See No More

by W B Dineen

  “Katie,” —my dad reaches for my hand— “we never thought we’d be gone so long. We thought we’d figure out what happened and then we’d go to JPL and explain. But after the Twin Towers came down, and we knew our weapon was to blame, the game changed. There was no coming back after that. Jeffrey Randolph was gone forever.”

  I lean my head against his shoulder. “Were you lonely when you were away from us?”

  My question seems to catch him off-guard and he unsuccessfully stifles a sob. “Oh God, honey, I felt more alone than I ever thought possible. I constantly thought of you all. Every night I went to bed and dreamed I was with you, watching you grow up, and sharing your day-to-day adventures.”

  With tears in his eyes, he adds, “I missed everything from lost teeth, to helping you with your homework, to your first crush. I would have done anything to have been able to share one more picnic together while you were growing up. I wanted to explain so badly why I had to go away, but any contact would have put you in danger. I couldn’t do that. So, I stayed away, and you grew into an amazing woman without me.”

  He’s not the only one crying. All the hurt and emptiness I’ve ever felt, all the feelings of betrayal and anger flood to the surface of my consciousness. I weep for the little girl who didn’t understand why her daddy left her, I cry for the adolescent who watched her mother marry another man, and I mourn for the woman who’s not been able to let a man get close enough to her to form a long-lasting relationship.

  I’m a half-person and I have been since the day my dad walked away from us. Understanding why he did it is a powerful tonic, but it’s not strong enough to change history. I am who I am, and I don’t know how to begin to heal the tormented child that lives inside me.

  We spend the day sharing stories of our time apart and even though it can’t begin to fill the void, it helps bring us closer together. I will appreciate what’s in front of me while I have it and I’ll never wish away time again. I’m determined to find the people who tore my family apart and make them pay.

  CHAPTER 41

  The hours we aren’t actively searching for answers and are hiding out are excruciating. I sit and dwell on everything we don’t know and wonder how the hell we’re going to proceed once we learn more. It’s like trying to strategize a coin toss. In other words, pointless. We can’t know how to proceed until we have more information, and we won’t get that until we discover which professor takes the bait.

  The first potential meeting is with Eileen Feldman. We’re waiting for her in Old Town, in Central Park, right across the street from the Castle Green. In the eighties, Old Town wasn’t cool and trendy and full of over-priced restaurants serving Kobe beef and caviar. It was the part of town that unless you were looking for drugs, a hooker, or an adult bookstore, was to be avoided at all costs. It started revitalizing in my early childhood, but those days are nothing compared to the consumer bonanza that exists today.

  The Castle Green is a seven-story structure built in the Moorish-Colonial style. It was constructed at the end of the nineteenth century as part of an existing hotel. In the 1920s, it was turned into condominiums. The grounds and ballroom are regularly rented out for weddings and high-end events. It’s also in great demand as a location for filming movies and commercials.

  The whole block where the building is situated is like a scene out of a fairytale. If you use your imagination to remove the cars and replace them with horse-drawn carriages as it once was, it can transport you to another reality. It’s pure magic.

  Central Park has not kept up with the evolution of Old Town. It’s always been a magnet for displaced people. They set up camp there until the police kick them out, but they come back almost immediately. It’s not a park where I’d take children to play.

  My dad left three hours before the rest of us, very convincingly dressed as a homeless man. He and Buddy went out to the backyard this morning and took a dirt bath to get into character. To add to his disguise, he hasn’t shaved in several days and he’s wearing clothes that have been meticulously prepared with a rusty screw and some fingernail scissors.

  We’ve all studied pictures of our target before claiming our positions. I’m standing near the entrance of The Castle Green on the corner of Raymond and Green, casually dressed in leggings and a blazer.

  Jake is diagonal from me, on the other side of the park, standing on the corner of Fair Oaks and California Boulevard. He’s wearing a baseball cap and dark sunglasses. He keeps looking at his watch like he’s supposed to be meeting someone.

