The Boy Who Has No Redemption

by Victoria Quinn

  Her eyes softened as she looked at me, as she looked at the pain I wore on my sleeve.

  I faced forward again. “I’ve tried to make it work with your mother, but she won’t…she won’t forgive me. I don’t blame her. She won’t trust me again.”

  Lizzie stayed quiet.

  I quickly wiped away the new set of tears that dripped down the bridge of my nose. “I hope you watch my videos because I want you to do well in school, even if some other guy replaces me. I want you to call me if you need help, because I’m always here to help you.” I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees then rose to my feet so I could let myself out. “And I hope you know that I love you…always will.”

  “Derek.” Her body knocked into mine as she came into my side and hugged me, squeezed me tightly.

  I stilled at her affection, feeling my lips tremble. I froze as I let her hug me, rigid because it took me a moment to compose my features before I turned to her and returned the hug, holding her tightly, squeezing her in an embrace that would be impossible to end.

  I could have had this every day for the rest of my life, but I blew it.

  I fucking blew it.

  22

  Emerson

  A week came and went.

  Derek still only came to work two days a week. Even though his family had been given good news, he still chose to spend time with her, which I thought was really sweet. He was still bringing them groceries and helping out around the house, not switching back to his old routine just because things were good again.

  I considered calling that company to see if they would still offer me the job.

  But I didn’t.

  I stopped going on job interviews too.

  I needed to move on with my life and cut ties, but now I abandoned it.

  I was in my office when Astra Books called for the millionth time.

  “What the fuck is going on with Derek?” Mark barked. “He hasn’t returned any of my phone calls—”

  “His mom has cancer.”

  Mark turned silent.

  “He’s been dealing with that for the last eight weeks. I think that’s why he’s been unreachable.”

  “Oh, sorry to hear that.”

  “But his mother has made some progress in the right direction, so let me talk to him about the book, and I’ll get back to you.”

  Normally, he would have kept screaming, but this time, he let it go. “Alright.” He hung up.

  Derek had one more book in this series to write, and without even asking him, I knew he hadn’t written a single word. Before his mother was sick, he was too busy being an asshole to tap into his emotional side. And after she became ill, he was too stressed to think about anything else, let alone writing a book.

  I’d probably have to get him back on track, not for him or me, but for all the fans who needed his story.

  Cleo texted me. Did Derek tell you the good news?

  He did. He stopped by and told me in person. That makes me so happy.

  Yes. Deacon has finally been himself again. Daisy paused her semester to be home, so I’m surrounded by my family, and it’s been a lovely time.

  Good. I’m glad to hear that.

  You and Lizzie want to come over for dinner tonight?

  I wanted to see her, but I didn’t want to deal with Derek. He’d been keeping his distance lately, and it’d been a lot easier to be around him. Lizzie told me he apologized and then left the apartment, and that was it. Maybe Lizzie had said something to really make Derek give up. I wasn’t sure.

  When I didn’t text back, Cleo texted again. Derek won’t be here, if that’s what you’re worried about.

  Lizzie has practice tonight, so I think it’ll just be me.

  That’s fine. Can’t wait to see you.

  Dinner was just Cleo and me. Deacon and Daisy went to the movies. Derek must have been at home.

  Deacon cooked dinner and put everything on the table before he left, so we enjoyed the gourmet cooking while I sipped a glass of wine. Cleo wasn’t drinking right now, so she stuck with water.

  “How’s Derek been at work?” Cleo asked.

  “I don’t see him a lot, but when I do see him in the warehouse, he seems focused. Before, he was usually staring blankly at the wall or fidgeting with his pencil. So…it’s nice to see him back into things.”

  “That’s good. He seems much less stressed.” She took a few bites of her broccoli before moving back to her salmon. “Deacon is sleeping like a rock, and he’s never snored since the day I met him, and now he’s snoring like an animal.”

  I chuckled. “Catching up on all that lost sleep.”

  “I guess so.” She smiled before she brought the water to her lips to take a drink. “Any luck finding a new job?”

  “Um…I actually got an offer.”

  “You did?” she asked excitedly. “Where?”

  “It’s at a law firm in Manhattan for this big executive guy. But…I turned it down.”

  “Oh?”

  “I just… It didn’t feel right leaving at this time.”

  She dropped her gaze and pushed her food around. “Because of Derek?”

  I nodded.

  “At the end of the day, this is your life and not his. You need to do what’s right for you, not him. Derek will survive without you. He did before, he’ll do it again.”

  Her words were shocking to me. “I’m surprised you’re encouraging me to leave instead of taking him back.”

  She lifted her gaze and stared at me, looking genuinely surprised. “Why would I do that?”

  “Because he’s your son. You want him to be happy.”

  “Of course I do.” She set down her fork and gave me another hard look. “But I want you to be happy too, Emerson. I care about you independently from my feelings for Derek. I would love it if you two worked it out, but if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. If I have to tell you to do it or manipulate you in any way, then it’s not meant to be.”

