Mine to Hold

by Shona Husk

  She was going to end up with someone like Grady in the end. An officer, or someone who came from money. Money stuck together. It’s why the rich got richer and the poor ended up in yellow.

  “He asked me to marry him.” Her words were soft but they cut through him.

  Vance pulled away as if she’d burned his hand. That was fast.

  “I said no.” Silke met and held his gaze. So that was what she’d been thinking about all morning.

  “I wouldn’t have said no.” If an Air Force officer had proposed to him, he’d have said yes in a heartbeat. Two reasons, rank and privilege. Plus, if you were married you never had to look for sex again. It was in bed with you every night.

  “I’ll let him know you’re interested.” She managed a smile.

  “I’m not his type.” Vance was sure that Grady was as straight as they came. Then again, he’d also thought that about himself once, but what does a sixteen-year-old know about anything? “You want to know why I’m here?”

  She nodded.

  He wanted her to know. He didn’t want to pretend with Silke. But he didn’t want to wreck her chance with Grady, either. As much as he wanted Silke, he couldn’t have her. He was a detour that could derail her. She deserved better than him. He’d only drag her down and make her look bad. Telling her the truth might push her away. It would be easier if he didn’t have to see the desire in her eyes and hadn’t tasted it on her lips. There would be no more kisses.

  “I actually deserve this uniform, and I’m probably the worst man on this trip.” There was, of course, the woman who’d blown up several dams to free up the water supply, but the deaths she’d caused had been accidental. She was an ex-Army demolition expert who’d taken matters into her own hands. He’d actually been kind of impressed. The government and industry hadn’t been.

  “Bullshit.” Silke crossed her arms.

  “I executed three men in cold blood.” He remembered the judge condemning his actions as vigilantism. No one had wanted to hear how the police had failed to catch and charge the three men because they were young men from the tower looking for some cheap fun. Everyone simply looked the other way. “They were rich men who had a habit of grabbing a girl from the slums, using her for a couple of days, and then dumping her broken body. We all knew they did it and we knew who they were. My sister was usually very careful. They grabbed her on her way home from school. She was fourteen.”

  Silke’s eyes widened but she didn’t step away from him. “They sound like monsters.”

  “They hunted in packs. Numbers didn’t help them. I set the trap and they walked into it believing they were untouchable. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it needed to be done.” He’d been given three life sentences, no parole. His sister had died in hospital of her injuries.

  He still couldn’t bring himself to apologize for their deaths. In his heart he still believed he’d done the right thing. Justice in the slums was hard to come by. He’d only got on the trip because he was a vet nurse and because they thought he had a low risk of reoffending. He’d killed for a reason—for revenge, and not randomly. He had no plans to kill again, although if Grady hurt Silke he’d better watch his back.

  “Do you regret it?”

  “Only being caught.” If he’d taken his time he might have gotten away with it—maybe. Three dead rich boys would have drawn attention, and their parents would’ve demanded action. Those same parents probably didn’t give a damn why their darlings had been in the slums. But Vance had planned and struck while the need for revenge had burned hot. At the time he hadn’t cared if he was caught or not. He thought he’d be able to live with the consequences. If he had the chance to go back, he’d do it again, only he’d plan his escape better and he’d make sure everyone knew what had really happened, so it couldn’t be covered up again.

  She nodded. “Me too. I’m sure that says something pretty awful about us.”

  He smiled. “Nah. I prefer to think that it shows we have heart and aren’t afraid to act on it.”

  “But I am afraid.”

  So was he. He couldn’t say how much he liked her, maybe even loved her. Vance turned away. “Tell Grady and see what happens. I guess then you’ll know what kind of guy he is.”

  “Maybe I don’t want Grady.” She took a step toward him. If he reached out, he could pull her close, kiss her again. He wanted her more than he wanted to breathe right now. Vance closed his eyes. As much as he liked those words, he didn’t want to hear them.

  “Well, there are plenty of other guys onboard. I already have a boyfriend.” He was sure he was going to regret that lie later, but right now he didn’t care. It was for the best.

  When he opened his eyes she was watching him. “You’re right, there are. Will you keep my secret?”

  “Of course. That’s what friends do.” He forced a smile. No one would hear it from his lips.

  Chapter Five

  Silke had to show up for sock knitting class, even though it was the last place she wanted to be. She didn’t want to sit in the same room as Leo today. It had been hard enough working with Vance, knowing that even though she wanted him, it had been Leo she’d slept with. Maybe she shouldn’t have. If she hadn’t, he wouldn’t have asked her to marry him and everything would still be exactly as it had been.

  Which wasn’t perfect, but at least hope had still been there.

  Now Vance had confessed to having another lover, she’d confessed her secret, and Leo had revealed his intentions, and everything was a mess. She didn’t trust Leo the way she trusted Vance, yet Vance could never be hers. She knew that, but it didn’t stop her from wanting him.

  Leo was already unpacking his crate of supplies and handing out people’s work when she walked in and took her seat. Once again, all the seats at the back and on the edges were taken, so she had to sit in the middle. She really had to start getting here earlier.

