See No More

by W B Dineen

  One more round of hugs and Mom instructs, “Go downstairs and buy yourself a muffin and cup of coffee. When you’re done with them, buy at least three books and don’t leave this store until you haven’t been crying for at least a half hour.”

  Jenny looks alarmed, so I mention, “In case you’re being watched.”

  Mom pushes her along. As soon as my sister’s safely down the stairs, we scurry out a side entrance and hurry to the bus stop. We make the trip in relative silence, each of us caught up in our own churning emotions.

  I’m sure we’re both wondering if we’ll live long enough to see Jenny again. But to voice those worries would make our situation more agonizingly real that it already is. We keep our fears to ourselves as if agreed upon by some unexpressed pact. It’s the only line to sanity left us.

  By the time we get back to the house, it’s been over two hours since we left. We take the back way in through Altadena Drive and sneak up the side of the property looking for any sign that Jake and Dad are there. When we don’t see any, Mom opens the door with her key. We slip in quietly and walk through the swinging door leading to the dining room. It isn’t until we’re sitting down in the living room that the full impact of saying goodbye to my sister hits us. It feels like a wrecking ball to the heart.

  CHAPTER 44

  Theo and Jake don’t arrive at the house for another two hours. By the time they walk through the front door, Mom and I are worried sick.

  My dad is the first to talk. “Bethanie, Katie, come sit down. We need to talk.”

  Mom demands, “Where have you been?”

  The guys share some secret man communication before Jake answers, “The papers I picked up off Eileen are pretty interesting.”

  Dad interjects, “Jake and I met up to look them over before coming back.”

  My mom’s eyes bug out. “What do you mean, you met up? I thought we were all coming back here.”

  My dad looks guilty. “That’s what we wanted you to think. Jake and I were trying not to bring you in on everything in hopes we could keep you safer.”

  “By doing what? Leaving us out of the loop?” my mother demands.

  “No, honey. We wanted to deal with whatever we learned from Eileen before endangering you further. We thought we might be able to get whoever’s chasing us to leave you both alone, by leading them away from you.”

  My mom leaps to her feet like she’s about to perform a karate move. “You were going to disappear again, weren’t you?”

  Jake interjects, “If we could have, we would have, if it meant protecting you both.”

  I accuse, “You were going to run and not let us know? Why would you do that?” That’s all I would have needed to secure my never trusting another man.

  Theo puts both hands out in front of him in the international “stop” gesture. “It doesn’t matter now.” Which is a statement neither Mom nor I agree with. It matters very much. It isn’t until he finishes telling his story that our anger begins to subside.

  Dad explains, “It looks like Eileen was in on it. She had copies of all the time stamps of the people who accessed the weapon the month prior to the theft.”

  “How did she get those?” I demand. “I thought they were under the jurisdiction of JPL.”

  Jake nods. “They were. She must have had a contact over there who agreed to help her. The paperwork in her briefcase was pretty damning, and if it’s to be believed, we know who sold out.”

  Mom looks up confused. “Of course we know who sold out. There’s never been any doubt it was Fareed Patel. Are you saying you finally know who he partnered with?”

  Dad shakes his head sadly. “According to the information in Eileen’s bag, it wasn’t Fareed at all.” He pauses for a beat before dropping a bomb. “It was Nikolay.”

  Holy crap. The man who was basically my father’s only family is responsible for his having to leave us and be on the run for all these years? Other than Jake and his dad, Nikolay is the only person my dad’s been able to trust. This is the ultimate betrayal. I wonder what really went down at the cemetery. Had the Russian been hoping to bury both me and Jake there? Would he have done so if Trina hadn’t shown up?

  CHAPTER 45

  Dad shuffles the papers around. “In a way, it all makes sense. As far back as college, Nikolay had more than a passing influence in my life.”

  I start to string my thoughts together. “Do you think he had something to do with your parents’ deaths?”

