Rude Awakenings

by Jonathan Eaves

wasn't anything that Theo could really do to harm Henry. Nowadays it was quite the opposite, in fact. Not that Theo was aware of the fact.

  Henry gave a small shrug of resignation before disappearing without any drama at all. He simply didn't go in for all that finger-clicking stuff. He'd rather leave the theatricals to Theo.

  108

  It had become immediately apparent that the current was much stronger than expected and it was taking all of Will's strength to keep the ferry going in the right direction with the pole. After a quick search of the small craft Anyx had managed to locate a couple of oars in the bottom of the small craft and now he and A'Veil set about assisting Will. Despite their combined efforts they still struggled to gain control of the boat; it was like being caught up in a rip tide and the current continued to hold them in its thrall, a rushing torrent of foam-flecked water created by the huge volume of melt-water rushing down from the Ragged Ridge Mountains and tumbling towards the Cataracts of the Damned.

  Eventually, using their last reserves of strength, they somehow managed to thwart the river's might and reach the opposite bank. The journey of two hundred yards had taken them almost an hour. Sodden and close to exhaustion, they toiled in pulling the boat up onto the bank as the jetty was further upstream, the current having beaten them in the final ten minutes. Then they all laid on the grassy bank, panting hard as they recovered their strength, and silently mourned for Azif.

  Anyx closed his eyes and the image of the Moor kneeling before the Ferryman sprang into his mind. He wondered if the others had seen what he'd seen. By the sound of A'Veil's sobs it sounded as if at least she had. He turned to her.

  'He was a brave man,' he said simply.

  The Maid merely nodded, tears glistening in her red eyes.

  'But we mustn't let his death be in vain. We've got to continue - get to Horse Gorse and meet up with Robin.'

  A'Veil sat up and wiped her eyes. 'You're right.' She stood up. 'Come on then.'

  Will sighed with effort as he struggled to his feet. 'I hate to put a dampener on things,' he said wearily, 'but does anyone actually know the way to Old Horse Gorse?'

  Anyx and A'Veil looked at each other. 'Well,' said Anyx, doubt in his voice. 'Azif said something about heading due west... Didn't he?'

  'I think so,' agreed Will, unsurely. 'I couldn't quite make out his words above the sound of the river-'

  'Well, we'll just have to ask somebody,' suggested the Maid with the innate common sense of the fairer sex.

  'Ask somebody?' asked Anyx doubtfully, and his uncertainty wasn't solely because he was male and asking directions is, of course, an anathema to that sex. 'Take a good look around,' he said. 'We're in a bloody great cemetery. Who exactly do you propose asking?'

  'What about him,' replied A'Veil, pointing.

  Anyx turned to see what was either a fairly tall dwarf or a very small human hunched over what looked like an ancient, battered shovel.

  'Oh,' said Anyx, clearly taken aback. 'All right then.'

  The three of them approached the crooked shovel-wielder who was obviously oblivious to their approach - right up until the very last moment, when seeing them caused him to jump at least three feet in the air.

  'Bloody hell,' he cried, once his heart-beat was back to normal. 'Fancy creeping up on a bloke like that, and in a cemetery too! Thought you was bloody ghosts, and one of them big Moorish ghosts at that.'

  'We're terribly sorry,' said A'Veil sympathetically.

  'What?'

  'She said we're very sorry,' repeated Anyx.

  'Eh? What did you say? Speak up, now.' It was obvious that the man was very hard of hearing.

  Anyx raised his voice. 'WE'RE VERY SORRY FOR HAVING FRIGHTENED YOU.'

  The man nodded.

  'MY NAME IS ANYX, THIS IS THE MAID A'VEIL, AND THIS,' he said, pointing, 'IS WILL SCARPER.'

  'Alf Forsooth,' the man grunted, leaning on his shovel. 'Preventative Maintenance Operative and Manual Crypt Excavator.'

  'What?' whispered Will, although he had no need.

