Make Me Whole: Oil Barrons, Book 1

by Marie Johnston

  The screen door creaked open. “Willow, Bruce, hello! I’m sorry I didn’t return your message right away. I was going to after I got the kids into bed.” Kenny stepped onto the porch, her expression as pleasant as always, but I caught her quick glance between me and her in-laws like she was judging the level of tension she was walking into.

  Kenny standing on my porch fit her better than that cramped, outdated thing she lived in now. The peeling siding didn’t look so haggard around her sunny smile.

  She blocked the door, keeping the boys inside, rightly noting the animosity swirling around.

  “Call us whenever you want.” Willow’s tone had done a one-eighty to matronly and full of love.

  Bruce’s glare deepened on me, but he directed his words to Kenny. “I just came to talk to Liam about the fences.”

  Dread pooled as heavy as molten lead in my belly. “What about them?”

  “They need to be fixed. I need to let my cattle out for the summer.”

  “So fix them.” Same argument, different day.

  He cocked an arrogant brow. Derek would pull the same move when he was being an ass and I used to mimic it and call him Bruce. His laughing fuck you still rang in my ears as one of my treasured memories. “I’m leasing the land; I don’t need to fix the damn fence.”

  “Bruce,” Willow gently chastised, her gaze darting to the screen that my kids’ faces were pressed against. I hated to soften toward her and her rare lack of accommodation when it came to her spouse.

  “You’re leasing the land for your cattle,” I said in a flat tone, knowing it wouldn’t help. “If you want the fence fixed, fix it. Unless you want the seventy-year-old woman to do it.”

  Grandma Gin would do it too. And then take so many pain meds she either couldn’t sleep or would sleep too well.

  “If Ginny can’t take care of her land, maybe it’s time to sell.”

  My initial reaction was to tell him fuck no, we’d never sell. But this place wasn’t mine, and the last few years had shown me that it was expensive to keep. “Let me guess. You’d be the first to offer?”

  Seeing me around must have made him worry I would decide to stay and purchase the land. Part of me was tempted to see if I could rearrange my expenses to cover payments and upkeep. Then I wouldn’t just be his brother’s reminder of a scandalous affair, I would be one of the blocks between him and his siblings acquiring all the land around Coal Haven.

  Bruce drew himself to his full height—two inches shorter than me—and planted his hands on his hips. “Then I’m taking the cost of supplies and time off the payment.”

  He’d gotten a good fucking deal. Grandma Gin’s back had been against the wall. She should’ve had Bruce sign a contract instead of using the handshake method, but she hadn’t been able to afford a lawyer. She hadn’t bothered me about it.

  Kenny’s gaze burned into me, a silent unspoken support. She knew better than I did what Derek’s parents thought of me. When she’d first started dating Derek, they’d tried using her to talk him into giving up his friendship with me. Bad influence and all that.

  Which might’ve been true, but half the destructive ideas had been Derek’s. It was why we’d gotten along so well. He was a hellion, but he’d been better at blending in, so I’d shouldered a lot of the blame. Kenny hadn’t treated me differently or avoided me, no matter how much she’d been urged to.

  Birdsongs rang around us, cutting into the tense silence. Kenny was watching us. Eli and Owen were watching and would have a million questions. I wasn’t going to leave a mess for Grandma Gin. “Fine.”

  I’d have to make up the difference with my own money to help Grandma Gin cover expenses. Maybe I could try to sell some of the pieces in my shop.

  Bruce’s gaze flicked to Kenny. “Make sure you give us a call, Kennedy.”

  His tone told me what he’d be talking to her about. How I was no good. I was a user. Stay away from me. As if I hadn’t helped drag her back to the land of the living. Since my back was to the house, I let my fury flame across my face. Kenny and my kids didn’t have to know how upset I was.

  Bruce and Willow had lost their son, and I grieved with them. But when it came to my personal life, they’d tried to take away my only friend. It wasn’t going to work with Kenny any more than it had with Derek.

  Chapter 3

  Kennedy

  * * *

  I flopped back on the couch. The ring from the phone call I was making echoed through my earbuds as I crossed my ankles over the armrest and cradled the phone on my chest.

