Mine to Hold

by Shona Husk

  She nodded. “Your place?”

  He’d been hoping to see her room, but if she was more comfortable going to his, he was willing to let it slide. For the moment.

  They left the bar hand in hand. What he had with Silke was already more intimate than anything else he’d ever had. Other relationships, if they could truly be called that, had involved very little touching outside of bed. He liked that she wanted to hold his hand in public. She’d chosen to be with him, for the moment. And he was determined that he wouldn’t be temporary.

  * * *

  When he’d said that he played guitar she hadn’t expected him to also sing. Listening to him had been sexy, as if he was singing just for her. A stupid thought, really—he was performing for everyone in the bar. If she hung out at the bar more often, she’d have seen him play before tonight.

  Now, with the alcohol buzzing in her body—after months of mostly going without, it really didn’t take much—she was relaxed, aroused, and curious. She wanted to know more about him. Have a proper conversation, instead of the Siren equivalent of “how’s the weather?”. As they made their way through the corridors, past open module doors and closed, she tried to find the best place to start.

  “Whereabouts did you grow up?” She glanced at him from the corner of her eye.

  “Washington. My mother was a teacher in the Berrington Tower.” His steps slowed. “I grew up in the tower because of her job.”

  “Oh … I thought …”

  “… because I was an officer I must come from money?” He shook his head. “It’s easier to let people assume what they want to believe.”

  “And I spent all that time thinking you were a moneyed prat.”

  He placed his hand over her heart. “I am offended. Have I ever acted like those entitled dicks?”

  If not for the grin, she might have thought he was being serious. “No, and it had me confused.”

  “You could’ve asked.”

  She could’ve, but then he’d have asked about her upbringing and as soon as she’d said that she had no real home because they’d always been moving to the next posting, he’d have started making some connections. Leo was many things, but stupid wasn’t one of them. Although he might have missed the gossip because he was in space. She wasn’t game enough to risk it. “Would you have told me?”

  “Not at first. It’s not something that I flash around.”

  She understood that, but he’d also trusted her with that knowledge. It was a pity her secret wasn’t as harmless. Maybe she shouldn’t go to his room. She could kiss him goodnight at the door and leave.

  But her bed was cold and her room was empty and she was enjoying his company. It was nice to do something other than read or visit the animals in the evening. When had her life got so dull? Once, she would’ve been out almost every night … okay, some of those nights were in her illegal capacity as a doctor, but she was still out, and with people.

  “I know where you’re from, but what’s it really like in the Conglomerate?”

  She’d spent so little time there she couldn’t really say. “Big city. Same pollution, but without the slums.”

  “I can’t picture it.”

  “A slum?”

  “Oh, I know what they’re like. My mother died when I was sixteen and I spent a year on the streets before I could join the Air Force.”

  Silke took the opportunity to redirect the conversation back to him and away from her. “Why Air Force?”

  “They had vacancies and I passed the tests. My mother had made sure I had the grades to get into the military. She wanted me to have a secure future. As a teacher she only got to live in the tower if she was teaching. At the end of every school year she fretted about not getting her contract renewed and that we’d be out.” He grimaced. “When they started training people for space flights, I volunteered. By that stage I’d made it across to officer training.”

  If he’d made the jump on merit not money Leo was a hell of a lot smarter than he let on. “I’m sure she’d be proud.”

  “I’m sure she’d like you.” He stopped outside his door. “You’re coming in?”

  She ran her tongue over her lower lip. Say no, leave now. But the words wouldn’t form.

  “I’d like that.”

  He swiped his wrist over the scanner and the door opened. It had taken her ages to get used to opening the doors and hatches with her chip instead of with the handles. They had handles—there had to be a manual override—but all doors had the chip readers. Leo moved around the ship as if he’d been doing it all his life.

  While for most people this was their first and last trip in space, he’d been doing this for years. She smiled at Leo and stepped into his room.

  As before, it was really tidy.

  He closed the door and they were alone. This time the nerves weren’t quite as bad. He drew her into his arms and kissed her, his lips moving over hers, hungry and hot. She slid her hands over his shoulders. He had more muscle than she’d expected from someone who had spent the last few years in space. She liked the way he moved with her, drawing her closer to the bed. No words needed to be spoken.

  He shrugged off the guitar and, barely breaking the kiss, rested it against the wall. She tugged off his shirt, needing to feel his skin against hers. She had missed having a lover. Had forgotten what it was like to be held and kissed instead of just working and giving orders.

  Leo had taken her on her first date on Siren. They’d talked, really talked. And she liked him. Which confused the hell out of her, because when she was with Vance, she liked him, and it was his hands that she wanted to feel on her body. But she couldn’t have him … Was she using Leo for sex?

  “Not changing your mind?” Leo murmured in her ear as his hands slid under her shirt and across her lower back.

  “No …” She did want him, and she liked spending time with him, and looked forward to his visits to the barn. However, she had to say something to explain her silence. “Just wondering why it took us so long.”

