Pushing Over 40

by S M Mala

  ‘I hope so,’ she said, warming to him again. ‘But please leave my website alone.’

  ‘I promise,’ replied Tony seriously. ‘But I can’t leave you alone, just yet.’

  ‘Happy birthday, dear Jack, happy birthday to you!’ the voices sang in the garden.

  Jack blew out the ten candles on the cake and smiled brightly as everyone clapped and cheered.

  ‘Did you make a wish?’ Maya asked, giving her nephew a big kiss.

  ‘Yeah, that you and mum would stop kissing me,’ he cheekily replied as Dee grabbed her son and hugged him fiercely.

  The kids were screaming around the garden as Maya sat on the swinging chair with Eadie and watched the boys play.

  ‘Noisy little monsters, aren’t they?’ she said, stroking her niece’s hair. ‘Why aren’t you playing with them?’

  ‘Don’t want to,’ she said, snuggling up against Maya who felt contented to have her close by. ‘Where’ve you been?’

  ‘Nowhere,’ she replied, wondering what Eadie meant.

  ‘You’ve not been around much,’ she sighed and looked up at her with her puppy dog eyes reminding her of Adam for a split second.

  ‘I’ve been a bit busy,’ she said and smiled at the thought of Tony, quickly glancing back at his house knowing he was away for the weekend.

  ‘Have you got a boyfriend?’ she quietly asked. ‘I won’t tell.’

  Maya looked at her and gave her a big cuddle.

  ‘I’ll tell you a secret,’ she said, whispering into her ear. ‘I’ve met someone I really like and we’ve been going out for a couple of months but you’re not to tell anyone as they’ll start planning for a wedding when it’s not going to happen.’

  ‘Doesn’t he love you?’

  Eadie sat up straight and looked at her in total shock.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Maya honestly replied.

  ‘Do you love him?’

  ‘I…’ she didn’t know what to say for a moment. ‘I really like him a lot. He’s very, very nice.’

  ‘You don’t love him,’ announced her niece looking seriously at her.

  ‘I’ve not thought about it as I’m having such a nice time,’ she smiled and gave Eadie another cuddle. ‘And I suppose I do love him.’

  She watched Eadie’s face light up.

  ‘Really? I’m so happy for you,’ Eadie hugged her. ‘Does that mean I get another uncle who can buy me lots of presents?’

  Maya then noticed Adam standing at the patio doors looking at them.

  ‘Your favourite uncle’s here,’ she said to Eadie who glanced over and then moved closer.

  ‘He broke up with Penelope because she found out he had another girlfriend,’ Eadie smugly announced.

  ‘Did he now?’ laughed Maya. ‘I won’t say anything.’

  She watched him walk towards them and smiled broadly.

  ‘Where did you resurface from?’ Adam asked, sitting next to Eadie and looking at Maya, with a wide grin.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I’d have thought you’d be coming round more frequently if you knew I was staying here but hardly a peep out of you. What’ve you been up to?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Maya replied, immediately sitting up straight.

  ‘We’ve hardly seen you for weeks. I thought you might have accosted a new man or something,’ he laughed. Eadie looked at Maya and smiled broadly at her. ‘What are you grinning at?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Eadie said, still grinning and standing up to look at them. ‘I’m going to see Madeleine.’

  ‘I thought you didn’t like her?’ Maya asked. ‘Especially after her brother flashed at you?’

  ‘He did what?’ a shocked Adam asked. ‘Why that little-.’

  ‘He’s four,’ butted in Maya putting a comforting arm on Adam.

  ‘I see. That’s still not right, you know. Boys shouldn’t be doing that to little girls.’

  ‘And big boys shouldn’t be doing that to big girls when they have a girlfriend,’ Maya said and watched Eadie snigger before running back into the house.

  Adam turned to look at her and sighed deeply. She noticed he hadn’t shaved and his hair was longer. The man was getting more attractive as he got older.

  ‘Who told you?’ he said, shaking his head.

  ‘Who do you think? Little miss cutie pie,’ she laughed. ‘When did you move out from here?’

