Dork Diaries Book 9: Tales From a Not-So-Dorky Drama Queen

by Rachel Renée Russell

  “Wait! Where are you going?” I called after her. “Zoey and I haven’t had our turns yet!”

  Chloe shot me a dirty look and violently slammed the library door behind her. BAM!!!

  “What just happened?” I asked, totally confused. “Did I miss something?”

  “I think we both did,” Zoey answered solemnly. “Chloe is obviously angry and giving us both the silent treatment!”

  “But why?!” I asked, flabbergasted. “What did we say or do to make her so upset?”

  “I don’t have the slightest idea!” Zoey shrugged. “She’s usually so sweet and bubbly. Maybe she’s just having a bad day.”

  “It feels more like a bad WEEK!” I said with a sigh.

  “Well, let’s just back off and give her some space. Hopefully, she’ll feel better tomorrow,” Zoey said.

  “If you say so. But it feels like she’s HATING us MORE every minute,” I complained.

  Zoey shook her head and gave a long, sad sigh.

  “We both need to be there for Chloe when she’s ready to talk. Just remember . . . ‘A friend is someone who knows the SONG in your HEART and can SING it back to you when you FORGET the WORDS!’—Author unknown.”

  OMG! That was the most kind, thoughtful, and sympathetic thing I’d ever heard.

  Zoey is the BEST friend ever!

  And when it comes to sorting out complicated emotions, she’s like a teen Dr. Phil in sparkle lip gloss and skinny jeans.

  We didn’t have the slightest idea why Chloe was upset.

  Because, unfortunately, our secret plan to cheer her up . . . DIDN’T.

  Zoey and I left the library feeling more worried than EVER.

  !!

  SUNDAY, APRIL 27

  The situation with Chloe was emotionally draining.

  But it wasn’t the ONLY DRAMAFEST I had to deal with on Friday.

  The other one began when I discovered the cafeteria was serving what looked like deep-fried hockey pucks smothered in a diarrhea gravy.

  And smelled like it too ! EWWW!!

  So I decided to just have a banana for lunch.

  I was obviously very distracted about the Chloe Crisis, because when I went to throw away my banana peel, I had a very unfortunate and slightly traumatic ACCIDENT !

  With this GUY!!

  Only, it wasn’t just ANY guy. . . .

  ME, ACCIDENTALLY SMACKING BRANDON WITH A BANANA PEEL!

  I could NOT believe Brandon actually said that.

  I NEVER, EVER said he was GARBAGE!!

  Now, maybe I TREATED him like garbage !

  But I never actually CALLED him that.

  BIG! DIFFERENCE!

  After my apology crashed and burned, we just stood there staring at each for what seemed like FOREVER!

  “So, Brandon, um . . . how are things going?” I asked awkwardly, and plastered on a smile.

  Brandon looked down at the slimy banana peel slowly sliding down the front of his shirt, then looked back at me and raised an eyebrow.

  “OMG! SORRY! Let me take care of that for you! Don’t move!” I said as I dashed to the nearest lunch table like my hair was on fire.

  I snatched a fistful of napkins from a dispenser and rushed back to Brandon.

  “I’ll have you cleaned up in no time,” I said, catching my breath.

  I peeled the banana from his shirt and tossed it into a (real) garbage can. Then I dabbed at the slimy stain.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Brandon said, looking rather embarrassed. “No big deal. You really don’t have to—”

  “Yes, I DO!” I interrupted. “Firstly, it was my fault. And secondly, I’m your FRIEND! Although, with everything that’s happened lately, it probably doesn’t seem like it,” I admitted sheepishly.

  “Friend? Really, Nikki?! You yelled at me for no apparent reason. Then, after I wrote you an apology letter, you stood me up. Sorry! But with friends like you, who needs enemies?!” he said, obviously a little ticked off at me.

  “Actually, I didn’t mean to yell at you! That day I spazzed out, MacKenzie was being a major pain, and I seriously thought YOU were HER when I said those things,” I explained. “And I DID try to meet you at the CupCakery. But thanks to MacKenzie, I got there THREE days late! That girl is so hopelessly DERANGED, she actually SABOTAGED our relationship with red velvet CUPCAKES! Like, WHO does that?!” I ranted.