  Theo looks at me with haunted eyes. “If this information is to be believed, then that’s a real possibility. If the evidence is true, he must have already been working for the people he sold the technology to before he came to work on the project with me.” His eyes are so sad; I reach my hand out to him. “We were on the run together for twenty-five years! If he did this, he’s to blame for me having to leave you.”

  My mom sighs loudly. “Is there some reason you doubt this evidence about Nikolay?”

  Theo shakes his head. “I don’t want to believe it. If Niko is the one who sold the weapon, then that means I got duped in the most diabolical way. To insinuate yourself into a teenager’s life, to kill his parents, and then offer to fill their place as a guide and trusted confidant, to steer his future so he studies what you want him to study, research what you want him to research, out of greed. It rips my heart out. It would make me no more than a pawn in a sadistic game.”

  Jake interrupts, “I know Nikolay pretty well, and I have to confess, I’m having a hard time accepting this as true.”

  Mom closes her eyes as though deep in thought. “Is it possible the papers from Eileen are fake? And if so, what would be her motivation to share them?”

  My dad shrugs. “I guess the impetus would be so that Fareed could blame someone else and come out of hiding. Since she was shot before she could meet with him, she couldn’t tell secrets the enemy didn’t want told.”

  Jake raises his eyebrows as if he’s had a thought. “What if Niko is being played in the same way, and that’s why we haven’t heard from him?”

  Startled, I suggest, “You mean someone is running the same scam on him, telling him Theo was the scientist who went rogue and sold the weapon? Would he believe them?”

  With his elbows on the table in front of him, my dad rests his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to think. If I believe Niko has been betraying me since I was fifteen years old, then my whole perception of my life goes right out the window. But the way it’s been presented is so clean and logical, it seems it had to be him.”

  Jake stacks all the papers together. “I think we know where Niko would go if he’s having the same doubts.”

  My dad nods his head. He looks at my mom and me and announces, “We need to go back to Albany. If Niko isn’t behind this and he hasn’t been killed, there’s only one place he’d be sure I’d look for him.”

  CHAPTER 46

  I used to think I worked hard by going into the office at seven and not leaving until seven, traveling around the country to set up my music program at various schools, and having nearly no social life. But I’d go back in heartbeat without complaint. Absolutely no one ever shot at me, chased me, or blew things up to intimidate me. It’s a different world, let me tell you.

  After my parents go to bed, I sit on the couch snuggled under an afghan and stare into the empty fireplace. I concentrate like it’s a crystal ball with the power to unveil the secrets of the universe, as though it holds the answer to our getting out of this situation alive.

  I feel a lot better now that I’ve seen my sister and have vaguely explained what’s going on. I’m relieved I won’t be falling off the face of the earth without giving her some explanation and some hope she’ll see me again.

  Of all the spy/thriller books I’ve read in my lifetime, the people on the run usually have an occupation where they aren’t surprised by the fact they’re fleeing for their lives. I cite Robert Ludlum’s Jason Bourne books, and everything written by Tom Clancy and Vince Flyn
n. My dad, for instance, was developing some serious weaponry for our government. It’s not beyond the realm of possibility he’s in the trouble he is.

  I, on the other hand, am a music therapist. I help kids with autism. I occasionally go the movies with my sister. I do a hot yoga class three times a week. You see where I’m going here? Nothing thus far has prepared me for my current predicament. I’m a fish so far out of water I might as well be lying in the desert in a hundred-and-twenty-degree heat. If I don’t expand my thinking, and do it soon, I’m going to shrivel up. The thought pisses me off.

  I remind myself that Kate Randolph is not a quitter, she’s a survivor. What scares me is that to survive, I might have to become someone else. I’ve never wanted to be anyone else. I’m not sure I’d know how. My brain is about to short circuit at the thought.

  Jake comes in through the backdoor, shrugs off his jacket, kicks his boots under the table, and scoots me over so he can sit down.

