Snow on the Roof

by Sean Ashcroft

“You’re so warm,” Sunny commented, snuggling closer to Grant eagerly.

  “I run hot,” Grant said. “I’ll probably kick all the blankets off before morning.”

  “Are you saying you’re a nightmare to share a bed with?”

  “Oh, yeah.” Grant chuckled. “Sorry. Guess I should’ve warned you.”

  “I’ll survive. It’s still better than the couch,” Sunny said, letting the mattress take all of his weight. “It’s not a comfortable couch.”

  Grant hummed, kissing Sunny’s forehead just below his hairline. “I like you better here, anyway. If I had to be stuck alone for Christmas with one other person, you’d definitely be in my top five.”

  “Top five?” Sunny raised an eyebrow.

  “Hope comes first. Not, uh… not like this, obviously…”

  “I get what you mean,” Sunny said. “And I understand. She should come first. I’d think a lot less of you if she didn’t.”

  “Then you,” Grant said.

  Sunny’s head spun at that.

  After his own daughter, Sunny was Grant’s favorite person?

  That was a lot to process.

  It made sense, and as he thought about it, Sunny realized he felt the same way, but hearing Grant say it…

  He’d never expected that. Not even now. Not after everything.

  “Oh,” Sunny said quietly, still trying to internalize the idea.

  Grant…

  Loved him? Maybe?

  He hadn’t said that, but what he’d just said came very close to being exactly that.

  Sunny had no idea how he felt. He liked Grant a lot, and wanted to be close to him, and wanted more of everything they’d had for the last twenty-four hours or so, but…

  Grant was his favorite person, too. The only person he’d want to be stuck like this with, really.

  He would have been fine being stuck with Clare, but this had been fun. Even if they’d both been missing out on time with their families.

  For Sunny, it felt like a fair trade.

  “Is that, uh… is that not okay?” Grant asked after Sunny had been silent for a few moments too long.

  “Oh, no, not… I mean, that’s more than okay. That’s… wow.”

  Grant hummed again, tucking Sunny’s head under his chin and holding him a little closer. “I’ve never met anyone like you,” he said.

  “I’ve never met anyone like you, either,” Sunny murmured, suddenly aware of how true it was.

  He’d never felt like this before about anyone. No one he’d ever had any kind of relationship with had even come close to making him as effortlessly content as he was right now. As happy.

  It was such a huge feeling that Sunny wasn’t entirely sure his body could contain it.

  “This is better than getting into an argument with my uncle,” Sunny said after a moment. He would have liked to see his parents for Christmas, but given a choice between cuddling with Grant and crying at the dinner table, he’d definitely choose to cuddle with Grant, every time.

  “Your uncle goes home eventually, right?”

  “Yeah, eventually. Usually before nine, when I can stop hiding in my old room again.”

  “So stay here until then,” Grant offered. “I mean, if the roads are even clear enough to leave by then. What I’m saying is… consider yourself invited to Christmas with my family instead, if they get here. And Christmas with me if they don’t.”

  Sunny swallowed.

  This was fast, but…

  He didn’t hate the idea. Not even a little.

  Being with Grant, now that they’d gotten over the first hurdle, felt so easy that Sunny could have cried happy tears all night. It was such a relief to find such joy in another person, to feel so comfortable.

  “Okay,” Sunny agreed, the temptation too strong to resist. The idea of neatly avoiding his other relatives and getting to meet Grant’s family sounded perfect right now.

  “Good. That’s settled,” Grant said, pressing a kiss to the top of Sunny’s head. “Sunny?”

  “Hmm?” Sunny murmured, his eyes suddenly heavy. Knowing he didn’t have to worry about tomorrow was a weight off his mind, so he was more than ready to sleep now.

  “Merry Christmas,” Grant murmured.

  Sunny glanced over at the digital clock on the wall, the only light in the room aside from the stars outside the window.

  It read 12:01.

  He smiled, snuggling into Grant’s chest, his heart swelling with joy at how good this felt.