  My mom is sitting on a bench reading a book. She’s got on a jogging suit and baseball cap to hide her blonde hair. She’s also wearing reading glasses, which she never does outside of her home. While not overly disguised, it’s enough that even her closest friends would probably walk right by her.

  Theo is lying on a blanket under an oak tree with Buddy, seemingly sound asleep. He looks like any one of the many homeless men in the park this morning.

  If Eileen is Fareed’s accomplice, she’ll arrive for her meeting with him at noon. This part of town explodes into a hive of activity around lunch time, which lends cover to our group loitering in and around the area. Jake pretends to be talking to someone on the phone, Mom looks up every now and again as though she’s thinking about a poignant passage in her book, and I flip through a bridal magazine like I’m planning to get married at the castle and am trying to envision the big day.

  At eleven fifty, I spot Professor Feldman hoofing up Raymond Avenue from California Boulevard, which means the other two professors are no longer of interest to us. I can tell my mom recognizes her, as well. Jake waves like he’s greeting a friend, but that’s our signal he’s spotted the target. My dad hasn’t moved an inch since I arrived twenty-seven minutes ago. It’s starting to make me nervous, but I know he’s good at what he does, and he’s supposed to look like he’s sleeping.

  Eileen is in her mid-sixties, but she looks older. Her hair is gray, and she doesn’t appear to be wearing any makeup for enhancement. She’s got on khaki pants and a light-weight jacket in baby blue. She’s carrying an over-sized bag instead of a purse, and walks hunched over like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.

  My mom puts her hand over her mouth as though coughing, but I know she’s alerting Theo via a two-way radio, that the professor has arrived. My dad rolls over slowly but doesn’t get up. Jake begins to jog through the park like he’s on a mission to get to the other side. Everything is moving like clockwork.

  None of us approach Eileen or give ourselves away. The whole plan appears to be unfolding as expected when I hear a car backfire. I startle in response as I’m currently as nervous as a snowman in summer. My hands shake in an involuntary response and I take a deep breath to try to pull myself together.

  I look to the park and notice, almost in slow motion, as Eileen falls to the ground. At first it appears like she’s tripped, but she doesn’t stand up right away. That’s when I realize it’s something more serious. Mother of God, someone is out there, right now, that could pull the trigger on any of us because they’ve just shot Professor Feldman!

  I want to run to my parents and Jake and pool our resources, but that would make us a bigger target. I can’t do anything to draw attention to any of us, or I could be putting all of us at risk.

  I take a slow step backwards, closer to the Castle Green. A line from that Robert Burns poem, “To a Mouse,” runs through my head, “The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry . . .” Isn’t that the truth? This whole mess was based on well laid plans run amok.

  Peeking around the side of the building, I see my mom turn away from Eileen and proceed slowly out of the park. Jake looks momentarily confused, but then continues to run past the professor. He doesn’t stop to see if she’s still alive or in need of medical attention, as this would make him a sitting duck. Instead, he leans down and grabs her bag without missing a step and continues across the park.

  My dad and Buddy slowly wander out o
f the park in the opposite direction and I walk through the front door of the Castle Green. I’m relieved to hear a siren in the distance and see a crowd form around my dad’s old colleague as I go in. I never thought I’d walk away from a person in need of help, even if that person might have played a part in the demise of my family, but self-preservation turns out to be a powerful engine.

  We knew we’d be targets during these meetings, but we thought the people Dad sent notes to would be the ones to be wary of. Now that Eileen has been shot, I realize there’s another option. Maybe the people who’ve been after us since Oregon, the ones we assume blew up the safe house and Einstein’s Cave, are back on our trail. The question is, how do they keep finding us?

  Jake is probably in the most danger because he’s the one who stopped to pick up Professor Feldman’s bag. The shooter had to have witnessed that maneuver and must be after him. But our strategy is simple, and we’ve vowed to stick to it. Each of us is responsible for our own getaway.

