Think Twice

by Stephanie Rose

  “But I can’t stay a kid, and he won’t let me see Dylan and wants to get him in—”

  “He’s angry. He’s upset and said some things he probably shouldn’t have, but if you leave this house tonight, you’ll break his heart.” Mom kissed my temple. “I’ll work on him, you won’t have to stop seeing Dylan.”

  My eyes widened as I gaped at my mother. “You’re okay with this?”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “I don’t know about okay. We’ve talked about this before. Dylan is a lot older than you. Eight years, at this point in your life, is a huge difference. But, he’s not some random older guy. I know him pretty well, and for him to take a chance on all the repercussions being with you entails, and the devastation on his face when your dad said you had to stop, it’s a lot more than just a fling. I think your father saw that, too, and it scared the crap out of him.”

  I nodded and swiped away the tears with the back of my hand.

  “And as for …” Mom trailed off and nodded to the bed. “It wasn’t good judgment, but I had a boyfriend at eighteen who I was madly in love with and … well, we were lucky enough not to be caught.”

  A smile ghosted across my lips. I loved my mother. I loved my father, too. I’d already broken his heart, and it seemed as if my days of being his Peanut were over, and I’d have to somehow make peace with that.

  “I love him, Mom. And he loves me, too. We just …”

  “I know …” She tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “But I think you guys need to cool it for a couple of days. Not stop, but let it blow over. I’ll talk to Dylan. Maybe you could go for a drive with one of your friends or to Tommy’s today. Some space and distance will do everyone good.”

  I nodded, because what other choice did I have? A minute ago, I’d been ready to leave and never look back. But, although I was staying, I had a bad feeling nothing would ever be the same.

  31

  Dylan

  Nick and I stared at PJ’s door for what felt like a long eternity.

  “I never meant to hurt you or Ellie,” I finally said when I’d found my voice. “Believe me, I’ve tried to fight it, but I love—”

  “Does Jack know? Did you make both my children lie to me?” His jaw clenched tight as he stepped closer.

  Even when we’d gotten into trouble as kids, Nick had been stern but never like this. Since he’d seen me over PJ’s shoulder, at the both of us laughing and half naked, he glared at me with a disdain I hadn’t thought I’d ever see from him. If I weren’t Jack’s best friend, I’d be nursing a cracked jaw right about now.

  “He does. He’s not thrilled about it, but we talked, and he relented, a little anyway.” I lifted my head to his crossed arms and ticking jaw. “He wanted us to tell you before you caught us.”

  Nick nodded, his gaze vacant and cold. “A warning would have been nice. Seeing anyone come out of my daughter’s room would …” His chest heaved as he trailed off. “But someone I not only knew, but trusted?” He inched toward me, letting out a long breath through flared nostrils before he lifted his head to mine. “I need you to leave my house. Now.”

  Our eyes locked, and I wanted to respect him, at least this one time. But until I knew PJ was all right, my feet were speared to the carpet.

  “I will, as soon as I make sure she’s all right.”

  Our heads swiveled toward the click of the lock.

  “Is she okay?” I rushed over to Ellie before she closed the door behind her.

  “She is,” Ellie whispered with a sad smile. “She’s not running away.” She sighed and gave her husband a quick side-glance. “But I told her everyone needs to cool it for a couple of days. So, I’m asking you to leave and … take a break.”

  “Take a break?” My hand raked through my hair in panic. “I can’t take a break from her, Ellie.” Had my voice just cracked? I was about to bawl in front of them both but didn’t give a shit. “What is she going to think?”

  “I told her this was the best way, and she agreed.”

  “She agreed?” PJ agreed to take a break from us, from me. The air rushed out of my lungs, and I couldn’t pull it back. I’d lost her. I wasn’t careful, and I’d lost her.

  Nick didn’t acknowledge either of us as he made his way out their front door.

  “Dylan,” Ellie sighed before cupping my cheek. “She is crazy in love with you and hates this. I’m trying to get back some kind of peace, and all of you going to your separate corners for a couple of days will, I hope, do that. Nick has a huge heart with a fiery temper. He passed along both to PJ, and she’s an artist, so she’s emotional by nature.” She pursed her lips in an attempt to probably make me laugh and lighten the mood, but a joke wouldn’t help the brick now settled deep in my gut and the huge hole in my chest.

