Home to Cedarwood

by Megan Slayer

“I don’t hate him. I just don’t like Colin,” Hugh said. “I’ve had enough of people being gay. It’s like a fad.”

  “You know nothing,” Jordan said.

  “Gay people are fragile. They aren’t masculine.” Hugh shook his head. “Pillow biters are less than human.”

  “I can’t ticket you for being a dick, but I can for making a spectacle in a public space. Either get out or shut up and leave Colin alone,” Jordan said. “Now.”

  “Asshole. I knew cops were bullshit, too.” Hugh walked away to his car. He said something to his wife, then climbed behind the wheel and backed out of the parking spot.

  Jordan sighed. God damn it. He hated bigots, but who was he to talk? Jesus. He hadn’t come out. He wasn’t any better than the guys insulting the gay men. He wanted someone to love him, but not in public. No, he wanted Colin to give him a chance, but that wouldn’t happen if he had to keep everything under wraps.

  Jordan crossed the park to where Colin stood with Gage at the water fountain. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” Jordan said. “I’ve given him a warning. The next time something like this happens, he’ll be removed.”

  “So I’m not allowed to be in public?” Colin asked. “It’s bad enough my son has to deal with insults at school, but now we can’t come to the park because I have to worry about who is going to say what to him?”

  “I never said you couldn’t be at the park.” Jordan hooked his fingers in his pockets. His radio crackled with a call for another officer.

  “I’ve had enough with the people in this town.” Colin opened the car door for Gage. “I’ll be right back.” He strode to the front of the car. “Look, Officer Hargrove, if you’re going to tell me to leave well enough alone or to give them the benefit of the doubt, I won’t. I’ve had it and I’m tired of being targeted.”

  The man was so strong and Jordan admired Colin’s fortitude, but Colin was going to break sooner rather than later. “You don’t have to hate me. I didn’t encourage him.”

  Colin said nothing.

  “I get it. You’ve been kicked by life. It happens to us all,” Jordan said. “I’ve been hit while I’ve been down, too.”

  “Except, I’ve got to be the bigger man every time someone says something so I’m the one setting the example,” Colin said. “Isn’t that great? I get to be the punching bag. Lovely.”

  “It’s not what I meant.”

  Colin stared at him. “You used to drive me crazy in school. You were so two-faced. You were one way when everyone looked, but something else behind closed doors. It’s nuts.”

  “I know.” Drove him pretty nuts, too.

  “I need to set an example for Gage. You said so yourself, I’m the one who has to be the model,” Colin said.

  “You do.”

  “When we were in school, I crushed on you. God, you were so handsome.” Colin shook his head. “But you were a jerk. Still are to a degree, but, despite that, I want to be friends. Nothing else. I don’t have patience or time to coddle you. Guys aren’t my sole priority. Gage is.”

  “As he should be.” He respected Colin for his choices.

  “Okay.” The fury in Colin’s words dissipated a bit.

  “Okay.” He realized where he stood with Colin, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to be closer. He liked Colin. His determination, his drive, his bluntness… Colin was a catch.

  “I need to go.” Colin ducked his head. “I’m getting tired.”

  “You don’t have to leave, but I respect your decision.” Jordan sighed.

  Colin snorted, then met Jordan’s gaze. “I don’t understand you.”

  “I know,” Jordan said. “Have a good night and know I’m keeping an eye on you and Gage. It’s my job and I don’t want another outburst like today. You don’t deserve to deal with that shit.”

  “Oh.” Colin paused. “Well, okay.” He shook his head, then rounded the car to the driver’s side.

  Jordan suppressed his anger. Between his own bumbling and Hugh’s stupid comments, too much damage had been done. He now saw just how much pressure was on Colin. Being a single parent was hard, but being a single gay parent was worse when people in town insisted on slinging insults. Being gay was harder than he’d thought. He couldn’t imagine the pressure on Colin. His friend was right—he had to work harder to be a good example for his son and every other gay kid in town.

  Another thing annoyed him. Colin had mentioned he wanted to hang out, but now it meant nothing. He wasn’t going to do anything with Jordan—not at this rate. He saw Jordan as a lawman, not a possible friend.