  ‘Two weeks ago. I’d love to say I liked staying here but I couldn’t sleep,’ he said, shaking his head fiercely. ‘Their new neighbour’s been at it nearly every other night.’

  Maya sat there stunned and realised Adam had heard them as he was staying in the spare bedroom.

  ‘Really?’ she said, gulping hard. ‘What did you hear?’

  ‘Some sort of animal grunting if you ask me. That man obviously takes something to keep it going,’ he laughed. ‘He should give me some.’

  ‘Did you tell Dee?’ she quietly asked. ‘So she could have a word. Even Harry?

  ‘You must be fucking joking! Can you imagine them telling that Tony to keep the noise down? He must be having the time of his life getting women to fall for his sad widower’s tale. He’s certainly keeping his pecker up.’

  Then she noticed Adam was laughing to himself before shaking his head. Maya knew her face was red and she had broken out into a faint sweat.

  ‘Do you want me to do an impersonation of what I can hear?’ he whispered as she sat perfectly still.

  ‘Why would I want to know?’

  ‘Well, you see,’ he said, shuffling closer to her, so his thigh was pressed up against hers. ‘One night, when I had the window open, I heard the woman he was giving a good seeing to make noises… well it’s obvious whoever she was she hadn’t been given a good screw for a long time. The yelling and moans… Jesus! At one point, now don’t laugh, I thought it sounded like someone I knew. Then I thought… no I’d remember someone groaning like that. Unless she was faking it?’

  Immediately she turned to look at him, their faces inches apart as he smiled, baring his even white choppers before kissing her on the nose.

  ‘You’re a fucker,’ she grumbled under her breath.

  ‘I think you’ll find it’s not me who’s a fucker here,’ he whispered back. ‘Do you want to tell Uncle Adam what you’ve been up to?’

  She breathed in deeply and didn’t know what to say as he laughed and shook his head from side to side.

  ‘You amaze me,’ he said, turning to look away before glancing back. ‘Do you want to tell me?’

  ‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Okay, I see. I’ll play along then,’ Adam laughed. ‘How’ve you been? As if I didn’t know. You’re looking well.’

  ‘Isn’t that what you tell people when they’re getting fat?’ she replied, knowing he’d wound her up.

  ‘I mean you’re looking quite … how should I put it? Attractive for you.’

  ‘A compliment from Adam Brady … unless you’re losing your sight, are you? You obviously want something or you’re not getting your end away enough.’

  ‘I wanted to talk to you,’ he whispered into her ear and she couldn’t help the tingle sensation she was getting which she never got with Tony.

  ‘About what?’ she replied, pulling herself together and concentrating hard.

  ‘Can I talk to you after this, alone?’

  ‘Why?’ she said, narrowing her eyes and knowing he was up to something.

  ‘Let’s go for a drink, afterwards,’ he said, shaking his leg nervously.

  ‘That’ll be a first in years. We’ll go to ‘The Swan’, if that’s okay with you? And no personal questions.’

  ‘Perfect. I’ll meet you there and I’ll have a-.’

  ‘Guinness?’

  ‘Cider,’ he said and stood up. ‘See you there at six.’

  Maya couldn’t remember when the last time was she sat waiting in a pub for Adam. It must have been over three years ago when he told her he
was seeing Helene. Her heart sunk recalling her total devastation when she found out. She shook her head and looked at her mobile phone and opened the last text from Tony.

  ‘I’m missing you. See you on Wednesday.’

  ‘Who’s it from?’ Adam asked, sitting opposite her and taking a slurp from his waiting pint. ‘Cheers!’

  ‘Just a friend,’ she smiled and put her phone away.

  ‘Dee says you’re up to something,’ he said, sitting back in his seat. ‘She can tell by your lack of contact usually around meal times.’

  ‘I’m not up to anything,’ she sighed. ‘And I don’t just pop round for free food. Your sister isn’t that much good in the cooking stakes. Only when Harry’s making something, I like to appreciate his effort.’

  ‘By bringing round empty take away tubs when you go to dinner?’ he laughed out loudly.

  ‘I’m single! Free donations are welcome!’

  ‘And talking about donations, I thought Dee was going to rumble you about your sperm donation secret,’ he said, sipping his drink and staring at her.

