The boys were staring at her. She hated the look on Dylan’s face. He didn’t know yet that she’d had a falling out with his precious Mister Shane, but he had seen her crying way too many times. No child should have to witness their mother’s broken heart. And poor Dylan seemed to know it best of all. It wasn’t fair.
“It’s okay. Mommy’s just having a really tough day.”
Dylan climbed off his seat and wrapped his arms around her. Then Ryan did the same. Their hands were sticky and covered in whatever concoction Nicole had been teaching them to make, but it felt wonderful. This was where she belonged. The idea of romance had been tempting, but it came at a price too high to ignore.
“Where’s Mister Shane?” Dylan asked. “I thought you were going to work with him today.”
She let out a long breath, trying to keep it steady. “Unfortunately, I won’t be working with Mister Shane anymore. It’s not a good job for Mommy after all.”
She didn’t know how to explain the situation to the boys. Not when it was all about the kind of grown-up stuff they’d already been cautioned about. She could see the disappointment on her son’s face, and there was nothing she could do about it.
“But I was going to help Mister Shane with the animals. He told me I could.” Dylan’s upper lip quivered. “I need to learn how to be a cowboy, so I can help with our ranch.”
The ache in Leah’s stomach worsened. Her son had thrived under Shane’s care, but how could she explain to Dylan that she couldn’t trust a man who went behind her back? If he’d go behind her back about this, what else would he go behind her back on? What would happen if they disagreed on something concerning Dylan?
“I think you’ve done really well on your cowboy lessons,” she finally said. “I’m going to need all your help on our ranch. All the things we did on Mister Shane’s ranch, we’re going to do here.”
Nicole passed out damp paper towels. “Let’s clean up. Everyone needs to wash their hands. And your mom is right. You’re going to be too busy with our animals to help with Mister Shane’s.” She held out her hand. “Come on. Let’s go look at that website with the animals again.”
Nicole and the boys scampered into the other room, where the computer was. Erin returned to Leah’s side.
“I’m sorry this happened. I was so focused on encouraging you that it didn’t occur to me that things might not work out. I’d forgotten that your heart wasn’t the only one to be broken.”
Tears filled her eyes again. She hated that it took something so painful to make her sister understand why interfering was such a bad idea. But at least she wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Neither of them would. Being alone was a small price to pay for the happiness and security of her children.
Somehow she got through the rest of the morning and lunch. Probably only because she had her sisters to help her. That was the other trouble with being heartbroken. She still had a life to live, children to raise. She didn’t have time to mourn or grieve or dwell on her pain. Even though what she really wanted was to have a good cry.
Fortunately, the boys didn’t put up a fuss about taking a rest. Though visiting the animal website had taken away Dylan’s questions about Mister Shane, they all felt a heaviness at the loss. She would talk to Nicole about the best way to handle it. Once the boys were lying down, she went to make herself a cup of tea, but Erin had already done so.
“Here,” she said. “Now that we have a little time, we can talk about what happened.”
They went into the family room, and each sister took up her usual spot. It was comfortable, familiar. At least something felt normal after everything that had happened.
She relayed the morning’s events to the sisters, once again feeling the pain of Shane’s betrayal. Both sisters nodded and murmured at the appropriate places, and it felt good to know they were on her side.
“If it’s really that bad, I guess he saved us,” Erin said. “But he should have talked to you first. He should have talked to all of us. It wasn’t fair for him to put the entire burden of the decision-making on you. It wasn’t just your decision, but he treated you like it was. If he had concerns, he should have brought them to us, rather than relying on you to relay the message.”
Erin’s frustration at the situation gave Leah a little more confidence.
Nicole nodded. “Exactly. He never once spoke to us. I hate how men swoop in and rescue women that don’t need rescuing.” Then she sighed. “All right, I’ll admit that based on what he said about the condition of the cows, maybe we did. But he could have given us the opportunity to make that decision for ourselves.”
Her phone buzzed, and she looked down at it. “This is exactly what I mean. Fernando again. I’m sick of him bugging me, trying to make sure I’m all right. I’ve told him a thousand times that I’m fine, so why can’t he accept my answer and move on? That’s what any woman wants. But none of the men in our lives have ever understood that.”
She was talking about their father, even though she hadn’t mentioned the Colonel. But they were all thinking about him, based on the expression on Erin’s face, as well. He’d been so controlling, so possessive. He’d dictated every aspect of their lives, and probably would’ve continued to do so had he not met cute, young wife number-whatever-she-was, who’d decided she was too young to have children so old.
They didn’t often speak of the Colonel, mostly because none of them wanted to relive those memories. But, also, for the most part they’d gotten over what life with him had been like. Leah could remember some of the underhanded ways he’d asserted his control, just like Shane.
She didn’t deserve her sisters’ support, not when she’d let them down so badly.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do about a job,” she said. “I’m not even sure how I’ll get paid for the work I’ve already done for Shane. I don’t want to have to talk to him again to find out, but I know we could use the money.”
Erin came and sat down next to her. “Don’t worry about the money. Nicole and I both have good jobs, and now that we’re not buying the cows, we’ll be able to save even more.”