  The plan was to leave the park and meet back at the house as soon as possible. I call an Uber from the entrance of The Castle Green and don’t exit the building until it pulls up out front. The car does a U-turn onto Green Street and stays on that route until it dead ends. We pass my mom, but we don’t stop to give her a ride.

  CHAPTER 42

  I’m the first one back at the safe house. I don’t think I can go in by myself. After witnessing what happened in Central Park, I don’t feel safe anywhere, and certainly not alone. It’s a different game knowing we’ve been spotted again. So, instead of stopping there, I have my driver drop me at the house on Altadena Drive that abuts the rear of the property we’re staying at. I do the same thing Jake and I previously did and hop the retaining wall to hide behind the garage.

  I sit in the shadow of a persimmon tree, chilled to my core. It’s eighty degrees outside but it might as well be forty with the way I’m shivering. My mom shows up about fifteen minutes later. She seems to be thinking the same thing I was about avoiding the house and walks down the driveway with her eyes trained on the windows as she strolls right by it. I give her a silent wave and she joins me.

  I throw my arms around her neck. “How’d you get back?”

  “Bus. You?”

  I hold up my phone. “Uber.”

  “Any sign of your dad and Jake?”

  I shake my head. “Nope, although I’m not as worried about Dad as much as I am about Jake.” When she raises her eyebrows, I explain, “He picked up Professor Feldman’s bag after she was shot. I figure whoever gunned her down is going to want to know what she was carrying and go after him.”

  My mom nods her head. “Makes sense.” For a moment, neither of us says anything. Finally, she looks right into my eyes like she can see through me. “Honey, I need to see Jenny.”

  I nod my head in response. “I do, too. How do you think we should go about it?”

  “I think the best time for us to go is while everyone else is focused on Eileen.”

  A smile forms at the corner of my mouth. “You mean now, without telling Jake and Dad first?”

  “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  I don’t know if my mom’s thought this through. “How do you propose we see her without calling her?”

  “Call a car to pick us up at the grocery store down the street. We’ll have it drop us at her school.” Jen is the librarian at an exclusive high school in Sierra Madre, which is a charming old artists’ community nestled in the foothills of the San Gabriel Mountains. Alverno Heights Academy used to be a privately-owned villa until it was sold to the Sisters of Saint Francis in the forties. The nuns used it as a convent until 1960 when they transformed part of the property into an all girls’ high school.

  Alverno is located on a busy street corner, but as soon as you walk on campus it’s like you’re in another world. The grounds are a Gatsby-esque setting, making you expect to see Daisy Buchanan skipping across the lawn with a croquet mallet in hand.

  In the car, we decide that I’ll go in and ask for Jen. I’ve never met her co-workers, so they shouldn’t question my story of being her former sorority sister from UCLA. I leave my mom sitting at a table on a terrace, shielded by a large sun umbrella. A nun in her sixties looks up from her desk when I walk into the office.

  I smile brightly. “I’m hoping you might be able to tell Jennifer Johansson that she has a guest.”

  The sister nods her head piously and picks up the phone. “Whom might I say is calling?”

  “Please tell her it’s her sorority sister, Paula Cole.”

  Jen is aware of my sketchy history with Paula Cole and her infamous cowboy song, so she’ll know it’s me. Within seconds of being announced, she barrels through the doorway. She spots me and a river of emotion washes across her face. Relief, love, worry, incredulity—it’s all there.

  She throws herself in my arms. “Oh, my God, I’ve been so worried!”

  Sister Mary Fredrick offers us the use of a private room across from the school office to chat.

  As soon as we shut the door behind us, my sister bursts into tears. “Kate, do you know where Mom is? What’s going on? You haven’t answered any of my phone calls!”

  Jen has always been a bright spot in my life. She’s the most unselfish, giving person I’ve ever met, and she always makes me laugh. She’s twenty-seven, her hair is as dark as mine is naturally blonde, and she’s about three inches shorter than me. She’s smart, energetic, and just plain fun to be around. I cannot imagine my life without her in it.