  Liam answered. “Did you shower today?”

  Laughter burst out of me. “I just did. Want to know why?”

  “Because your water heater’s working.”

  I grimaced, but my smile didn’t fade. “Too soon.”

  The water heater was brand new. Bruce had replaced it last year after I had ignored having no hot water—thus not taking showers—and then conveniently ignored the musty smell rising from the basement, thanks to the leaky water heater.

  “Umm…” His rumble through the earbuds was more intimate than when I cradled the phone against my ear. “As long as the answer isn’t because you haven’t showered since I left for Williston, hit me.”

  He’d been gone for two and a half weeks. My conversation could wait until he got home. Should wait. But messaging back and forth with him was making me antsy. I wanted to hear his voice.

  I grinned at the popcorn ceiling. “I started cleaning out the garage.”

  “You never use the garage. Why would you clean it?” The curiosity in his tone was nicer than the abject surprise I’d expected when he found out that I had chosen to tackle a big project. I wished I could explain this concept to Bruce, that I wanted him to be a part of my life, not take it over, but it was easier to ignore his attempts than to risk hurt feelings from a misunderstanding. Bruce and Willow were grieving, and I didn’t want to add to their stress.

  But I had to deal with the stress of their “helpful” advice, and the garage was my target. It was a stand-alone building behind the house that opened to the alley and was more a shelter than a usable building. It was full of items discarded by all the previous owners. An old lawn mower. Half-busted garden gnomes. Rakes, shovels, hoes, all with broken handles. Barely wide enough to fit a car decently, it was too uncomfortable to park in it and then wrestle with the heavy door.

  “I’m cleaning because there’s probably nothing in it that I need to fix.” Mostly true. “It’s a dump and it’s going to stay a dump. But I’ll start there and move to the house, and maybe do some of the repairs in here myself.”

  He whistled. “Kenny gonna get herself an HGTV show.”

  “You might be surprised.” I giggled. I didn’t plan to tell anyone else. Derek’s parents would offer to do the work themselves. In addition to the water heater and the consequential carpet removal in the basement, replacing the garbage disposal, and lawn care, Bruce had put in a new ceiling fan in the living room and snaked out the bathtub drain in the last year. Not to mention how he’d swooped in to arrange my finances when I’d let a few too many bill payments slip at the worst of my breakdown. He’d have no problem letting himself in while I was at work to fix whatever I mentioned was broken; it was what he’d been doing all along.

  My mom would tell me not to do too much too soon. She had a hard time seeing me as anything more than the sick teenager that had turned into a mourning widow. My sister was over me and my drama. And my coworkers didn’t understand. They were either single and already doing it all themselves, or married and had at least moral support.

  I’d been with Derek since I was a junior in high school. He’d been a year older than me and had gone to college an hour away in Bismarck during my senior year, but he’d spent every free moment with me. I’d gone to the same college and stayed in the dorms. We married right after I got my degree. The world would witness me moving on, going back to work, and—maybe someday—dating again. It didn’t need to see me tryin
g to live on my own for the first time in my life.

  “Nah,” Liam drawled. “I won’t be surprised by what you can do.”

  Warmth, like a cozy fire on a cold night, spread through my gut, but it kept going until I was flushed. Heat pooled in my belly and I squirmed, trying to find a more comfortable position.

  Was it that time of the month? My periods were always sporadic. I didn’t know if it was from my illness as a kid or another problem. I fanned my face. I had called Liam for more than compliments. “Hey, I was hanging out with Grandma Gin and the boys while you were gone.”

  His deep laugh stoked the heat. “They told me, believe me. I think you’re a superhero in their eyes.”

  Easter was weeks ago, but we had colored eggs and did an egg hunt anyway. I put money and candy in the eggs and didn’t hide them in any gimme spots. The kids had had to search. “I had as much fun as them.”

  I tried to be at peace with the quiet nights at home. But I was torn. Sometimes it felt like I was using Liam’s kids to get me through my healing process until I could cope on my own. I was pretty sure it was more than that, though. I loved being around them, and they didn’t feel the need to do anything more than spend time with me.