  'Caretaker and Gravedigger,' Anyx answered smoothly. He turned back to Alf. 'VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, MR FORSOOTH. WE WERE WONDERING IF YOU HAPPENED TO KNOW THE WAY TO OLD HORSE GORSE.'

  'Eh?'

  'I SAID OLD HORSE GORSE, MR FORSOOTH. COULD YOU

  POSSIBLY GIVE US DIRECTIONS TO OLD HORSE GORSE?'

  'Old 'Orse Gorse, you say?'

  'THAT'S RIGHT.' The dwarf was beginning to get a sore throat.

  'So you want to go to Old 'Orse Gorse, then?' the gravedigger asked.

  'YES,' replied Anyx. 'WE'RE MEETING SOME FRIENDS THERE.'

  'Really?' asked Alf, a twinkle suddenly appearing in his eyes. 'Friends, eh?' Then a look of puzzlement crossed his face. 'What, even the lady?'

  'YES. SHE'LL BE MEETING FRIENDS ALSO.'

  Alf shrugged. 'Ah well,' he said. 'Each to their own, I s'pose.' He sucked at his gums before making a pointing gesture with his shovel. 'See that opening between them two ancient yew trees over there?'

  They all nodded.

  'There's a track there that leads directly to Old 'Orse Gorse. Just you keep on down that path for an hour or so and you won't be able to miss it.' He took one last questioning look at them before turning resume his excavating.

  'THANK YOU,' shouted Anyx. 'YOU'VE BEEN MOST KIND.'

  109

  The track was surprisingly well-trodden and the three of them enjoyed the easy going, despite their still wet clothes and aching limbs. At first the path meandered through sparse woodlands, then lush green Downlands. To their left the Ragged Range Mountains loomed over them, and in front of them they could see several clumps of thick woodland, evenly distanced apart. They seemed to be heading directly in a straight line towards one of them - Old Horse Gorse, they all presumed.

  The sun was warm on their backs, drying them as they walked, but a cold wind from the north occasionally whipped at their faces which would prompt them all to alternately don then disrobe their cloaks. But overall the walk was pleasant with only the sadness at Azif's death spoiling the mood.

  Anyx had found himself surprised at his feelings over the Moor's death. After all, he had known him less than a day, but there was something about the man's obvious honour and quiet dignity that had somehow got through to him. As he trudged onwards he vowed to himself to try and be a better dwarf - to somehow live up to Azif's example. He'd give up the booze (though by the Gods he could really do with a drink now!), and get himself a steady job (well, after he'd had a nice long holiday - this quest malarkey was exhausting, it would take him weeks to recover). And he would get rid of his cynicism ('yeah, right!' said a voice inside him). But most of all he would try to live his life with a little more dignity, he thought, as he scratched enthusiastically at his crotch.

  Besides him Will and A'Veil were silent, both lost in their own thoughts. It was therefore a surprise to them when the rolling grasslands gave way to the trees of Old Horse Gorse. After the loss of Azif it would be good to see the rest of the band, they all thought.

  Anyx, the Maid and Will ventured cautiously into Old Horse Gorse, on a well-beaten track, with the sun dappling through the trees and the wind causing gentle susurrations in the treetops. But over the whispering of the leaves the dwarf thought could hear voices.

  'Come on, this way,' he said, relief in his voice. 'Let's go find Robin.'

  The clearing into which they emerged however contained not the Merrie Men, more a band of merry women, all of whom appeared to be of the more mature variety. One of them, sporting a magnificent purple rinse, and a décolletage of epic proportions, turned to them as they approached.

  ''Ello, love,' she greeted Anyx. 'Madame Joy's the name.' She nodded over her shoulder. 'D'you see anything you like?'

  The dwarf looked puzzled. 'Pardon?'

  'Or p'raps you're selling rather than buying, eh?' Madame Joy asked, eyeing the Maid A'Veil up and down.