  The weight suddenly left my chest, and now I admired this woman even more. She cared about me for me, not just because of my relationship with her son.

  “If you and Derek can’t make it work, in time, you’ll find someone else… He’ll find someone else. You’ll both be happy. Will you be happier with those other people than with each other? There’s no way to know that. But I like to believe that no matter what our choices are, the end result is the same. We will find happiness. So, don’t waste time wondering what will happen someday. Just do what you feel is right.”

  I nodded, finding her words comforting. But there was still a seed of doubt, deep inside. “If you had married someone else, would you be as happy?”

  Her eyes narrowed slightly at the question because it clearly caught her off guard. She dropped her gaze and stared at her food for a while, quiet for so long that she mimicked her husband’s and son’s behavior. “No—not by a long shot.”

  When I got home, Lizzie had already showered and ate dinner at the table. As always, her backpack was sitting there, her papers everywhere, even though I’d told her a million times not to do that.

  But instead of berating her right when I walked in the door, I greeted my mom and asked how her day was. We talked about practice, and then she went across the hall to join my dad.

  Lizzie continued to eat. “How’s Cleo?”

  “Good. She’s in good spirits.”

  “Was Derek there?”

  I shook my head and took the seat across from her.

  She looked down at her food and kept eating.

  “How was your day?”

  She shrugged and kept eating. “Fine.”

  She was barely a teenager, and it was already hard to get answers out of her. My gaze dropped to the table between us, and I saw the stack of papers there…along with an exam that had an A in red marker at the top. The numbers and equations on the paper told me it was for her geometry class, which she was failing. “Lizzie…” I grabbed the paper and pulled it toward me. “What’s th
is?” I looked it up and down before I turned to her.

  “I got that back today.”

  “But what’s this?” I pointed to the big red A at the top.

  “Ugh, an A? Mom, do you need glasses like Grandma?”

  “I thought you were failing.”

  “Well, now I’m not.”

  “That’s great.” I set it down, feeling the pride in my chest. “Did you find a better tutor?”

  “Um…” She looked down at her food and stabbed the meat with her fork. “Just some video tutorial I found online.”

  “That’s awesome, Lizzie. I told you you didn’t need anyone but yourself.”

  “Yeah, I guess you were right.”

  At the end of the workday, I went to the warehouse to find Derek alone. He was working at his station, a stack of papers all around him, becoming disorganized all over again because he was going a million miles an hour.

  I walked up to his desk and watched him look up to stare at me, to wear that same soft gaze he always gave me now. “The interns are starting tomorrow. I’ve got the orientation taken care of, but do you want to stop by and say a few words?” Each intern had met Derek in person once at the interview, but they probably wanted to see him on their first day too.

  “I can’t,” he said. “I’m at the hospital with my mom tomorrow. My dad has to head to the office because he pretty much dropped everything these last eight weeks, so he’s got a lot to catch up on.”

  “Don’t worry about it. They’ll understand.”

  He didn’t bow his head and get back to work. He continued to stare at me. “How was dinner with Mom last night?”

  I’d assumed she would tell him. “Good. She seems to be doing well. She didn’t seem stressed out before, but I think knowing Deacon feels better is a huge relief to her. That’s just how she is, worried about everyone around her and not concerned with herself at all.”

  “Yeah, she’s always been that way.”

  I lingered when I shouldn’t, seeing life returning to his skin and eyes. He still seemed sad, but not distraught like before. Like his father, he’d started to revitalize. “Well…goodnight.” I turned away.

  “My mom told me you turned down that job.”

  I stilled on the spot, staring at the exit that seemed light-years away.

  “Emerson?” His feet hit the floor as he moved around the desk and came closer to me.

  I slowly turned back to him, keeping up my stoic composure. “It just didn’t seem like the right time to leave…with everything going on.”

  Now, he stood directly in front of me, his brown eyes absorbing my features like they were words on a page. He tried to study me, tried to read between the lines, tried to decipher my thoughts to know the truth in my soul. “You have no obligation to me. I don’t want you to lose a good opportunity because you feel bad for me.”

  My arms slowly moved to cross over my chest, trying to physically keep him out of my heart…even though it was no use.

  “Unless that isn’t the reason why…”

  I dropped my gaze.

  “Baby.”

  I lifted my eyes to meet his. “They wanted me to start in two weeks, and that wasn’t enough time to hire and train a replacement. I know I have no obligation toward you, but I care deeply about your work and the principles this company stands for, so I won’t leave until the position is filled by the perfect person.”

  He stared at me for a long time, his eyes shifting back and forth quickly.

  I held his gaze, smelling his cologne, aware of how close he was to me.

  He continued his hard stare, like he saw something deep in my eyes, saw something he couldn’t ignore.

  “What?”

  He turned away and went back to the bench. “Nothing.”

  “Derek?”