  “So you’re saying all of this is MacKenzie’s fault? And she was trying to undermine our friendship again?” Brandon asked skeptically.

  “Yes! That’s exactly what I’m saying! It’s at least partially her fault. Brandon, she’s CRIMINALLY INSANE! She started that nasty pizza rumor about you! And I won’t even tell you what she’s done to me lately, because you’d never believe it. She needs to be locked up in a high-security UNDERGROUND PRISON. In CHAINS!” I fumed. “Thank goodness she transferred to another school!”

  “I’m sorry, Nikki . . . but after all this . . . DRAMA, I don’t know what to believe anymore,” Brandon said grimly. “Maybe I don’t know YOU as well as I thought.”

  Well, THAT little comment sounded vaguely familiar.

  I’d said the exact same thing to HIM during our last argument. I could NOT believe that dude was stealing MY lines!

  Suddenly I noticed that the room seemed unusually quiet.

  That’s when I turned to see the ENTIRE cafeteria GAWKING at us. Like we were a scene from one of those overdramatic teen romance blockbuster movies.

  OMG! I was SO embarrassed. . . .

  ME, IN SHOCK TO DISCOVER THE ENTIRE CAFETERIA GAWKING AT US!

  As the bell rang signaling lunch was over, Brandon sighed and silently stared at me. He looked like he was deeply pondering everything I’d just said. Or trying to figure out who was more CUCKOO, me or MacKenzie!

  “Nikki, honestly, I think we should just . . .” He hesitated and glanced at his watch.

  I held my breath and prayed he would give our friendship another chance.

  “. . . I think we should just get to BIO before we’re late. Are you coming?” he asked as he dumped his lunch tray.

  That’s when I totally PANICKED!

  Did this mean our relationship was OVER?

  Obviously, we WEREN’T girlfriend and boyfriend. And for the past few weeks we HADN’T even been very good FRIENDS.

  So what exactly WAS our relationship?!

  And why did it feel so overwhelming? And confusing? And exhilarating? And special? All at the same time.

  Then it finally hit me! Maybe Brandon wanted to talk about things on our way to bio!

  You know, privately. Without the entire cafeteria eavesdropping on our conversation.

  How ROMANTIC would that be ?!!

  I turned again to look at all the faces STILL staring at us.

  Suddenly, I felt a TINY ray of hope! Maybe we could get our friendship back on track after all!

  That’s when I smiled and finally answered his question. “Um . . . OKAY! Let’s get to class.”

  But when I turned around . . .

  BRANDON WAS GONE!

  !!

  MONDAY, APRIL 28

  I came to school early to do a complete review of my Miss Know-It-All letters and search for possible clues about that “surprise” MacKenzie had mentioned.

  She had answered about a dozen letters and saved them to my “New Letters” file.

  All letters are stored there until I e-mail my advice to students and/or place a copy in the “Auto-Publish” file, which automatically publishes my letters in the school newspaper every Monday at 12:30 p.m.

  OMG! Her letters were SO cruel, I cringed just reading them.

  And the bad news is that she’d ALREADY e-mailed her advice letters to three students !

  After reading about their problems, MacKenzie had guessed that “Massively Cruddy Friend” was Brandon, “CCP Princess” was Jessica, and “Blue in Braces” was my friend Marcy.

  The letter she sent Brandon had created a cupcake nightmare, but he’d mana
ged to survive.

  And that backstabbing WANNABE, Jessica, totally deserved the nasty letter her ex-BFF, MacKenzie, had sent her!

  But I was a little worried about Marcy.

  I made a mental note to talk to her and make sure she hadn’t been traumatized by that awful letter she’d received from Miss Know-It-All.

  I didn’t have a choice but to explain it as a very bad joke and apologize for sending it to her.

  I printed copies of MacKenzie’s letters (just in case I ever needed them!) and then completely DELETED them from my “New Letters” file.

  PROBLEM SOLVED !

  MacKenzie’s Reign of Terror as the FAKE Miss Know-It-All was officially OVER!!

  It was a big fat coincidence that Marcy just happened to walk into the newspaper office as I was finishing up.

  And get this! She didn’t seem upset at all!

  As a matter of fact, she thanked me (again!) for the trip to New York City for National Library Week and gushed nonstop about what a BLAST it had been for Violet, Jenny, and her.

