by Ford, Mia
But I never would have met Debbie. That was the one thing. Was that fate? Was it supposed to be this way or was everything in life random and up to chance? I didn’t know. I just wanted things to be right. I wanted my dad to be well and I wanted the love of my life to be right there with me. I wanted my folks to meet her. I wanted them both to be there for my wedding day and for the birth of my children.
My father might not get to see any of it.
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I buried my face in my hands and let it out. I didn’t want to upset my dad by letting him see me cry, but I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
My dad reached over and touched my hand just then. I looked up at him and he smiled thinly at me. He tried to say something but couldn’t. His voice was just too weak.
“No, don’t speak dad,” I said. “You have to save your strength.”
My dad closed his eyes and my mother and I sat there for several minutes without saying anything. The silence felt good. Nothing but the hum and the beeps of the equipment my father was hooked up to. It was almost soothing in a depressing sort of way.
I thought my dad was getting some good rest until the machine let out a long drawn out beep. It sounded like the flat line signal, scary, and ominous.
I ran to the hallway and yelled, “Doctor! We need some help in here!”
A few moments later several doctors and nurses flooded into my dad’s room.
They worked on him quickly for a moment as my mother and I tried to get out of their way. We held onto each other and cried. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be…
“What’s going on?” I demanded.
“There might be another blockage,” the doctor said. “Or maybe an artery leading to his heart has collapsed depending on the damage. We have to get him back to the OR.”
They wheeled my dad out of the room quickly leaving me and my mother there to hold each other in silence.
The doctors did everything they could but my father was pronounced dead twenty minutes later.
My dad was gone.
And my life was forever changed.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Debbie
“Crap!” I groaned as I watched my bowling ball roll into the gutter for what must have been the third frame in a row. I was starting to remember why I only bowled about once a year. I was terrible at it.
I walked back to my where my friends were all laughing and pointing at me.
“You have done this before, right?” Mark asked. “Do we need to pull up the bumpers in the gutters for you? If we tell them you are only nine I think they will do that for us.”
Lara hit him on the shoulder. “You are such a jerk.”
“That’s why you love me,” Mark said.
“I don’t think it is,” Lara shot back. “Actually, it might be. I can’t remember why. If you find out let me know.”
“Just watch the master at work,” Greg said grabbing his ball and striding to the lane. He tried to put a spin on the ball the way the pros do (and he totally had no clue how to do this) but somehow he managed to get a seven ten split. The worst split ever, but at least he knocked down some pins.
I took a bite of pizza and laughed. I was doing my best to get in a good mood. I hadn’t heard from Paul in over two days and I was getting worried. Lara and the gang suggested we all go bowling that night. It seemed like forever since we’d all hung out together.
And I was having some fun.
But my mind kept returning to Paul.
“Still nothing about Paul?” Lara asked.
“No, and I’m getting worried. Surely, he would tell me what is going on with his dad. I know he is tied up with that and I can’t imagine exactly what he is going through, but he could at least send me a quick text or something. I don’t even know if he got there safely.”
“That is strange,” Lara said. “But Paul is a very unpredictable guy. I’m sure everything is ok. He is probably just dealing with his dad being sick. I’m sure if anything bad happened you would have heard something from him.”
“Right, unless his dad passed away and he is too upset to talk to me about it,” I said. “God, I hope that didn’t happen. Paul didn’t really know how serious it was or at least he didn’t want to tell me. And I barely had time to talk to him before he rushed out.”
“Give it some more time,” Lara said. “But don’t keep bothering him. If he wants to talk, he will.”
I nodded.
I’d sent Paul several texts messages and I’d even left a voicemail. I wasn’t going to contact him again for a while.
It was up to him now. But it was tearing me apart not knowing what was going on, how he was, and how his dad was.
I tried to just put it out of my mind and enjoy the evening with my friends. They were all so goofy and fun to be around. I loved Paul dearly, but I did miss hanging with my friends as much as I used to. Paul and I still did things with them when we could, but we valued our alone time together as well.
After a few more games of bowling, all of which I barely cracked a sixty in my score, we all decided to call it a night. I was tired and even though it was a Friday after the week I’d had I just wanted to sink into my cozy bed and sleep until noon the next day. I was glad I didn’t have to go in tomorrow. Sometimes during hectic times I had to work half days on Saturday, but with the quarterlies winding down I would actually be able to have a free weekend.
When I got home I took a quick shower and then put on an oversized shirt and my underwear. It was what I’d always found most comfortable to sleep in, well, except for when I was with Paul. Then I usually slept naked.
I tried to shut out thoughts of Paul entirely. I was exhausted.
