He looked at her then and read the uncertainty in her beautiful hazel eyes. “I made a promise when I signed the contract and took you to bed,” he said. “I intend to keep it.”
Cassandra shook her head. “I’m not sure I want another match filled with obligation and…”
She reached her hand and touched his cheek. Just for a second.
“The alternative is that we had relations without the sanctity of marriage. Are you prepared for that?”
Her face spasmed, pain lancing across her features. There was his answer. They had to get married regardless of the lie between them.
“The past has a way of repeating itself, doesn’t it?”
Pain tightened like a band around his chest. “It certainly does.”
She drew in a deep breath. “Where do we go from here?”
He traced the outside curve of her arm. “We marry. We give you security, me an heir. We make the best of our future.”
“Make the best?” She let out a sigh and then stepped back. “I wish you safe travels.”
Then she turned and fled the room, not looking back.
He stood watching the door for the longest time. Part of him wanted to call her back and kiss her senseless. But another voice told him to keep his distance, allow some safe space between his feelings and her heart.
He couldn’t afford to give his affection to the wrong woman again.
Chapter Twelve
Cassandra stared out the window of the sitting room as the sun shined bright in the afternoon sky. Three days had passed since Damian had left. She’d attempted to be a hostess of sorts to Raithe’s guests.
She’d taken them on tours of the property. Introduced Charlie to the staff. But with each hour that ticked by, Cassandra had grown increasingly fidgety.
What if he didn’t come back? Her breath hitched. What if he did but never forgave her? She’d heard his words but there had been a feeling missing between them. The heat had been gone…what if it didn’t return and she was trapped in another cold marriage?
Was that her fate? To marry but never quite capture her husband’s true affections?
She turned from the window, smoothing her skirts, her stomach churning. That was when she started. She’d been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t heard Charlie and Ophelia enter but they stood just behind her, matching looks of concern on their faces. “Oh. My apologies. I didn’t hear…”
Charlie reached for her hand. “You were lost in thought.” The other woman gave her a kind smile.
Ophelia nodded. “We understand. Both of us struggled to…” She placed a finger on her chin, looking up at the ceiling.
Charlie wrinkled her nose. “Struggled to tame our rather errant rakes.”
Ophelia laughed and some of the tension in Cassandra eased. Their words made her feel as though she had allies. Other than Raithe, she’d been adrift and alone these past few years. “You struggled with Raithe?”
Charlie gave her a soft smile. “He was determined to remain unattached after his past, and of course, he was worried about you too.”
She looked down at the floor, wincing. “I never wanted to be a burden to Raithe.”
“You’re not.” Charlie squeezed her hand. “If anything, what you did for your first husband makes you a hero.”
She shook her head. “It only looks that way from the outside.”
Ophelia reached for her other hand, drawing her toward the door. “All heroes say that. Even in the great stories. They were doing what was necessary,” she said. “They didn’t have choices. They had to make sacrifices. That doesn’t mean they were any less heroic.”
“Ophelia loves literature,” Charlie added as they continued pulling her out the door and down the hall. “Shakespeare in particular.”
“Where are we going?” Cassandra asked as they started down the stairs.
“For a walk,” Ophelia answered. “Fresh air always clears the head and exercise soothes the nerves.”
Charlie wrapped an arm about her waist. “And talking will provide some clarity.”
She shook her head. “That’s very kind but I don’t think I’m ready to—” She didn’t know how to tell them that she could never share the intimate details of what she’d done with Damian. While it had been wonderful, she knew being intimate with him was also wrong. Even worse, how could she ever share with these women that she’d also considered becoming his mistress, had relations with him before they said their vows?
Ophelia opened the door and they moved into the sun, making their way to a shady wooded path.
“Let me tell you about my courtship instead. When I first met His Grace, I painted him as a hero from a story. I allowed him to kiss me. Then it became clear that he wasn’t serious about me at all. For a time, I considered ignoring him entirely until I realized he’d been hurt and needed my help.”
Cassandra paused for just a moment. This all sounded achingly familiar. “Really? You decided you needed to help him?”
“I did.”
Charlie tightened her grip on Cassandra’s waist. “You, probably better than anyone, know that Raithe needed my help. He was a bit like a lost puppy. A very naughty one.”
Cassandra held back a laugh as she looked at the beautiful brunette next to her. Raithe most certainly needed help. “How did you help him?”
One of Charlie’s shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Well for starters, I allowed things to develop between us physically. He needed that connection to open up.”
Cassandra’s head dipped. Did she dare confess she’d already tried that route? Or that her own lie stood between them. “What if that connection isn’t enough?”
“You must keep trying to connect,” Ophelia answered. “It took me several tries with Chase.”
She stopped walking, taking those words in. They’d been so intertwined when they’d spent the night together. It made complete sense that continuing their physical intimacy would lead to more emotional connection. “How did I not think of that,” she murmured as she nodded her head. Their words were like light shining onto the darkness.