  What was worse? Colin’s empty suggestion stung. Jordan wanted to be friends with Colin. To hang out and get to know each other all over again. Was that so wrong? Not in his mind.

  Jordan knew who he wanted—Colin. The more he saw his former friend in town, the more he wanted them to get along. Colin was too sweet, handsome and irresistible to forget. If it took everything Jordan had, he’d change the climate in Cedarwood and prove to Colin they could be more than friends. Eventually.

  Chapter Five

  Jordan managed to get some sleep over the weekend, but not much. His brain buzzed as he considered the open hate crimes cases. Every time he drifted off, a noise—real or imagined—jarred him from sleep. He slept six consecutive hours, but when he woke to his alarm he wasn’t rested. He’d tossed and turned the entire time. His thoughts kept returning to Colin. He mused on their conversation and all the missed chances he’d been given in school. The looks, the projects they’d been forced to complete together. God, he’d been foolish. If he’d worried less about what the others would have said and more about being comfortable with himself, he might have gotten with Colin and could very well still be with him.

  He stared at the ceiling. His body warmed at the thought of being with Colin. He shouldn’t be allowing himself to think about a man who’d only started to not hate him that morning. But he liked Colin. Truth be told, he’d never not liked him.

  Jordan closed his eyes and stuffed both hands down his pants. Playing with himself wasn’t going to take much of the edge off, but he welcomed the chance to fantasize about the older, more refined Colin. He shoved the sweatpants down his legs to tangle around his ankles.

  He pictured Colin at the foot of the bed. He wore nothing but a pair of sheer boxer briefs. His cock strained against the thin material, giving Jordan a lovely picture of his erection. Jordan shuddered and eased his fingers around his own dick. He stroked his length, rubbing and caressing himself along his shaft. Tingles engulfed him, and he dug his heels into the mattress. He wished he wasn’t alone.

  Jordan imagined Colin kneeling between his knees and sucking him. Instead of Jordan’s hand on his junk, Colin wrapped his lips around Jordan’s cock. He teased Jordan’s balls, knowing to tap the soft patch of skin just below his testicles.

  “Colin,” Jordan moaned. He shouldn’t be thinking about his high-school crush, but damn it, he liked the guy and wanted another chance with Colin. Sounded like Colin wasn’t completely averse to the idea, either. Jordan bounced his hips, thrusting into his hand.

  Jordan flattened his palm on his chest and tweaked his nipple. The jolt of pain added to his pleasure. A little slap and tickle, that was what he wanted. Colin spanking his ass while they fucked.

  He grunted and panted. Just a little bit more and he’d go over the edge. He squeezed his fingers tight around his cock. Holy hell. The heat in his body centered in his groin. He couldn’t breathe fast enough.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he shouted. Jordan gritted his teeth. The orgasm in his lower belly exploded. Cum splattered on his stomach and pooled in his navel.

  Aftershocks from the climax pinned him to the bed. He wanted to move, but no way was he going to hurry up the aftereffects of masturbation. He opened his eyes, but didn’t have to look at the other side of the bed to know he was alone.

  But he wanted to be seen with Colin, and everyone knew Colin Baker was gay. Would he finally come ou
t if he could have a chance with Colin? His heart screamed yes, while his head remained uncertain.

  For the last year, he’d kept to himself—other than Cassidee. No dating, no guys from towns an hour away. He preferred to keep his sexuality on the down-low. No one on the force needed to know he preferred dick to pussy. Was he worried about his credibility? Nah. He’d lied by omission. That had to be low on the awful things scale. But he’d used Cassi. Sure, she’d allowed him to use her and played up her role in his sham, but still. He’d been something he wasn’t, and the feeling sucked.

  Well, hell.

  Jordan managed to climb out of bed and wipe the cooling jizz off his stomach. He sighed. He’d need a shower before he went on duty.

  In the living room, the police scanner crackled. He’d been listening to the chatter before he’d gone to bed and must’ve forgotten to turn the thing off. He was off duty, but, being the career man, he preferred to stay informed. He strolled naked into the living room and turned up the volume on the radio. The chatter continued as he wandered back into the bedroom and switched on the shower.

