The Secrets We Keep

by Lisamarie Kade

  “Landon” I moan, throwing my head back as he continues moving his tongue over me. Flicking and sucking, it is sending little jolts all over me as I arch my back in response.

  “You like that babe?” Landon asks, stopping with the tongue assault.

  “Please Landon, more.” He sucks on my clit for just a second and pauses. I open my eyes and glare at him. Why does he have to play with me?

  “What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.” He’s teasing and I can’t take it.

  “Landon more!” I grab his hair and pull him back down to me. He goes back to his game of sucking and flicking. I can’t take it. “Fuck yes!” I shout as I ride the waves of pleasure that roll through me. Pleasure that crashes so hard, I’m shaking and out of breath.

  “Fuck yes, baby. I love hearing you lose yourself to me.”

  Landon stops suddenly, realizing what he said. I say nothing as I’m still trying to catch my breath. I’m staring at him still between my legs and his eyes are intense. In one swift move, he comes up and lays next to me pulling me up to where I’m straddling him. His cock is right at my entrance and I can’t resist not moving. I slide down gently on his cock. Landon hisses and grabs my hips. The way his fingers are gripping me, I know there will be marks. He starts moving me on top of him and holy shit if it doesn’t feel amazing. We find a rhythm quickly and we take off chasing the stars together. I can feel myself start to tighten. I know I’m getting close.

  “Yes… baby… just like that. Ride my cock.”

  Landon’s deep voice is strained. That slight dirty talk does the trick. I start riding him hard and fast until I’m arching my back screaming his name. In the next moment I can feel him releasing into me grunting and digging into my hips further. I collapse onto his chest, both of us breathing heavily. We stay like that for a few moments. Neither of us saying a word, the only sound is the beating of both our hearts.

  I decide to break the silence, I can’t take it anymore.

  “That was amazing.”

  “I agree but I have a question.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Are you on birth control? I didn’t grab a condom and you felt way too good to stop.” Landon’s voice is one of worry and his face expression matches.

  “Yes, I’m on birth control.”

  Being a teen girl my sister was always worried about me and boys. It was just easier to go along with what she wanted instead of having an argument over the matter. I lean up and kiss his chin.

  “Relax. I’ve been on it a while.”

  “Okay. For the record you felt amazing, your pussy wrapped around my dick. We will be going bare from now on.”

  Landon surprises me with that statement so I decide to be a little brave and reply back with something snarky.

  “You think so?” I wink and kiss him once on the cheek.

  I make a move to get off of him but he stops me, gripping my hips. Landon moves his left hand from my hip and puts it around my neck pulling me back to him. His face is inches from mine and he looks serious.

  “What’s wrong Landon?”

  His face relaxes a little and he gives a slight smile. Even his smile is perfect.

  “Nothing is wrong. Everything is right. This…us… we are right.”

  He holds my neck as he leans in to kiss me. This time gently. When he pulls away, he looks me in the eyes.

  “I think I love you Evie.”

  I swallow and pull him back to be kissing him. My emotions are everywhere. When the kiss ends I whisper back, “I think I love you too.”

  His eyes never leave mine as he rolls me off him to where he is hovering above me. He begins kissing me, gently, hard, deep. I feel it all, every ounce of his feelings. I hope he can feel mine too. Even the part that is so scared of this and how bad this could go if he finds out I’m not who I say I am. I shake the thoughts. I also feel his erection and I welcome it by spreading my legs just slightly. From there we get lost in each other until lunchtime.

  The trip to the dealership is dreaded. I’m not looking forward to this process. The only thing I’m certain about is I want a BMW.

  After a little bit of time on the lot, I found the perfect car. It screams my name. A 2017 all black BMW 330i with black rims. It’s beautiful. Matt, my salesman has been easy going so far. I haven’t felt pressured yet, which is a relief. After a test drive, Matt brings us into his office to start the process. I pull out my license and set it on the desk. Landon leans over and asks,

  “Your name is Eleanor?”