  “She’s a great artist.” She was a great everything, and I was already lost without her. I dug my keys out of my pocket and headed for the door.

  She cocked her head to the side with a sad smile. “I always hoped PJ would find someone like you.”

  “What do you mean?” I squinted at Ellie as I looked past her at PJ’s door. The urge to run in and kiss her until everything was better was so overwhelming it almost choked me.

  “Someone this heartbroken over having to leave her for a couple of days. Trust me?”

  Forcing a tiny smile, I nodded. “I do.”

  “Good.” She slapped my shoulder before I headed out.

  I moped across the street to my house on autopilot. I stepped inside and flopped on my couch, my head falling into my hands. I felt PJ here. I could smell her, feel her. She was close enough to touch, but out of my reach. Again. What could I say or do to make this better? This was my fault. I knew sleeping in her room was dangerous, but I’d wanted to be with her so badly, I ignored the bad feeling in my gut. She made me forget everything because she was everything. I reached into my pocket to grab my phone, my fingers frozen on the keys.

  ME: I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Than I ever thought I could love anyone. You’re everything to me, Patricia. Your mom asked me to leave, but I’m not walking away. I can’t. Ever. I believe in your mom, but please believe in us.

  32

  Danielle

  “Jack,” I pleaded on a moan as his teeth grazed my earlobe. All proprieties, scruples, and common sense left the building days ago without any hope of return.

  His days were numbered as a patient—as my patient. His surgeon made me complete a long series of paperwork, longer than my usual discharge forms, but I took my sweet time completing the materials. His discharge time was solely up to me, but I couldn’t get around to starting the process.

  Everything was in jeopardy. My job, if anyone caught us, and we were more brazen every day—and my heart. The organ I did my best to ignore was calling all the shots. Jack was an addiction I couldn’t stop or control.

  All my time and thoughts were with Jack: when I’d see him during sessions, the dirty texts he’d send me afterward, the long talks we’d have in the cafeteria while we held hands under the table like teenagers. And last, but certainly not least, the moments I completely lost myself and what was left of my mind in Jack’s kisses and magic hands. I now had an unhealthy affection for both my patient, and to my surprise, the very spacious supply closet.

  “We’re pushing our luck. Someone is going to catch us … oh, God, right there,” I felt Jack’s smile against my skin as he devoured my neck. I was never with anyone who just … knew. With my ex, I’d tilt my head and motion to where I wanted him to go, but he was either that dense or that disinterested. With Jack, no words were needed. He made my body quiver in some places and throb in others with no direction at all.

  “I want to make you come,” he panted before his index finger hooked into the waistband of my pants.

  “Are you crazy?” I gasped but didn’t make a move as he popped open a button and slid his hand inside my panties. His fingers circled my clit, making my body slump against his, powerless like a
puppet with no strings. All I could do was bite the cotton of his T-shirt as I fought against a loud scream.

  “You’re soaked. Holy shit, Dani.” Jack’s head fell to my shoulder as his hand moved faster between my legs. When he slipped a finger deep inside of me, we both whimpered in muffled ecstasy.

  My palm slid to the bulge in his jeans, grabbing and stroking without any finesse—only pure, stupid need. Stupid being the operative word as he thrust his denim covered cock into my hands while my hips followed the ministrations of his fingers. Neither of us thought of the repercussions of being caught. In truth, I was the only one with actual repercussions. He’d walk out of here fine, but I’d follow him, unemployed. Even Kathryn wouldn’t give me a pass on an indiscretion this grievous.

  “I want you,” I breathed before I had a chance to think. “I … I … God, Jack …” My head fell back as my climax snuck up on me. I couldn’t cry out, but my silence made it that much more powerful. It was sharp, crippling, and yet, invigorating at the same time. Jack’s hold on me tightened as he pulsed against my hand.