  His thoughts returned to Colin. Funny how fifteen years of anger could melt away in one day. Even funnier considering he’d written Colin up for speeding. The guy shouldn’t have wanted to talk to him. Then there was the incident at the park. He’d only dug himself a deeper hole. Jesus.

  The phone rang before he stepped into the shower.

  “God. Don’t they have timing?” He picked up his cell. One glimpse of the ID screen and he knew who’d phoned. “This is Officer Hargrove.”

  “Hey, it’s Delaney. I need to switch with you. I know it’s last minute, but my…friend needs my help Thursday. I’ll cover for you tonight if you’ll take my shift then. Yes?”

  “You’re already at the station, aren’t you?” Jordan pinched the bridge of his nose. “And it’s been approved?”

  “If you agree, then yes. We’re good on staffing tonight and it’s been quiet,” Delaney said. “Please?”

  “This friend wouldn’t happen to have a sweet set of D-cups, would she?” Probably Cassi. If Jordan knew Delaney, he’d no more than left Jordan and called her for a date.

  “Yes,” Delaney replied, drawing the word out. “I mean…aw, fuck it. Yeah. So will you?”

  “Sure.” He didn’t have anything else to do, but a Tuesday night off would be nice. He’d be able to run to the grocery store and catch up on the shows he’d saved on the DVR.

  “Thanks.” Delaney hung up on him without so much as a goodbye. The shit.

  Jordan tossed his cell onto the bed and stepped into the shower. The stinging water refreshed and relaxed him. He liked to say a good fifteen minutes under the hot spray revived the senses. Having a hot guy with him under that spray would be a lot better.

  He rubbed the soapy washcloth over his belly and chuckled. As per his style, he’d started moving at a hundred miles an hour and considering a relationship with someone who might not even be interested. God, he was crazy.

  No, he was lonely. The year off from dating hadn’t helped heal his broken heart. Not even close. He missed his last boyfriend, but what he really missed was being in a relationship. Once he’d learned how to be a partner, he wanted to keep being that partner status. The guys he’d hooked up with weren’t partner material. Just one- or two-nighters who offered fun without commitments. He needed more.

  Then why was he hung up on Colin? Because he was forbidden fruit? Nah. Because he’d have to be honest with himself and admit to the town he was gay. Once he did that, he’d free his soul, but he’d have to put up with the antigay shit, too.

  Jordan turned off the water. If he wanted to move forward with his life, then he’d have to deal with the crap he’d get for being gay. Time to put one foot in front of the other.

  He glanced at himself in the mirror, then collapsed on his bed. He’d slept but wanted more. Masturbating to Colin’s image in his mind had worn him out, and the shower hadn’t helped revive him. He yanked the covers over his head and gave in to the need to sleep. He’d worry about Colin tomorrow.

  When Jordan rolled over, he groaned and wiped his hand across his face. What time was it? He focused on the clock. Five? Time to get up and move for the day. He patted the bed for his phone. When he turned the device on, the time and date caught his attention. Five p.m. on Tuesday. Well, fuck. He’d lost almost an entire day.

  Jordan scrambled out of bed. He dressed and considered shaving but decided he liked the darkness on his cheeks. The other patrolmen teased him for looking like an oversized kid with his baby face. The scant whiskers did help to age him a bit. He stepped into his boots, then grabbed the phone from the bed and his keys and wallet from the counter in the kitchen. He’d hardly been home long enough to make a decent meal. He pitched the takeout bag from one of the fast-foot joints and stuffed his wallet in his back pocket. Stopping for something to eat should’ve been top priority, but he decided to go to the store first. He wasn’t sure why. He just needed to.

  Maybe he’d run into Colin at the store. Everyone in Cedarwood shopped at the same grocer. Not because they wanted to, but the next closest supercenter was more than forty-five minutes away. He climbed into the truck and headed the four blocks to the store. When he parked, he noticed the SUV with the bright red turn me over tire cover. Colin. The driver’s-side door opened and Colin slid out of the vehicle. His brother Farin strolled around the front of the SUV, and the little boy Jordan recognized from the ticket incident grabbed Farin’s hand.

  Jordan should’ve held back. Should’ve waited until they were in the store and let the meeting happen organically. But no. His forthright attitude got the better of him. He marched across the lot to where Colin walked.