I woke the next morning about eleven feeling very refreshed. I could smell my mother’s pancakes, the scent wafting up the stairs to my room. Oh, I loved it when my mother made breakfast on the weekends. It might have been one of the main reasons I still lived with my parents.
I reached for my phone instinctively to see if Paul had texted me or called.
Except my phone wasn’t on the nightstand. I always plugged it in and put it on the nightstand before laying down. I’d done that last night, right? I thought so…
I rolled out of bed and check behind and under the nightstand to see if my phone had fallen off and maybe I’d been so tired I just forgot to plug it in.
But it was nowhere to be found.
I checked the pockets of the jeans I was wearing the night before and I checked my jacket pocket. I’d had it last night at the bowling alley. I remembered that.
I quickly got dressed and went outside to check my car. After searching high and low and on the ground leading to the house I deduced that I did not have my phone.
“Mom, let me use your phone a second,” I said when I returned to the kitchen. “I think I left mine at the bowling alley. I want to see if anyone has turned it in.”
“Ok, sweetie,” My mother said handing me her phone.
I called the bowling alley and a young woman answered. After telling her I’d left my phone there she put me on hold a few minutes while she went to check to see if anyone had reported it or turned it in.
She came back a few minutes later and said that they didn’t have any reports of it. It wasn’t in their lost and found bin either.
“Great,” I said. “Now, I’ve lost my phone.”
“I’m sure it will turn up,” My mom said. “Now sit down and eat your pancakes before they get cold.”
“It won’t turn up,” I said. “I had it last night there and I’ve checked everywhere here. It’s gone. Someone must have stolen it.”
My mom picked up her phone and dialed my number.
“The ringer is turned on, right?” She asked.
“Yes,” I said.
We listened intently to see if we heard my phone ringing anywhere.
We didn’t.
“Well, I’ll have to take care of this,” I said. “It’s lock
ed, but if someone figures out the password then they will have all my social media and it will become a huge headache I don’t want to deal with.”
After scarfing down some breakfast I called my phone provider and told them I’d lost my phone and went about getting a new phone number. Then I went ahead and changed all of my passwords to my social media and email.
That would at least keep my information safe I figured, if someone had decided for whatever reason to steal my phone.
I went with Lara down to the Verizon store to pick up a new phone. She helped me pick out one of the newer models. I was actually kind of excited about it because I’d been toying with the idea of getting an updated model. This just gave me an excuse to do it.
Plus, I was able to stop worrying about Paul for a few hours.
Paul.
I suddenly had a horrible thought.
I didn’t know his number by heart. Like everyone nowadays I just put it in my phone and then had him on my contact list, but I did not remember his number.
“Shit!” I said as the realization hit me.
“What?” Lara asked.
We were in her car driving back to her house. We’d planned to hang out and enjoy a lazy Saturday of Netflix and junk food.
“I don’t have Paul’s number anymore,” I said. “Do you have it?”
“No…” Lara said. “You know Paul and technology. I’m surprised he even has a phone.”
“Right? And he doesn’t have any social media accounts. He writes on a typewriter for God’s sake. I have no way of getting in touch with him.”
“Relax,” Lara said. “Surely he will find a way to get hold of you, when he is ready. He is going through God knows what right now. Let the man be and give him some space. It will all turn out ok.”
“I wish I shared your optimism,” I said.
I really felt utterly hopeless. Paul… where was he?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Paul
“I can’t believe this,” I said. “Mom, why didn’t you tell me things were this bad?”
“We didn’t want to upset you,” My mom said. “We knew you would come running back and your dreams are too important. We wanted you to be happy.”
“But mom, I could have tried to help. If I have to put aside my things for a while then that’s what I’d have to do.”
I was looking over the records my parents had kept. Everything was a mess. According to a letter they’d received from the bank they had to pay six thousand dollars within three months or the bank was going to foreclose on the property.
I didn’t know what to do. That was a lot of money to come up with in a short period of time. But not impossible. At least, I hoped not.
“I’m going to stay here and work as hard as I can to fix this,” I said. “There has to be a way.”
“Your father would be so proud of you,” Mom said.
I winced slightly at the mention of my dad. The funeral had only been three days ago and since then I’d been walking around with my head in a big fog. And now there were all of these financial problems to deal with. I kept thinking back to that damn bull riding competition. I was so close. I could have saved all of this easily if I’d won that money.
But now here I was struggling to pay a lousy six grand so that my mother didn’t lose her farm.
How did everything get so messed up so quickly? I shook my head trying to ease a little life back into my body. I felt pretty lost at the moment and like I had no one in my corner.
On top of all that I hadn’t heard a word from Debbie for several days. She’d texted me a few times but I’d been too busy and too emotionally distraught to contact her back. I didn’t know what to tell her. I was afraid I would just end up a balling, bumbling mess on the phone and I didn’t want her to hear me like that.