  I give her the Cliff’s Notes version of what’s been going on and render her nearly speechless, which is not an easy thing to do. “Our real dad’s alive and here, in town?”

  I nod my head in affirmation. “He never wanted to leave us, Jenny. He did it to keep us safe.”

  “And Mom’s with him? She’s known all along?”

  I know she’s feeling betrayal for Chuck, the man she’s always thought of as her dad. She even took Chuck’s last name, so it’s no wonder she’s having a hard time figuring out where her loyalties lie. “She’s waiting outside to talk to you.”

  Jenny’s eyes light up and she stands so quickly she knocks over the chair behind her. Without a word to me, she walks across the hall into the office. I hear her say, “Sister, my friend is in the middle of a crisis and I need to leave school early today.”

  The nun mumbles some comforting words and promises to find someone to cover the library. Jen is back in seconds with her purse in tow. “Jen, we can’t talk on the grounds because someone might recognize Mom. It’s also possible you’re being followed, so we can’t just drive off together.”

  “Fine. Tell me where to meet you and I’ll go there.”

  I explain that if she’s seen with us, by whoever might be following us, this could be the point of no return. “Jen, I’m not sure if I’m ever going to be able to go back to my life. I don’t want the same thing to happen to you. You need to decide right now if that’s a chance you’re willing to take.”

  She doesn’t even hesitate before asking, “Where should I meet you?”

  I mention a location it wouldn’t look odd for a school librarian to go to in the middle of a work day. “Give us a five-minute head start.”

  CHAPTER 43

  On the way to the bookstore where my sister is meeting us, my mom and I discuss how much we’re going to share with her. We’ve decided to leave out all talk about 9/11 unless she decides to join us when we fall off the face of the earth.

  It’s already been an hour since we left the house, and Dad and Jake are probably waiting for us at the house, if they haven’t been caught, that is. I want to call them and let them know we’re okay, but my mom disagrees. “We’re only supposed to use the phones in case of emergency. This is not an emergency.”

  “But they’ll worry!”

  “We won’t take long with Jenny, so they won’t have to worry for much longer.”

  Jen meets us at Borders—a bookstore on Lake
Avenue—on the second floor in the mystery/thriller aisle. Call me crazy, but the location seemed fitting. When my little sister sees our mom, she throws herself into her arms. “I’ve been worried sick!”

  Mom shushes her, “I know, honey. I know.” Rocking her back and forth, she explains, “Kate and I are in a bit of a situation right now and we may be leaving for quite some time.”

  Jen chokes on a sob. “I want to go with you!”

  “Honey, if you go with us, you can’t tell Chuck.”

  Jen’s expression fills with panic. “Then all of us will have disappeared on him!” Looking wild-eyed, she declares, “I can’t do that to him.”

  Mom shakes her blonde ponytail sadly. “No, baby, I guess you can’t. But when things calm down, I promise I’m going to find a way to visit you.”

  “How will I contact you?” Jenny demands.

  “You can’t. Just know how much I love you and I promise to find a way to get in touch as soon as it’s safe.”

  Jen doesn’t want us to leave, and neither do Mom and I, but we’re only prolonging the agony. Also, every moment we’re together puts my sister at increased risk.

  Mom and I embrace Jen tightly and promise this isn’t it. We warn her not to let Chuck know we’re alive. It’s not that he doesn’t deserve the truth, but the more people who are aware of what’s happening, the more danger we’re all in.

  Jenny begs, “Mom, please let me tell him! It’s so unfair to put him through this.”

  “Jennifer,”—Bethanie uses her sternest mom voice— “there’s no way Chuck would sit back and do nothing if he knew we were alive. He’d leave no stone unturned to bring us home, and I promise you, that would be putting all of us in jeopardy.”

  Jenny seems to believe her. “Fine, I won’t tell him.”

  “If you’re ever tempted to, honey, remember it could be a death sentence for him, as well as us.”