  Shit.

  “Uh, ya… I don’t go by Eleanor though.”

  “Your last name is Ross.”

  This time it’s a statement not a question and that puts me on edge.

  “Yes... to that too, I guess we’ve never really discussed my name.” I reply nervously. I look over at Landon whose face is now pale. “Are you okay?”

  All Landon does is nod. But before I can push any further, Matt the salesman has walked back in to take my license.

  “I just need to make a copy Ms. Ross. It’ll be just a little bit longer. I have to have you sign papers and by then the detailing department should have your new car ready to go.”

  “Thank you.”

  As soon as Matt is gone I look over to Landon and ask again, “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look well.”

  “I’m fine.” He says through clenched teeth.

  I reach over and touch Landon’s thigh and I can feel him tense under my hand. He’s never acted like this around me so I don’t know what to make of it. “You don’t seem fine.” I state matter of factly.

  Landon runs his hand through his hair and lets out of huff. What is his deal?

  “I just realized that there is a lot we don’t seem to know about each other.”

  His words are like a slap in the face, it irritates me, even though he’s not wrong. I say nothing in return as he looks at me holding my stare. I look towards the doorway hoping that Matt will be back in soon and shrug my shoulders. Now is not the time for confessions. No, that will have to wait until we are alone. Landon pulls me from my thoughts when he clears his throat. I look back to him, clearly he has been watching me this entire time. Something passes over his face before he speaks.

  “I think I need some fresh air.”

  Landon’s voice is void of any emotion. He stands up and walks out. I’m completely baffled. He was fine prior to learning my name. Why the sudden change? Before I can try to put the pieces together, Matt comes back in and I begin to sign my life away.

  We walk up to my shiny black BMW. It’s sexy. Landon comes to the driver side and opens the door for me.

  “Congratulations on your new wheels.”

  He doesn’t look happy though. He looks the complete opposite of happy if I’m being honest and it’s starting to scare me. Alarm bells are going off in my head and I’m trying to quiet them and not over think.

  “Thank you for helping me find the perfect car.”

  “You’re welcome, Evie.”

  The way Landon drags out my name gives me slight chills and not the good kind. The door is the only thing standing between us but I can feel how distant he’s becoming. I smile and ask, “Do you want to follow me back to my place and we can grab dinner?”

  For a minute I don’t think he has heard me. He’s pulled out his phone, staring at it with an expression that’s unreadable.

  “Something has come up. I can’t.”

  Well, that’s certainly not the response I was expecting.

  “Is everything really okay Landon?” I’m starting to sound like a broken record but I need to know.

  “Yes” He snaps.

  This isn’t the Landon I’ve come to know. I reach out to touch his hand and he pulls back. What the fuck?

  “Okay then. I guess I’m headed out.” I reply in frustration.

  He says nothing in response and I don’t know what else to say at this point. I’m so confused by his behavior. I turn to leave and Lan
don grabs my wrist, pulling me into him. I can see a tic in his jaw. Usually I would find this sexy, but right now it is anything but and if I had to guess, I’d say he’s angry. Landon pulls me in closer and kisses me hard, desperately. My brain is screaming that this is a goodbye kiss, but why? I can feel his strong arms gripping my arms tightly, refusing to let me touch him. He breaks the kiss and doesn’t even look at me.

  “Goodbye Evie.”

  “Wha… what?” What just happened? I’m so confused. I put my hand on my chest. My heartbeat is beating wildly. I try to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.

  Landon turns and walks away without so much as looking back. I can’t help the tears threatening to spill as I whisper goodbye back. I hurry and climb into my car where I finally let the tears fall behind the dark tint. The worst part of this is I have no clue why this is happening or what I’m even crying over. He would just tell me he’s ending things right?