Joining them on the couch, Nicole nodded. “If he’s an honorable man, he’ll find a way to get the money to you. If he doesn’t, then I guess that proves that you’re better off without him. And Erin’s right. We don’t need the money. We’ll be fine.”
They made it sound so simple, but they hadn’t considered other things, like the household expenses. Things like gas, electricity and food. Money for that didn’t come out of nowhere, and it wasn’t fair for her sisters to shoulder the weight.
“This isn’t just about start-up costs. It’s about all the expenses. How am I supposed to contribute to the running of the household?”
Erin gave her another squeeze. “I wish you would stop worrying about that. I know you think it’s your duty to contribute financially, but you contribute in plenty of other ways. You take care of the boys, you cook all of our meals, you’ve done most of the repairs on this place, and if there’s anything that needs doing, you’re the first to step up to do it.”
Nicole nodded. “If it were up to me and Erin to cook, we’d be eating canned soup. Thanks to you, we eat healthy, delicious meals every day. Our home is clean, in good condition and a haven for us all, and that’s because of your hard work.”
“You guys helped,” Leah mumbled.
Nicole gave her a little nudge. “Only because you told us what to do. I know you have a lot of guilt over not contributing, but you are the very heart of this family. You keep us going. You give us the strength to carry on. To be honest, I didn’t like it when you were working for Shane, because you would kill yourself working long hours over there and then come home to work even harder here. Give yourself a break. Taking care of this place is job enough.”
“It’s true,” Erin said. “I don’t know what we would do without you keeping
track of everything. Back when we were in school, you told us not to count the cost. But neither of us have forgotten that if it wasn’t for you and Jason working so hard, Nicole and I would have never gotten through college. You never went, because you were too busy putting us through. Let us take care of you for a change.”
But she was the older sister. Wasn’t taking care of them her job? It didn’t seem right to sit around and do nothing. “But I have to do my share.”
Erin pulled away from her and stood. Hands on hips, she hovered over her, wearing her don’t-mess-with-me look. “Haven’t we been telling you all the things you do for us? I know I’m technically not supposed to tell people about my clients, but, working for Ricky, I pay his bills. And he pays his housekeeper a lot more than what Nicole makes. So if you want to look at it that way, that’s your share.”
The disgusted noise that came from Nicole made Leah chuckle. She often bemoaned the fact that she wasn’t paid nearly what she was worth, but she also knew that many of the families couldn’t afford more.
“And we’re not even kidding about eating canned soup all the time,” Erin said. “Apparently, I can’t even make mac and cheese out of a box. When I tried the other day, Dylan refused to eat it and told me that I made it wrong. How do you make it wrong?”
Leah had to laugh in spite of the seriousness of the situation. Even at a young age, her children had become quite the food snobs. They were so used to her doctoring up recipes like boxed mac and cheese, that they didn’t realize that she always added a little something extra.
“I always add garlic powder. It gives it a little kick, and the extra garlic doesn’t hurt as a boost to their immune system.”
Erin stared at her. “Whatever. It’s mac and cheese. Not gourmet. But that only proves my point. Neither of us know the difference. And I’m pretty sure that if it weren’t for you forcing them down our throats at every meal, we definitely wouldn’t be eating enough vegetables.”
“I eat vegetables,” Nicole said. “I eat lots of vegetables.”
“Yeah, dipped in ranch. If it’s not something Leah fixes and it’s not smothered in a gallon of dressing, I’ve never seen you eat a vegetable.”
Nicole shrugged. “So sue me for liking a little dressing with my vegetables. At least I eat them.”
Her sisters’ bickering made her smile. No matter how old they got, some things never changed. And even though she didn’t like doing so, she’d have to admit that her sisters were right.
“I’m just disappointed about the cows. The profit margin would have allowed me to put Dylan back in therapy.” She let out a long sigh. “When I was doing some research on how to help him better prepare for the coming school year, I found out that one of the therapists who wrote a book on his behavior issues lives right here in Columbine Springs. I’d seen it as the perfect opportunity to finally get Dylan some help. She’s expensive, but I really love what she’s written, and I’ve used some of her techniques already.”
Nicole walked to the bench by the front door and grabbed her purse. “How much should I make the check out for?”
Leah shook her head. “No. You just got your job.”
“You’re impossible,” Erin said, walking over to the computer. “If you won’t tell us, we’ll look it up online and find out ourselves. I’ll be contributing, as well. Like Nicole, there is nothing more important to me than the boys’ futures. How can you be so dense as to not see that? If it had been Lily, I know you would’ve done the same.”
Her throat clogged with tears at the mention of her late niece’s name. Erin never spoke of her daughter who died, whose death destroyed her marriage and, in many ways, her hope for the future. She hadn’t thought that perhaps caring for the boys was a way to help Erin deal with her grief. Had Leah been too selfish in this, as well? She’d been so worried about burdening her sisters that it hadn’t occurred to her that perhaps by letting her sisters help her, she was helping them.