  She knew the answer. She hadn’t been ready to see anyone. She’d been too scared about what people would think. On Earth she’d never really cared … which was how she’d ended up here.

  “I’m good with mechanical things. You’re good with animals. We don’t have to be good with people, too.”

  She smothered a laugh. She’d always preferred animals to people. Animals didn’t behave despicably toward each other. “True.”

  He kissed down her throat and took her shirt off. Today was definitely less awkward and tentative. Being naked once made the second time that much easier. Her hand brushed the front of his pants, enjoying the feel of his erection.

  His hands cupped her butt, then traced along her panty line. “You wore underwear.”

  “Of course I did.” She wasn’t running around the ship with no panties on. She drew away for a moment and shimmied out of them. “Better?”

  “Much.” His hands smoothed over her butt again and tugged her closer.

  They moved closer to the bed and when he sat he pulled her down with him, so she was sitting on his lap. While she’d taken her underwear off, there was still too much clothing between them. But Leo didn’t seem in a rush, so she allowed herself to relax into what was happening.

  Gradually, the rest of their clothing came off. His hand skimmed over her body, then his lips followed as he kissed his way lower. She almost stopped breathing when his tongue darted between the folds of her vulva. She couldn’t stop the groan from escaping. Her fingers brushed over his short hair, but found nothing to grab.

  When he pressed two fingers into her, her hips lifted off the bed. She needed more. Wanted more. She wanted to feel him inside her again.

  She grabbed his arms and pulled, hoping he’d get the hint.

  He glanced up. “You don’t like?”

  “I do … I just …” She didn’t want him to be there forever trying. Previous lovers had tried and failed. It just wasn’t worth it in the long run.r />
  “Are you getting bored?” He lifted one eyebrow, but his fingers kept moving.

  “No?” Was that the right answer? What he was doing felt good, really good. “But don’t you want something?”

  He didn’t answer. He licked her clit and fucked her with his fingers. Her nails pressed into his shoulders, and while the tension was there, building and knotting in her belly, nothing happened.

  “Fuck me now.” Her words were more beg than command, but it didn’t matter, because he moved.

  He lay over her, his cock so close, but not close enough. She wriggled her hips.

  “Say it again,” he whispered in her ear.

  She swallowed and managed to form the words. “Fuck me now.”

  If he’d been a little further away, he wouldn’t have heard her. She knew he had though, as he thrust forward, filling her in one smooth motion. She gasped as she came.

  Her leg looped around his hips as she encouraged him to go deeper and harder with every thrust. Her hips lifted to meet his and another climax gradually built. Her breathing became tight and shallow. He thrust in again, groaning as he came, and she let the sounds of his pleasure take her over the edge again.

  They lay tangled together, their skin slick. She didn’t want to move, even though she was getting uncomfortable. She was sure her hip was going to start cramping, but as soon as she moved her leg the moment would be over, and she wasn’t ready for the night to end.

  Leo kissed her and eased away to lie next to her. “Did you want to stay?”

  “It’s not going to be overly comfortable.” The bed wasn’t really big enough for two to lie side by side.

  “We’ll just have to sleep really close together.” His arm was draped over her waist, drawing her closer.

  She should go back to her room. She’d sleep better in her room. But this wasn’t about either of them sleeping well. It was about the need to be with someone. His body was warm and she was relaxed in his arms. It was easy being with Leo. Too easy. And she didn’t want to sleep alone tonight. She snuggled in closer, determined to enjoy what they had without questioning what it meant.

  He kissed her, slowly. “I’ll set my alarm early so we can get ready for work.”

  “You’re so practical.” She didn’t want to be thinking about tomorrow already. If she did she’d start thinking about work, and then Vance. She’d never been so undecided about anything in her entire life. It felt as though her heart was being torn in two different directions. The smart, safe option, and the one that would make life hard. Harder, she corrected. The new colony wasn’t going to be a picnic. She’d never chosen the easy path.

  And she already knew that Leo wanted to be more than just her lover. He wanted it all on paper. His life neatly parceled up. But life didn’t work like that.

  He smiled and turned off the light. “Just want to make sure we have time in the morning.”

  His lips found hers in the dark and she knew he wasn’t talking about work.

  Chapter Six

  “What is the meaning of this?” Robert banged his portacomp down in front of Silke, once again interrupting her meal without any consideration. She’d been thinking about last night with Leo, and how Vance would feel if he knew. Hurt was the word that sprang to mind. But he’d been the one to push her away. To tell her that it wasn’t going to happen. And he was right, but that didn’t stop lust from creeping up and surprising her, when he smiled, or tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

  Then she felt guilty because she’d been lusting after Vance, not Leo. Her life was becoming a mess. The only good bit was that no one knew.

  She looked at Robert. He was spoiling her meal, and her musings about what it would be like to have both Vance and Leo. Not that she could see the guys going for it, but a woman could dream. And if anyone found out, she was sure there’d be some funny looks.

  “Well?” Robert demanded, like she owed him an explanation. She didn’t owe him anything.