  But here’s the WEIRD part! When I tried to apologize for the advice letter from Miss Know-It-All about her braces, Marcy claimed she didn’t have the slightest idea what I was talking about. She said she HADN’T written a letter to my advice column! Recently, anyway.

  Marcy went on to say that her braces weren’t so bad once she got used to them, AND she was happy and excited because they were FINALLY coming off in just THREE months!

  Okay! THAT convo was really AWKWARD !!

  So, MacKenzie was wrong! It appeared that the “Blue in Braces” letter had been written by one of the other dozens of students with braces at our school. JUST GREAT !!

  I gathered my stuff and rushed off to meet Zoey at Chloe’s locker with my fingers crossed that things would finally be back to normal.

  But no such luck! Chloe slammed her locker and walked right past us without saying a word.

  It was officially Day Four of the Chloe Crisis!

  By lunchtime Zoey and I had come up with the brilliant idea to leave a note on Chloe’s locker asking her to meet us in the janitor’s closet during lunch to talk.

  The three of us always met there when we wanted to discuss important stuff in private.

  Zoey quickly scribbled a note from us. . . .

  Dear Chloe,

  What’s wrong?! Are you mad at us? We’ve been super worried about you these past few days. Do you want to talk about it?

  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE meet us in the janitor’s closet ASAP! We don’t mean to bug you or anything. We just care about you because you’re our BFF!!

  ZOEY and NIKKI

  P.S. We’re really sad and miss you !!

  Then we folded our letter and taped it to Chloe’s locker.

  As the bell rang for lunch Zoey and I exchanged nervous glances and rushed off to set up camp in the janitor’s closet.

  We waited and waited, but it looked like Chloe was going to be a no-show.

  That had NEVER, EVER happened before.

  Almost overnight it seemed our BFF had turned into a BIGGER drama queen than MacKenzie.

  Just as we were about to give up hope, the door clicked and slowly opened.

  We were relieved to see Chloe standing there.

  She looked really sad, and her eyes were red like she had been crying or something.

  “Guys, I’ve got really bad news!” she said, sniffing.

  Those were the first words she’d actually spoken to us in what seemed like a year!!

  Zoey and I just stared at her silently.

  I got a big lump in my throat, and my heart pounded so loudly I could hear it in my ears.

  I was afraid Chloe was going to say her family was moving away to Timbuktu or somewhere!

  OMG!

  What would Zoey and I do without our BFF?!

  I didn’t even want to think about it !

  Chloe just stood there, kind of trembling like she was going to burst into tears.

  Finally, she took a deep breath, pointed at her lips, and then slowly stretched them into what looked like a pink gloss-covered grimace.

  “So, you refused to speak to us for all this time because you’ve been hating on your lip gloss color?!” I exclaimed in disbelief. “Really?!”

  Zoey gave me a swift jab with her elbow and shot me a dirty look.

  “OUCH!” I whimpered under my breath.

  “Actually, we love that color on you, Chloe!” Zoey reassured her as she plastered a fake grin on her face. “It’s SUPERcute! Right, Nikki?”

  “Yeah, Zoey, REALLY cute! It’s actually the same pinkish-red color as the BRUISE you just gave me. You know, before it swells and turns black, blue, and purple,” I muttered.

  Zoey shot me another dirty look.

  “WHAT?!!” I shrugged at her.

  Chloe gave us a massive eye roll.

  Then she very dramatically showed us her clenched teeth.

  Zoey and I could NOT believe our eyes. . . .

  ZOEY AND ME, STARING AT CHLOE’S TEETH!

  As we both leaned in for a closer look, Chloe smiled shyly (for the first time in days!) and blurted out . . .

  “I JUST GOT BRACES!!”

  I was so shocked and surprised, I had to restrain myself from TOTALLY freaking out! Chloe was ALREADY traumatized, and I didn’t want to make her feel even WORSE.

  As she stood there nervously smiling at us, it was quite obvious that Chloe looked adorable ADORKABLE in her new braces.

  “OMG! You look SOOO cute in them,” Zoey squealed, like she was admiring a new puppy.