  I lift the blanket I’m snuggled under and throw half of it over his lap. “Did you ever think anything like this would happen to you?” I clarify, “I mean being chased all over creation by some unknown enemy?”

  Jake wraps an arm around me and pulls me toward him. “Only in an abstract way. I mean, I knew the danger your father was in, and I promised to help if anyone ever came after him, but I’ve known him for nine years and nothing has happened before now. When he disappeared that day in Salem and didn’t check-in, part of me thought I should be worried, but another part didn’t think it was anything more than a missed check-in.”

  “When did you realize it was more?”

  He rests his chin on my head and chuckles. “When he called from an unidentified phone number and said, ‘Jake, this is the real deal. I’m gone. Set it all in motion and wait to hear from me.’”

  I can picture the scene unfolding in my head like it happened on a movie screen. I snort in response. “That’d do it.” After a few moments of enjoying being in the arms of another human being, I ask, “Do you have a girlfriend?” Then a shocking thought hits me. “Are you married?” Just because I never saw a wife back in Albany, doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist.

  “Nope, neither one.”

  “What’s wrong with you?” I demand. I mean seriously, this man is to-die-for gorgeous and smoking hot in the most rugged and earthy sense. Why hasn’t he been snapped up?

  He laughs. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?”

  I guess I deserve that. “Nothing’s wrong with me.” I explain, “I live in Los Angeles where thirty-three-year-old women are only hit on by sixty-year-old men. I’m not a hot commodity in my world unless some grandpa is looking for a date.” I look up at him and add. “Plus, I’m on the road a lot with my job. What’s your story?”

  “I have the opposite problem. As a professor, the bulk of women I’m surrounded by are way too young for me. They hit on me anyway, but I don’t want to be involved with someone who’s in a completely different stage in life than I am. Also, people tend to get married a lot younger in Oregon, so there aren’t a huge number of available women in the age group that interests me.”

  Turning flirtatious, I look up at him and bat my eyes. “What age group might that be?”

  He smiles down at me. “Currently, I’m captivated by the thirty-three-year-old demographic.” Then he caresses my mouth with the pad of his thumb, before placing the most tender kiss imaginable on it. It’s tentative at first, but slowly grows bolder. I throw a leg over his lap and straddle him like I want to melt into him.

  We make out for several minutes like a couple of teenagers in the backseat of a Chevy, except there’s more emotion involved. This isn’t just hormones run amok. This is life, death, yearning, hope, despair; it’s everything wrapped into one, and it’s intense.

  Jake carries me to the bed we’ve been innocently sharing and gently lays me down. “What should we do now?”

  I really think about the answer. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone else. Maybe it’s because of the excitement and danger of our current situation or maybe it’s real. “I guess we could either act like every day might be our last and live each moment to the fullest, or we could proceed carefully, like we have a long life ahead of us and make our decision accordingly.”

  He crawls into bed next to me and pulls me into his arms. He doesn’t pursue any more intimacy than that. He exhales slowly. “Let’s choose life. Let’s plan on living for a very long time and let’s really get to know each other before consummating whatever this is between us.”

  It’s the perfect answer. And while I could probably use a nice dip in an icy mountain stream to cool off, I know he’s right. Choosing to believe we’re going to live a long time is probably the only way we will. And if we have a long future, I’m starting to think I want this man to be a part of it.

  CHAPTER 47

  I’m the last one up, again. My parents and Jake are sitting at the dining room table drinking coffee and discussing plans. I stagger in and my mom jumps up to pour me a high-octane cup of coffee.

  I can’t even focus on their words until I’ve drunk half of it. Finally, my brain kicks in and I want to know, “So, now Russia is a possible enemy as well as our own government?” I look around for confirmation. It seems that if we believe Nikolay was part of the plot to steal the weapon, we’re assuming his native country has his allegiance. “And either Nikolay or Fareed working independently. Is that it?”