  He smiled and nodded at her. Was he going to pretend it had never happened?

  She drew in a breath. Yes, it appeared he was. Maybe it was for the best. Her body didn’t agree. Her skin tingled at the sight of him and her heart skipped a beat before racing away. It was just lust. He was an attractive man and they’d had fun, but that didn’t mean anything would happen again.

  He was probably already looking for someone else. Someone who would say yes to his marriage of convenience.

  He was a good catch and his job in the new colony would be secure. No doubt he’d be given a large chunk of land as well as part of his military payout. He’d be a rich man on Solitaire, just like he had been on Earth.

  She accepted her knitting with a nod, trying to ignore the heat rising on her cheeks. He didn’t bother to hide the desire in his eyes and his fingertips brushed her hand for a moment longer than needed. Heat slid through her body and settled in her belly.

  She’d gone months without sex, and now it was all she could think about.

  Humans were animals who thought they could control their baser instincts. Apparently she had no longer had any control over hers. Not when she was around a good-looking man.

  As she worked—determined to get the required pair of socks knitted in record time so she could stop attending the class—she couldn’t help but listen to the talk around her.

  As people knitted, they introduced themselves, and talked about what they did or were training to do. And the whole time, Leo moved around the class, helping those who were truly stuck and letting everyone else get on with it.

  He didn’t seem to lose patience. Toward the end of the class he got everyone to take off their shoes and measure their feet so the socks could be made in the correct size. He wrote each person’s measurement on the back of their hand so they could add it to their pattern. She waited until last so they could talk without being overheard. If she didn’t make the time to talk to him on her terms, she had no doubt he would search her out to talk on his.

  She measured her feet under his supervision. As he held her hand and wrote twenty
-seven centimeters, he smiled.

  So did she, even though every muscle in her body tensed as she waited to see what he’d say.

  “We good?” He lifted one dark eyebrow.

  She should lie and say no, that she never wanted to see him again. But she did want to see him; she just didn’t want him to learn the truth about her. She didn’t want to see the repulsion or lack of comprehension in his eyes—a look she had seen before, on her boyfriend’s face when she’d been arrested. He’d dropped her fast, wanting nothing to do with her or the scandal that followed. Her name had been in the news, but the charges hadn’t been mentioned. Once her father had gotten involved, she had vanished into obscurity again.

  “Yeah, we’re good.” It would be too hard to avoid him, and she didn’t want that. She wanted to be able to have a relationship, but the idea that she’d be judged for her actions on Earth did scare her. There was nowhere else for her to run, either on Siren or when they reached Solitaire.

  Was she really willing to let that threat dictate how she lived? It had been working for the past six months. Keeping to herself and focusing on work … yeah, and it had also left her with very few friends, male or female.

  “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

  “I wasn’t offended. More … surprised.” Although she was glad he’d told her he’d be staying on Solitaire, as it put their relationship in a new light. “Maybe we should take the time to date.”

  There, she’d said it. She could learn a bit more about him and decide if she was going to trust him.

  He nodded. “I’d like that.”

  “No promises.”

  “None expected. I’m glad you’re giving me another chance.” He sat on the edge of the table, the crate next to him.

  The blue of his uniform brought out the blue of his eyes. He should’ve had brown eyes. He had an unusual coloring. Light brown skin and dark hair … then those dark blue eyes. Maybe that was one of the reasons she’d first noticed him.

  “Do you usually ask women to marry you on the first date?”

  “That was a date, was it?”

  “Not really, there wasn’t much talking.” Heat crept over her cheeks again. It had been a little awkward and rushed. Being with someone new was always weird, but there was also a level of excitement. And once the first time was over, the next was usually better. They could find out …

  “We’ve done a lot of talking on this trip.”

  True, but they hadn’t delved into personal territory. “Not the right kind.”

  “I never pictured you as a romantic kind of woman.”

  She shrugged. “I’ve never really thought about it. But I know I want more than a smart business proposition.”

  “So you admit the marriage is a good idea on paper.” He grinned.

  “Yes. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea in reality. We might have nothing in common except lust.”

  His grin broadened at the admission that she wanted him, even if it was only for sex at the moment.

  “You’re impossible.” She felt her lips curve into a smile that she couldn’t fight.

  “I like you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work.” He lifted her hand and kissed the number he’d written there. “You have lovely feet.”

  She rolled her eyes and looked away. “If you have a foot fetish, I’m out of here.”

  Leo laughed. “I don’t. I know how bad feet can smell after being stuck in boots all day.”

  So did she. “Shall we waste some credits at the bar?”

  “If I take my guitar, I can probably get us a free drink in exchange for a few songs.”

  She looked at him for a moment. It sounded like a nice way to spend the evening, far better than reading the report on the native fauna and flora of Solitaire. It was a very large report and the person who’d written it seemed to have done their best to make it as dry and unpalatable as possible.

  “That sounds good.”

  “Eight?”

  She nodded. That would give her time to shower and eat. “I look forward to it.”