Nicole put her arm around Erin. “I didn’t think of it that way. You never speak of her, and Leah and I agreed that we wouldn’t pry.”
“I appreciate that. I’ve needed to deal with my grief in my own way. But yes, if you must know, I’ve found a great deal of healing by being around the boys. I like to think of myself as doing for them what I wish I could do for her. We all know that we would do anything we possibly could for our children. And I love your children like my own.”
“I’ll pay you back,” Leah said. “Maybe once the ranch gets better established, we’ll have a little extra, and you can have my share.”
Nicole threw down her checkbook. “Are you kidding me? It’s like you haven’t been listening to us at all.”
She had, and she knew she needed to do a better job at accepting her sisters’ help. As she tried to think of a response, she noticed Nicole scribbling on a piece of paper.
Then Nicole handed it to her. “Based on these calculations, this is what I owe you for my college education. I can’t pay it all to you now, but I can make a start.”
It was a check, and when Leah looked at it, she felt sick. Her sister couldn’t possibly have this kind of money. “I told you. I don’t expect to be paid back.”
“Then why are you being so stubborn about paying us back for what we want to do for you? For our nephews?”
The way her sister looked at her, it made her feel even more sick. She’d been hurt when her father had reduced his relationship with them to a balance sheet. In a way, that’s what she was doing here. It was like a slap in the face against everything she had worked so hard for. And she was doing it to her sisters.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize how much this meant to you. I didn’t think.”
Erin took the check out of Leah’s hand and replaced it with another one. A blank check. “I want you to get the boys what they need. I don’t want you to feel guilty for it. And you don’t owe us anything. Can you please let us help you?”
Nicole took her hand. “When will you learn how much we love you? Love isn’t about keeping score. You say you know that, so prove to us that you do.”
Maybe in her own way, she had been keeping score. As she thought back to the lesson in First Corinthians about love not keeping a record of wrongs, she realized it probably also applied to keeping a record of rights.
She stole a glance at the Bible she’d placed on the table beside the chair. It had been her habit to read it at night before bed while she drank her tea. It made her feel close to Helen, learning about God, seeing Helen’s notes in the margins, and in a way, it had made her feel loved. Helen had done all of this for them, knowing they would never be able to repay her, simply because she loved them. She had never stopped loving them. Perhaps that was truly what love was.
When Leah was reading the Bible last night, she noticed that one of the verses Helen had highlighted said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Next to it, Helen had written Jesus in big letters. But Leah couldn’t help thinking that it was also about her sons. That she would be willing to do just about anything for them, including laying down her life.
Maybe she wasn’t being literally asked for her life but her pride. To show her love for her sisters and her sons, she had to let go of her pride—her need to repay people for what they’d done for her—and simply accept their help. Maybe that was what love was about. And, maybe, that was really the point of what everyone had been trying to teach her about Jesus.
Love wasn’t about deserving, earning or repaying. She reached for the Bible and opened it to the passage she’d read last night.
“I get it now. And I’m sorry. It didn’t occur to me until now that in rejecting your help, I was rejecting your love. I’m so sorry. I love you both, and I choose to accept the love that you’re offering me.”
Tears ran down her face as her sisters turned and hugged her.
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She didn’t know how long they’d been like that when Dylan entered the room.
“What are you doing?”
She pulled away from her sisters and wiped her eyes as she looked over at her son. “I think I’m understanding for the first time what love means.”
Dylan gave her a funny look. “You know what love means. What do you think you do for me and Ryan? You’re the best at love of anyone I know.”
She wasn’t, but she wasn’t going to argue with her son. She held out her arms, and he climbed into her lap.
“I love you, Dylan.”
He snuggled against her. “I love you, too. Even though you’re mad at Mister Shane, can I still be his friend? He said he would always be my friend.”
Of course, he wouldn’t give up that easily. But she still didn’t know if Shane could be trusted. How else would he deceive her in the name of her best interest?
“Maybe in time,” she said. “There are things I still need to work out, so you’ll have to give it some time.”
Her answer wasn’t the sort a boy his age could understand, but he nodded anyway. “I don’t like that Mister Shane made you cry.”
Obviously, she hadn’t done as good of a job hiding it from her son as she’d hoped. “It’s grown-up stuff.”
He nodded again. “I guess he’s not going to be my dad after all, is he?”
No. A simple word. Two letters. Barely a sound. But she was surprised at how hard it was to make her mouth form the word.
Ryan cried out in the other room. She’d probably have to revisit the conversation with Dylan at some point, but for now, she was grateful for the rest.
“Let’s get your brother.”
Dylan took her hand, and they went into the other room. While they’d miss Shane, their hearts would heal, in time. But for now, they had each other, and they always would.
Chapter Ten
Slinging bags of feed on a Saturday afternoon was not Shane’s idea of a good time. Especially when it was during the town’s annual Fourth of July celebration. It was one of his favorite holidays: the Saturday morning parade, the cookout at Columbine Springs Park, Old Man Perkins and his tractor pulling the train for the little ones, and the various games and activities people came up with.
Her Cowboy Inheritance Page 15