Erin looked like she was going to say something, but Leah glared at her again. “Why don’t you take Dylan back inside and we’ll join you in a few minutes?”
She seemed to have gotten the message, because she nodded slowly as she guided Dylan back into the house.
Leah turned her attention back to Shane. “That’s not what I wanted to happen.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I should have known better than to have kissed you here, where the boys could see.”
The disappointment in his voice made her feel guilty. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. “It’s not that I’m ashamed of you or that I didn’t enjoy the kiss. I need time to figure out our relationship before the boys get invested in the idea of us being together.”
Who was she kidding? Dylan was already one hundred percent invested in the notion of having Shane be his dad. But everything Shane had said was correct. Their relationship couldn’t be about the boys. It had to be about Leah and Shane deciding to make a relationship work for their own sakes and then committing their relationship to her sons.
“I understand,” Shane said. “I completely agree. We’ll keep things on a friendship-slash-working level for now, and we’ll figure the other stuff out as we can.”
The regret in his voice gave her hope. He wanted things to work just as much as she did, but it was just as important to him to keep her boys safe.
But who was going to keep her safe? She’d thought she was protecting her heart, but as the final rays of sun fell over the mountains in the distance, she was afraid she’d already gone and fallen in love.
Chapter Nine
Even though he’d checked his reflection in the shop windows as he passed to make sure his feet were on the ground, Shane felt like he was flying higher than the clouds as he went to meet Leah at the café. They’d spent the entire week working together with the boys, doing their best to keep any romance at bay. But today, Erin had the day off and she was keeping the kids so they could have some grown-up time.
Leah might resent her sister’s matchmaking, but having an ally gave Shane the confidence that they could make things work.
The giddy feeling, however, disappeared the moment he stepped into the café.
Harold was sitting at a table by the entrance. Leah stood nearby, talking to him.
“What do you mean, you sold the cattle to someone else? I thought we had a deal.”
To most listeners, the screech in her voice would have been imperceptible. But Shane knew it well. It was the sound of Leah desperately trying to hang on when everything around her was falling apart. It usually only happened during one of Dylan’s fits.
But this one was all Shane’s fault.
“Who did you sell to?”
Harold gestured at him. “Sounds like you need to have a talk with Shane. He approached me.”
Though he imagined she’d probably turned very quickly to face him, everything appeared to happen in slow motion. Enough that he could hear the blood rushing through his veins and couldn’t manage to move his mouth to form a single coherent word.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He should’ve been better prepared for this moment. He’d known it was coming, but he hadn’t been able to face it. Now he had no choice. But he still had no words.
“I tried, but I didn’t know how.”
He deserved all the fire in her glare. It would have been enough to melt the polar ice caps.
“It’s really quite simple,” she said. “Leah, I bought the cows you wanted.”
She took a step toward him, and he could see spots of rage covering every inch of her face. “Seven words. You’re a grown man. You can’t say seven words?”
Not those words.
“I was trying to find a way to explain. It’s not as simple as it sounds.”
Her eyes flashed, and he could practically see the steam rising from her head. “Try me.”
Everyone in the café was staring at them. The last thing he wanted was a public spectacle, especially because the romance was bound to come up in this argument.
“How about we go somewhere private, and we’ll discuss it?”
Unfortunately, she seemed to take offense at his suggestion. “Why? So you have time to come up with a new story? Just give it to me straight.”
He took a deep breath, saying a quick prayer that God would help him find the right words.
“Even though I had explained the risks about taking on the cattle, you were unwilling to listen to reason. If I couldn’t convince you, how could I convince your sisters? It seemed easier for everyone if I took on the herd.”
Why had he thought she’d understand? He hadn’t expected it to make her so much angrier.
“You told me you didn’t want to take on the project. You said it was too much for you. Why did you lie to me?”
She had a point. “I was telling the truth. They are too much for me. A friend is letting me keep them on his land, and I’m getting a break on the vet bills. They know the severity of what’s happening with these cows, and, like me, they want to minimize the risk to the community. But still, it’s been hard.”
He’d been planning to ask around after breakfast to see if anyone could hire him for some odd jobs or something. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said taking on the cattle was going to be expensive. Buying them, plus paying Leah, plus the added expense of their care had taken a toll on his finances.
She’d probably say he deserved it.
And maybe he did.
“So, you brought others in on your scheme?” she asked, her voice growing eerily quiet. “You really thought I was so stupid and illogical you had to step in and make a decision for me by taking it away?”
Maybe a relationship wouldn’t have worked out between them. Not when she automatically jumped to conclusions and believed the worst about him.
“I don’t think you’re stupid. You’re one of the smartest people I know. But when it comes to ranching, you are too inexperienced to understand the dangers of the situation.”
Her glare intensified.