  ‘I’m taking a rest from all that. I’m starting to see that I might be quite disillusioned about the whole thing… or just bloody old.’

  ‘So you haven’t done it since we last spoke?’

  ‘I need to rethink things. I know in the scheme of it, I’m still young but I don’t think my insides think so. I started my period when I was ten so maybe all the eggs have gone off. Do you think they smell like rotten eggs?’

  ‘You think too much,’ Adam said, shaking his head from side to side. ‘But you still want to have a baby?’

  ‘I’m getting my head around the fact that I might not be able to,’ she sighed and smiled at Adam. ‘Saving the human race from another one of me.’

  He moved closer.

  ‘I have thought about this long and hard,’ he whispered looking around to see if anyone was listening. ‘I am serious about helping you, you know.’

  ‘Adam you’re not being-.’

  ‘Listen to me,’ he said, holding his hand out. ‘It’d be a financial arrangement and totally above board. You have to promise me I won’t be named and we can all carry on as normal.’

  ‘You haven’t thought about it have you? You’d have to see me at family gatherings and there may or may not be your child projectile vomiting over Dee’s new couch. Are you that strapped for cash?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, glaring at her. ‘I’m doing it for the money.’

  ‘That’s fine then,’ she replied, sipping her drink seeing he was flashing her a very odd look which she’d never witnessed before in all the twelve years of knowing him.

  ‘Don’t be stupid! I’m not just doing it for the money, though it would help. I don’t want to see you get bitter as you get older by not having a baby. And Maya, it’s on the cards you’ll turn into a bitter old crusty bint, mark my words.’

  ‘I’m not bitter and thanks for the kind words,’ she smiled reassuringly, thinking about sex with Tony and how ‘crusty’ she wasn’t. ‘Things haven’t worked the way I wanted it to, that’s all.’

  ‘I want to help you.’

  ‘What makes you think you can hit the magic spot then?’ she smiled, shaking her head before hitting her forehead with her palm. ‘I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.’

  ‘Just trust me.’

  ‘That’s not a good enough answer.’

  ‘Look at me,’ he smiled and Maya instantly laughed.

  ‘What if you get back together with Penelope or meet someone else? Where does that leave me?’

  ‘You’re not taking me seriously, are you?’ Adam smiled and narrowed his eyes. ‘Why the change of tune?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ she asked, sipping on her wine.

  ‘You’ve been desperate for a baby for the past five years and now, you don’t seem bothered.’

  ‘I am bothered, but…’ she looked at him. ‘I need to do a few things and get my head around it, like I said. You being the father will change everything.’

  ‘This isn’t an open offer,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I can easily donate to one of your ladies on the website.’

  ‘Aren’t you the loving man?’ she groaned. ‘I need to think about this.’

  ‘What’s there to think about? I’m ready, willing and perfectly able.’

  ‘How much do you want for the honour?’

  ‘Two grand for three tries,’ he said, mulling it over. ‘And money up front.’

  ‘Not even a free sample?’ she sniggered. ‘You don’t come cheap, do you?’

  ‘And definitely no sex,’ he said deadly serious. ‘That would complicate it.’

  ‘I don’t want to sleep with you,’ she said, watching him look surprised and then tried to hide it, though she knew she was lying.

  ‘Good! I’ve been checked out. I’ve not got diseases or anything like that so I’m perfect.’

  ‘If you say so yourself,’ she laughed and knew this was going to cause problems.

  ‘At least you know it’ll be fresh.’

  Maya glanced at him and wondered what he was up to knowing if he did knock her up the whole family would go ballistic.

  ‘You’re fucking joking!’ Judy laughed and finished her drink. ‘You’re sleeping with a man that can’t give you babies!’

  ‘I know, it sounds ridiculous but it’s not. He’s a lovely man and babies are a no, no,’ smiled Maya, realising the amusement this piece of information was giving.

  ‘And you’re going to stop wanting a baby because?’

  ‘I don’t not want to have a baby but I want to see how things work out with Tony. He’s really, really lovely. I really like him.’

  ‘You’re in love with a really, really spermless man?’ Judy smirked. ‘Are you?’

