by Emilia Rose
How I wanted to love him. How I wanted him to devour me tonight. How I had been waiting for this moment forever.
When he kicked his bedroom door closed, he let me down, unzipped my dress, pulled down the straps, and pushed me back onto his bed. My hands traveled all over his body, sliding over his shoulders, down his back, up his abs. Everything about him felt like it had the other night, but suddenly felt so much more invigorating.
I tugged on the ends of his hair, pulling him to me, then pressed my lips to his. Like he had wanted to for years, he pressed his lips to mine, matching my intensity. We had never kissed, not once. And these butterflies were everything that I had ever wanted.
His fingers danced down my body and slipped into my underwear, rubbing me gently and making me wet with pleasure. I wanted him to be rough with me, but I wanted to just enjoy this moment with him.
Our first time together.
Maybe our last time together.
He thrusted two fingers inside of me, moving them slowly, and groaned. I smiled against his lips, clenching on his fingers. The feeling sent pleasure through me. “So, this was what you were waiting for.”
He smirked against my lips, resting his forehead against mine. “You have no idea,” he mumbled against my lips, fingers moving faster.
I unbuttoned his belt and pulled it off of him, then wrapped my legs around his body to pull him toward me. “Well, I don’t want to wait any longer.” I pushed his pants down and took his cock in my hand, stroking his hardness. It was mine. “I want you inside of me, Roman.”
He pressed his lips to mine, leaving soft kisses down my body. He latched onto one of my nipples with his teeth, biting down. I winced, remembering the last time he did that, and he sucked on it more gently. I brushed my fingers across his forehead, admiring my mate.
His lips moved down my stomach until he reached my core. He hooked two fingers under the hem of my panties, peeled them off of me, and pressed his hot mouth on me.
So slowly, so softly, so sinisterly.
I arched my back, loving every moment of us together, and pulled him back up to me, unable to hold off much longer. With my legs wrapped around his waist, I pulled him down, making him press his hardness against my wetness.
“Please, Roman.”
He smiled and pressed his lips to mine. “I love you,” he said, golden eyes glowing. Then he thrust himself into me until his hips were against mine. My eyes widened as I tried to adjust to his size. Everything about him and about this moment was more than I could ask for. I was more than glad he had made me wait.
Knowing he was my mate made my first time a thousand times better.
When I adjusted to his size, I clenched myself around him. He slowly pulled out, and I tightened again. “Fuck,” he swore under his breath. He pushed himself back into me, and I moaned.
“More, Roman.”
His fingers brushed against my cheek. “You’re so sexy when you moan my name.” He pulled himself out, then pushed himself back in—this time quicker.
I dug my nails into his back. His cock filled my tight pussy, and I moaned again. He continued to fuck me harder and faster and rougher, leaving me begging for him to continue. I never wanted him to stop. Not when his fingers brushed against my swollen clit. Not when he latched onto my nipple with his teeth again.
My legs shook uncontrollably. I grabbed onto him, hoping he wouldn’t stop, and he didn’t. “Cum for me, Isabella,” he whispered in my ear.
I screamed his name, and he thrusted into me once more. Then he pulled out and came on my stomach. He gazed down at me with so much love, and I gazed up at him with so much guilt.
He was my mate, but I had a terrible secret I needed to spill to him.
Isabella
His fingers danced across my collarbone, so softly. They were soothing, and I didn’t want him to stop. He snaked them into my hair and pulled me closer, his canines brushing against the nape of my neck.
A chill ran through my body, yet everything inside of me seemed to warm. My wolf and I loved this.
“I want to mark you, my dear Isabella,” he whispered against me. “I want to show everyone how wonderful their new luna is. I want to finally show everyone that you’re mine, and only mine.”
I stiffened at his words. I should’ve seen this coming. I shouldn’t have let my thoughts get in the way and stupidly believed that he wasn’t my mate. Maybe I didn’t blindly believe that; I just didn’t want to admit to myself that my mate denied me a position as a warrior. He knew that I deserved to be on the battlefield next to him, but he refused to grant something so precious to me. That was betrayal. That had always been betrayal, whether we were mates or not.
A stray tear rolled down my cheek as I stared into those golden eyes. They were so comforting. So fucking comforting.
He brushed the tear away with his finger, taking my face in his hands. His brows furrowed together. “What’s wrong, Isabella?” he asked, tense. “Do you not want me to mark you?”
His wolf was clawing to mark me already. He wanted nothing more to claim me as his, to make sure nobody else would try to take me away from him. But it was too late for that.
My lips trembled. “Roman,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes closed. “I have something I need to tell you.”
He sat up, eyes full of concern. “What?”
For a few minutes, I tried forming words, but I couldn’t. How could I tell my mate that I was going to leave him—willingly? My lips trembled again, another tear slipping down my cheek. “I have to leave,” I said so quietly I barely heard myself, but he heard me.
He tensed. “What do you mean?”
I parted my lips. No words. I tried forcing them out again. Nothing. “I… I…” I grasped his face in my hand, tickling my palm with his stubble. “I have to leave for a year.”