  He moved back around the desk and faced me once more, his features impossible to decipher. Then he looked down at his work like nothing had happened, like I hadn’t just asked him a question.

  When I walked in the door, Lizzie sat at the dining table with her schoolwork spread out. Her math textbook was open along with her notebook, and she watched a video on her phone with her earbuds in her ears. When she watched me walk inside, she pulled them out of her ears and put her phone on the table—facedown.

  “Good.” I set my purse on the kitchen island. “You’re doing your homework. I don’t have to pull teeth to make you do it.”

  She shrugged. “It’s not so bad.”

  I went over to the slow cooker and opened the lid to see what my mom had thrown together for me so I wouldn’t have to make dinner when I came home. It was a pot roast with potatoes and carrots. “This looks good. Hungry?”

  “Sure.”

  I made two bowls then carried them to the dining table.

  She pulled hers toward her, but her eyes stayed on me.

  “What?” My daughter didn’t look at me like that very often. She either wanted something, or she had something to say.

  “Are you going to keep going on dates and stuff?”

  The question was unexpected, so I stilled when I heard what she said. “Why do you ask?”

  “Well, we had that weirdo come to the apartment, so…”

  Oh, the humiliation. “No, Lizzie. I’m done dating.”

  She looked at her pot roast then grabbed her fork to pull out a piece of meat. “Does that include Derek?”

  “Yes.” My answer was immediate because I was done with men at the moment. I was emotionally exhausted by all of Derek’s attempts. He fearlessly wore his heart on his sleeve now in a way he never had before.

  She chewed her piece as she looked at me. “Does it have to include Derek?”

  My eyes narrowed on her face. “What does that mean, Lizzie?”

  She set her fork back in the bowl. “I don’t know… He seems really sorry about the whole thing.”

  “Lizzie—”

  “People make mistakes, right? You always say forgive and forget.”

  “Not the same thing—”

  “I like Derek a whole lot more than that loser who came to our door, Mom. Derek would never hurt us.”

  I closed my eyes in pain, because I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation.

  “He’s smart, interesting, kind, rich…”

  “Money is never a reason to be with someone, Lizzie.”

  “Uh, but it helps…a lot.”

  I tried not to chuckle at her candor. “Just let it go, alright?” I turned back to my dinner and ate with my eyes down.

  Lizzie was quiet for a long time before she spoke again. “You were happy with Derek, Mom. I’ve never seen you so happy. And now that he’s gone…I’ve never seen you so miserable. So logically, wouldn’t being with him again make you happy?”

  I sighed as I looked into my pot roast, hating the fact that my daughter had to make those kinds of observations about me. “It’s complicated.”

  “I know you still love him, and I know he still loves you. If you two love each other, shouldn’t you be together? That’s not complicated to me. Forgive and forget? That’s not complicated either.”

  23

  Derek

  Mom went to bed early because she was still weak and tired from her treatments. After we had dinner, I did the dishes and cleaned up the condo while Dad sat at the dining table, the surface covered in his paperwork.

  I grabbed two beers and sat across from him. “Anything I can help with?”

  He shook his head. “I’m sure you have your own things to work on, little man.” He lifted his chin from his paperwork and looked at me. “You know, you can go back to full time. With Daisy around, we’ve got plenty of help.”

  “It’s okay.” I took a drink of my beer then rested my elbows on the table.

  He continued to regard me, as if asking for further explanation.

  “I like playing checkers with her, spending time with her…”

  “She told me you always let her win.”

  I gr
inned. “Nice of her to let me do that.”

  “She knows it makes you feel good.”

  “Which is ironic…because I was trying to make her feel good.”

  He went back to his work, making some notes. “How are things with you?”

  “Fine.”

  He looked at me again when he heard my tone.

  I shrugged. “Things are getting better with Emerson, but it’s still a long road.”

  “Why do you think things are getting better?”

  “She lied to me the other day.”

  His eyes narrowed. “That sounds like a bad thing.”

  “Mom told me she turned down a job offer. When I asked Emerson about it, she said she just needed more time to find the right replacement, but I could tell she was lying.”

  “How? That’s quite an assumption, Derek.”

  “Because she never lies.” She was always honest with me, so when there was a discrepancy in her tone and her look, I knew she was hiding something. “But I left it alone.”

  Now that Dad was deeply involved in the conversation, he abandoned his work entirely and continued to look at me. His fingers brushed over his lips as he absorbed my words.

  “She doesn’t want to leave me. So, I have a chance.”

  “Just don’t rush it. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

  “I know.”

  He continued to regard me, the lights from the city reflecting in his eyes. “How are things with Lizzie?”

  “A lot better. She’s letting me help her with her homework again. She doesn’t hate me anymore. After we talked, she seemed to open up to me again.”

  “Does Emerson know?”

  I shook my head. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. Lizzie told me some weird guy was harassing Emerson, so I broke his nose. She doesn’t know about that either.”