How could he get her to believe his intentions were good? That his heart was in the right place?
“The herd was in a worse state than you were led to believe. They were half-starved, and many had not received the required vaccinations. Since I took them on over a week ago, I’ve already lost three head. The vet is testing for cause of death to make sure it wasn’t a communicable disease. These are not starter cows.”
Tears ran down her face, and he wanted to comfort her, but he knew it would only anger her more.
“Why couldn’t you have let me make that decision for myself? You could have offered to bring me and my sisters to see the cattle and explain to us what this meant. But you rode in on that big white horse of yours and took over.”
That wasn’t what he’d intended. But everyone knew where the road paved with good intentions led.
“I’m sorry. I did the best I could in the moment. When I took on the cows, you still didn’t trust me, and it seemed like we had a long way to go.”
The look she gave him was a dagger to his heart. “I should have never let my guard down around you. This proves what I feared all along. I can’t trust you. I should have known better than to trust anyone. I don’t know what your agenda is, but I’m done letting it play out here.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Please give me the chance to make it up to you.”
Tears continued to stream down her face as she shook her head. “People ask me how I stayed with a drug addict for so long. It’s because of promises like that. ‘I promise I’ll do better. I promise I’ll make it up to you.’ Guess what? I’m done believing those promises.”
So that’s where she wanted to take it. Comparing him to a drug addict. He supposed he deserved some condemnation, but this felt a litt
le extreme. He’d only hurt her once. And he was willing to make it up to her.
“This isn’t it the same, and you know it. I was going to tell you eventually. I just needed more time.”
“More time for what? To cook up a good story? Interesting that you’re keeping these cows on somebody else’s land, and yet all the times I’ve helped you, worked on your land, taking care of your animals, you’ve never mentioned having this herd someplace else. If the whole point of working with you is for me to learn about ranching, why wouldn’t you have brought me there? You could have given me the chance to work with sick cows so I would know what to do. I know all about smokescreens. And this is the biggest one I’ve ever seen.”
Her vision was too clouded by her pain from her past to see what he was trying to tell her. But for the sake of two little boys who would be devastated if they parted as enemies, he had to try.
“I would have loved to get your help with the other cows. By the time you get to my ranch in the mornings, I’ve already been at it for two hours, trying to keep up. But I can’t risk bringing your children around sick cattle. I’m sorry if it seemed deceptive. I was truly doing what I thought was in everyone’s best interest.”
He shouldn’t have opened his mouth.
Leah shook her head at him. “And here I thought you were letting me make decisions about my children, not taking over for me. That didn’t work out so well for you before, now did it? You should have told me. Explained the risks. And given me credit as their mother to make that decision.”
Clearly, they weren’t going anywhere with this conversation. The café was silent, everyone completely fixated on what was happening between them. And no matter what he said, things were only getting worse.
He took off his hat and held it in his hands as he looked at her. “I don’t know how I can express to you how truly sorry I am for going behind your back and buying the cows out from under you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I know now that I made a lot of missteps along the way. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me for what I’ve done.”
Leah shook her head. “That might be what the church says I have to do, and maybe someday I’ll get there. But right now, I hope you’ll understand when I say that you are no longer welcome on my ranch.”
Then she hesitated. “That is, except to check on your cattle under the terms of your lease. But you’d best talk to your friend about using his land for when your lease expires. Please do not attempt to further our acquaintance, nor communicate with my children. You’ve proven that you can’t be trusted.”
She stepped forward, like she was headed for the door, but then she stopped. “I hope it goes without saying that I no longer consider myself your employee. I won’t work with someone who is so dishonest. I may not have much, and I might be desperate, but I’m not so desperate as to compromise my integrity.”
She continued out the café, and he let her go. It was best to let her cool down and give her time to realize that he wasn’t a malicious person. Everything he’d ever done had been for the good of her family and the community. Maybe someday she would realize that.
And as the last pieces of his heart shattered like the mug Dylan had destroyed, he had to admit that perhaps this was a sign that their relationship wasn’t meant to be.
He’d asked God for a deep, abiding love. Maybe Leah was too broken to give him that. So, maybe he had to accept that she wasn’t the right woman for him after all.
Harold stood. “I didn’t know my cows were in such bad shape,” he said.
“Everyone else in this town did. Except for three desperate women who didn’t know any better.”
Harold looked embarrassed, but it didn’t feel strong enough. Given the condition of the cattle, it seemed almost like an insult.
“You should be brought up on animal cruelty charges. Those women wouldn’t have stood a chance. As it is, I’m not sure how I’m going to make it.”
Harold left, which should have made it easy to grab a table and breakfast. But Shane found he’d lost his appetite completely. He didn’t feel like doing much of anything at all.