Roman didn’t move, but his grasp on my fingers tightened. “Isabella, tell me.”
“Don’t hate me, Roman, please. I made the decision before I knew you were my mate, and I can’t take it back now.” My heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces that I wouldn’t be able to put back together. Not now. Not ever.
“Now, Isabella. What’re you talking about?”
I frowned at the man above me and did the only thing I could: I turned my bare back to him, so he could see the mark of a Lycan and curled my fingers into the pillow, digging them in and waiting for something. Anything.
But it never came. No scolding. No yelling. Nothing.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I really am.”
After five minutes of pure silence, I turned my head. He had his lips pressed in a tight line. His eyes were gold, but not that fiery gold that I had seen almost every night. They were a sad, swelling gold. “You’re leaving me.”
“Roman…” I sat up, pulling the blankets over my naked and exposed body.
“You went behind my back. You’re leaving me to be a Lycan.” His voice was louder this time, more hurtful.
“We’re still mates, we—”
“Mates that don’t live together, mates that will never see each other, mates that lie to each other. Those aren’t mates, Isabella.” He clenched his jaw and stared out of the window, the moonlight glimmering off his perfect fucking face. “The whole reason for mates is to build a life with one another, and you’re leaving me!”
I pursed my lips together, suddenly angry at him. “This isn’t my fault.”
“This isn’t your fault? You could’ve told me about it. You could’ve told me that fucking asshole was talking to you behind my back. What did he say to you? What did he promise you? Happiness with him? Is that what you wanted? Did you want someone to fuck you because I wanted to wait until you knew we were mates?” He ran his hands through his hair and abruptly stood off of the bed. His minty scent was making this oh-so-goddamn hard.
I stood too and poked a finger right into his chest. “You do not blame me for this. If you would’ve accepted me as a warrior, then we wouldn’t have to b
e in this position. I accepted a position from Ryker because he believed in me from the beginning, unlike you.”
“You think I didn’t believe in you?” He shook his head and grabbed my hand tightly in his. “That’s fucking ridiculous. I had full intentions of placing you on the team until he showed up at practice. I had full intentions of making you the best fucking warrior I had ever known. Had tortured myself for days for assigning you as a nurse. But not placing you on the team kept you safe from any danger.”
I knotted my brows together. “That doesn’t make shit any better, Roman.”
“Tell me this, Isabella, would you have taken the position as a Lycan if you were a warrior?”
I pressed my lips together. “Tell me this, Roman, why did you tell me I was terrible at fighting? Did you want me to feel bad about myself? You chose Vanessa over me. You know how embarrassing that was. I trained my whole life to be a warrior.” I shook my head. “You know, maybe if you accepted me from the beginning and told me you were my mate, I would’ve made another choice.”
He dropped my hand and stepped back in disbelief. “Maybe?” He held back his wolf. “Maybe?” His voice was louder this time. “You wouldn’t have given me a sure chance?”
“You didn’t give me a chance.”
“That’s different.”
“No, it’s not, Roman. It’s not different.” I shook my head and pressed my lips together. If we were going to fight about this, we might as well put everything on the table. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that you were my mate? Why keep it a secret for the three years you’ve known?”
Silence.
“Is it because you wanted to fuck whoever you fucking wanted to and didn’t have to take responsibility for it?”
He clenched his jaw and grabbed mine, forcing me to stop talking. “Stop.”
I glared at him. “Is that the reason?” My heart pounded in my chest. Did he want to be with other people when he knew for sure I was his mate? Nobody hid their mate from the world. Nobody could spend a single moment without them. Something tightened in my chest, and my wolf whimpered. Did he not want us—both of us?
Tears rolled down my cheeks. All the last few weeks, all the hurt, all of the betrayal, all the lying was finally coming out and I didn’t stop it.
“Don’t be stupid, Isabella.” His voice was quieter but still tense. “Since I’ve known that you were my mate, I haven’t been with anyone.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and pushed him away. I wasn’t sure what to believe.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” He shook his head, snatched his journal from off of the dresser, and flipped through it. My eyes widened, seeing the hundred sketches he had drawn of me.
Every one was of me. Me running. Me smiling. Me training in the backyard with Derek.
“I spent every fucking day since I turned eighteen wishing that I could be with you and only you. You know how long I’ve waited for this moment? To finally make you mine?”
His eyes were pure rage. I grabbed the notebook from him, my shaky hands flipping through the pages upon pages upon pages. I couldn’t believe it. He had drawn that picture of me. He had given it to me to show how much he cared, even though he couldn’t really show it. I just didn’t understand why he didn’t tell me.
“Then why?” I asked, my heart racing with so many emotions I couldn’t tell which was which anymore.
He clenched his jaw and sighed, walking over to his dresser and trailing his finger across the chain of Luna Raya’s mate necklace he had in his room. “I wanted you to feel the same way I felt when I found out you were my mate. I wanted it to be real for you, as real as it was for me. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to love me just because I was your alpha and said that I was your mate. I hate those people who do that.”