“Your duke and Raithe will return tomorrow or the next day. Get him alone as much as possible. That’s your answer.” Charlie laced her fingers into hers. “We are going to be like family, Cassandra. Feel free to seek me out for advice at any time. Talking always provides clarity.”
For the first time since Damian had left, hope bloomed in her chest. Could she win her husband’s heart the way he’d won hers?
Damian sat on his horse, Balstead next to him. They hadn’t spoken a word in hours, hardly talked the entire trip.
He liked the other man far more for it.
Not every lord was confident enough to endure silence.
And it left him free to enjoy the journey. Birds chirped as the sun streamed through the branches of trees. The scenery had calmed his mind even as the trip tired his body.
“Can I ask you a question?” Balstead asked, finally breaking the quiet.
He looked over at the other man’s dark, menacing looks. “If you must.”
One corner of Balstead’s lips tipped up. “When you return and marry Cassandra, will you leave right away?”
He blinked. “I hadn’t considered my plans beyond the wedding.”
Balstead pulled closer to him. “I have a lovely dower house on the estate. Could I request that you stay so that Cassandra may attend my wedding?”
He pulled up his horse, looking over at Balstead. “May I think on it?”
Balstead gave a single nod, his mouth turning down. “Of course.” He shifted in his saddle. “Cassandra, John, and I were best friends as children. I loved them both like my brother and my sister.”
Damian turned in the saddle to face Balstead. “I understand. You love her like family and want her at your wedding. I’m sure you also want to see that she is happy in my care.”
Balstead gave a quick jerk of his chin. “I do. But also…” He scrubbed the back of his neck. “John whisked C
assandra away after their wedding. I think he always wanted her to himself. I’m glad she’s marrying again and I’m even happier it’s to someone besides John. It’s the best for her but I don’t want to see her disappear again. She’s all the family I have in this world.” He stroked his jaw. “I love Charlie with all my heart but I first asked her to be my wife so that she might help Cassandra socially.”
Damian stilled, those words touching something deep inside him. Balstead considered Cassandra like a sister. “You also lied to six powerful men to try and make a match for her.”
Balstead straightened. “I did and I’d do it again.” He stepped his horse closer. “Lying makes Cassandra wildly uncomfortable. When we were children, John and I called her our voice of reason. She kept us out of the worst sorts of trouble. And I’d like to think, I kept her father from turning her into a nun.”
Memories of their night together filled his thoughts. “She definitely isn’t a nun.”
Balstead waved him off. “I don’t want to know. But I can tell you, she would not have attempted to deceive you if I hadn’t first lied and, as your wife, she’ll be unfailingly honest. In fact, you may wish for a few falsehoods after a while.”
His eyebrows cocked. Somehow, he doubted that. “Good to know.”
Balstead started his horse forward again. “If we push our horses, we could be back by tonight.”
Damian followed behind the other man, feeling the license in his pocket. He’d told himself that he’d stay at an inn until after the wedding. It was part of keeping his distance. But the idea of holding her in his arms tonight, was tempting beyond belief. “You go ahead. I’ve got another errand to complete before the wedding.”
Balstead stopped again. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“I’ve made nine-tenths of the journey. I’m not backing out now.” He passed by Balstead. “I’ve obtained the license. I’m marrying her.”
Balstead narrowed his gaze. “I leave the trusting to Cassandra.”
Damian let out a small noise of dissent deep in his throat. He kicked his horse forward, not sure if he just travelled his path and left Balstead to follow, or if he should take the time to explain. It occurred to Damian that Balstead would be a part of his life for a long time, he finally turned his horse back. “If you must know, I still need to purchase rings.”
Balstead’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t you say so? I can help.”
“I don’t need help. I need you to stop acting like my shadow.”
Balstead smiled. “Sorry. I don’t take hints very well.”
“That wasn’t a hint.”
His smile broadened. “I don’t take overt suggestions well either. What I know is you bedded my very moral friend. I’ll not allow you to slip away without providing for her and any consequences that may have arisen.”
Damian blinked. He hadn’t even considered that a child might have been created from their night together. But it was possible.
And he was a man of honor. He’d marry her now, no matter what.
Chapter Thirteen
The sound of the front door pulled Cassandra from her late-night fireside musings. She stood, turning to the door as a deep voice echoed through the foyer.
Charlie stood too. “Was that Raithe?”
Cassandra gave a curt nod. “I believe it was.”
Without a word, both women started for the door and quickly made their way down the stairs. For Cassandra’s part, she had to curl her fists into her skirt to keep from lifting her skirts and running.
But she stopped short at the bottom of the steps. Charlie raced ahead of her, launching herself into Raithe’s waiting arms.
Damian hadn’t arrived too. Her throat burned as she blinked back a sudden burst of water in her eyes. She’d told herself she’d understand, but in this moment, she wanted him more than anything else in this world.
She covered her mouth as she blinked back tears.
Raithe glanced up at her, lifting his head from the crook of Charlie’s neck. “He’ll be here first thing in the morning. You’re getting married tomorrow.”
