The Secrets We Keep

by Lisamarie Kade

  “Sarah did Chet come with you here?”

  “No, he’s out of the country on business. He doesn’t even know I decided to come yet.”

  “Listen to me. Please don’t tell him you came here, not yet. Please.” My eyes plead as I reach out and squeeze her hands.

  “Okay. I won’t tell him, but you’re starting to scare me Eleanor. Why all the questions about Chet? Why don’t you want him to know I found you?” She asks, clearly concerned and she has a right to be too.

  Chapter 10

  I agree to meet Sarah for lunch this afternoon. I’m anxious. I hope she kept her word and didn’t tell Chet a thing. Staring at myself in the mirror I huff, why did this happen to me?

  I continue styling my hair and an idea comes to mind. What if I can open up to Sarah and tell her about Chet? Would she believe me and just leave him? Silently leave without knowing I had any part? Doubtful, she’s madly in love. The idea is far-fetched yet, I’m trying to think of anything at this point. Sighing, I wash my hands and leave to meet my sister.

  I decide to arrive early to scope out the cafe and make sure there is no sign of Chet and worse case scenario, If I see Sarah and him I can slip away quickly. As I turn the corner that rounds the cafe I see my sister already there standing outside with a man. A man whose face I know very well.

  What the hell?

  I quickly walk up to them, nearly tripping over my own two feet.

  “Landon?” I question, it must startle him because he quickly turns to look at me.

  “You’re early!” My sister says excitedly. I don’t even acknowledge her. I’m in too much shock at the moment. Finding the two of them together was not what I was expecting and Landon looks like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It does nothing to ease the sick feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.

  “Eleanor, is everything all right?”

  I turn my attention back to Sarah. “How do you know him?” I ask, pointing at him. I tilt my head back towards him and he looks nervous or maybe angry. It’s kind of hard to tell, though I’m pretty sure I see sweat beads forming on his forehead.

  “Please don’t be mad, Eleanor. This is the private investigator I hired to find you. Mr. Miller here came very reputable.”

  Holy shit! What the fuck kind of bomb did my sister just drop at my feet? My mouth drops open as Landon cringes and closes his eyes. What in the hell is happening? What is she talking about?

  “Wait… what did you just say Sarah?” I’m shaking my head slowly, trying to process her words.

  This can’t be happening.

  “Mr. Miller was hired to find you. Please don’t be upset that I hired a private investigator.”

  Sarah looks nervous as I look from her back to Landon whose green eyes are staring back. His eyes are silently pleading with me. Suddenly it hits me, we’ve been dating, sleeping together and all! He’s been researching and investigating me!

  “Oh my God! Fuck!”

  Sarah jumps but Landon never takes his eyes off me. Those beautiful green eyes have deceived me. He used me so he could report to her. My fury grows as I process all of this.

  “Evie” Landon says cautiously. The tic in his jaw doesn’t go unnoticed.

  “No! Don’t you Evie me!” I jab a finger at his chest and he flinches.

  All the times I’ve spent with Landon rush through my mind. The way his hands have touched me. The way his lips taste. I gave myself to him. Suddenly, I’m overcome with emotion.

  “I think I’m going to be sick.” I say grabbing my mouth. I turn and start walking away as fast as I can. I have to get out of here.

  “Eleanor, wait!” My sister calls. I hear footsteps but don’t look back.

  “Evie!” Landon half yells as he grabs my hands to stop me. I turn and yank them free. Who does he think he is touching me? That right there causes the shock to turn to anger.

  “No, don’t you dare touch me!” I shout. Surely, I’m making a scene now. I don’t even care. My blood is boiling and all I see is red.

  “Fuck! Give me a damn minute.”

  Landon runs a hand through his dark hair. My hands have been through his hair. This is why he has been avoiding me. He did his job and was now done with me. I feel the first tear fall, my emotions are starting to get the best of me. Landon reaches out for me again, but I step back.

  “No Landon, you used me.” I barely get the words out before a sob escapes me.

