Finding You: The Complete Box Set (a contemporary MM romance series)

by Ana Ashley

  "I thought I was in love with Paula because she was my best friend. We hadn't even ever kissed, but I was determined I was going to marry her because she was a girl, and I liked her."

  "When did you realize you were gay?"

  "I was sixteen. Things were different in those days. There were no role models, no one to look up to, so the first time I found myself attracted to a guy, it confused the hell out of me. I hid it and tried to pretend I wasn't like that.

  "The drawing was based on a photo we took on my brother's birthday. We'd had a great day at the beach and then a bigger group of friends joined us in the evening. We made a fire and drank beer. This guy who was friends with my brother came to sit next to me and started leaning into me, and he put his hand on my knee. I panicked because I thought he knew my secret, so I took Paula by the hand and the two of us went for a walk.

  "We'd both been drinking quite a bit and maybe we were both in need of something. We lost our virginity to each other that night. It was great because she was my best friend, she was soft, beautiful, but…"

  "She wasn't a man."

  "No, she wasn't. Afterward, I think we both felt embarrassed but relieved. Also happy that we'd been each other's firsts."

  "Did she know you're gay?"

  "Yes, I'd told her when we were eighteen. Of course, I'd also told her I was still going to marry her."

  Tiago laughed. "What did she say?"

  "She said that if by the time we were both twenty-five if we hadn't found anyone, she would marry me. That day at the beach was the last happy day I remember from my old life."

  "What do you mean?"

  "I turned twenty-one a month later. I guess what happened at the beach got to me and I felt this need to explore my sexuality. Pride bar had been in the news as the new place for the gay community in Lisbon. I was curious and went there on my birthday." I let out a choked laugh as I remembered the moment I'd been approached by another guy. I hadn't been able to string two sentences together. Now I was sure that had been part of my appeal to him.

  "My first kiss ever with a guy was caught by someone who knew my father. To this day, I still don't know who it is, not that it matters."

  "What happened?"

  "My father was waiting for me when I got home. I'd been on such a high from my experience that I didn't even find it strange that my dad was awake in the middle of the night. He took me out into the back garden and beat me with one of the wood planks he was saving to cut up for the fireplace. At some point, I must have blacked out because the next time I woke up, I was in the hospital.

  "He was sitting next to the hospital bed. The look in his eyes scared me like nothing else had in my life. When the nurse came to see me, she mentioned something about the attackers, and I realized he'd lied to them. He'd said he found me on the street and that I'd been attacked.

  "When she was gone, he turned to me and gave me a choice. He said he'd rather have a dead son than a gay one, but he drew the line at killing me himself.

  "He told me to think about my mom, my brother, and his wife and baby, and then he was gone. I'd been so badly injured I'd had to stay in hospital for a few days. All the time I was hoping my brother would come to see me. He'd been my protector, my big brother who was always there for me. When he didn't come, I left the hospital. I never went back and haven't seen anyone for nearly thirty years."

  Remembering the past churned back all the hurt. If it wasn't for Tiago's weight on me keeping me grounded, I was sure I'd be retching in the bathroom already. I felt wetness on my hands and realized Tiago was crying silent tears.

  I turned him to me and held him tight. "Don't cry for me. It's all in the past, and I've had a happy life since. I wouldn't have met Dri otherwise, and I can't imagine what my life would have been like without him."

  "When did you draw the picture?"

  "Dri asked me to draw a good memory from my old life so I wouldn't forget where I came from and the people I loved."

  "Vítor?"

  "Yes, baby?"

  "Will you come to bed with me?"

  "Absolutely."

  14

  Tiago

  I was disappointed when I opened my eyes to see the other side of the bed was empty, even more so when I realized the sheets were cold. That could only mean that while Vítor had come to bed with me last night and comfortably fallen asleep with me in his arms, maybe he was still not entirely comfortable being with another man in the house his husband had built for them.

  The shower gave me a chance to think about everything Vítor had shared with me last night. When I'd seen the drawing by the door, I'd known straightaway Vítor, my Vítor, was Mário's brother. What were the fucking chances?

  When Vítor had excused himself to the bathroom after we'd arrived, I'd quickly taken out the photo David had given me and compared it to the hand-drawn picture on the wall. There was no doubt about who he was, and then he'd confirmed it by identifying everyone in the picture.

  What the fuck was I going to do now? I'd been asked to find him, and now I had. I should be on the phone to David right now to say that I'd found Vítor, but everything was much more complex now. While I knew Mário wanted to find Vítor, I wasn't sure the feeling was mutual. Despite the pain I'd heard in Vítor's voice last night, what if he didn't want to revisit the past and meet his family?

  I knew it wasn't my decision to make, so I would have to come clean with him and give him the option, except I was too afraid of opening that Pandora's box and risking losing both Vítor and the friends who were the only family I had.

  My thoughts were interrupted by strong arms that wrapped around me from behind.

  "Breakfast and lunch are ready," he said, planting a kiss on the back of my neck.

  "Jumping into my shower naked is not the way to get me out of it."