  “Merry Christmas,” he responded softly.

  So far, it was pretty damned good.

  17

  Grant woke to the sound of knocking, and spent a few moments trying to work out where it was coming from before remembering that he was actually waiting for people to arrive.

  His family.

  Who were, apparently, here.

  He’d almost accepted that they’d never make it, so that was a surprise.

  Not wanting to disturb Sunny, who was fast asleep, he wriggled his way out of bed as carefully as he could, glancing at the clock as he grabbed his dressing robe and threw it on over his shoulders, wishing he’d had the foresight to bring slippers as he stepped out onto the cold hallway floor.

  It was a little after noon, but Grant knew he’d overslept before he’d even gotten up. He’d woken half a dozen times, but every time, he’d still been wrapped around Sunny, and he hadn’t wanted to give that up.

  Nothing short of having his daughter arrive would have made him leave that bed.

  Every time he’d woken next to Sunny, his heart had soared. He’d half-expected to wake eventually and find it was all a dream, that he’d fallen asleep on the couch last night and Sunny had put a blanket over him and then taken the bed for himself.

  But now he was sure that it had all really happened, and he couldn’t stop smiling as he went downstairs to open the door.

  “Coming,” he called out, hearing another knock on the door. “I’m sorry, I know it’s cold.”

  The moment he got the door open, Hope fell through it and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him so tight he could hardly breathe. Grant hugged her back, kissing the top of her head, taking in the familiar scent of her shampoo, and sighing happily.

  His little girl was here for Christmas. He’d wanted that more than anything, and now he’d gotten it.

  So far, this was working out to be the best Christmas ever.

  “Merry Christmas, Daddy,” Hope enthused, grinning up at him.

  He felt as though she’d grown four inches since the last time he saw her, even though it’d only been a couple of months.

  He’d ask Julia later. Maybe he’d just shrunk her in his head, or remembered wrong.

  He wanted to see more of Hope. That was his goal for the new year. Whatever it took. A bigger apartment. A new job. Anything, as long as he didn’t have to miss her like this again.

  “Merry Christmas, honey,” Grant smiled down at her as Julia and Joon squeezed past them, their arms laden.

  Grant shut the door behind them and followed them into the living room, taking hold of Hope’s hand as he poked at the completely burned-out fire. He’d clean it and re-set it. He’d promised Hope a perfect Christmas.

  “I got you lots of snow,” he said after a moment, smiling to himself. “Maybe a little too much.”

  “I love it,” Hope said, her face lighting up brighter than the tree.

  “This place is beautifully decorated,” Julia said.

  That was a relief. Grant hadn’t been entirely sure until now, though he trusted Sunny’s judgement.

  Julia sounded a little suspicious, though.

  “I had help,” Grant explained.

  Just as he got the words out, he heard footsteps on the stairs.

  Everyone looked up to see Sunny coming down, running his fingers through his hair and yawning widely.

  “Oh,” he said halfway down. “I, uh. Hello.”

  He hadn’t gotten dressed yet. He was still in
his pajamas, sleep-rumpled and soft, and Grant’s heart skipped a beat when he saw him.

  “This is Sunny,” he explained, not sure what else to say. Was Sunny still his PA? Were they something else to each other now?

  Sunny was supposed to be gone already. There wasn’t supposed to be any crossover between the two sides of his life. Not yet.

  Not now, when Sunny was blushing high on his cheeks, looking so uncomfortable it made Grant cringe to see him like that. He hadn’t expected the roads to be cleared before he woke. He’d expected some warning, some chance to decide what they were going to say.

  “I’ve heard all about you,” Julia said, ever the diplomat. Her tone was so kind and warm that Grant could see Sunny’s shoulders relaxing.

  “I didn’t realize you’d gotten here yet. I’m sorry to intrude, I, uh… I was supposed to leave yesterday. I’ll get dressed.”

  “You’re not intruding,” Julia called after Sunny as he disappeared.

  Which was just as well, because his overnight bag was still sitting next to the coffee table.