  “You know, coming in my pants should embarrass me, but it doesn’t. Not even a little bit.” His lips feathered against mine in a quick peck before his mouth split into a wide grin.

  I was falling for Jack, and by falling, I’d meant already been knocked over and ruined.

  “You are the sexiest woman I’ve ever met.” His fingers weaved into my hair, grasping a handful before pulling my head back. “And I want you, too. So, so much.” His mouth was back on mine, our kiss slow and sweet. “I can’t wait to take you out on a real date.”

  “A date?” I squinted at Jack, my fingers fumbling to button my pants.

  “As much as I enjoy the closet and the cafeteria, we deserve better.” He rested his forehead against mine. “And now that I’m better, it can finally happen.”

  I cradled his strong jaw, peering up at him with a huge smile to stop the onslaught of tears scratching against my throat. I didn’t doubt Jack’s feelings, but I had a difficult time believing they’d stick once he didn’t need my encouragement or guidance anymore. Guilt weighed in the pit of my stomach at how I’d taken advantage of him. He’d been broken, confused, and coming off a bad breakup. I’d only wanted to help him, but I’d become too high on how much he needed me. Maybe I deserved to have my heart crushed when he discovered he didn’t have that need for me anymore.

  “I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. We both are. Maybe we need to slow it down a little.” I inched a centimeter away for my own comfort. His shoulders slumped with an almost inaudible groan when he noticed.

  “Hey,” Jack whispered and grabbed my hands. A crinkle ran along his blond brow as he studied me. “Don’t get spooked on me now.” A sad smile ghosted his lips before they found my forehead. “I meant what I said. I don’t want this to end.”

  “I don’t either.” I rested my temple against his chin, wishing it didn’t feel so damn inevitable that it would.

  We said goodnight after a few more desperate kisses. Jack went back to his room to clean up, and I stumbled back to my office on wobbly legs. My head spun and my heart pounded as my entire system went into turmoil. Yet, at the same time, I felt an odd satisfaction. That hollow feeling I’d become so accustomed to didn’t seem so gaping anymore. Something filled it. Or someone.

  “Burning the midnight oil?”

  I stilled before stepping into my office as Dev snickered from behind me. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up at the … something … in his voice. Accusation? Amusement? Either way, I didn’t like it. Sucking in a deep breath, I lifted my chin to meet his gaze.

  “I’m always here late. Problem?”

  Dev crossed his arms and closed the space between us before leaning into the doorjamb. “I didn’t think your new job description included cleaning out the closets after hours. Is Jack Taylor the first patient you’ve messed around with, or is this your pattern?” He strutted up to me, holding my gaze as I willed myself not to panic. “Danielle Marsh isn’t so frigid after all.”

  “Get to the point, Dev,” I spit. “I don’t know what you think you saw—”

  “I saw two people coming out of a closet, who at least had the foresight to not walk out together. Wouldn’t Kathryn love to know where her star therapist does her best sessions.” His eyebrows jumped as he leaned in even closer.

  “I was showing him the resistance bands he needed to purchase upon his release in a couple of days. Not that it’s any of your business. Jack Taylor is my patient. My job was to get him back on his feet, and now, my job is done. He’s nothing more to me, and I don’t intend to ever see him again once I sign him out, so stop trying to create an issue.”

  A sickening laugh bubbled out of his chest before he shook his head at me. “Shame, I bet he could have loosened you up a little. You’re so stiff, I’m surprised you haven’t broken in half yet.” Dev backed away and turned toward the exit. My hand flew to my chest as I breathed out a deep sigh of relief.

  “Nothing more to you?” Jack’s voice made me jump. My head spun around toward his icy glare as he came closer.

  “What? Where did you come from?” I blinked away the shock as I studied his soft lips, still swollen from our kisses not fifteen minutes ago, twisted in a sneer.

  “I came to remind you to text me when you got home since it’s late. I had to hold myself back from pummeling that asshole for calling you frigid, but I guess I don’t need to since we’re nothing, right?”

  My hand dragged down my face as I fought to hold in a frustrated wail. I’d thought I had one problem handled—or handled for now—but my temporary solution opened an ugly can of worms.