  “Evie that’s not what…”

  “What? Evie, who’s Evie?”

  He’s cut off by Sarah. She must have come up behind him at some point because she’s here now and she just heard what I said. Confusion is evident on her face, of course he left out that part. He most likely didn’t tell her that he was sleeping with me either. Something snaps in me right then.

  “Let me fill you in Sarah. Landon and I had been dating or so I thought. Sex and all.”

  The words feel bitter on my tongue. I glance at him and it pains me. It takes strength to continue explaining to Sarah just what is going on.

  “He suddenly stopped talking to me. Now I know why. He used me to get information for you.” I barely get the last bit out because I’m now full on crying. Damn him. How could I have been so stupid to get close to him?

  “Evie No! That’s not what we, I was doing. I didn’t use you!” Landon interrupts loudly. I can’t even look at him. I feel so betrayed by him.

  “Oh my gosh Eleanor!” Sarah sounds appalled.

  “Evie… you have to believe me, I didn’t use you.”

  Landon is hard to look at, so I shake my head and look at Sarah.

  “I’m going home. If you would like to come by, that’s fine.”

  She pulls me in for a hug and for some reason it’s comforting. I feel some anger deflate but I really need to get away from Landon. I just can’t be around him any longer.

  “I’ll grab lunch to go and will meet you back there. I’ll grab chocolate too.” She winks and kisses my forehead. God how I have missed her. She turns her attention to Landon. I notice her demeanor change.

  “Mr. Miller, I’d say it was nice to meet you, but I don’t believe in lying. Thank you again for finding my sister. I’ll be forever grateful that you did, though I wished you hadn’t hurt her in the process.”

  She walks off, same old Sarah. Classy but tells it like it is. It’s why I love her. I don’t even bother looking at Landon, I turn and start walking while trying to wipe my eyes. I probably look like a raccoon with eyeliner and mascara running down my face.

  “Damnit Evie, would you stop for just one minute.” Landon continues to follow me, but I don’t stop.

  “I know this looks bad, but please you have to know you were not just some chick I slept with.”

  I stop but don’t turn to look at him. I take a deep breath and exhale. “Landon please go away. You’ve done enough.”

  I barely get the words out. My heart is breaking into tiny pieces but I continue, “Go away Landon. Your job is done. Just leave me alone.”

  I finally turn to him, he looks sad. He runs his hands through his hair again and he wears a defeated look on his face.

  “If that’s what you truly want, I’ll leave you alone. Just know that’s not what I want. Not at all, but I’ll respect your wishes.”

  “That’s what I want. I’ve lived in hell and then you gave me a little slice of heaven. I should have known better, heaven doesn’t exist in my world.” I say the words as tears fall from my face and I can’t be sure, though I think Landon’s eyes are slightly glistening.

  “Goodbye Landon.”

  I turn and leave him there on that corner.

  Chapter 11

  I get in my car and rush home. I’m completely crushed and confused. Landon isn’t a web designer. He’s a damn private investigator. Lies. Everything I thought I knew about him was a lie. Not that I am much better. I didn’t use him and I didn’t exactly lie to him, I just withheld the truth.

  By the time I par
k the car and make it to my building I’m sobbing so bad I have snot bubbles. Real cute. I don’t bother locking the door. Sarah should be here soon. I go straight to my room and collapse on the bed. How stupid could I be? I cry into my pillow. I’m so hurt and that makes me realize that perhaps my feelings for Landon are stronger than I wanted to believe.

  I’m still bawling my eyes out when Sarah arrives with lunch. She comes into my room and sits on the bed.

  “Eleanor I’m so sorry. I had no idea he was dating you. He never made that known to me.”

  I believe her, yet I say nothing. Really what is there to say?

  “Eleanor let’s have lunch.”

  She pulls me up and embraces me the way a mother would embrace their child. It makes my heart hurt a little less.

