Without Forever: Babylon MC Book 5

by James, Victoria L.

  “We have some fantastic humble pie, or apple if you’d prefer.”

  I remembered her face that day in the diner so clearly. She was tired, a little broken, and I was a fucked-up mess who’d decided I needed to feed off those who were suffering more than I was.

  A petty man. A man I no longer recognized as I drove our Ford Explorer toward The Hut with Harriet strapped up in her car seat, the two of us heading to meet Ayda who had been instructed to take a girly day with Autumn and the others.

  She’d left us that morning in our home away from The Hounds. It was a home I never expected to have. A private space among the trees with a wraparound porch and plenty of land for me to convert into play space for Harriet and any other kids we may be graced with. Ayda loved it, saying it reminded her of a more secluded version of her parents’ home—a place she hadn’t realized she’d missed as much as she had until Harry had gifted us with his generosity, even in death.

  I’d kissed her goodbye that morning, assuring her that I’d be fine with our daughter. The two of us would miss her, sure, but she needed to remember who she was besides a mother and a wife. With her hair thrown up in a messy bun, a loose white tank, and a pair of light blue jeans, she’d walked out of that house looking sexier than ever. She was barely recognizable from the woman I’d first stumbled upon thanks to her brother. She seemed freer, like she was where she was always meant to be.

  Now, I was taking Harriet to see her many uncles and grandpa—a group of big, burly men who turned to mush the moment she looked up at them with her sparkling blue-green eyes. Eric had taken a room at The Hut permanently, and Tate had insisted he stay with the men, knowing full well that Ayda and I would be living in both homes on and off whenever the mood struck us. My room, bathroom, and office were still ours and ours alone, and no one batted an eyelid when we’d carried a bunch of baby things in there to make it Harriet’s as much as ours.

  We may not have been a conventional family, but I dared anyone to tell us there was a family out there who loved harder than we loved.

  I pulled into the yard, chuckling to myself when I saw Deeks and Eric tussling on the top step of the porch the minute they saw us, each desperate to get to Harriet first.

  She was the princess of a king, and boy, was she going to use that to her advantage when she was old enough.

  For now, though, at just five months old, she took it all in her stride, loving each and every man who let her grab hold of their beard so she could yank away at it as much as she wished.

  “Me. No, it’s my turn. Get out of here, you old fool,” Eric said as he opened the back door, pushing Deeks out of the way with his ass, his face coming to life the minute he saw his granddaughter kicking away in her chair in front of him. “Hello, baby girl,” he cooed, using the most ridiculous voice I’d heard a grown man use.

  “Goddammit, Tucker, you—”

  “Hey!” Eric cut him off, pulling Harriet out of her chair and propping her up in his arms as he turned back to Deeks. “Remember what Ayda said. There’ll be no bad language in front of the baby.”

  Deeks was practically bursting with anger by the time I’d gotten out of my car, walked around it, and slapped him on the back.

  “Don’t worry, Deeks. She needs her diaper changing soon. We both know Eric can’t handle that S. H. I. T.”

  Deeks grumbled something that sounded like a cuss word before he shook it off and stepped closer to Harriet, his eyes alive as he lifted a finger to her tummy and greeted her with a tickle.

  I watched them walking her toward The Hut, and I found myself turning around to the gates of the yard when a tourist bike flew down the road, the thunderous sound of the engine grabbing my attention.

  A flash of Ayda walking through those gates all those times she came to clean our club’s shit up to pay a debt to me she didn’t really owe, and the defiance she wore every time she did it had my face falling. I’d treated her like shit because I feared what she could become, but, like she always did, Ayda had managed to break into my iron heart without me even realizing it, her quick one-liners and her beautiful eyes making me weak for her.

  “You’re quite the confusing creature, Ayda Hanagan.”

  “Me?”

  “You.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’m the bleakest person around. I’m an open book.”

  “Is that really how you see yourself?”

  I shook away the idea of her not knowing who she was and what she was capable of, the warmth of even those early memories making me smile in disbelief as I walked through the yard, up the steps of the porch, and I pushed open the door to The Hut.

  Inside, Harriet was circled, with Eric holding her proudly while Slater, Jedd, Rubin, Kenny, Moose, Ben, Deeks, and yes, Howard Sutton, all cooed around her, their voices high pitched as they made her smile grow, each of them laughing when she laughed—happy because she was happy, too

  Tate was soon walking out of the corridor, wearing nothing more than his gray sweats as he waltzed forward, a cocky, arrogant son of a bitch now. His body had grown even more, the muscles of his chest and shoulders expanding to make him appear manlier than he’d ever been. He may have been a moody teenager, but the minute he saw his niece, his face lit up, and he was in among the men, removing her from Eric’s arms and claiming her in his own. I watched him as he bounced her up and down, asking her who her favorite uncle was, while Rubin chipped in with a witty comeback.

