Think Twice

by Stephanie Rose

  I replied with a slow shake of my head. “I won’t. No one understands it, but she’s it for me. No one compares to her or ever will. I’ll play by your rules. But I won’t give her up. Not even because of you. But I don’t want it to come to that.”

  “I think it’s already come to that, don’t you think?”

  “She’s upset because she disappointed you. Because the last thing she ever wanted to do was be less than what you thought she was.”

  “Less?” He laughed before cupping his forehead. “She’ll be my baby until the day I die. But finding both of you, together … I still don’t know what to do with that.”

  He fell back in the chair with a loud sigh. “She needs to finish school.”

  I squinted as my head jerked back. “I agree, she’s brilliant and talented. The sketches she makes, even just on a napkin? I’m in awe—”

  “I’m not stupid enough to think I can stop anything, although pretending all these years was nice.” He exhaled before dragging a hand down his face. “I’m going to be blunt. Wrap it up. Understand?”

  I swallowed before nodding. It wasn’t the first time Nick had told me to “wrap it up.” A few summers ago, Jack and I had gone to the shore with some friends for a weekend, and he’d said it with a wink and glint in his eye. This time, it wasn’t friendly advice.

  “And if you hurt her—”

  “I love her too much to hurt her. I just want things to be good with all of us. I want to hang out in your yard for the Labor Day barbecue like I do every year and have a beer with you and Jack. None of that has to change, does it? I’m the same guy.”

  Nick let out a long sigh. “Same guy? Not quite.” The corners of his mouth lifted in a small smile, surprising me. “For the record, I wasn’t going to get you into trouble. Even if I knew for a fact it started before she was eighteen, I wouldn’t have done that to either of you.”

  “Scare tactic?” I smiled at his defeated shrug.

  “I suppose. But instead of scaring you, I only incensed my daughter and pissed off my wife.”

  I laughed. “I had that impression, too.”

  His smile faded before he let out a long sigh. “I still don’t like this, but I know you love her. You’d have to. You’ve been around this family long enough to figure out how we’d all react, and you took it on anyway. And if I don’t at least try to become okay with it, I’ll lose her. If I haven’t already.”

  “You haven’t. She’s just stubborn.”

  “Really? Hadn’t noticed.” Nick snickered. “She gets that from me. The talent? No clue.”

  “She’s teaching again tonight.” I motioned behind him. “Need another painting?”

  His eyes rolled. “Because that one is so fucking awesome.” Nick dropped his gaze to the desk. “Maybe I do.”

  I rose from the chair and approached his desk. “I’ll let you get back to your day. Thanks, Nick.” I extended my hand.

  “You’ve got guts.” He grabbed my hand and shook it. “My daughter could do worse.”

  I smiled and headed out. Maybe things would finally be okay, but I wasn’t waiting for Ellie.

  Now, I was getting my girl back.

  36

  Jack

  “That should be everything,” I told my uncle as I slammed my suitcase shut.

  Uncle Evan’s brows pinched as he lifted it off my bed. Or my old bed, I supposed.

  “I thought you’d be happier than this, Jack. After all this time, I thought for sure you’d be ready to go home.”

  I sat on the edge of the mattress, resting my elbows on my knees. Today was the day. I was leaving rehab and going home to try to get my old life back. Everything was headed in the right direction, so why did I feel so damn lost?

  “I am, I guess … I don’t know. Here, I didn’t have to worry about what to do with the rest of my life if I can’t be a firefighter anymore. Now, I have to—” Here I could pretend, delay the inevitable. When I arrived back home, that was a different story. I had a long road ahead of me but no clue as to where it would lead.

  “Stop,” he interrupted, dropping a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t lose the faith until someone tells you to.” He slapped my arm. “Is that all that’s bothering you? Your mom will kill me if I deliver a sad lump.”

  We shared a laugh. “Yes, well, maybe.” I shrugged and grabbed my jacket off the hanger.

  “You’re full of answers today.”

  All I had for him was a shrug and a nod before we headed for the door where Danielle leaned against the jamb with a sheepish smile tugging on her lips. My surprised gaze slid to hers.

  She looked between Uncle Evan and me. “I was hoping to catch you.”

  “Uncle Ev, this is …” I trailed off, at a loss as to what she was to me. My stomach sank at the realization that she was no one. Not my therapist with benefits, not my candy date, not my friend, no one. I hated it, but what could I do? I wanted to ask her about her divorce and why she was so dead set on rejecting us, as PJ suggested, but Danielle didn’t let anyone in. When she gave me my last examination yesterday and said, “good luck,” I’d thought she meant goodbye, too. Seeing her at my door, both surprised and confused the shit out of me.

  “Danielle,” she finished for me and extended her hand. Uncle Evan looked back and forth between us before he took it.

  Had I imagined something between us? Was I so lonely that I latched on to my physical therapist for companionship? The question had rolled around in my head for the past few days, but the answer was no way. What I felt for Danielle was real, no matter how many times she’d tried to blow it off. Regardless, I wouldn’t press anymore or, as much as I wanted to, read into why she was here.

  “I’ll meet you at the car, Jack.” Uncle Evan raised a brow before lifting my bag and heading out the door.

  Danielle wrapped her arms around her torso as she took a tentative step toward me. “I didn’t want you to leave like this.”

  I shoved my hands into my pockets as I searched her gaze for … I wasn’t sure. Admitting she didn’t want me to leave like this was a big step in and of itself, but why was she here?

  “You gave me a final checkup and said goodbye. What else is there?”

