The Other Wife

by Juliet Bell

  I didn’t know the song, but the group of men around the boom-box were joyfully dancing and singing along.

  ‘They are sinners.’ Alice clutched the bible she was carrying tightly to her chest.

  ‘We have to go and talk to them. Come on.’ Susan was one of the youngest and most earnest of all Brother Jacob’s followers.

  ‘Will we be safe?’

  I understood Alice’s fear, but the men were dancing and laughing and singing as they draped rainbow-coloured garlands over the back of the truck. They didn’t seem angry and fearful of us. And we had the Lord’s protection.

  ‘We have come to bring you the word of God.’ Susan was already approaching the young men. ‘We have come to pray for your souls and you will find your way out of the path of sin unto the light, for God has said that a man will not lie with another man as with a woman. It is an abomination.’

  The dancing and laughing had stopped. Someone turned off the boom-box, and a loud silence descended on us all.

  ‘Sister.’ One of the men stepped forward. ‘We don’t want your prayers. We didn’t ask for your opinion.’

  ‘It’s not my opinion. It’s the word of God.’

  ‘Not my god.’ The man who’d stepped forward was holding some sort of feathered item in his hands. ‘I’m not interested in any god who calls love a sin.’

  ‘It is not too late for you to be saved,’ Susan continued, holding her bible high. ‘In Corinthians, God tells us that you can be cleansed through Christ. Give up your evil ways and you can inherit the Kingdom of God.’

  ‘I’d really rather inherit my parents’ home in Neutral Bay,’ a voice from the back replied. ‘That would really upset the neighbours.’

  There was a ripple of laughter. The music was flicked back on. Susan’s words were drowned out by singing and joy.

  The first man who had spoken came closer to the three of us.

  ‘Ladies, you are entitled to be who you are, just as we are entitled to be who we are. Let’s live and let live. What do you say?’

  ‘We will pray for you.’ Susan turned away.

  ‘And what about you two, will you pray for us too?’ There was a challenge in his voice.

  Alice nodded immediately. ‘We pray for all God’s children.’

  He looked at me. I couldn’t answer. Watching those men dancing together had brought back a memory. Helen and I had danced in our little garden, to tinny music from a tiny portable radio. It had been a different song, a different time, but we had held hands as we leapt about. Then, when the music changed to something softer and slower, our bodies had come together. With our arms around each other, we had kissed and vowed always to be together. I had repented my sins a thousand times since I’d joined the mission, but no matter how many times I pushed those memories away they bloomed again in my mind.

  How could I tell someone to repent of a sin I was unable to truly repent of myself.

  I turned away and followed my sisters back onto Oxford Street.

  Chapter 55

  Betty

  Betty forced herself to keep walking as the sun began to dip below the horizon, but as darkness fell she had to admit that she didn’t know which way the homestead was. Or the gravel road. Or the highway. From her room back at the homestead, she could look out the window and see Max’s place and the stockmen’s camp. There’d be a light or a torch or a fire going somewhere. And back in Sydney, there was always light everywhere. But here there was no light, except the brilliant sparks in the sky above her.

  She turned her face to the sky and turned in a slow circle. There were so many stars. Some were brighter than others, but they were all white and cold, not at all like the red embers that warmed her. In the deepest recesses of her memory, she saw the night sky above a ship as it ploughed through the ocean, but those nights were broken by the red flares from the funnel. Out here there was nothing. She could walk five paces from this spot and have to clue to her way back. Betty sat down on the dry earth. She was defeated. She was alone, but she was free.

  Something rustled off to her left. She pulled her knees in tight to her body and hugged them close. There were snakes out here, spiders too, she supposed, and wild pigs, and dingoes. She remembered all the fuss about the dingo that took the baby at Ayres Rock. A dingo wouldn’t hurt a grown adult, though. Would it? She didn’t know. She was still a city girl despite all the time she’d been trapped in the middle of this giant swathe of land. She knew about keeping her handbag across her body so it didn’t get snatched. She knew about looking both ways before she crossed the road. She didn’t know about snakes and dingoes and the way that the skin on her lips was cracking from the heat.