  I’d never grow tired of seeing them this way.

  Sutton caught me staring with a stupid grin on my face, and he stepped out from the circle, walking over to me in his uniform like the old cowboy he used to be.

  “You’ll never have to look too long and hard for a babysitter,” he said, coming to a stop in front of me.

  “I think the real problem will be keeping these lot away when we want some privacy.”

  “That too.” He laughed, looking back at them all as the noise of Harriet’s laughter grew before he turned back to me. “So, I have some news for you that I thought you might wanna hear.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Come on.” He tilted his head toward the door and began to walk out onto the porch. I followed him, walking over to the railing and leaning against it, the same way Sutton had done.

  The two of us looked over the yard as the Texas sun beat down on our land.

  “Thought you should know that Walsh has messed up on the inside already.”

  I frowned, turning to study Sutton’s face. He seemed lighter these days, too. More settled in his skin and less likely to start firing at random targets just to prove a point. “What do you mean?”

  “Rumor has it that he tried to cut some deals. Bribed a few officers. Tried to play some gangs off against one another. Got caught in the middle of it all and—”

  “Shit,” I whistled, imagining the trouble he’d gotten into.

  Sutton nodded slowly, glancing down at his hand on the rail as he twisted it around the wood and leaned back, rocking on his heels. “Turns out he’s had another few years added to his sentence. He won’t be out for a long time.” When he turned to look at me, there was a small smile hiding under his tash. “The Navs that got sent down won’t be around either. Especially not since they got caught smuggling drugs inside.”

  “Drugs?” I asked, my eyes widening. “You’d have thought they’d have learned their lesson with that shit already.”

  Sutton shrugged a shoulder. “They may have. That didn’t stop me getting someone to plant that shit on them to make sure they weren’t out any time soon.”

  I stared at him, my mouth falling open, and my eyes practically popping from their sockets. “Are you… are you serious?”

  Turning back to the yard, Sutton raised his chin and sniffed the air, looking at the clear blue sky above. “You looked after me and my girls when I wasn’t so nice to you. I decided I could do something to look after you and yours. We’re even now.”

  I studied him, this new friend of mine, like a younger
father figure who I wanted to go to when I was troubled. One who I trusted with my life and knew would always be in it for the rest of my days.

  There were many things I could have said and argued, but instead, I simply slapped his back once, leaned over the railing, and said two words.

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  The Hut door slammed open, and out rushed Tate with Harriet in his arms, holding her to me with a look of disgust on his face.

  “Dude, I think she needs her diaper changing.”

  With a roll of my eyes, I laughed and took her from him, shaking my head as he walked back inside, groaning like a chump.

  “I’ll go see if he’s all right.” Sutton chuckled, walking away and leaving me to stand on the porch with my baby girl in my arms.

  Looking down at Harriet, I grinned widely, holding her close to my chest.

  “Did you do that on purpose so Uncle Tate would stop bouncing you up and down, princess?”

  Harriet looked up at me, her eyes bright and her mischievous smile making my heart melt as she lifted a finger and pointed it right at the end of my nose.

  “You don’t stink that bad.” I laughed, pulling her close.

  I was about to take her inside when I heard a car drive through the yard, the stones kicking up dust as the tires ran over them. The minute I saw Autumn driving, I knew who was about to charge toward us.

  Ayda wasted no time, acting like she’d been away from us for weeks, not hours, as she jumped out of the front passenger seat, slammed the door closed and jogged over.

  “Look at Mommy, Harry,” I whispered in her ear. “Isn’t she gorgeous?”

  Harriet gurgled something that I told myself was abso-fuckin-lutely, Daddy, and I waited for Ayda to come closer so I could kiss her already.

  “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

  “Then don’t ask me to leave.”

  “I won’t. I can’t.”

  Her smile grew as she got closer, the hair falling loose from the bouncing bun on top of her head.

  I couldn’t imagine a time where I’d ever have found a reason to ask her to leave when now all I ever needed her to do was stay. Her absence made me ache. Her smile was what I lived for. She’d been a little piece of Heaven in the palms of my hands, and I’d somehow held on tight through it all.

  “How are my two favorite people?” Ayda asked breathlessly, swooping in to kiss Harriet’s cheek before rising and pressing her lips firmly against mine. “I missed y’all.”

  “We’re better now you’re here.” I grinned, pulling her into my other arm and holding her tight. I gestured to Harriet’s diaper, bouncing her in my arm. “Little Tucker has a present for you.”