He turned to go home, but Fred Novak, who ran the feed store, stopped him. “I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. I know your heart was in the right place, buying those cows. I had a look at them myself a month ago and turned Harold down. I warned him they needed better care, and I’m disappointed to hear that he didn’t listen.”
At least someone believed him. But it didn’t feel as comforting as the man had probably intended.
Still, he meant well. And people needed to be given credit for that. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“If there’s anything I can do to help you, you let me know.”
“You wouldn’t happen to have any jobs available, would you?”
Fred nodded. “Actually, I do. I should warn you. Leah applied for it, and I had to turn her down, because she wasn’t available much due to her childcare issues. But I know you’re a good worker, and with my son Colton joining the service, I could use the help.”
Leah probably would get upset with him when she found out, but it was a job. Even with getting a break on the vet bills, they were still more than he could afford easily. Not having to pay Leah would lessen some of that burden, especially because taking the time to teach her things slowed him down.
But it hadn’t bothered him because he’d enjoyed her company, and he’d thought he was doing the right thing by helping her.
So much for doing the right thing. Women all said they wanted a good guy, but it seemed like being the good guy led to getting his heart broken.
Leah couldn’t honestly say how she got home. She’d obviously driven, but if she had passed a circus with a giant bear dancing in the streets, she wouldn’t have noticed. She’d spent the entire drive crying.
Was there anyone in this world who could be honest with her? Who didn’t go sneaking around her back, lying?
All right, so Shane hadn’t lied. That she would give him. But he had gone behind her back. He had deceived her. In a most painful way.
She’d actually allowed herself to hope that they could have a relationship. But what use was a relationship when there wasn’t open communication? When she looked back on her marriage, the biggest problem hadn’t been Jason’s drug use. No, it had been the fact that there had been so much he’d kept from her. Whether it was how bad the pain was or how stressed out he was or how overwhelmed he felt by the pressures of parenting. He’d told her none of those things. He’d wanted to prove that he was the big, strong man. That he could take care of his family. So many of his decisions, especially the wrong ones, had been because he’d thought he was protecting her.
She barely hit the front porch when Erin came out. “What happened?”
“Shane.”
Erin’s face fell. “What did he do? I would’ve never pegged him as the type to hurt a woman.”
She wiped the tears away with her sleeve. “He didn’t hurt me. At least not physically. But the next time I tell you to back off when it comes to my romantic life, you’d better listen. I took a chance, just like you told me. And now I have to figure out what to tell my boys so they understand they will never be allowed around that lying snake again.”
Erin’s brow furrowed. “What did he do?”
Wiping her eyes again, Leah took a deep breath. “Remember those cows we were supposed to get?”
Her sister nodded.
“Shane decided we couldn’t handle it, but rather than discussing it with us, he took the choice away. He bought those cows out from under us, and then he hid them so we wouldn’t find out.”
Erin stared at her. “Are you sure? There has to be some mistake. I thought you told me that Shane said he couldn’t afford the cows.”
She couldn’t remember Shane’s exact words, but she was certain he’d said something
to that effect. “That’s what he’d led me to believe. But yes, he did it. He told me so himself.”
Wrapping her arms around her, Erin said, “I’m so sorry. He seemed like such a nice guy. Did he give you any indication as to why he would do it?”
She stepped back from her sister’s embrace. “Because he was worried that we were getting in over our heads. He didn’t trust us to make the right decision.”
Erin put her arm around her and led her inside the house. “Why do men always think they know better than we do? I can’t believe he didn’t even talk to you about it.”
The bitterness in her sister’s voice reminded Leah that Erin had plenty of experience with men who didn’t communicate. Her marriage broke down for a lot of reasons, but in the end, Erin’s divorce was really about her ex-husband’s unwillingness to communicate with her about anything of importance, including their shared grief over the loss of their daughter.
Maybe it was the whole Mars-Venus thing, that men and women were from different planets and completely incapable of understanding one another. Maybe some people could live like that, but what Leah wanted in a romantic relationship was a full partnership. Communication. Friendship. And most of all, trust.
The part that hurt the most about Shane’s decision, besides the fact that she couldn’t trust him, was that his actions showed he didn’t trust her. He didn’t believe that she would make the right decision.
True, she was planning on buying the cows anyway, but she had considered his advice. If the cows were in as bad a shape as Shane claimed, they would have sought further counsel. But Shane wasn’t willing to give her that much credit. He wasn’t willing to sit down with her and tell her his plan. Instead, he took the choice away from her, like he thought she was a child.
They entered the kitchen, and Nicole was in there, covered in flour.
“I wasn’t expecting you back so soon. The boys and I are making homemade slime. The ingredients are all natural and healthy, so is—” She stopped. “What happened?”
Her Cowboy Inheritance Page 14