  He padded back down the stairs, blushing furiously, and grabbed it without making eye contact with anyone.

  Suddenly, Grant was unsure about everything.

  Did Sunny regret last night?

  He hadn’t even looked at Grant.

  What if he hated him now? What if he felt like Grant had taken advantage after all, or if he thought it was a mistake?

  Grant’s stomach bottomed out as he considered the possibility that he was about to lose Sunny forever.

  Sex wasn’t worth that. Sunny was one of the best things that had ever happened to him, after Hope. Grant hated the thought that maybe he’d taken things too far and now Sunny was uncomfortable around him.

  “He seems nice,” Julia said, winking at Grant.

  Of course she’d figured out there was something going on. Grant blushed as darkly as Sunny had been, shifting his weight.

  “I need matches,” he said, looking for an excuse to leave the living room for a moment. “You guys make yourselves at home. I’m so glad you made it.”

  He was glad they were here, and he didn’t want to leave any of them thinking that wasn’t true. He just also wished he’d gotten a chance to talk to Sunny first, alone.

  Joon followed him into the kitchen.

  Normally, Grant would have been glad of the company, but right now he needed a moment to gather his thoughts.

  “Thought I’d get started with the turkey,” Joon explained, passing Grant to get to the fridge.

  “Knock yourself out. It should be mostly defrosted by now. I think. I can more or less follow some clear instructions.”

  “You don’t need to be modest around me,” Joon said. “Aside from the part where you’re gay, Julia was better off with you than she is with me.”

  Grant shook his head. “That’s not true.”

  More to the point, it was weird for Joon to say it. It definitely wasn’t true, and until this moment, Grant had no idea that Joon had ever had a thought like that.

  “Well, in any case, you deserve to be happy,” Joon said.

  Oh.

  Right.

  He’d figured it out, too, because Grant was the least subtle person on Earth. He was always the last to know what he was thinking around Julia, and apparently, Joon could see right through him, too.

  “And I know you’re thinking you don’t, or that you’re not good enough, but you do, and you are.”

  That still didn’t explain why Joon was saying this. Grant liked the guy, and thought of them as friends, but not normally friends like this.

  “Forgive me if I’m being rude, but… why do you care?”

  “Julia worries about you.” Joon shrugged, hefting the turkey out of the fridge and onto the counter. “Why do we keep getting these? No one likes them.”

  “Hope does,” Grant said. “Besides, it’s tradition.”

  Joon snorted. “Tradition is a terrible reason to do things, but I’ll suffer through it for Hope.”

  Grant smiled at that. Joon was the world’s best step dad, hands down. They were all lucky to have him.

  “Like I was saying, Julia worries about you, and you haven’t shut up about Sunny since you met him, and we just… we all want you to be happy, okay? I’m trying to tell you that none of us are judging.”

  “Hope?” Grant asked, his heart in his throat. This had just happened, and yeah, maybe he’d had a thing for Sunny for a while, but he wasn’t in the habit of telling Hope about everyone he found attractive.

  She’d had enough change in her life lately. She didn’t need more.

  Grant couldn’t do that to her.

  “She doesn’t know, if that’s what you’re asking. But she’d love to see her dad happy,” Joon said.

  In theory, that sounded right. And Hope had taken so well to Joon.

  But in practice, maybe she didn’t want to share her dad with someone else. She was only twelve. She didn’t have to be understanding with the adults around her, they needed to be understanding with her.

  Sunny was a much more complicated issue than Grant had realized. And that issue was suddenly very urgent.

  What the hell was he supposed to do, here?

  How was he going to get through this without hurting someone?

  “Thanks,” Grant said after a moment, idly watching Joon roll up his sleeves.

  He had great forearms, but this year, Grant wasn’t interested. His mind was upstairs, with Sunny.

  And in the living room, with Hope.

  And he wasn’t sure right now that he could have both, or if Sunny hated him right now.

  All he’d wanted was one nice Christmas.