  Chapter 9

  I haven’t heard from Landon in forty eight hours. It feels strange. I feel lost almost. He hasn’t responded to any texts or calls either. I’ve wracked my brain over and over to the point of exhaustion.

  What did I do? Was it my name? Did an ex come back?

  Nothing adds up, nothing makes me feel better. Wine is the only thing that has helped me sleep since he walked away from me in the parking lot.

  Sam asked if I was okay this morning. Guess the make up didn’t hide the dark circles. I’m thankful for my job though as it keeps me focusing on the task at hand and not what went wrong with Landon.

  “Time to wrap up Evie.” Sam calls from his office.

  “Okay Sam.” I stop filing and make my way to get my purse. I pull out my keys as I make my way past Sam’s office.

  “Good night.”

  “Good night Evie, get some rest.”

  Ugh I must really look bad.

  Jessy is standing outside when I walk out.

  “Oh, hey Jessy. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  “I know. I thought I’d drop by and see if you wanted to grab dinner after work and you walking out must mean I have impeccable timing.”

  “Oh… um… I haven’t really thought about food.” I pause unsure. The thought of food suddenly has me hungry. I really haven’t had much to eat since Landon left me.

  “Hey, you okay?” Jessy asks, tilting her head to the side. She brings me back to the present.

  “Ya ya, I’m sorry. Long day at work. Lets go to the cafe and get dinner.”

  We get seated and I order my favorite, the club sandwich with fries. Jessy orders a chicken Caesar salad.

  “You look like shit girl. What’s up?”

  Jessy wastes no time getting to business and she is so blunt. I’d find it offensive but I know it’s just her personality.

  “I really don’t know. Landon hasn’t talked to me in a few days. I feel like something is wrong.” I tell her truthfully, for once I don’t have it in me to lie or hide the truth.

  “Hmm… Do you think he has found a new chick?”

  My mouth drops open, man she really is brutal for such a happy person.

  “I, I don’t think so. I don’t know. I don’t know anything or what has caused this and that is what is so frustrating.”

  “Well, I think you should confront his ass or move on. No time to waste on the not knowing. He either wants you or he doesn’t.”

  She has a valid point.

  “Ya… you’re right. Thanks for this. I needed to hear it.”

  It’s true. I’m glad we have found each other and she has pushed her way past my wall. Our food arrives and we eat in silence. I’m grateful for it too. My head is a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts.

  As we finish dinner I tell Jessy, “Thank you again for letting me get this off my chest.”

  “No problem, just remember, Landon either wants you or he doesn’t. No ifs ands or buts about it. You hear me?”

  Jessy smirks and lifts an eyebrow at me. I laugh at her, nod my head in agreement. We hug goodbye and I make my way to my car to head for home.

  Arriving home a little past seven has me feeling sad. I’ve gotten used to checking in with Landon and planning our evenings. What the hell is up with him? I throw on pajamas not bothering to wash the makeup off my face. I decide to plop down on the couch and check on Sarah. That will keep me from thinking of Landon. Social media really is the devil. I can’t stand it, but it comes in handy. I pull up Sarah’s Facebook page. Same old, except her profile picture has been changed from a picture of Chet and her to just one of her. No Chet? I find it a little odd since most of her photos almost always include the two of them. Rarely is there a picture of just Sarah, my beautiful sister with shiny, light brown hair down to her shoulders. Seeing her picture makes me miss her. I miss her so much. I miss home. Tears start to form.

  “Damn it” I shout and close out of Facebook. I put my phone down and my mind instantly goes back to Landon. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get attached or to be to intimate. Don’t get me wrong sex with him has been unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. He made me feel worshiped but getting attached was a mistake. Just then my phone chimes. I look and see that it is a text from Landon. I open the text and it reads:

  I’m sorry Evie.

  I exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding and shrug my shoulders. I quickly text back.

  Hi

  I anxiously wait for another text to come through. However, it never comes.