He shook his hand and clenched his fist with the chain in it. “I wanted you to feel everything for me naturally instead of it being forced. I wanted to wait until you turned eighteen to have sex with you because I wanted it to be special for both of us, but you made that damn hard each night.” His jaw twitched. “You know how many fucking nights I just wanted to tell you so I could finally have you as my own…” He became quiet. “And now you know we’re mates and you’re leaving me.” He turned around, finally, and I saw the tears in his eyes. Unfallen, but still prominent.
I stepped toward him, not knowing what to say or what to do at the moment, but he stepped back. And I felt rejected.
“You’re leaving me,” he said quietly, like he had fully understood it now, his lips trembling.
“Roman,” I said, my voice cracking.
He held out his hand and gave me the necklace, not bothering to put it on me like mates always did with each other. Mom had gushed so many times about when Dad put her necklace around her neck, how she would never forget that moment.
But I wouldn’t get my special moment.
My special moment was ruined the minute Roman assigned me as a nurse.
“Put it on me,” I said. Desperate. So fucking desperate.
He paused for a long moment, the moonlight bouncing off of his skin. His eyes flashed back and forth between gold and green. Then he finally took a deep breath and said, “I can’t.”
After another moment, he turned around and placed his hands on the dresser, taking a deep breath, the muscles in his back tensing. “You should leave, Isabella.”
No. No, I couldn’t leave. Not without him marking me. Not without him putting on my necklace. Not without my mate.
“You want me to leave?” I whispered. Everything hurt. My body. My heart. My wolf.
I pressed my lips together so hard to muffle a sob. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This wasn’t how I wanted my eighteenth birthday to end. This wasn’t how I pictured meeting my mate.
This wasn’t a fairytale; this was a nightmare.
“Yes,” he said. His response was short and quick, like he didn’t need to think about it.
I clutched the necklace in my hand, holding onto it for dear life. Beside the sketch, it was the only thing I had from Roman.
I gathered my belongings, my dress, my bra, my single ounce of dignity, and walked to the door. Yet he still didn’t make eye contact with me. It was like I was an ugly monster to him.
After grabbing the doorknob, I turned to face him. There was one question that I needed answered before I left. The question that my wolf had been begging me to ask since we found out he was our mate. I gazed down at Luna Raya’s necklace, rubbing the pendant between my thumb and index finger.
I already knew the answer, but I needed to hear it from him.
“Will you mark me, Roman?”
Moon Goddess, I wanted him to say yes. I needed him to mark me to prove that he still loved me despite my decision, that he wouldn’t get with someone else just because he was angry at me, that I was his and he was mine.
The mating process required it. Sex without a mark or a mark without sex… If one happened and not the other, the she-wolf usually went into heat within the next month. And I didn’t want to go into heat without him next to me.
Every single emotion faded from his face, and he stared at me like he stared at the rogue that killed his mother. “No.”
Roman
Fuck.
I grabbed my journal and hurled it across my office at the wall, anger pulsing through my veins. It hit with a thud, then landed on the ground. Everything about this situation was fucked up. I grasped the notebook and tore out each sketch of her. One by one. Until my floor was littered with pictures of my mate.
Fuck.
Why did she go behind my back? Why did she trust Ryker? Why didn’t she tell me? She lied to my face, hated the hospital, and used it as a fucking excuse to leave me and my wolf. To be with whom? A fucking asshole who she didn’t even know.
My hands curled into fists, and I resisted the urge to punch the wall until my knuckles were bleeding. What was wrong with me? Was I too overbearing for her? Did I not give h
er enough space? Would she really have joined the Lycans if I made her a warrior? Could I ever even have stopped this?
I leaned over my windowsill, my chest rising and falling. She left mere minutes ago, and I already felt like utter shit. She was really going to go be a Lycan, and I could do nothing about it.
Being a Lycan wasn’t just a job; it was a job done for the Moon Goddess herself. Breaking one’s commitment to their team was against divine law, which restricted me from even getting involved.
Someone knocked on my office door at three in the fucking morning, but I let them knock. I didn’t have the energy to tell them to leave. Hell, I barely had the energy to hold myself up and not be a fucking wimp about this whole thing.
“Are you okay?” Jane asked from my office door. I listened to her walk into the room and come toward me. “Roman… say something. Anything.” She placed a hand on my back, and I lost it.
My body caved in on itself, and Jane pulled me into a hug. “Roman, what’s wrong? I haven’t seen you like this since Mom died.”
I didn’t cry. I refused to cry.
Alphas didn’t cry.
But, boy, did I want to.
Jane rubbed my back softly like Mom used to do, and tears filled my eyes. Everything felt so much more intense than it did yesterday. Every single emotion.
I felt like I was suffocating, drowning, dying.
“It’s okay, Roman. Whatever it is… it’s okay.”
No. It wasn’t. My mate was leaving for a whole fucking year. She would be away from me. I would never see her, never get to hold her, never get to smell her sweet scent of vanilla.
I waited three fucking years to have her, only to watch her leave me. If I marked her now, it would only hurt us both in the months to come. I would have to wait another fucking year and hope—pray—that she would choose me next time and not him.