  “Wow!! Those hot-pink wires really bring out the warmth in your skin tone. And . . . um, the purple brackets complement your eye color!” I gushed, just like those annoying salesgirls at the mall.

  Only, I really meant what I said. Kind of.

  “Come on! You guys are just saying that to make me feel better!” Chloe sniffed. “Are you sure I don’t look like a metal-mouthed . . . FREAK?!”

  “Of course NOT!” I yelled.

  “Girl, are you KA-RAY-ZEE?!” Zoey screamed.

  That’s when Zoey and I grabbed our BFF, gave her a big hug, and gushed . . .

  ZOEY AND ME, GIVING CHLOE A BIG HUG!

  Chloe explained that she was absent from school on Wednesday and Thursday because she was getting her braces. (And to think that I was worried that she had been kidnapped and forced to become a zombie queen!)

  “Chloe, why didn’t you just TELL us you were getting braces?!” I asked.

  “Actually, I did! Kind of,” she explained. “But I wanted your HONEST opinion. So I wrote in to your Miss Know-It-All column.”

  “Are you sure? I never got a letter from you,” I answered, slightly confused.

  “Well, actually, I didn’t use my own name. I wrote in anonymously that I was freaking out about getting braces and asked you for advice. I signed my letter—”

  “BLUE IN BRACES!” I practically screamed. “OMG, Chloe! That letter was from YOU?!”

  “Yes! I got YOUR letter Tuesday morning, but I didn’t get a chance to read it until after school. To be honest, Nikki, your letter made me feel a lot worse!!” Chloe sniffed. “It sounded like you HATED people with braces. That’s why I kind of freaked out and stopped talking. I was afraid that if you found out about my braces, you guys wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

  Zoey scowled at me. I quickly scooted away from her, just in case she tried to elbow me again.

  “OMG, Chloe! I am SO sorry!” I apologized as a wave of sadness washed over me. “I feel just AWFUL! You did NOT deserve that horrible letter! It probably won’t make you feel any better, but . . . I DIDN’T write it!”

  “WHAT?!” Chloe and Zoey gasped. “Then WHO did?!”

  Up until now, I had been SUPERworried about Chloe and totally distracted by the problems with my Miss Know-It-All column. So this was actually the PERFECT time to finally tell Chloe and Zoey all the nitty-gritty details about MacKenzie.

  Starting
with the shocking fact that not only had she STOLEN my diary, but she had actually WRITTEN a dozen entries in it.

  “Okay, guys, I’ve been DYING to tell you this! You’ll never believe how I actually found my diary! It’s a very long and complicated story.”

  I took a deep breath and quickly rehashed everything, including how MacKenzie had sabotaged my Miss Know-It-All column by writing nasty letters to students and how she had posted her OWN bug video on the Internet. All to get me expelled for cyberbullying.

  Chloe and Zoey shook their heads in disbelief.

  “I think we should report MACKENZIE for cyberbullying!” Chloe said angrily.

  “Yeah, I agree,” Zoey added. “We can’t let her get away with this! You should tell Principal Winston and Mr. Zimmerman ASAP. Otherwise, you could end up looking like the guilty person and get suspended from school.”

  “Well, if I tell Mr. Zimmerman, I can kiss the newspaper good-bye!” I groaned. “He already threatened to FIRE me if I compromised the security of the Miss Know-It-All website.”

  “But you DIDN’T compromise its security!” Chloe asserted. “Your diary was STOLEN!”

  “And it wasn’t your FAULT!” Zoey insisted. “You’re the VICTIM here!”

  “Maybe. But STILL! They’d NEVER believe me!” I argued. “How can I convince them that MacKenzie is responsible for sabotaging my Miss Know-It-All site when she doesn’t even attend this school anymore? I have no proof WHATSOEVER!”

  “Sure you do!” Chloe smiled wickedly. “And it’s in MacKenzie’s OWN handwriting!”

  “That’s right!” Zoey agreed excitedly. “Your DIARY is all the proof you need!”

  “Okay, guys, let me get this straight!” I said, trying not to freak out. “I’m supposed to just hand over my diary, which is filled with my deepest feelings, darkest secrets, and most embarrassing moments?! To Principal Winston and Mr. Zimmerman?! As evidence against MacKenzie?!”

  “YES!” Chloe and Zoey answered emphatically.