?” My mouth fell open at Erik’s words. He must be crazy.

  “Hell-oooooo no!” I was really trying to curb my language so I wouldn’t teach my son he needed his fucking shoes or his shitty diaper changed. “You do not need to pay his expenses! That’s too much!” So yeah, I had found out that the little shit had made a deal with my landlady and he had been paying half my rent and she was eating the other half. I was pissed, but it was so thoughtful and sweet I didn’t have it in me to berate him too much, but this was too much. “No. It’s our responsibility, and I’ll figure it out.”

  “Kass!” My brother and Erik had become pretty close over the last few weeks too, and now I felt outnumbered, between Joker smirking at me with his arms crossed, Erik looking at me with a raised brow and his arms crossed, and Matt looking at me with exasperation and awe at his new idol. “If they can’t help me at the recruiter’s office and things don’t work out, I promise I’ll go to college. It could be a loan, if he can cover it. I could pay him back. Come on, sis, compromise?”

  “Ugh! You all are too much! Fine!” My hands thrown up in the air, I gave in.

  Matt rushed to me, scooping me up like Joker had but swinging me around. My little brother should not be able to lift me. Sheesh!

  “Thanks! You know I love you!” He gave me a big kiss on the cheek. “I need to get back on the road; I have work in the morning. You’re the best sister ever. You’re my favorite sister, but don’t tell anyone!” He was laughing as he unloaded my bag, which Erik promptly swooped up before I could, and then he got in the car and closed the door.

  I yelled after him, “I’m your only sister, you shit! Argh! Now you made me swear!” Of course, they all laughed at me, and Matt pulled away from the curb with a wave.

  “I gotta run too, sweets.” Joker hugged me again, and I kissed his cheek. A deep laugh burst from him when I heard, “Motherfucker! He’s gonna get his balls cut off if he doesn’t quit fucking with me,” muttered from Erik behind me.

  Erik told me he would be right back. Then he and Joker walked off to stand by Joker’s shiny bike that looked fast as hell. They conferred quietly for a few minutes before Joker straddled the gleaming beast, slipped his matte-black helmet on, fastened it, and with a growl of his pipes and a head nod, he was roaring down the street.

  After I finished waving down the road until I knew he couldn’t see me in his mirrors anymore—not that he was probably looking, but it was a habit I had gotten from my mom—I turned to see Erik tossing my bag in the back seat of his big truck. He had been heartbroken when they totaled his bike, but he hadn’t gotten a new one yet because his hand wasn’t at 100 percent, he said, and he wasn’t going to “look like a pussy” test-driving a new bike. He was such a nut, because I couldn’t tell a difference anymore. He had healed up amazingly considering how he had looked the night he rolled into the Emergency Department that night in May.

  “Hey, I was going to take that to my room.”

  “Not yet, I’m taking you to dinner.” He smiled that gorgeous, dimpled smile and my heart fluttered. That smile would slay me every damn time. It wasn’t fair.

  “Oh really?” It was my turn to cross my arms. “What if I don’t want to go to dinner with you?” Which was stupid, because we had eaten dinner together every night whether I cooked a little meal here, we ate out, or he picked up food and we picnicked somewhere. We would swing by to spend time caring for and loving on our amazing little man, and then he would drop me off. Sometimes we would sit in his truck and talk for hours, sometimes we would sit on the porch.

  He pulled me close in his arms. My whole body tingled head to toe from being so close to him, just like it always did. He was personally responsible for ruining more panties than I could count, and he had no idea. Or at least I was pretty sure he didn’t know….

  “Kassi, will you please have dinner with me? Make me a happy man and share dinner with me. Please?” Ugh!

  “Stop with the eyes, and the tattoos, and the dimples, and that voice, and the messy sexy hair, and the… well, the rest of it.” He never pushed, and he was always a gentleman, but this wasn’t the first time I had felt his hard length pressed against me. He wanted me, but he hadn’t made a move to instigate anything but a few chaste kisses. Even though I was still recuperating, he had me so wound up I had to wonder if that was his nefarious plan. To get me so damn hot for him I threw myself at him and begged him to take me.