  Days have gone by since Landon sent that one random text. I finally caved and sent him two texts. I was only met with silence in return. I’ve gone through being hurt and upset. Now I’m slightly angry. Like couldn’t he just break up with me? Why leave me hanging?

  I’ve sent a text to Jessy to see if she wants to have a girl’s night but she has a date. I’m happy, yet a pang of jealousy hits me. Jessy told me his name was Erik, he works as a bartender at some club. I forget the name of it, but that’s where they met apparently.

  I sigh, looks like it is just me and junk food.

  I open the chocolate covered peanuts first and click on the TV. There’s just something about salty and sweet that makes everything better. Scrolling through the channels, I come across When In Rome. It’s always been a favorite of mine. I love me some Josh Duhamel and Kristen Bell.

  “How pathetic am I, sitting here watching a romantic comedy while wallowing over my own relationship struggles?” I say out loud to myself as I get comfy.

  Just as the movie starts getting good there’s a knock at my door. That’s odd, I’m not expecting anyone unless Jessy’s date went sour and she decided to join me.

  Reluctantly, I get up to see who it is. While walking to the door I realize my choice of clothes. Yoga pants and a baggy tee. Oh well. I really don’t care what I look like. I huff as I unlock and open the door. Suddenly it’s as if the wind has been knocked out of me.

  “Sarah?” I whisper.

  “Eleanor!” Sarah exclaims and rushes forward pulling me into a hug. I hug her back tightly. I’m in such shock and disbelief. She pulls back from hugging me but never takes her hands off me.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Of course.” I reply and motion for her to come inside. I glance out into the hall and swear I see a shadow move. I quickly close the door and do the locks before turning back to Sarah.

  “So how have you been?” Sarah asks, hands on her hips.

  “Um… okay for the most part. How are you?”

  “Eleanor I’ve been worried about you and what has happened to you. I have so many questions, but for now I’m just glad you are okay.” She states getting choked up. She hasn’t changed one bit. She is still the same caring person with a motherly side.

  “Why don’t we sit down?” I say as I nod my head towards the living room. Sarah says nothing, just goes and has a seat.

  “Would you like something to drink? I have water, wine, and well that’s pretty much it.”

  “Water is fine.”
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  I busy myself in the kitchen for a minute getting two waters. I’m trembling with fear. How did she find me? Where is Chet? Was it his shadow I saw? Where is he? My mind starts racing with panic. He can’t find me. He can’t know where I live. I take a deep breath and walk back to Sarah.

  “So here you are.” Sarah states as I hand her the glass of water. I take her in for a minute. She looks the same minus the added worry lines that surely I have put on her face. My poor sister, not once did I stop and think about how my up and leaving would affect her. I start to feel the tears threatening to fall.

  “I’m so sorry Sarah. So sorry.”

  I grab her hands holding them tightly in my lap. I take notice of the diamond still on her finger, shining in all its glory.

  “Please know I was doing the only thing I knew to do at the time.”

  “Why?” Sarah asks with nothing but sadness. Not one trace of anger laces her words.

  “Sarah it’s hard to explain, but how did you find me?”

  “A private investigator.”

  A private what? Holy shit!

  “A private investigator!” I yell standing. So much for trying to stay calm.

  “Eleanor, you up and left! What else was I supposed to do? You deleted all social media accounts and disconnected your phone. I had no choice.” Sarah’s voice rises., though she makes no move to get up.

  “Does Chet know? Know that you’ve been looking for me?”

  “Yes, he does, but he’s not mad about the car anymore so you don’t have to worry.”

  Ha, she thinks this is about his precious car, if she only knew. Sarah reaches for my hand squeezing it as if that’s going to reassure me.

  “Does he know you found me?” I hold my breath, fearing her answer.

  “Yes, Eleanor, I just told you it’s okay.” She sighs. It’s not okay. Nothing is okay now. If I thought my relationship issue with Landon was a problem, it’s not. Not compared to this.