  “Dev is a troublemaker. I turned him down a couple of times and got the promotion he wanted. Messing around with a patient could get me into a lot of trouble, and he’d love nothing more than to throw me to the wolves. I needed to make a good enough denial for him to back off.”

  “Denial.” Jack nodded and sucked in his bottom lip. “That sounded pretty resolute to me. Your job was to get me back on my feet, and now you’re done, right?” He shrugged, shooting me a nasty glare I’d never seen from him. “I was just a case to you: a sad asshole with no job or prospects to go back to, so you felt sorry for me. That’s why you never gave me a straight answer about what would happen between us after I get out.” He moved closer, his face twisted in so much anger I almost didn’t recognize him.

  “That’s not why—that’s not true,” I stammered as I watched Jack grow even more furious. This was all my fault. I’d led him to believe we were more, that we were real. Even though it felt that way, I knew deep down it could never be. He was looking for a lifeline, not a girlfriend.

  “Once you get out, things will be different. You’re using me as a crutch but are too damn stubborn to admit it. My life is here. Yours isn’t.” I turned to go but before I could run, Jack grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back.

  “Trust me, I know this place is your life. Your whole fucking life. Do you even have any friends? What are you so afraid of? We don’t fit into your perfectly controlled little life. I used to think you were the bravest and toughest woman I knew, but you’re nothing but a coward,”

  I flinched, the sting of his words burning my skin as if I’d been slapped. “I’m not a coward. You don’t know a damn thing about—”

  “Because you’ve never told me anything!” he roared, looming over me in a rage. “I tell you everything. How afraid I am to leave here to find out I don’t know who the fuck I am if I’m not a firefighter, how I’m so disposable that my girlfriend broke up with me before I was even out of anesthesia. I fought to get stronger for you, because I thought you believed in me. But you were just doing your job, right? I’m no one to you, and I never was.”

  I sucked in a shaky breath, his words gutting me so much my vision blurred with tears. “Do you think you’re the only one that’s been blindsided? That had to start all over again and felt worthless eve
ry damn day no matter how deep you try to drown in work? Stop being so goddamn self-absorbed, and grow up,” I spit through gritted teeth. “Not everyone can heal. Some wounds are too deep.”

  Jack’s scowl melted into confusion, his icy blue eyes softening as he reached out to grab my hand. I yanked it away from his grasp and turned back to my office.

  “I’ll finish the paperwork tonight and scan it over. I’ll schedule your final exam, and you can leave right away. Goodnight, Jack.” I slammed the door behind me and collapsed onto my desk in sobs.

  33

  PJ

  DYLAN: Are you okay?

  I sighed at the twentieth text Dylan sent me in three days, with the same three words. Typing out a quick yes, I threw my phone into my purse. It was out of true concern, and he was staying away at my mother’s request, but I hated it. I loathed being treated like a child by all the men in my life. Dylan swore no matter what happened, he wouldn’t stop fighting for me and fighting for us.

  Then, why did I feel so alone?

  One minute, I’d been in Dylan’s arms wondering how life could possibly be this good, and the next, my universe had imploded. I knew my father would freak out at the notion of Dylan and me together, but actually seeing us together, the all too recent memory of it made my stomach roll over.

  I don’t even know my own daughter anymore.

  Dad had always been overprotective and unreasonable when it came to me. Did it frustrate me? Sure, but there was so much pride and love in his eyes, I could never get mad at him for it. Now, there was disappointment and disgust when we made dodgy eye contact, and I hadn’t figured out how to process that. My father’s love had been a warm blanket that wrapped around me my entire life. Ever since the awful turn of events, I was ice cold even in the late August heat.

  Going for a drive with a friend or having coffee at Tommy’s wouldn’t soothe me. It would only highlight how terrible everything truly was. I had to remove myself from everyone and everything that would remind me how much I’d screwed up. I was sure my brother would note the same thing, but I didn’t care. Jack was always the first one I wanted whenever I was hurt, sometimes even more than my parents. There was no Band-Aid or ice pack that would help anything, but here I was. He was the only one I wanted, and the only one who could make this horrible catastrophe better.