  Theo answers, “I think we can cross out the last one. That was pie-in-the-sky dreaming on my part. Both of my old partners are in their later years, if they’re still alive, that is. As such, they’d be less able to gun people down, blow up tunnels, and disappear effortlessly. The details don’t add up.”

  I try again, “So, it’s either our government or Russia?”

  Jake interjects, “Or factions from both.”

  Dad shrugs his shoulders. “The Cold War ended in ninety-one, and Niko and I ran in ninety-three. Even though the world saw the USSR break apart and regroup, we were never convinced it was anything more than a giant public relations effort to make the former Soviet Union seem like it was no longer a threat. And you can be certain American interests were being represented in the restructuring as new countries and new allegiances were formed. Russia must be a suspect for that reason. Also, right after 9/11, they contracted to sell off billions of dollars’ worth of weapons to Iran, which still makes the Middle East a viable partner. Just not in the way it was sold to us.”

  I rub my eyes like I’m trying to clear cobwebs out of them. “It sounds like we might never know who was behind the theft of the weapon and who used it on the Twin Towers.”

  “Correct.” Theo nods. “And while we’d like to know, the bigger issue is finding out where the weapon is now, so it can’t be used again.”

  I ask, “Do you think we might still come out of this with our lives intact?” Theo tilts his head in an ambiguous non-reassuring fashion. I conclude, “So, our next step is to meet up with Nikolay to see if he was a part of it or if he is who he’s always claimed to be?”

  “Yes,” Theo answers. “We need to know one way or another. Either he’s being framed or he’s the enemy, and we have to do whatever is necessary to find out the truth.”

  I’m assuming by “whatever is necessary,” my dad’s talking drugs, thumbscrews, or perhaps some good old-fashioned water-boarding. “Where would Nikolay go?” Then I ask, “And if it wasn’t him, why would someone try to frame him?”

  Jake answers, “If Niko didn’t do it and was being set up, it was probably so Fareed could blame him and come out of hiding.”

  Theo answers, “If he’s alive, and having questions about my allegiance, he’s gone to the lab we set up in Albany.”

  “You built a lab?” I demand.

  My dad nods in affirmation. “How else would two scientists spend their time? Niko was more reclusive than I was. He’d already defected from one country and he didn’t want to have to lea
ve another, so he made sure to keep a very low profile. He lived ten minutes away in Corvallis, where a Russian accent wouldn’t be questioned. Since it’s a university town, Corvallis is the home to a lot of visiting scholars and students. He did his shopping and minimal socializing there, staying totally out of the Albany scene. We met at the lab most days to continue our research.”

  My mom pipes in, “What were you researching?”

  Theo answers vaguely, “Nothing related to the antimatter weapon.” And while he says this, I know he’s not telling the complete truth. There’s more going on than he’s copping to.

  I refill my coffee cup. “What about the other notes Brittany delivered? Don’t you want to stay in town and see what the others know?” Brit left a message that all three missives had been delivered without incident.

  My dad shakes his head. “They won’t show up now that Eileen’s been shot. If they were involved in any way, they’re probably running scared and have already left town.”

  Jake interjects, “So we’re off to Oregon to see where we stand with Niko, if he’s still alive?”

  “Exactly.” Theo stands up and stretches his arms back and forth. “I think we should travel separately, so it’ll be harder to track us.”

  “Individually or in teams?” Jake enquires.

  “Individually. We’ll all meet at the lab tomorrow at three, but we’ll get there on our own.” My dad takes turns looking at each of us. “I’ll buy the airline tickets. We’ll go out of different airports and arrive via different routes. I have new identification, credit cards, and cash for all of you.” I have no idea how he’s managed this, but assume the answer has something to do with the secrets he’s obviously still harboring.

  Four hours later, I fly out of John Wayne airport in Orange County as a redhead with purple highlights. I fly into San Francisco before transferring to a plane that takes me to Portland. For the second time in as many weeks I arrive in Oregon, except this time I’m not coming for a funeral. I hope not, anyway.