Rude Awakenings

by Jonathan Eaves

pressed. 'You did, I can tell.' He shook his head. 'You're a thieving little sod.'

  Anyx looked up into the face of Robin and heaved a sigh. 'That's right, I'm a thieving little sod and a lying little bugger,' he said wearily, slumping to the ground. 'Pretty worthless altogether, wouldn't you agree? So how can I, a useless waste of air in your opinion, possibly be your adored Awakener, huh? Answer me that.'

  To the dwarf's surprise Robin's face broke into a grin. 'You don't get it, do you?' he laughed. 'Think about it. You nicked a bottle of whisky.'

  'So?'

  'You stole a bottle of spirits.'

  The dwarf looked blank.

  'Don't you see what that means?' asked Robin. 'It means that you are, in fact, a spirit stealer.'

  Anyx jumped to his feet. 'Whoa there! Just hang on a minute. That's just, well, downright ridiculous!'

  'Come on, just admit it, dwarf. You are the Awakener; all the evidence points to you being Wacchus' redeemer. As much as you deny it to yourself, you can't escape the fact that it's your fate.'

  Anyx bent to pick up his pack, shaking his head. 'The only fates I believe in are the ones that have beer tents, really bad hot dogs and the opportunity to hook-a-duck, okay? You're wrong, Robin. I don't believe in your silly little prophecy any more than I believe that I'm your so-called Awakener.' He gave a shrug of resignation. 'But I guess there's only one way to prove it once and for all and that's by finishing this damn thing. In which case,' he continued, 'we should get on.'

  Robin nodded his agreement. 'You're right, but, believe me, this conversation isn't over yet.'

  'So where is Tri Via exactly?' asked Anyx, ignoring the outlaw leader's last comment. He turned to the doctor, who was, by now, on his feet... albeit a little unsteadily.

  'Annabel says less than half a league, due north,' Dosodall translated from Annabel's low grumble. 'After leaving Horse Gorse the ground rises before we reach more woodland. Apparently, it's within this part of the forest that Tri Via is located.'

  'Right then,' said the dwarf. 'Let's get going then.'

  111

  Theodore looked up from his desk as Henry's head appeared in the doorway. Henry looked sheepish, which was the normal state of affairs, but somehow Theodore had a bad feeling. 'You were quick,' he pointed out. 'Any problems?'

  Henry cleared his throat. 'Well-'

  Theodore sighed. 'I'm not going to like this, am I, Henry?'

  Although Henry had decided that he would simply come clean, now that he was confronted by Theo's frowning face, he wasn't entirely sure he could go through with it. But, then again, he hadn't had time to make up an excuse plausible enough to fool his cousin. He shook his head. He didn't really have any other choice than to tell the truth. 'I'm sorry, Theo. I just couldn't do it-'

  Surprisingly Theo didn't erupt. He merely sat back, shook his head, very gently, and absent-mindedly stroked his goatee beard. Somehow Theodore's calmness was much more disturbing than his fury, but then Henry remembered; Theodore's influence over him was coming to an end...

  'Am I to assume that our merrie friends have made it through the mountains?'

  Henry nodded. 'Yes, though it was a bit touch and go at one point. You see, I'd said-'

  'Spare me the details, dear cousin. I really don't want to know. I knew I should have just dealt with this matter myself, but I mistakenly thought that even you, Henry, couldn't balls up such a simple task. I blame myself.' He looked over his desk. 'Now where's my bloody PDA?'[29]

  'You usually keep it in the second drawer down.'

  Theo looked up at his cousin. 'That's about all you're good for, isn't it, Henry?' he asked with derision. 'Knowing what's in people's drawers.'

  Henry didn't reply. He'd been the victim of Theo's criticisms for as long as he could remember, and for a long time he had believed that he deserved it. But after his return from exile he had begun to realise that Theodore was nothing more than a bully. Furthermore, Henry had come to believe that Theodore De Ville was guilty of abusing his power although, he had to concede, this was probably what was expected in a devil. But now he had decided enough was enough. He'd thought about it for a while but now the time was fast approaching. One day soon, Henry would, in his own way, address Theo's ill-treatment of him, but he would need to be careful; to bide his time and wait for the right moment. In the meantime he would continue to play the role of Theo's useless cousin.

  'Not got anything to say, cousin? Cat got your tongue?' Theo sneered, without looking at Henry. Instead he was staring at the PDA. He gave it a quick shake 'And why isn't this bloody thing working?' he cried, exasperated.

  Henry glanced over at the instrument. 'It looks like the network's down.'

  'Is the damned thing ever up?'

  Henry silently agreed that the network operated only sporadically at best but he felt he had to defend the system. 'It's the heat down here-' he started.

  'I don't want your excuses, Henry. I just want it fixed.'

  Inwardly, Henry bridled at the injustice. The network certainly wasn't his responsibility. But he wasn't going to allow Theo to get to him. Not today. In fact, he silently vowed, not ever again. Instead his innate desire to assist kicked in.

  'There's a new chap down here,' he said, 'by the name of Will Doors. Apparently he's a bit of a wizard with these things-'

  'He's a wizard? We've got enough of those buggers down here already!'

  'It's a figure of speech.'

  Theo ignored him. 'Especially that one, you know, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-'

  'You mean Gerald? He just doesn't like his name, that's all. Thinks it makes him sound a bit dull, you know. Anyway, like I said, Doors isn't a wizard. He's just a bit of an expert in these things-'

  'Well, what are you waiting for? Get him onto it. I need this thing to see just exactly where this bunch of clowns is heading for next.'