  18

  Once everyone had settled in the living room and—hopefully—forgotten about him, Sunny made his way downstairs and into the kitchen to see if there was anything he could do to make himself useful.

  He’d agreed to stay for the day, but that was in the heat of the moment, and when he’d half-expected no one to show up. Now, confronted with three strangers, all of whom had a greater claim on Grant’s time than Sunny ever would, he wasn’t sure.

  It wasn’t that Sunny couldn’t share. It was that he was afraid Grant couldn’t be stretched any thinner than he already was. And that maybe Grant wouldn’t want to explain why he was treating his PA like part of the family all of a sudden.

  The last thing he wanted to do was make Grant’s Christmas any more stressful than it already had been. He was supposed to be there to help.

  There were a couple of dishes in the sink—things that must have been used for to prep the turkey, which was glowing under the light of the oven, but could only have been on for half an hour or so, judging by the color. Sunny rolled up his sleeves and turned the tap on, giving the water a moment to warm up.

  That was the only thing this cabin really lacked. No instant hot water.

  Otherwise, Sunny would have been pretty happy to hide here forever.

  He could hear laughter from the living room, the sound of love and happiness. Above all of it, he could hear Grant laughing. Laughing until he ran out of breath.

  He sounded so happy.

  It was enough to make Sunny smile, despite all of his sudden doubts. Everything had seemed so clear last night, but last night he’d been cold, and lonely, and dreading Christmas with his extended family.

  This morning, he felt as though he was intruding. As though he could only ever be an outsider in Grant’s life, and nothing would change that.

  Grant hadn’t even told him to hide himself away. He just instinctively wanted to.

  As he was drying off the last of the small number of dishes, Sunny saw someone come through the doorway out of the corner of his eye.

  His throat closed up when he realized it was Hope. What was he supposed to say to her?

  She had Grant’s pale blue eyes, the kind that looked grey in some lights, but her mother’s darker skin and finer features. She’d grow up to be stunning
, which, considering how gorgeous both of her parents were, wasn’t really a surprise.

  She’d also grow up loved, which was much more important. Hope was the kind of kid who’d be able to take on the world.

  “Hi,” she said, pausing on the other side of the counter. “I’m Hope.”

  Sunny smiled at that. “I’m Sunny.”

  “That’s a weird name.”

  Sunny chuckled. “I get that a lot.”

  He watched her head to the fridge and grab a bottle of orange juice, setting it down on the countertop. “Do you want one?”

  “Uh…” Sunny wasn’t entirely sure what to do in this situation, but he didn’t want to be rude, and he still hadn’t had breakfast.

  Juice counted as breakfast.

  “Sure, yeah, why not,” he said.

  He wanted to get to know Hope, if he could. She was a huge, important part of Grant’s life.

  She smiled at him, pouring a glass of juice and sliding it over before pouring one for herself. “Dad says you did all the decorating,” she said, sitting down on one of the stools tucked under the kitchen counter as Sunny wiped his hands clean.

  “I did,” he confirmed. “Do you like it?”

  Hope nodded, sipping her juice.

  “He told me you were a big fan of glitter, so we have that in common.” Sunny smiled at the thought. There were worse shared interests.

  They also both wanted Grant to be happy, so that was probably enough for them to be friends.

  “I like your nails,” Hope said between mouthfuls of juice. She obviously wasn’t in a hurry to get back to her family.

  Sunny was a novelty. That was probably even more interesting than Christmas.

  He wasn’t sure. He’d been a shy kid, but he was aware that some of them were more outgoing. It made sense that Hope would be, considering her parents.

  “Thank you,” Sunny said. “I need to repaint them, I chipped them a lot tying the tree to the car.”

  “I could repaint them for you,” Hope offered.

  “I… would love that,” Sunny said, genuinely surprised. Hope seemed to like him. He hadn’t been sure until now whether or not he’d be likeable to a kid her age, so it was nice to know that she wasn’t about to start avoiding him or anything.

  “Cool. Come with me,” she said, finishing her juice in one long draught and then heading for the living room.