  I’d grown up with Mom fluttering around me, worrying about the constant pain I was in from chronic Lyme disease, how tired I was. Fretting over whether the next doctor we saw would believe I was more than a drama-prone young lady. I had slept while my older sister did my share of our chores.

  I’d met Derek shortly after I started treatment. He’d given me massages. He’d carried my backpack in high school, and then had carried in the groceries after we were married. I’d been coddled by everyone in my life.

  I hadn’t realized how dependent I was until I wanted to do a project by myself and faced well-intentioned concern from my mother or found that Bruce had already done it.

  The last thing I wanted was to seem ungrateful. At least, that was until I thought about the phone call with Willow and the way she expressed her concern that Liam wasn’t a stable presence in my life. To top it off, I’d been brave enough to mention to Bruce that I’d like to mow my lawn, only to come home from work last Friday to find it done. My chest was heavy, like I was getting smothered, a feeling I wasn’t used to.

  I was capable, dammit. Which was why I called Liam. “I’m actually calling for a reason.”

  “Aw, Kenny. You never need a reason to call.”

  “Well, you’re a single guy in oil country. I don’t want to interrupt…stuff.”

  He chuckled, and his voice lowered. “And what stuff would that be? Specifically.”

  Fire raged along my cheeks as images of Liam’s strong body entwined with some faceless woman’s blazed through my mind. I sputtered before I managed to grit out his full name. “William Robert Barron, if you make me describe anything, specifically, we’re both going to regret it.”

  His deep laughter anchored me in the comfort zone. His unrepentant personality and those two little boys of his had been my light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

  “There are a lot more eligible guys here than women,” he said. “And I’m a lot choosier than I used to be about who I’ll mess around with. Payton taught me that lesson.”

  Something like relief rushed through me. Was I afraid I was bugging him when he was with a woman? Or was I afraid he was with a woman? I didn’t want to be a selfish friend. Liam didn’t have the support network I did. Maybe I was just protective of him.

  Derek and I had been there through the Payton debacle. Nothing but drama from the beginning. Payton wanted a sugar daddy. Liam hadn’t admitted it, but he’d wanted someone of his own. His grandpa had been sick, in and out of the hospital. Grandma Gin had been at her husband’s bedside. Liam worked a new job, away from a town that acted like it didn’t want him, and he’d been lonely. Ripe pickings for someone like Payton.

  Liam wasn’t in a much different situation now. I’d hate for him to get used again.

  I shamelessly turned the conversation to safer ground. “I wanted to talk to you about Eli. I really think he’d benefit from speech therapy.”

  “But he’s five. Isn’t the way he talks normal?”

  “To some extent, but some kids can improve a lot with early intervention.”

  He was quiet for a moment. Had I overstepped?

  “You really think it’s something?”

  “Yes, I really do.” I had noticed Eli’s inability to say several consonants correctly, but I hadn’t been in the headspace to mention anything. I was doing little more than surviving. But now, for the first time since I’d gotten the Lyme disease diagnosis in high school, I thought I could flourish. Help people instead of always needing it.

  “Would he get teased when he goes to school in the fall?”

  “I mean, some kids would never notice, much less tease him. Other kids could be brutal. You never know. For his own ability to communicate, though, I think he should at least get a screening. Then we’ll know if he falls below standards before he starts school in the fall. You’ll be able to communicate with his teacher from the get-go.”

  “Is it something Grandma Gin can do, or that I can do when I’m home?”

  I knew exactly what he was worried about. His limited time had so many demands on it already. “So, I’ve been thinking—”

  “Nothing good ever came from a woman saying that.”

  “Do I have to use your full name again? You did not just go there.” His laughter made my lips twitch. He was a shit, and it was one of my favorite things about him. Always had been. “Anyway, insurance often pays for therapy. Maybe you can try to get him screened in Bismarck before you move the kids to Williston. I’m sure they have services too, but if you start in Bismarck, I can help take him to appointments or entertain Owen while you or Grandma Gin take him.”