  This wasn’t her place. It was his. If it belonged to her she’d let it all burn. That wasn’t true. If it belonged to her she’d go far away and leave Jimmy and Peggy and the rest of the stockmen to it. She didn’t care what happened to this horrible place. It could never belong to her, and she could never belong to it.

  The rustling noises were getting closer. Betty told herself to move, but she was pinned to the spot, frozen, listening to the sounds around her. The creatures making those sounds could be a hundred metres away or a within touching distance. In the darkness she had no idea. She was going to die in this horrible place. The land hated her as much as she hated it. Maybe that was it. Maybe this place had sensed an outsider the second she’d stepped off the plane and set out to destroy her.

  Maybe this whole country had done that as soon as she had walked off the boat at Sydney Harbour.

  The noises seemed to move away a bit. Betty screwed her eyes closed. She could tell herself that it was only dark because she had her eyes shut. She could manage alone. She’d been alone for months now. All night, every night. Sometimes sleeping. Sometimes not. She could be alone. All she had to do was wait.

  She drifted away, into sleep or something else. She didn’t know. It didn’t matter. She’d rather die free than go back into her cage.

  She woke to the sound of the voices. It was starting to get light and there were people shouting. She pulled herself up to sitting and looked around. Then she heard a distant yell.

  ‘Coo-eeee!’

  She scanned her immediate surroundings. She didn’t have the energy to get up and run. She’d have to hide. There was a slight dip about ten metres to the left of her, partly hidden by a large brown rock. She crawled, forcing her limbs to carry her, and lay down in the dip. If she was lucky they’d give up looking before they got this far, and then, she told herself, after she’d rested, she’d be able to set off again and find the road. She lay as still and as quiet as she could. The voices kept getting closer. She listened. It wasn’t a big group. Just two or three people, she thought. And someone seemed to be in charge. That would be Edward or Max. It was always one of them telling everyone else what to do.

  It got to the point where she believed she could feel their footsteps through the earth. They stopped again. She listened. ‘It looks like someone stopped here.’

  That wasn’t Edward. She listened again.

  ‘Maybe to rest?’

  She recognised the voice now. It was Jimmy. She was going to be all right. He was a friend. He’d been kind to her. She lifted her head just a touch. He was right there. A little way behind him, Max was facing in the opposite direction, swigging from a water bottle.

  Betty lifted her finger to her lips.

  Jimmy’s face fell. He glanced back over his shoulder.

  ‘I can’t.’ It was barely a whisper.

  ‘Please,’ she begged.

  Jimmy turned away. ‘Over here!’ he yelled.

  And all was lost.

  The ute appeared over the horizon a few minutes later, and she was lifted onto the back. Jimmy sat beside her, not speaking until they pulled up at the house. ‘You would’ve died if I left you.’

  Betty managed to look him in the eye. ‘I know,’ she said.

  Chapter 56

  Jane

  ‘A woman shall not
wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the Lord your God.’

  As Brother Jacob’s voice rang out with clarity and passion, the women around me nodded their assent.

  ‘Tonight, the devil will walk among us. Those who practice abomination. Those who turn their faces from God. Their actions grieve the Holy Spirit. They violate scripture. It is a pathway to other evils.’

  When he was preaching like this, Brother Jacob held us all in his thrall. I tried to lose myself in his words, as I normally did when he was speaking, but this time the words failed to move me.

  ‘God gave us a gift, when he created Eve to be with Adam. To be his helpmate and comfort. A gift to be enjoyed within a marriage between a man and a woman.’

  Alice nudged me gently in the side. I knew what she was thinking – that one day, Brother Jacob would be my husband. Looking at him as he paced the room like a caged animal, I shivered. Brother Jacob paused, turning to face the assembled sisters. His eyes captured mine. I saw the message there. I longed for my heart to call back to him. I longed to feel what I was supposed to feel.