  He turned me around and caged me against the tiled wall.

  "Who said I wanted to get out of the shower?"

  Vítor's kiss was possessive, demanding, and everything I needed in that moment.

  "Come on, we need to make a move if we want to get there early," he said, even though he'd just completely stupefied me with that kiss.

  "Where are we going?"

  "We're going to one of my favorite places in Gerês."

  "Oh my god, I've never been to Gerês. Please tell me we're going to a waterfall."

  "We're going to a waterfall."

  That was all it took for me to jump him and kiss the hell out of his face. It was a good thing the shower had actual glass walls because if we'd been in mine, we'd both have been on the floor with the shower curtain around us by now. As it was, Vítor caught me and kept me up by holding me against the wall with his bigger body and his hands strategically placed on the globes of my ass.

  My cock went from sixty to one hundred in a heartbeat, and I tried to get some friction by rubbing against him, but in the position I was in, it was almost impossible to move.

  "Do you want to come, baby?" he asked between kissing and sucking any skin he could reach.

  "Fuck, yes, so badly. Vítor…"

  "Yes, baby."

  "I need you inside me."

  At this point, I was begging him because his hard cock brushing against my hole was driving me insane with need.

  "Open your mouth," he commanded. I took one and then two of his fingers in my mouth, and he cursed when I showed him just what I'd do if I had another part of his body in my mouth.

  He replaced the fingers with his mouth and within seconds his hand was right where I needed it, with a finger teasing my hole and demanding entry.

  "I don't have any supplies here, so I'm afraid this will have to do." The words were apologetic, but his voice was anything but, especially when his lips smiled against mine at the same time as his finger hit my prostate and my whole body jerked in pleasure.

  "Shit, fuck, fuck," I cried as he increased his pace and kept hitting my special spot. I couldn't believe he was controlling my whole body with just one fing
er. When he added the second finger, my balls tightened and I was helpless to stop my orgasm from erupting through me.

  It was a good thing he was holding me up because my whole body felt like jelly. When my brain regained its proper function a minute later, I tried to get on my feet so I could give Vítor his orgasm.

  "No need," he said with a chuckle and held me in place.

  I put my hands on his face and turned it to me.

  "You came?"

  "Baby, watching you come is the most beautifully erotic experience, so the answer is yes. I didn't even need to touch myself to come as soon as you did."

  Fuck my heart. He was going to make me fall in love with him, and I was going to hurt him.

  "Come on, let's get dried and eat so we can go to the waterfalls."

  The trip to Gerês went beyond my expectation. I'd seen plenty of photos of the many places in the mountain range that had natural water springs, and some even had waterfalls, but I'd never had a chance to take an actual vacation.

  Once we arrived at our destination, we still had to trek for around twenty minutes to get to the waterfall. I was expecting it to be busy with people, but it was completely deserted.

  Vítor told me that only a few minutes away in a different direction there was a much bigger waterfall that attracted more people, especially tourists, so a lot of the time when he visited, he was the only one there.

  The place was stunning. We were surrounded by mountains and forest, but it wasn't closed in, so we still had a view of other mountains in the distance. The waterfall wasn't quite what I expected, because it was more a trickle of water coming down the mountain between the rock formations, but it ended up in a natural pool with the clearest water I'd ever seen.

  The water was freezing, but after the trek under the sun, it was so inviting I couldn't resist going for a swim. Vítor joined me, so we fooled around for a bit before we sat on a boulder in the sun with the packed lunch he'd prepared earlier.

  After the cold spring water, the warmth of the sun felt glorious on my skin.

  "Can I ask you a question?"

  "Sure," he said.

  "You ran away, so I'm assuming you didn't have much money. How did you manage to go to university?"

  Vítor turned to me from where he was sunbathing and leaned on his elbow.

  "With some hard work and a lot of luck. I had some money because I'd been working for a while. That allowed me to travel to Porto and stay in a cheap motel. As soon as I got there, I looked for jobs, but there weren't many. I met Julia at the supermarket. She was in her eighties at the time. I helped her with her shopping and she asked me lots of questions about myself. By the time I'd walked her home, I had a job and a place to stay.

  "Julia didn't have any children and had been widowed for a long time, so there was no one to help her with some of the repairs in her house. I helped her in exchange for a place to stay, and she still insisted on paying me a wage. She was a great woman. She insisted I go back to school and threatened to fire me if I didn't.

  "She was there on the day of my graduation, and even after I moved out of her house and in with Dri, I still saw her a few times a week. She passed away when she was ninety."

  I leaned in to kiss him. It was meant to be chaste to thank him for telling me about Julia, but he deepened the kiss. I had no choice but to straddle him, which gave me a slight height advantage I took full advantage of.

  "I'm going to need another dip in the water to cool down," he said.

  "Your own fault. I was going for an innocent kiss. You're the one that turned it into a porn scene."

  He pulled me down so I was lying on top of him, our erections brushing deliciously under our shorts, and whispered in my ear, "If it wasn't for the chance of someone walking past, I'd give you the best porn scene ever."