  'I'm sorry, I don't understand. We're... looking for someone.'
/>   Madame Joy laughed heartily, with not so much a twinkle in her eye as a supernova. 'Well, you've come to the right place, dearie, that's for sure.'

  'Yes, well, his name is Robin, he's quite tall, dark hair, sometimes talks a bit posh, but only until he gets to know you-'

  'Well, we don't usually do that sort of thing but Nigel here might be of some assistance.' A slim, white-haired, slightly effeminate man, dressed from head to toe in lilac and sporting a bouffant, walked forward. 'You can call me Robin, if you like,' he offered with a wink.

  'Er,' whispered Will, stepping forward. 'I think that they're expecting you to-'

  'I bloody know what they're expecting,' replied Anyx, suddenly realising. His face reddened as he turned to Madame Joy. 'Excuse me, I'm not interested in... Nigel. But I must find my... acquaintance Robin. It is very important. Has anyone with his description been this way? He would have been accompanied by several others, one of whom is an elephant-'

  'Well... no. I'm fairly sure I would have remembered an elephant.'

  'Are you absolutely sure?'

  'Absolutely,' replied the Madame.

  'Damn! He should have been here by now,' he said, turning to his companions. 'Meet at Old Horse Gorse, by no later than nightfall of today, he had said.'

  'Excuse me dear,' Madame Joy interrupted. 'Did you say 'Old Horse Gorse'?'

  'Yes, Old Horse Gorse,' replied the dwarf.

  'Well there you are then, dearie. You're in the wrong Gorse entirely. You see, this is Old Wh-' she leant over to whisper the rest in Anyx's ear. She stood back up. 'Old Horse Gorse is the very next Gorse along,' she said, pointing. 'It's only half a mile away.'

  110

  Robin pushed them hard, conscious of time running out. Wherever Wacchus' birthplace was, they needed to be there no by later than sundown tomorrow. We're not going to make it, he privately feared, but he pushed on regardless.

  The early afternoon sun was beating down[27], and Brother Grub, in particular, was finding the going hard. Robin briefly considered calling a halt, but decided against it. They couldn't be that far from Old Horse Gorse by now.

  Soon they found themselves trekking through a wild meadow, whilst up ahead, over a small rise, a line of trees now appeared. 'Old Horse Gorse, up ahead,' Robin cried, and, revived by the site of the woods, the Merrie Men upped their pace and within minutes they were approaching the trees.

  From the meadow there was an obvious track leading into the woods and shortly after stepping on the rough pathway they were in a clearing where, sitting upon the ground on a cushion of moss and bracken, they were re-united with the Maid A'Veil, Will and Anyx. Shouting, Robin rushed towards the Maid and embraced her. Eventually he released A'Veil and turned to Will and Anyx.

  'Where's Azif?' he asked, puzzled.

  There was a momentary silence.

  'He didn't make it,' the dwarf eventually conceded.

  'You couldn't get him out?' asked Robin.

  'No, we got him out, and he came with us as far as Deadferry-'

  'He's dead, Robin,' A'Veil said gently, taking his hand in hers. 'I'm so sorry.' And she told him of Azif's battle with the Ferryman, and the sacrifice he had ultimately made.

  When she finished her tale Robin sat down heavily, shaking his head in disbelief. 'But we need him,' he eventually said. 'We need his strength.'

  'Our strength will just have to be enough,' replied the Maid. Then, suddenly realising, asked 'Where's Annabel, and the doctor?'

  Robin looked up into the Maid's eyes. 'I don't know. I had hoped they'd be here by now, they had to take an alternative route,' he explained. 'We came through a passageway under the mountains, but it was too narrow for Annabel. She and the doctor continued over the pass. But the weather was terrible.'

  'Do you think something may have happened to them?'

  'I can't say. I hope not, but it may be that we have to carry on without them.'

  Anyx stood forward. 'I know time isn't on our side,' the dwarf admitted, 'but Annabel's and the doctor's gifts may be useful.