  Ayda laughed and swept Harriet away from me, swinging her into the air and sticking her face close to the diaper with an exaggerated gagging noise as she brought our daughter back to eye level with a bright smile. “You know, sugar, you still smell better than The Hut’s toilets when I used to clean them. Don’t let these men make you feel bad. Let's go and get you smelling good again.”

  Pressing her lips to mine again, Ayda grinned and headed toward the door.

  “Be right back, and then our little princess will be reset and ready to torture the boys.”

  I watched her as she danced toward the door, her attention solely on entertaining her daughter. Everything I felt for her swelled in my chest to the point of it being painful. It turns out being happy can fucking hurt, but this would always be a pain I would welcome.

  “I think, deep down, I always knew I’d get you to stand at the end of my bed, half naked.”

  “That’s because you’re Drew Tucker.”

  “Damn right, I am. I always get what I want one way or another. I just like to go the long way around sometimes.”

  “Ayda?”

  She spun, the action making Harriet chuckle out loud and brightening Ayda’s smile in turn. “Yeah, Drew?”

  I smiled brightly at them both, finally feeling nothing but permanent warmth in a world that had once felt bitter and ice-cold.

  “I really love ya, darlin’. More than you’ll ever know.”

  Her smile turned into a grin, before she whisked my daughter inside with a flourish, leaving me standing there, soaking up the warmth in my life with a satisfaction that made my chest and cheeks ache.

  With one last glance at the Texan sun beating down around me, I turned and stared at the porch steps.

  And I swear, for one single moment, I saw Pete and Harry sitting on top of them, both glaring at me with their arms resting over their knees and their eyes tight from smiling.

  “It’s only just begun, son,” Harry whispered.

  “See you at the end of a fucking good life, brother,” said Pete.

  No sooner had they arrived, I blinked, and they’d disappeared, leaving me to look up at the sky as two birds flew by.

  A fucking good life, I smiled to myself.

  Yeah.

  I liked the sound of that.

  The Hounds of Babylon Motorcycle Club, Babylon, Texas.

  Thanks for passing through.

  Ride safe.

  Suggested Playlist:

  Feral Roots - Rival Sons

  The End - Pearl Jam

  Gravedigger - MXMS

  Tangled Up In You - Staind

  Bloody City - Sam Tinnesz

  Movement - Hozier

  Front Porch - Joy Williams

  Dark Nights - Dorothy

  Vacant - Zola Jesus

  Dig your Grave - Erick Serna & The Killing Floor

  Battle Born - Five Finger Death Punch

  45 - Shinedown

  The Red - Chevelle

  Put the Gun Down - Andy Black

  Hunted - Little Hurricane

  Cryin’ Like a Bitch - Godsmack

  Shoot Em Dead - Trouble Andrew

  Do Your Worst - Rival Sons

  Leadfoot - No Sinner

  Never Take Me Alive - I WAS THE LION

  Smoke Rising - Brown Bird

  Gun in my Hand - Dorothy

  Never Meant to Be - Welshly Arms

  Ain’t Our Time to Die - Dorothy

  99 Problems - Hugo

  I’ll Follow You - Shinedown

  Over and Over - Reignwolf

  Prison - The Pretty Reckless

  Legendary - Welshly Arms

  House of the Rising Sun - Nomy

  Future Days - Pearl Jam

  Burn Down This Road - Josh Wolfe

  For Whom The Bell Tolls - Metallica

  Machines - Biffy Clyro

  Born for This - Royal Deluxe

  Waiting Game - Banks

  Playlist on Youtube

  Playlist on Spotify

  About Victoria L. James

  Victoria L. James is a teenage girl stuck inside a thirty-something-year-old's body. A Corona and nacho appreciator with a ridiculous obsession for all things Rocky Balboa, she currently lives in Yorkshire, England, with her husband and two baby boys. Having had a strong passion for words and stories going as far back as she can remember, she credits her love of literature to her Grandma Bess who taught her that you don't need a lot of money to travel to different worlds, experience new places, and live a thousand lives.

  Join her readers group:

  The J Team

  Visit her website:

  www.victorialjames.com

  About L.J. Stock

  L.J. Stock has always lived in a world of her own, continuously lost in her imagination. Whether in the forests that backed up to her home in Aberdeen when she was only six years old, the unique landscape of Singapore she discovered at eight, or the rolling woodlands that rolled up to Dartmoor during her teen years, there have always been new worlds to explore.

  Now an adult living in Houston, Texas, there's more concrete in the jungle surrounding her, but that doesn't mean there aren't stories to tell. She now has too many. When she's not writing, Louise can be found hanging out with her family, crazy pup,
or at the computer lost in her creativity of her successful graphic design business, L.J. Designs.

  Join her Reader group:

  Saintly Sinners

  Visit her website:

  www.ljstockbooks.com