  I felt nothing. If anything, there was a twinge of fear as I recognised the fanatical light in his eyes.

  ‘The rainbow is a symbol of God’s promise to Noah, but they have debased it, taken it as their flag of abomination. God has spoken. Across this country they are taking steps to make these sins legal in the eyes of the courts. We say no. They say these people should be left to carry on their ungodly acts. We say no. We are not led by politicians or by the laws of this world, but by the laws of a higher power. We are led only by God.’ By now he was shouting, flecks of spittle spraying from his lips. ‘These acts are a threat to our Christian society. They lead to perversions, to child molestation and incest.’

  My sisters were nodding fervently, but I felt a coldness grip me. The room around me seemed to blur and I was back at Our Lady, in the big assembly hall, with Helen beside me. I could hear Sister Mary Gabriel speaking.

  ‘…depraved and counter to God’s word. It is sinful and those who act this way are condemned to damnation…’

  Helen’s beautiful face swam into my mind. I could hear her soft voice as she told me she loved me. I could feel the warmth of her hand on my skin and the joy in my heart when we were together. Our love made us hateful in the sight of others. Made me hateful in the sight of Brother Jacob.

  ‘But…’

  Jacob stopped speaking and turned to look at me. No one ever interrupted him.

  ‘Jane?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Brother Jacob, but the Holy Father said such deviant feelings can be cured, with proper teaching and adherence to church law. With confession and the love of our Lord Jesus Christ, the sinners can be forgiven and taken back into the church.’

  ‘Jane. Oh, my precious Jane.’ He walked over to me, took my hands and raised me to my feet. ‘Sisters, Jane is the kindest and gentlest and most forgiving among us. Her goodness shines from her like a light.’

  I felt my face redden as around me, my sisters murmured their agreement.

  ‘Jane, your goodness does you credit, but do not allow it to blind you to the truth. There is no salvation for those who practice abomination. They cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven. They will burn in the eternal fires of damnation.’

  Several of my sisters whispered an Amen.

  Brother Jacob placed his hand upon my hair in benediction, and I sat back down and firmly fixed my gaze to the floor in what must have looked like penitence.

  ‘We have a duty to the children, to protect them from such immorality. If we ignore this perversion, others will follow and our city will become like Sodom and Gomorrah, and God will visit his wrath upon us all.’

  Brother Jacob swung back into his sermon.

  ‘Tonight we will walk among them. Our faith shall be our armour. God’s holy word will be our weapon. We will not suffer the sinners to live among us.’

  Chapter 57

  Betty

  There was fuss at first. There had to be, she supposed. There was a huddle of stockmen around the kitchen door. Betty heard one of them mutter that he’d not seen Mrs Rochester for ages. Another answered that he’d thought she’d gone walk-about a long time ago. Another muttered something about Richard and all that fuss at the wedding. That sort of gossip could not be allowed. Appearances had to be maintained. Mrs Rochester was ill, Max said. It was very sad. Mrs Rochester would be cared for quietly by Grace and, of course, her loving husband.

  Mrs Rochester was carried upstairs and put back into bed. She was brought water. And then some bread. She was told to rest and keep sipping from the beaker that Grace put by the bed. Mrs Rochester’s loving husband was nowhere to be seen.

  She sipped her water and tried to sleep. She’d failed. She’d thought that one way or another, today would be the end of it. She’d get away or the land would swallow her up. But she was back here. She’d lost.

  The bedroom door clicked open. She looked up, expecting Grace. It was her husband.

  He swung the door closed behind him. He hadn’t come to her room for months, but she knew what he was here for. It was all he’d ever needed her for.

  ‘You tried to run away.’

  ‘I did run away.’

  ‘I had to waste hours of my workers’ time bringing you back.’