  For a split second Henry wrestled with his conscience. He'd really liked the Merrie Men and there was definitely a temptation to defy Theo, but, as usual, he couldn't help himself from helping.

  'They're on their way to Old Horse Gorse.'

  'Why didn't you tell me earlier?' Theo asked, jumping to his feet.

  'You didn't ask! And then, after Horse Gorse they're most likely to-'

  Theodore ignored him. 'I haven't got time to chat, Henry. I'm off.'

  He's going to click his fingers, I just know, thought Henry.

  Theo clapped his hands and disappeared.

  Oh, that's new, thought Henry.

  He turned to leave his cousin's office to go and find Will Doors. Theo always was impatient, he reflected. If he'd only waited a moment I could have told him that after Horse Gorse they'd be heading to Tri Via. Oh well, I'm sure he'll figure it out for himself.

  112

  As the re-united band set off on the final leg of their journey to Tri Via, Anyx turned his thoughts to Marasmus and the fact that he was, effectively, in exile from the city. Whilst the trolls, and Grantt in particular, continued to be in power, Marasmus was out of bounds, as far as the dwarf was concerned. As ridiculous as it seemed it could be that this whole bringing Wacchus back to life nonsense could be his only chance of ever returning to Marasmus, at least openly.

  He thought back to the days before the trollian conquest. He'd had a job then - not much of a job, it had to be said, just doing a few odd chores around the local playhouse, sweeping the stage, selling tickets on the door, putting the lights out at the end of the night, that sort of thing - but it had been a job nevertheless and it had at least given the dwarf some small sense of pride. But then the trolls had come and closed down the playhouses, and, he reflected, he hadn't had much to be proud about ever since...

  Not until, bizarrely, this whole Awakener malarkey had come about. And though he truly believed the whole thing to be bunkum, and that there was about as much chance of him sleeping with the Maid A'Veil as there was of him actually being the Awakener, he had surprisingly regained a little self-worth in being part of the underta
king, as crazy as that seemed. Whatever happened, he considered, he was strangely pleased that he'd come along.

  Ahead of him Robin was thinking about the dwarf. He couldn't say why but he really did think that there was a distinct possibility that Anyx and the Awakener were one and the same. He knew, even when he was trying to convince the dwarf of the fact, that there wasn't really any substantial evidence to support his theory and that his reasoning was weak. But somehow it all just seemed to fit. If the truth be told Robin wasn't a particularly devout follower of Wacchus. Indeed, prior to the conquest he hadn't stepped foot inside a temple for years, but then, during the troll's offensive, both his father and elder brother had been killed. The family estates had consequently been confiscated, and, in his grief, Robin had vowed revenge upon the trolls. Thereafter he'd established the Merrie Men in the hope that the loyal folk of Marasmus would rush to join him, and together they would create a force strong enough to face the trolls and force them to retreat to their ancient homelands in the north. But it had proved to be a pipe dream. Only a handful of people had joined up, and Robin's vision had effectively come to naught. With their limited numbers the Merrie Men could only ever be a mere nuisance to the trolls, and Robin had long ago accepted that the trolls were here to stay...

  But now, with the discovery of the Awakener prophecy, the Merrie Men might, after all, play a part in the downfall of the trolls.

  He roused himself from his reverie and discovered that they were about to enter the forest in which they would find Tri Via. He signalled a stop. 'This looks like thick forest,' he announced. 'So keep close together, single file, and we shouldn't lose anyone.'

  Everyone nodded, and they entered the forbidding woodland.

  113

  Very soon they were within the dense greenery of the wood. Towering trees stood thick gnarly trunk to thick gnarly trunk and it was heavy going. At one point they came across a track running in a rough east-west direction, but they had no chance to investigate as their route took them ever northwards. A little later they came across another approximate east-west trail but they continued doggedly onwards. Presently the trees started to thin and the sound of running water could be heard. All of a sudden they had stepped out of the trees and were now stood blinking in the bright sunlight. Immediately in front of them was a rocky trail which led directly to a small cave at the entrance of which was a small fire. Sat next to the fire, hunched into a tattered grey cloak, was an old man who was looking at them with clear, piercing eyes.

  'Ah,' he said, as he rose unsteadily to his feet. 'You've made it then. Or at least some of you have. I've been expecting you.' The old man leaned heavily upon a staff. 'Welcome to Tri Via. I am the one for whom you seek.'

  'You're the Oracle?' asked Robin.

  The old man bowed his head in acknowledgement. 'I am,' he confirmed.

  'And you know why we come?' asked Anyx.

  'I do,' the Oracle replied. He took a small step forward. 'But heed my warning; you must frame your enquiry well. You may ask me only one question and I will give you the answer but nothing more.'

  'Very well,' replied Robin. The outlaw leader glanced around at his companions before taking a step forward. 'In that case can you tell us-'

  The Oracle shook his head. 'Patience, Robin B'La Clava. First you must earn the right to ask your question.'

  'And how do we do that, exactly?' asked Anyx.

  The Oracle, his long white beard swaying in the late summer breeze, took a further step forward. 'In order for me to answer your question you must present to me a complete Pi.'

  The Merrie Men looked at one another. 'Pie?' Robin finally ventured. 'Um... did you have any particular flavour in mind? I'm quite partial to a steak and kidney myself.'

  'I will explain,' replied the Oracle patiently. 'In the forest through which you have travelled you will find a