  Liam snorted. “That might be more critical.” He let out a breath. “You’d do that?”

  “Of course.”

  “But you have your own job.”

  “By the time he gets screened and evaluated, it’ll be summer. I applied to teach summer school, but those classes are in the mornings.” And they were a hot job opening for those who didn’t stay home with their kids or work a second job in the summer. There would be a lot of applicants.

  Liam and the kids had helped me wander back into life, but a large motivator had been the finances. Bruce had mentioned moving me in with them when the life insurance money ran out and I couldn’t cover mortgage payments. I was an independent adult and it’d been time to start acting like it. The paraprofessional job helped cover the cost of living, but it didn’t pay as much as a full-time teacher, and it didn’t pay over the summer. I needed the money.

  “Thank you, Kenny,” he said quietly.

  “We’re kind of a team,” I said lightly to cover how his appreciation nearly brought tears to my eyes. This guy. He did so much for the ones he loved. I wanted to return the favor.

  “So, I’ve been thinking…”

  “Uh-oh,” I mimicked. “Nothing good ever came from a guy saying that.”

  “Ha ha, smart-ass,” he said in a tone that widened my smile. “The farmers market. If I did it, I’d want to have more items to sell, to make it look like I’m serious.”

  My mouth hitched up. “What if we go to Bismarck and hit the thrift shops? See what you can overhaul. We’ll bring the kids and take them somewhere fun to eat or go to a park.” My excitement grew with each sentence. It was one thing to hang out at my dreary house or his lively place. But to shed it all and go somewhere else?

  I calmed myself down. He was probably busy. I had no claims to his time.

  “You got yourself a date.”

  My heart stuttered. “A date” echoed in my brain. Quit being silly. “Let me know when works for you.”

  “Saturday,” he said without hesitation. “I’ll pick you up at nine. We’ll have to get our shit done before we eat. It’s the carrot on the stick for the kids. Owen needs
incentive.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you then. Oh, Liam.” My hand tightened around the phone. I didn’t know why I was going to keep talking, but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to get off the phone, but Liam had to know how much he’d done for me in this call alone. He’d taken me seriously about Eli’s speech and the farmers market idea. Our relationship was more than one-sided, and he needed to know that. “I’ve always treasured your friendship, but you really mean a lot to me. Thank you. For everything.”

  “Same, Kenny. I’m not letting the only other person besides Grandma Gin that doesn’t think I’m a piece of crap out of my life.” His tone was light, but his words weren’t.

  I ached for him. He was a special guy, but too many people had made him feel differently. “The people who can’t see what a good guy you are don’t know you.”

  “Well, it’ll have to be our little secret.”

  It shouldn’t be a secret. He and Derek had gotten into a lot of trouble as kids. Derek had told me all the stories. Off-roading through a quarry. Losing a four-wheeler trying to ice fish on the river. Taking their horses through Tasty Queen’s drive-through. When it came to Derek, it was boys will be boys. When it came to Liam, he was a good-for-nothing. “See you Saturday.”

  “Looking forward to it.”

  He clicked off, but I continued staring at the ceiling. The countdown to Saturday had started in my head. T minus three days. Only, I couldn’t tell if I was excited because I didn’t have to spend the weekend home alone, or if I couldn’t wait to spend the day with Liam.

  I stared at the ceiling. A different feeling seeped into my bones. A heaviness, neediness. Heat wicked along my body until it pooled between my legs.

  Sucking my lower lip into my mouth, I concentrated on a pattern in the popcorn ceiling that resembled the constellation Orion. Three larger hunks in a tight line with a few more prominent ones spattered around it.

  I knew this day would come. The day my hormones remembered I was in my midtwenties and had a sex drive that hadn’t been used for too long. A sex drive that hadn’t been wanted for too long. The few times it had thought to rear its head, I’d dissolved into a puddle of tears in my bed. I’d refused to do anything about it. The memory of Derek’s arms around me, the way he kissed me, the groans he’d made when he came. They’d ripped open the gaping hole inside me.