  She’d expected him to be pissed when he got the results and her recommendation. In her private note to the woman in charge of Human Resources she’d mentioned that Robert struggled to get along with the other students, didn’t respect authority and had problems working with prisoners.

  “It means that you didn’t get good enough grades to continue.”

  “You did that deliberately because you don’t like me.”

  “Actually, the online quizzes are all blind. You can check your scores. They were below average. Even if you had scored full marks in the practical it wouldn’t have saved you.” She met and held his stare, daring him to continue. Other people were listening.

  His left eyelid twitched. “Is this some kind of payback because I want the job your con has?”

  He certainly had an inflated sense of self. “As I said, check your test scores, and then see Lucy Hassan if you have any further issues. Hassan is the one who ultimately determines who does what in order to make the best use of the resources we have. Vet nurse is a perfectly respectable job, and will be much in demand once we get the farms up and running.”

  “I don’t want to be a nurse. Do you know who I am?”

  “An arrogant boy who thinks that this trip is all about him?”

  There were a few sniggers in the mess. Silke wondered how many other people he’d pissed off with his attitude. This was why rich boys from the tower were bad news. No wonder the men who’d attacked Vance’s sister had expected to get away with it. They were raised with the belief that they were untouchable, and that somehow everyone owed them.

  Robert’s eyelid twitched again. “This won’t go unchallenged.”

  “Take it up with Hassan.” Silke’s voice was as cold and slick as ice.

  “Oh, I will.” He snatched up his portacomp and stormed out of the mess.

  Silke watched him leave. There was no way he would calm down and see reason. He’d be back to make more trouble.

  * * *

  Someone knocked on the hatch just as Silke was about to call it a day. When Silke opened the hatch, Lucy Hassan was waiting on the other side.

  “Do you have a few minutes?” Hassan had been in HR both in the military and civilian sides of life. Her husband was a marine biologist who planned on exploring Solitaire’s oceans. From what Silke had read, that involved a lot of invertebrate life and squid-like things.

  There were lots of things on Solitaire that didn’t meet the requirements for known Earth classifications. Some of the scientists were having lots of fun making up new ones.

  “Sure.” Silke already knew what it was about. “Come into my office,” she said, gesturing to a module decked out as a lab situated in the center of the barn.

  She glanced over at Vance, who was busy giving the animals their dinner and making sure they were ready for the night. Lucy looked, too.

  “Is he a good worker?”

  “Yes. Quick to learn and always willing to muck in.” Literally. They had started giving the goats hormones to bring them into heat this week. Next week those that were ready would get inseminated. Vance had looked thrilled at the concept … and by thrilled, Silke meant horrified, as if she’d asked him to personally fuck the goat. She’d found his weak spot. Everyone had them. Hers was that she hated cleaning animals’ teeth. Ugh. Yet it had to be done.

  All of the students were involved. The health checks would be repeated in a couple of days and would be followed by close monitoring to see who got pregnant. They hadn’t brought a lot of hormone, as once they landed they would let the animals’ natural cycle take over, but this time they wanted to at least double the herd before they landed.

  “You’ve never had any problems with, er … well, you know he’s a white.”

  Silke lifted an eyebrow. “None. He’s very good with the animals and I believe he will make a great vet.”

  He was also a great guy, but things had been a little weird today. Mostly because she’d been thinking about what had happened with Leo. Staying the night hadn’t been in
her original plan. She’d had no plan, really. If Vance suspected, he hadn’t said anything, which only compounded her guilt. She kind of felt as though she was cheating. It wouldn’t matter who she was with, the feeling would be the same.

  Lucy nodded. “I’ve had a civilian student request that job.”

  “Vance is a qualified vet nurse with several years’ experience on the prison farms.” No civvie was as qualified, and she didn’t want anyone else. She liked working with Vance. It was easy. She kept the smile from forming, and refused to glance through the lab window to where he was working.

  Lucy didn’t look at her. “The student also raised some concerns about your relationship with 1113. You just used his name.”

  Silke stared at Lucy. Her blood turned to sludge and her heart struggled to beat. “Of course I did. I’ve been working with him for six months. Surely you can’t expect me to call him 1113? As for my relationship with him … we are friends and colleagues. Besides, I’m seeing someone else.” She was very relieved that she’d gone to the bar with Grady, that people had seen her out with him. If she had been screwing Vance, then Lucy would have every right to suspect what was going on down here.

  Even if she’d done the stupid Army paperwork that allowed prisoners to date, there could still have been questions raised about propriety, and she knew how much Vance valued this job. But he would never get the chance to fight for it. She had to do that for him. Which meant respecting boundaries, even if she wanted to erase them.

  Lucy frowned.

  Silke crossed her arms. “Let me guess, Robert wants the job? He’s trying to save face because he’s realized that he’s failing, and that there won’t be a job for him on Solitaire.” Silke shook her head. “I’m not spending all day working with him. I don’t trust him and he’s lazy. He even argued with me about my recommendation that he not progress in his studies.”