  “Okay.” I mumble, heading into the bathroom to clean myself up. I look in the mirror and boy what a mistake that is. I look like a train wreck. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot. It takes a few minutes to scrub the mascara that’s coated my cheeks, leaving them red by the time I get it all off.

  As I make my way to the kitchen table I hear my text message alert going off. I turn and look around. I don’t even know where it is. After a minute or so of looking I finally locate it half in my purse. I must have just dropped my purse when I came in because I found it on the ground, contents scattered about. Picking it up is a mistake. Several missed calls from Landon and three texts.

  Evie please talk to me.

  Hear me out. It’s not what you think.

  Please let me explain.

  I’m starting to tear up when Sarah interrupts my thoughts.

  “Eleanor come eat.”

  I decide to reply against my better judgement.

  There’s nothing to explain.

  I hit send and drop my phone back to the floor before going to sit across from Sarah.

  “I’m sorry I’ve ruined our lunch plans.” I feel bad. I’ve just got my sister back and this is not how I expected things to go.

  “So…” Sarah starts, “where did you meet Landon? I want to know all about the guy that has broken my sister’s heart.”

  I laugh. Leave it to my sister to make the most out of any situation. I start at the beginning and by the time I get to the ending that she witnessed, I’m crying again. Sarah demands I go take a hot shower and then rest. I do as she says and as soon as I’m out of the shower and changed into comfy clothes I crawl into bed, quickly giving into sleep.

  Chet has me cornered in his office and he’s angry as he invades my personal space.

  “Eleanor you shouldn’t have told Sarah our secret. I warned you what would happen.” Slowly he wraps his hand around my throat. He squeezes lightly. I go to push him back, “Chet you can’t get away with this.” I stop short and almost instantly I’m paralyzed into fear as he starts to squeeze tighter.

  “But I already have.”

  “Chet stop!” I pause to try to take a breath. “No Chet, stop!” My hands balled into fists and I tried to fight him off before everything went black.

  I’m woken by Sarah shaking me hard. “Eleanor! Eleanor wake up!” She’s shouting.

  It hurts my head. Why is she yelling? I try to cover my ears but she pulls my hands away.

  “Eleanor!”

  I blink an eye open. It’s very bright. I try to turn over but she stops me.

  “Wake up!”

  “Ugh!” I huff pulling away from her.

  I start blinking more. Shit! I grab my face. My head is throbbing. I notice I’m sweaty. My face is actually covered in sweat. I blink more and sit up some. I look at my sister, worry is written all over her face. That’s when it registers. I had a nightmare. One I know well. One Sarah has no idea about.

  “What was all that yelling about Eleanor? Your dream?”

  I look away from her. Suddenly I feel so ashamed. I’ve kept such a dark secret from her.

  “No, look at me, tell me. You were screaming for Chet to stop.” No need to wonder how much she heard, I close my eyes and picture Chet’s hand wrapped around my throat squeezing. Damnit. I look back to Sarah.

  “I don’t know.”

  The lie rolls off my tongue as if I’m a pro at lying.

  “Eleanor what are you hiding from me? That dream wasn’t just a dream. You were thrashing around with your hands balled into fists. Now tell me.” Her voice is laced with anger and it only makes me feel guilty for continuing to lie to her.

  “It’s nothing Sarah.”

  “You are lying. I can see it written all over your face.”

  “Please drop it.” I have no energy for this right now.

  “Funny you didn’t like Landon lying to you, except it’s okay for you to lie.” Sarah spits the words out, then gets up and walks out.

  That hurt, like a slap to the face. Even if she has a valid point, it hurts yet, I can’t tell her the truth. Sliding back down the bed I yank the covers over me. Once again, I cry at the mess my life has become.

  Chapter 12

  I woke up late and rushed to work with no makeup. I look like I’ve been run over. I almost decided not to bother going and to just pack and run. However, running hasn’t gotten me far so I decided to suck it up and go in.

  Sam doesn’t say anything but gives me a look over. I’m embarrassed and feel like he’s silently judging me. I shudder slightly, hoping the day will fly by and I can hurry home to hide.