  She’d lost the battle. She wasn’t going to concede easily though. ‘Why?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Why did you bring me back?’ She watched his face. She was expecting anger. What she saw was confusion. ‘You could have let me go.’

  ‘But you belong…’

  ‘To you?’ She swung her legs out of bed and started to stand. Now she was ready for a fight.

  He closed the gap between them in one step, pushing her back onto the bed. ‘You do belong to me.’ He shouted the words right into her face.

  ‘No. I. Don’t.’

  His hands were already on her. She knew he could overpower her, but for once she wasn’t going to make it easy. Jimmy had told her she could have died out there, and he’d been right. She could die free, or live in a cage. And knowing that was a sort of freedom of its own.

  She scratched, and clawed, and yelled, and kicked. She didn’t stop. She didn’t let her mind go to the place it normally went to protect itself. She didn’t let herself think about other things. However much it hurt her she would not let herself hide from him inside her own imagination. She wouldn’t let him think that this was all right, and that she was all right. She screamed as hard as she could so he would know exactly what he was doing to her.

  Finally he climbed off her, and refastened his belt.

  ‘I don’t belong to you.’ She extended a finger towards the window. ‘None of this belongs to you.’

  Chapter 58

  Jane

  The city was preparing for a party, and Oxford Street was its centre. All around us, people were converging on the pubs and restaurants, overflowing out onto the footpaths and the streets themselves. Shop fronts were crowded with people clutching glasses and beer cans. Rainbow flags hung from every available point.

  ‘Disgraceful,’ Susan muttered beside me.

  Ahead of us, two young men were dancing, shirtless, to the music that filled the air. They undulated their hips and chests, moving closer and closer until they met in a kiss.

  ‘Abomination!’ Jacob cried. ‘Fear the wrath of the Lord.’

  ‘All right. Let’s just take it easy.’ A uniformed policeman stepped between Jacob and the targets of his anger.

  ‘You!’ Jacob waved his finger in the officer’s face. ‘You saw what they did. It was a sin, but it was also a crime. The laws of this state still support the teachings of the Bible. Take them away. Lock them in a cell before they threaten our children.’

  ‘Sir, do you really think Mardi Gras is the right place for you to be tonight?’ The officer kept his voice calm. ‘We don’t want anyone arr
ested. Perhaps you should go home.’

  ‘We do not wrestle solely against the devil, but also against flesh and blood, the earthly powers that would foist this darkness upon us. We fight against all the forces of evil.’

  ‘That’s all very good, but you do any wrestling or fighting here and you’ll find yourself locked up for the night. Understand?’ The officer suppressed a grin. He didn’t think Brother Jacob was a great man. He thought Brother Jacob was laughable.

  ‘I will fight the good fight, as our Lord demands. Come, sisters.’

  We followed our leader across the road. He gathered us around him. ‘Let us pray.’

  This time, his words didn’t move me. With my head bowed, I looked around. People were laughing and dancing. Men and women, in groups, in couples, or on their own. I looked for the evil that Jacob described, and I couldn’t see it. Not here.

  I searched my memory. I thought of the garden at Our Lady, of the beautiful thing Helen and I had created. And I thought of Edward Rochester and the pain his nice Christian marriage had caused. I could see sin, but it wasn’t in myself. It wasn’t in Helen.

  As the prayer ended, we linked hands.

  ‘Now my sisters, go forth and do God’s work.’

  I walked away, with Susan and Alice by my side. They stayed close together, Alice taking strength from Susan’s unwavering belief that we were on a mission from God. Had I shared that certainty once? If I had it was as lost to me as a dream forgotten at the point of waking.

  The parade had started, and Oxford Street was awash with colour and light and sound. Two girls danced past me, their hands clasped, and disappeared into the crowd. Without thinking, I turned to follow them.

  ‘Please. Stop for a moment.’

  They did and turned to face me. The younger girl looked me up and down, and I saw her face start to close as she realised that I was not there to join the party.

  ‘Please,’ I said. ‘I want to understand.’