  “So, you still think I’m sexy. Good to know.” He gave me that gorgeous grin with his dimple in full force. Yep, so damn unfair! Of course, I gave in.

  With his signature gallantry where I was concerned, he helped me up into the cab of his badass truck. After ensuring I was safely ensconced in his beast’s seat, he closed the door and made his way to the driver’s side. His muscles in his arms flexed and rippled as he hefted himself up into the driver’s seat.

  Just when I thought we were leaving, he turned to me, cupping his calloused hand on my cheek. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I wanted to do this right, but you fucking take the breath right out of my lungs every time I look at you… Kassi, I’ll try to do better, do things right this time. Hell, I’m not gonna blow smoke up your ass, it’s going to be difficult for me. Opening up, I mean. But for you? For you I’ll try. Okay?” Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, I nodded. I simply didn’t trust myself with words. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been doing my best to woo you.”

  “Woo me, huh?” Despite trying to be stern with him and not smile, he was so damn cute, I couldn’t help it. “Look, I know—”

  “Nope. No arguments right now. We’re going to go have a nice dinner, love the hell out of our son, and that’s that. Besides, I just finished up that job my dad had referred me for, and I want to celebrate. So, this is a night of celebration. No negativity allowed for tonight.”

  Laughter bubbled up from my belly. “No negativity allowed. Okay. Deal.” With an answering grin, he put the truck in drive and we headed to the restaurant.

  Dinner was amazing, and the company was even better. This man knew how to make me laugh, and he really did make me happy, but I was so afraid of him changing his mind, and my heart was still so fragile.

  The waitress had just asked us if we wanted dessert when a voice I could have lived the rest of my life without hearing sounded from behind me, and I froze with my water glass halfway to my lips.

  “Erik! Imagine meeting you here! Is this your little friend from the hospital? What’s her name? Candy?” Layla’s voice was laced with sickeningly sweet saccharin. Holding in the huff of breath I wanted to expel, I looked up at her and smiled a tight-lipped smile.

  “It’s Kassi. How are you, Lilly?” Yeah, I fucking knew her name, but two could play that game. Dumb c—ugh! She was making me want to
call her a name I hated. At my snub, her brown eyes narrowed, and she sneered at me behind the hair she allowed to drop forward, shielding her expression from Erik.

  She then widened her eyes and turned toward him with the biggest doe eyes I’d ever seen. Fake bitch. “Good, thank you. Umm, Erik, could I have a word? It’s really important. You don’t mind do you, Cand—uh, Kassi?”

  Erik was on the verge of telling her no, but I wanted him to talk to her and tell her to leave us the fuck alone. “He could probably spare a few minutes, but then if you don’t mind, we would like to finish our date night together.” His eyes flared at either my encouragement of their conversation or my calling this a date. But when he stood to go talk to her, I clasped his hand in mine, drawing him close. Being a total bitch myself, I kissed him, allowing the tip of my tongue to snake alone his lower lip. His sudden intake of breath flared his nostrils, and his eyes snapped open to look at me in shock. It was the first time since Sebastian had been born that I had initiated any sexual affection. “Hurry back, baby.” Then I added under my breath so only he could hear, “Get her the hell out of our lives.”

  “Oh, don’t you worry, baby, I plan on it.” He then followed her toward the door of the restaurant, and I watched as she sashayed her perfectly round ass in front of him. Her red-bottom heels peeked with each step, and I hated her more with each of these steps. I had no idea how much more I could hate her, but I was about to find out.

  “Coming Undone”—Korn

  THE LAST FUCKING THING I wanted to do was talk to the bitch in front of me. But Kassi was right, I needed to get her out of our lives for good. Shit, it had been over eight years and suddenly her ass was back in my life after being radio silent that whole time. Who would have thought that would even be an issue?

  “Erik, I have something for you. I’ve saved it all these years, and I thought you might like it. It’s in my car.” She glanced over her shoulder, in what I could only assume she thought was an alluring pose as she stepped out the restaurant doors.