For some reason, his reassurances didn’t stop the tears, in fact, they only burned the more, though she blinked them away. “Why not come now?”
He drew in a breath. “He had another errand to run. But he’s on his way.”
She looked toward the far wall, drawing in several deep breaths. Did she believe Raithe? Why would he lie? And even if Damian would arrive tomorrow, why wasn’t he here now? She’d thought of little else but him these past several days. “All right,” she said. After all, what choice did she have in the matter now?
“The priest will perform the ceremony at nine sharp. And best of all, he’s agreed to stay here until Charlie and I get married so you’ll be able to attend.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask if Damian planned to take her with him when he left or if he just intended to leave her here. “I’m glad on that front.”
Raithe grimaced as Charlie turned back to her too. “You’re worried.”
She twisted her hands together. “I’m fine.”
“She isn’t,” Charlie added. “But she will be.” Then she winked. “You should go and get some rest.”
Cassandra nodded as she pivoted to return up the stairs. After returning to her room, she knew she wouldn’t sleep. Her stomach was a nervous knot and her mind spun with the idea that he might not come tomorrow.
She’d never marry again. Of that she was certain. There had to be a better way to support oneself. Her heart couldn’t take another failure.
If he did come…well then, she’d do exactly as Charlie and Ophelia suggested. She’d not give him a choice. He’d love her. She’d make certain of it.
Somewhere around dawn, she fell asleep, and woke not two hours later feeling tired and drained.
But it was her wedding day. Part of her was afraid to dress, but a knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts.
“Cassandra?” Charlie called. “Are you awake?”
“Unfortunately,” she called back with a sigh.
“Did you sleep at all?” This from Ophelia.
She got out of bed and tossed on her dressing gown. “Barely.” Then she crossed the room and opened the door.
The two women stood on the other side wearing matching looks of sympathy. “We’ve come to help you get ready.”
She shook her head. “That’s very nice but…” Her gaze cast down. “I’m worried he won’t come. And if he does that he’ll marry me and then leave me here. Or that—”
Ophelia stepped into the room and wrapped an arm about Cassandra. “He travelled all the way to London, got the license, and returned. Of course he’ll be there. And he’ll most assuredly take you with him. You’ve got an heir to make, remember? Which gives you time to win his heart. Try not to worry.”
She drew in a long, steadying breath. That gave her hope. “That’s true. I wish I’d spoken to you last night.”
Everyone laughed and Cassandra relaxed a bit. Charlie waved to someone out of view and a maid came through the door carrying a gown of the softest pale green that Cassandra had ever seen. “I think we’re about the same size. And this gown reminded me of the color of your eyes. I want you to wear it.”
A lump formed in her throat but this one wasn’t from worry but for joy. “Really? That’s too kind.”
“I insist,” Charlie replied. “You’re going to look stunning for your wedding.”
She drew in a deep breath. Would she look good enough that Damian wouldn’t be able to resist her?
Damian stood at the front of the church watching the door. He’d lain awake in the inn wondering, what he was running from?
He’d tried to tell himself he wasn’t frightened, just being sensible. Making certain he wasn’t hurt again, but the more he’d repeated the words, the more cowardly they sounded. The problem was that Cassandra was everything he might want in a wife and he’d begun to worry, he just couldn’t hold back
from her and keep his heart out of their marriage. Damian was most certainly in danger of falling in love.
The doors opened and his breath caught. Balstead entered with Cassandra on his arm. She wore a dress of pale green, looking like a vision of beauty and grace. She was always beautiful but today… He swallowed hard. Today she was irresistible.
And his plan was completely flawed. How could he ever keep his distance from her?
The organ began to play and the Duke of Rathmore stood next to him, softly humming to the music. “I love weddings,” he said, beginning to hum again.
“I wish I could have your optimism.”
Rathmore grinned. “You will. Very soon.”
“What does that mean?” he muttered out of the side of his mouth as the vicar cleared his throat.
Rathmore stepped closer, leaning his hand on Damian’s shoulder. “You’ve picked a good one. She’ll make you happy if you let her.”
Those words reverberated in his chest as Raithe stopped in front of him, silently handing Cassandra over to him.
The moment her hand slipped into his, a warmth filled him that he hadn’t expected.
She was about to be his.
A surge of excitement coursed through his veins that he attempted to push back down. Their eyes met and hers held all the uncertainty that he felt. They were round and wide and her lip trembled just the slightest bit.
Damn. As much as he was in turmoil, he hated to see her looking so scared.
Reaching out a hand, he took her gloved fingers into his. She slipped her arm from Balstead’s and placed both her hands in his. “You came.”
The slight wavering in her voice made his heart twist. But he schooled his voice into a lower, harder pitch. He needed to keep his distance. “Of course, I did. I said I would.”
She shook her head. “I know but people don’t always do what they say they will.”
Romancing the Rake: Seven Regency Romances Page 63