  Lunchtime is rolling around and in walks a delivery man with a square shaped vase filled with white roses. I smile at the man as I sign for the arrangement of flowers. He smiles back, tips his head then leaves. They smell delightful and look beautiful. I get up to bring them to Sam, but notice it’s my name etched on the card. “Great.” I murmur.

  I pick the card out and slowly open it:

  Dear Evie, I’m so very sorry. I never had intentions to hurt you. I hope one day you will give me a chance to explain and hopefully forgive me. Love, Landon.

  I push back the tears that are on the brink of falling. Sighing, I slip the card back into its place and try to distract myself with filing.

  The rest of the work day goes by quietly. Only once did Sam stop when he noticed the flowers. He glanced between me and them and continued on. I’m grateful he didn’t pry because I was already on edge most of the afternoon thinking that Landon would stop by or even Jessy. Neither of whom I want to deal with at the moment plus, I have no idea where Sarah went. She could have returned home for all I know.

  Landon is waiting by my car as I walk out for the evening, wonderful. I’m really not ready to detail with him.

  “Hi.” He says bleakly.

  I just look at him and take him in. He’s gorgeous. There’s nothing about him that I would change, besides the fact that he has lied and crushed my heart. I’ll be honest, deep down I’m fighting hard to not break down. Part of me wants to know why he has hurt me so badly, but then the other part tells me to act strong and show no weakness. I’m trying to go with that strong act, yet I know I’m failing at it.

  “Look Evie, I’m really sorry about what has gone down, it’s not the way you think it is.” Landon runs a hand through his hair, that damn hair of his. His arm flexes in the process. It’s sexy and my body wants to betray my heart. Stay strong, I remind myself.

  “Landon, I really don’t want to hear it. You’ve lied to me. I don’t want to associate myself with someone who can’t be honest with me.”

  Sarah’s voice replays in my head, reminding me I’m no better. I push those thoughts back as I hold my head high and motion for Landon to step back so I can unlock and get in my car. He steps back with no hesitation. I’m almost relieved he didn’t put up a fight until I opened my car door. Before I can climb inside Landon is on me. Kissing me hard. My damn body betrays me then, as I melt into him. I’ve missed his lips, his touch. I allow my hands to claw at his shirt, then move to his hair. I fist it and allow him to continue on. His hands are all over me, from gripping my neck and ass to holding my face. Never once does h
e take his lips off mine. It’s powerful and intoxicating until my brain catches up and I push him away.

  “No Landon. Kissing me can’t fix this.” I motion between us. What a mess.

  I hear him curse under his breath as I get in the car and shut the door. Fuck if that wasn’t hard to do. I force myself to look straight ahead and not in my rearview mirror as I drive away. I have to convince myself the entire drive to not turn around and go back to him.

  I arrived home completely drained. I lay my head on the steering wheel for a moment to try to gather my thoughts. My life is a disaster, nevertheless I still have such strong feelings for Landon. That kiss is really playing with my emotions. I want him and miss his touch. I miss just hanging with him doing nothing. I groan and slowly force myself out of the car.

  Walking the hall to my condo, I receive a text from Jessy:

  Hey you! Did you fall off Earth? Haven’t heard from you in days. Call me.

  Shit, I’m the worst friend. I’ve been so busy with my own crap that I haven’t bothered to check on her to see how her date went. I send a quick text back asking,

  Lunch tomorrow?

  I slide the phone in my purse and pull out my keys to unlock the door. I look up, noticing a figure, it startles me and I drop the keys from my hand. I’m face to face with my greatest fear. I gasp as I slap my hand to my chest, panic runs through me instantly. Chet Baker is standing at my door.

  Chet is staring me down, wearing a sinister smile only the devil should wear across his face.

  “Hello Eleanor. It has been a while.”

  I’m frozen in fear, so I say nothing in return. How the fuck did he find me?

  “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?”

  I shake my head, “No, just wasn’t expecting you.” I swallow, hoping my words don’t give away how terrified I really am.