  “Are you stalking us now?” Farin asked. He narrowed his eyes. “Dude, get a clue.”

  “It’s okay, Far. Put it on simmer.” Colin put one hand up. “That’s yesterday’s news. Besides, I’m assuming he comes unarmed.”

  “I’m not.” Jordan half smiled. “I’m off-duty tonight, but I’m never unarmed. Habit of the job. Since I’m out of food, I thought I’d get some shopping done.”

  “Far, why don’t you take Gage to Zipps? He ate his supper and I promised him an ice-cream cone.” Colin shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll be fine, and I’ll meet up with you when I’m done.”

  Farin’s gaze vacillated between Colin and Jordan. “I will, but I’m not thrilled. I’d say something else, but I’d probably get my ass arrested.”

  “Little ears,” Colin said and tilted his head. “Be mindful.”

  “Meaning you can’t swear in front of me,” Gage interjected. He smiled and swung Farin’s hand. “Hi, Mr. Police Officer.”

  “Hi.” Jordan waved. “May I talk to your dad for a little bit?”

  “Only if my uncle doesn’t knock your teeth out.” The boy grinned even wider. “Was that all right, Uncle Farin? I said it the way you said. He’s not evil like you said. He’s a nice guy.”

  Farin’s eyes widened. “I—”

  “It’s okay.” Jordan shrugged. “I understand. It was a long time ago and you’re being protective. I get it, and I respect your feelings. I’ll try not to repeat history.”

  Farin muttered something Jordan couldn’t understand, then, with the boy beside him, walked over to the ice-cream store.

  Colin bobbed his head. “We were so close in age that once we got out of school and went to college, everyone thought we were twins. You’d never know I’m the older one and I should be protective of him. The little shit even came out first—two days before, but he was still first.”

  “He’s a smart guy.” Jordan fell into step beside Colin. “Family should look out for family.”

  “Did you mean what you said? About talking to me?” Colin stopped by the cart corral. He yanked one of the carts free from the rack. “You asked Gage if you could speak to me. Guys don’t usually do that.”

  “I’m stepping in on your dad-kid time. I might have been a
jerk in the past, and I’m sorry.” Jordan plucked a basket from the stack. “The kid needs to be included. If something happens in your life, it affects his.”

  “How did you become so smart about single parenting?” Colin pushed the cart and stayed beside Jordan. “Most guys don’t get that. They think my kid is baggage I can unload at will.”

  “Not that you don’t make use of your brother being in town.” Jordan waggled his eyebrows. “I’m sure he’s handy.”

  “He is since he’s in the other half of the duplex. We pooled our money to get it. We’ll either sell it when we outgrow it or, if one of us moves out, just knock down the walls and make it a single-family dwelling.” Colin tossed a couple of boxes of prepackaged cupcakes into his cart. “Gage takes those to school.”

  “Remember when I stole yours?” Jordan gripped the basket with both hands. “I felt guilty for the rest of the school year.”

  “We were, like, twelve.” Colin snorted. “You still remember that?”

  “Guilt has a way of not letting go. Tommy Hicks conned me into it. I think he figured out I had a thing for you.” Jordan pressed his lips together. He’d known since they were in middle school that he was gay and crushed on Colin for most of that time. He wondered what Colin would make of his admission.

  “You’re not comfortable with coming out.” Colin placed two loaves of bread on the child seat part of his cart. “Isn’t it funny how we know, but we aren’t ready to admit it to anyone, least of all ourselves?” He smiled and reached for Jordan but pulled his hand away before they touched. “Now’s my turn to understand. Flaming shit aside, it’s hard to be gay in this town.”

  Jordan glanced around. Only he and Colin stood in the aisle. He wanted to say something smart like, I’m on the force. I can’t come out. The words didn’t come. He stepped in close to Colin.

  “I’m scared to speak up. If I do, I’m worried the people won’t respect me as a cop,” he whispered. “Stupid, right?”

  “Not stupid. Those people who don’t respect you are fools.”

  Jordan sucked in a ragged breath. He hadn’t expected Colin to say that. He’d thought they’d end up in an argument. Knowing Colin wasn’t totally against him buoyed his spirits. Maybe there was a chance for them after all.