  "Fuuuck." I got up and threw myself in the water to cool down while he sat on the boulder laughing and teasing me by touching his hard cock over his shorts. I was in two minds about caring if anyone walked past and saw us.

  By the time we arrived back at his place in Porto, my body was aching, but I hadn't felt this relaxed in years. Vítor also looked content, and on the drive back, we'd talked a lot about some of the work he'd done in Porto for LGBT charities and some of the buildings he'd designed. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.

  "Dinner is in the oven and will be ready in half an hour."

  I'd been staring at the various plants, flowers, and trees in the garden, mesmerized by the color effect as the sun set. Vítor placed his hands on my neck and massaged gently. My hands instinctively went to his waist, and I let my forehead rest on his chest as he continued to massage down my back.

  "Thanks for taking me to Gerês. I always wanted to go."

  "You're welcome. It has been a while since I was there. I forgot how calming it was."

  Time stopped as we stood still, staring at each other with the sun warming us through the glass panels. I wished I knew what was on his mind. There was so much I wanted to talk about, but I was so afraid of breaking the spell we were under.

  "Dad?"

  Vítor stepped back like he was electrocuted by the sound of the voice that came from the hallway. A guy that looked to be in his late twenties was staring at us, his face a mix of anger and confusion.

  "Mateus."

  Vítor started walking in the guy's direction, but he put his hands up to stop him.

  The guy, Mateus, looked from me to Vítor, like he didn't know what to do.

  "What's going on?" he asked.

  "Mateus, this is Tiago, he's my roommate in Lisbon. I had to come back for some paperwork and invited him to come along." Vítor's voice was unsure as he attempted to introduce me without giving too much away.

  "Tiago, this is my son, Mateus." I stared back at Vítor. He had a son. A son who not only looked to be a couple of years younger than me but was also a split hair away from jumping to the right conclusion.

  "What are you doing here?" Vítor finally asked when Mateus didn't react.

  "I came back to pick up some of my stuff."

  "Do you want to stay for dinner?" Vítor asked. "It's nearly ready and there's enough."

  I heard the plea in Vítor's voice and wondered what had happened between them.

  "Are you serious? I guess lying runs in the family, then, if you think I'm stupid enough to think there's nothing going on between you and him."

  "I think I should go and leave you alone to talk," I said as I left toward the bedroom. When I got there, I picked up my overnight bag and started packing the few things I'd brought with me. I could take a taxi to the station and get on the next train to Lisbon.

  The raised voices I'd heard when I was packing had calmed down by the time I turned into the corridor leading to the living room. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself from listening.

  "I saw how you looked at him, Dad."

  "What do you mean?"

  "You had the same look."

  There was a silent moment, and I wondered if they knew I was listening to their conversation.

  "When you looked at Papa, it was like the world around you kept moving while you remained at your own pace. No one could touch you or come between you."

  "No, Mateus, it's not like that."

  Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe.

  "Dad, don't be the second liar in the family. It'll only hurt those that love you. Lying to yourself is still lying."

  "You know he was doing what he thought was best, right?"

  "I know, but it hurts that I didn't have a chance to talk to him about it when he was alive. He made a selfish decision, and we're the ones paying for it."

  I heard movement but wasn't fast enough to move. When Vítor's eyes connected with mine, he looked hurt and confused.

  I looked down and tried to walk past them toward the door, but Mateus stopped me.

  "If you break his heart it'll be the last heart you break."

  He turned to Vítor and hugged
him. I saw Vítor was surprised by the gesture, but he recovered quickly and hugged his son back.

  "I love you, Dad."

  "I love you, too, son. Don't ever forget that."

  Vítor waited until Mateus had left before he turned and walked to me, his expression completely unreadable.

  A shiver went through my spine as he stood as close as he could without touching me. His eyes pinned me in place with their strength, kindness, and determination, a bewitching combination I was powerless to resist.

  15

  Vítor

  In any other situation, I would have wanted some time to get my head around what had just happened, but from Tiago's expression and the fact he was holding his overnight bag, I knew I had to make this count. There was no room for misunderstandings or deliberations.

  "How much did you hear?" I'd suspected he'd heard most of it. Even when he'd been packing in the bedroom, we hadn't exactly been quiet. In fact, Mateus had been quite vocal initially about what he thought he saw.

  I couldn't exactly blame him for his reaction, but I was still his father, so he heard me out and allowed me to set the record straight. That was when he'd turned the earth on its axis by calling out the feelings I had for Tiago.

  "Er…" Tiago stuttered, "Mateus said…"

  I smiled because I suspected he couldn't get the words out because he was scared they were the truth.

  "Tiago, I am falling for you."

  He exhaled like he was releasing all the tension in his body. The tears making his eyes shiny fell down his cheeks.

  I removed his glasses and put them in the pocket of my sweats. He shook his head lightly like he didn't quite believe what I was saying.

  "You can't, Vítor. Not me."

  "Why, baby?"

  "Because I'm going to hurt you."

  I finally pulled him into my arms and felt him sob against my chest. I rubbed my hand up and down his back to calm him.