  * * *

  Leo walked into the area that passed for the civvie bar just before eight. He had his guitar with him. While he wasn’t the best musician on board, he was by no stretch the worst, either. That didn’t mean he enjoyed performing, though. But he did it—in part because he hated it, so it was a challenge to be overcome.

  He hoped Silke didn’t hate his performance. He looked around but didn’t see her, and he began to doubt she’d even show up. No one was in the corner that doubled as a stage. He lifted his guitar and nodded to the barman. The barman held up two fingers.

  Two free drinks, but so far no one to drink them with. He’d wait until she arrived.

  If she arrived.

  People saw the guitar and started clapping and cheering like he was their favorite rock star. That bit he didn’t mind. It wasn’t as though people thanked him or cheered him for maintaining their safety … no, they probably never gave that a single thought.

  With a slightly forced smile he made his way over to the microphone.

  While there was no way he was going to play any of the songs he’d been attempting to write—he was trying to learn from one of the other, more talented guys, but frankly he sucked at composition—he did some pretty good covers. As he looked at the small crowd he realized he should’ve had a drink first.

  Too late. “Hi. Since no one else was up here, I’ll give you a couple of songs.”

  More clapping.

  “I didn’t promise I’d be any good.”

  That got a laugh. If only they knew he wasn’t entirely joking. Still, it wasn’t like there was much choice. There was only one bar in the civilian zone and the only entertainment was when people volunteered. Usually the payment was a couple of drinks, but even that wasn’t guaranteed.

  He gave the guitar a couple of test strums, even though he knew it was in tune. His stomach was a bundle of nerves that tightened with each breath. He could feel sweat starting to form between his shoulder blades. It was time to just dive in; once he started, he’d be okay. He scanned the bar once more, looking for Silke’s pale blond hair in the sea of browns and blacks. Nothing. She had three songs, then he was out of here.

  During the second song he sensed her. Something made him glance over to the bar—which was really just a repurposed table—and there she was, glass in hand, watching him. It was enough to make him miss a note, but he didn’t think anyone noticed. They were either singing along, dancing or talking. He was either the main attraction or background noise.

  She smiled as they made eye contact. She still had her hair in that tight bun.

  He was going to unravel that tonight.

  “One more song and then I need a drink.” He didn’t give people the chance to object before he launched into his third and final song. While it was nice that they knew the words, at some point everyone would get sick of hearing old Earth songs. He was going to have to try harder at learning how to compose, or join a band where someone was writing new music.

  He finished to a round of applause, but he only had eyes for Silke. She was clapping and smiling. Then she picked up a couple of glasses and walked over to him. Leo met her halfway.

  “You have a good voice.” She kissed his cheek as she handed over his drink.

  “I can hold a tune.” On Siren it was enough. He was glad he’d got up there—it had been too many days since he’d played in public. He knew the more he did it the easier it would become, but it was just as easy to find an excuse not to play.

  “That’s more than I can do.”

  That surprised him. “Really?”

  “The goats sing better than I do.”

  He’d heard the goats bleating—it sounded a lot like a human calling out in agony. He laughed. “That can’t be true.”

  “I’m not going to torture you to prove it.” She sipped her drink. “So you lured me here to liquor me up and impress me with your musical talents in the hope
that I’d sleep with you again?”

  “Is it working?”

  “Maybe. You’re a man of many talents.”

  “I’m a man who’s had a lot of time on his hands over the last five years.” Filling the time and learning new things had been necessary. Some people went a little crazy on the long trips. That was one of the reasons there were so many classes on offer to civvies and cons. “What do you do when you aren’t working?”

  “My days are quite long, but I like to read. I’m trying to learn everything I can about Solitaire. Some of the research is very dry.”

  Naomi had written some of that research, but he didn’t say that. “There’s fiction on the database.”

  “I know, and I do break it up. And now of course I have sock knitting to look forward to.”

  He smiled and sipped his drink, ignoring the burn as it went down. He was really glad that she’d showed up in his class sooner rather than later. “Did you volunteer or get sent?”

  “It came up as compulsory attendance. I have something on the plants coming up afterwards.”

  “Just remember, someone is sitting at a computer assigning all these classes and making sure that people attend.” That same person was probably making notes of who went voluntarily to extra classes too. He was sure that everything they did was noted somewhere.

  “Glad it’s not me.” She finished her drink. “Did you want another?”

  “Nah, it’s getting a little crowded in here.” And the noise level was going up. He’d rather be sitting somewhere quiet with Silke … somewhere quiet that required less clothing. He put his arm around her waist, and when she didn’t pull away he drew her closer. “Got plans for tonight?”

  “They involve you.” She lifted onto the balls of her feet and kissed him.

  “I like the sound of those plans.” His hand slid from her waist to her butt. She’d dressed up and put on a skirt. He was kind of hoping that she wasn’t wearing underwear beneath. Even if she was, the idea that she wasn’t was enough to make his shaft stir. He finished the rest of his drink in a couple of swallows. “Shall we go?”