But the day before I tried to call her a few times and something went wrong. I got a message saying her number had been disconnected.
Did she get a new phone number? Did something happen to her other phone? It seemed odd that she didn’t reach out to me about it.
Maybe she thought she was giving me my space, which I had to admit I really needed.
“Don’t worry mom,” I said. “Everything will be ok.”
I had no idea how, but I really felt that I would figure it out. I knew what my dad would say if he were there. He would say “It’s time to roll up your sleeves”.
And that’s what I was ready to do.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Debbie
“Are you sure?” I asked.
I felt panic rising up inside my abdomen. The butterflies were swirling around in there making me nauseas. My arms and legs were aching and I had a throbbing in the back of my head. My breathing was short and shallow.
This couldn’t be real.
“Yes,” Doctor McCoy said. “There is no mistake. You are six weeks pregnant.”
Pregnant. Those words echoed inside my brain over and over again. I felt like I was going to fall off the table and land flat on my face. And I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alone than I did right there in the doctor’s office.
“I take it by your reaction that this is a surprise to you and not planned?” The doctor asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, I hate to get personal, but is the baby’s father in the picture?”
“Yeah… um, well, I think so. I mean… he’s been out of town a few weeks and I don’t have a way to reach him… I’m not sure what is going on. He had a family emergency.”
“Oh, I see,” Doctor McCoy said. “Well, I’m sure your folks will give you plenty of support. I know them well; they are fine people.”
“Yeah,” I replied. I felt almost catatonic. I wished my mother was there. She would make me feel so much safer about everything. I had to get home and tell her.
But how was I going to do that? My parents were so old fashioned they might disown me. I quickly put that thought out of my head. My mother and father were really very understanding people, but would this be different? Would they view me differently in their eyes now? I had never disappointed them before. Would this be considered an embarrassment for them?
“I’m going to give you some literature about what to expect and I’d recommend you do some more research online about what you will be going through in the upcoming months,” the doctor said.
I left the doctor’s office and drove home in a daze and though it was the hardest thing I’d ever done I sat my mother and father down at the kitchen table and told them everything.
To my surprise they were both thrilled. My mother embraced me warmly and kissed me on the forehead like she did when I was a little girl.
“My baby is having a baby,” she said. “Wow, I’ve dreamt of this for so long.”
“You aren’t upset? I mean, Paul and I aren’t married and I don’t even know how to contact him. Hell, I don’t even know if he is coming back or not.”
“Honey, I don’t believe the miracle of life is ever a mistake,” my mom said. “Your father and I are very happy for you.”
“Thanks, mom,” I said.
“Don’t worry about Paul,” my dad said. “I know that man loves you. He will be back.”
He leaned over and hugged me tightly. It felt so good to have the support of both of my parents. I was so scared and confused. I wouldn’t have known what to do without them.
All of my friends were ecstatic of course. Lara was already calling herself “Auntie Lara”. She was going to spoil my baby so badly. It was going to be awesome.
I just wished that I knew where Paul was. What was he doing?
No matter how much support and love I had around me, until I had the answer to those questions I would still feel very alone.
Chapter Thirty
Paul
I stepped out of the shower and dried off quickly. It had been such a long, hard day that I was
almost half asleep. But it was barely seven in the evening and I had something I had to do.
I finished drying off and got dressed, hopped in my truck, and headed into town. Town was a good fifteen minute drive out of the country from my parents’ farm. I was so exhausted I had to consciously focus on staying awake so that I didn’t crash. I probably should have done this another time, but I really needed to get this done.
I’d forgotten how hard it was working outside all day on the farm. It was about the hardest job I could ever imagine and I was so glad that it was never going to be my career. But I was making progress in getting cows to market, and working in the greenhouse to get some crops together. I was also getting back in the business of getting the rodeo arena back in shape so we could start charging people to practice there. And I was fixing the horse stables which were falling apart and I was actually getting some interest in people who wanted to keep their horses there as well as a riding track. Things were coming together. But I was still far from the goal.
I arrived in town and pulled into the local library. They were closing soon so I had to be fast. I signed in with my old library card that was still good apparently and logged on to one of the computers in the computer room.
I then went about signing up to Facebook. I had never created a social media account before. I didn’t get the lure or the appeal of such things. If I wanted to talk with someone I did it the old fashioned way.
But with Debbie not responding to any of my calls and not reaching out to me I couldn’t think of any other way to get in touch with her. Hell, I had never even bothered to learn her email address.
Yep, I felt pretty stupid for being so out of touch with the rest of the world. It was indeed passing me by. But it was never too late to learn, right?