  ‘I think I am,’ Maya said, admitting it openly for the first time.

  ‘It ain’t gonna work, babe,’ she said, shaking her head from side to side.

  The phone rang and Judy answered it.

  ‘What?’ No way! Tell him to fuck off then,’ and slammed the handset down.

  ‘You know you really do give a bad name to estate agents,’ Maya smiled, sipping her tea. ‘And don’t breathe a work of this to anyone.’

  ‘No one would believe me!’

  ‘How’s your baby making front going then?’ she asked, looking at Judy scowl.

  ‘He ain’t getting on with the job. Every time I tell him it’s the perfect moment to shag he either goes out or is too drunk his codger don’t work!’

  ‘Maybe you’re pressurising him too much?’ Maya gently said and waited for Judy to agree.

  ‘Nah! He gets a hard on when he watches ‘Top Gear’ so I don’t know why he’s getting all funny with me.’

  ‘Some men don’t like to perform when they have to.’

  ‘And some men do,’ she grinned. ‘I’ll let you in to a little secret. I’ve been seeing someone.’

  ‘Judy! You mustn’t cheat on your husband!’

  ‘It’s only fucking!’ she said deadpan.

  ‘Oh my god, I don’t believe you!’

  ‘He’s a big, beefy, black guy I met at the pub and … well he certainly knows how to keep me happy.’

  ‘And what if you get pregnant, thought about that?’

  ‘I’m using condoms you silly bitch,’ she laughed.

  ‘Do you really want a baby or do you like the idea of having one?’

  ‘I could ask the same about you, me dear!’

  Maya walked down the road laughing at her conversation with Judy but taking note about the comments she made about having a baby. It had been two months since she talked to Adam about his donation and he seemed relatively laid back about waiting but she knew there was someone she needed to talk to first.

  She stepped down the side entrance to avoid being spotted and pushed open the side gate. Maya walked in and could see Tony sitting on the sofa reading something then look at his laptop. The man was very handsome that evening. />
  She rang him.

  ‘Hello,’ he said brightly and she peeped to see he was smiling as he spoke on the phone.

  That just gave her a warm feeling inside.

  ‘Do you still want me to come round?’

  ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Waiting for you in the garden?’

  She watched as he looked up at her and smiled.

  ‘Come in,’ he said.

  ‘Shall I do something outrageous and walk in the front entrance?’

  ‘That would be novel,’ Tony laughed. ‘Well we’ll have to let people know sooner than later, if that’s okay with you?’

  ‘That’s perfect.’

  Maya walked down the path, sighing as she took each step turning into the road before heading towards Tony’s house.

  ‘Auntie Maya!’ Eadie shouted and ran up to her just as she was supposed to be getting into her father’s car.

  Harry did a double take and looked confused.

  ‘Are you supposed to be here?’ he asked, looking at his house then back at her. ‘We’re just on our way out.’

  ‘I’m going to see Tony,’ she replied and watched her brother do a double take.

  ‘Why?’ asked Dee, double locking the front before closing her handbag.

  ‘Hello Dee, you look nice,’ Maya said, noticing she was dressed up.

  ‘Parents evening for Jack,’ she moaned. ‘Why are you going to see Tony?’

  ‘He’s helping me with the website,’ she lied and noticed her grumpy nephew sitting in the back of the car, head down, playing some computer game. ‘He has lots of experience and I emailed him to ask if he could give me a few pointers as I know he’s in publishing.’

  ‘Maya you can’t go annoying the neighbours at the drop of a hat,’ Dee sighed before pushing Eadie into the car.

  ‘He offered actually,’ defended Maya.

  ‘Mum, do I have to go now? Can’t I stay with Auntie Maya?’ scowled Eadie.

  ‘She’s got plans,’ Harry said, narrowing his eyes at her then shaking his head. ‘I’m probably going to have to take Tony out for a drink as way of thanks for helping you and your menopausal website.’

  ‘Shut up Harry! They’re not menopausal… yet. And look at that seventy year old woman who had IVF and gave birth to twins?’

  ‘And did you see how miserable she looked?’ he said, getting into the car and laughing.