  A lot more.

  “I owe you more than that.” She sat down next to me.

  Her eyes darted from mine before she sucked in a long breath.

  “My husband had another family,” she blurted out, cringing after the words tumbled from her lips.

  My jaw dropped as I leaned closer. “Another family?”

  “Family. You know … another woman, daughter, son on the way.” She barked out a sad laugh. “When I met Cliff, I was young, only a freshman in college. He was this charming older man who always traveled for business and would take me on these amazing trips. I may have gotten rid of the braids and the glasses, but I was still … in the background. Yes, I had friends, but no one really noticed me the way Cliff did. Or, the way I thought he did. We married right after I graduated, and I never questioned why he was home one week and gone for two.” She scoffed and shook her head. “There was someone else from almost day one.”

  “Day one?” I asked, hoping she’d continue.

  “Yes. They were on and off while we were dating, but he pushed me to get married because he was on the rebound. She was the …” Danielle shook her head before letting out a humorless laugh. “Later on, he told me she was the one who’d gotten away. But apparently, right after we got married, she came back. This went on for years; they had a ‘tumultuous relationship’ as Cliff called it. And then she got pregnant.”

  “Pregnant? Are you serious?”

  “That was about a year and a half ago, I believe. He’d go on these extra-long trips and come back either flustered or closed off, and I never questioned it. See, I was the easy one. I didn’t push him like she did. So he was … comfortable with me. Never really loved me or anything, but I was a good fail-safe. Dependable … reliable.”

  Her eyes squeezed shut befo
re she raked her hand down her face. “He’d insist he was overworked and stressed, but the real story was that he wasn’t invested in us, in me. Stupid, wasn’t I?”

  “No,” I disagreed and slid my hand against hers. “If you were, then so was I. I never imagined my girlfriend would break up with me right after surgery. Sometimes, you think you know someone, and you really don’t. How did you—”

  “Find out? She got pregnant a second time and had had enough of his back and forth so she gave me a call and told me everything. When he came home that night, I confronted him, expecting him to laugh it off or deny it. He admitted it and told me he was relieved.”

  “Relieved?” I’d never met the guy, and I already wanted to beat him to a pulp for both stringing her along and then getting so deep in her head for all this time.

  “Yep. Said he never had any, how did he put it … passion with me.” Her voice cracked before she took in a deep breath. “He packed his bag and left, and I guess he made a good case since she took him back. It was a quick divorce. In fact, the one meeting we had with our lawyers took fifteen minutes since he started it off with ‘let’s not drag this out.’”

  She lifted her glossy chocolate eyes to mine. “Dev wasn’t the first one to call me frigid. It’s probably what I am.”

  “No fucking way,” I growled before inching closer to where she sat on the bed. “I can tell, without a single doubt, you are not frigid. He was the issue, not you. You’re warm, passionate, and so …” I trailed off, catching a small smile creep over her lips in my periphery. “He’s an asshole.”

  She let out an audible, sad sigh. “This went on for two years, and I had no idea. I even bought his excuse for flying out on Christmas morning. After … everything was over … I threw myself into work. Helping patients soothed me and made me feel worth something, but outside of work.” A laugh followed a sniffle. “Outside of what I could control, I didn’t want any part of it. After what he did and all the horrible reasons he gave me as to why, I just wanted to be by myself. Easier that way. No pity, no pressure to get back out there and get hurt again, until—”

  I wrapped my arms around her and pressed a long kiss to her cheek. Her eyes clenched shut at the contact, but she didn’t flinch or move away.

  “Until what?” I whispered in her ear.

  She sucked in her bottom lip but couldn’t hide her quivering jaw.

  “Until you. I wanted you so much, it terrified me, so I pushed you away.” She dropped her chin to her chest for a quick second before straightening and swiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

  My lips brushed her shoulder. “I am so sorry for all those things I said to you. I was angry and scared of losing you. You are not a coward. You’re fucking amazing, and I wish I could lay your ex-husband out for ever making you think otherwise.”

  “You’d have to get in line behind Kyle.” She chuckled as her watery gaze met mine.

  “The thought of leaving and never seeing you again has been killing me. I want you, Danielle. In fact, between all the candy and the long talks and the … times in the closet …”

  Another laugh shook her shoulders through her tears.

  “I think I fell pretty hard.” I cradled her wet cheek, swiping away her tears with my thumb.

  “So did I,” she croaked. “I want this to be real, but I’m scared. Finding out you didn’t really want me would hurt so much more than what Cliff did. I shouldn’t admit this, but …” she trailed off, her eyes darting everywhere but mine. “My feelings for you predate being your therapist. They go all the way back to when you were friends with my brother. You were sweet and gorgeous and … fucking amazing, yourself.” Her smile faded before she squeezed my hand. “And you didn’t change. The man you became is even more wonderful than the boy I remembered. I fell for you, too, Jack. I didn’t want to ruin my memory of you when reality sets in and you find out that you don’t need me anymore.”

  I grabbed her face to make her look at me. “What if we made new memories? Of you and me, outside of this place. Give us a chance, Danielle.” I inched closer. “Let me be the man you deserve.”

  Our mouths fused together in a hungry kiss. I gave her everything I had, and for the first time, she relaxed in my arms as if she accepted it. If she’d only let me, I’d spend the rest of my days convincing her how worth it she really was.

  “Come home with me,” I said when we broke apart for air.

  Her eyes bulged as she leaned back. “Come home with you?”

  “My parents are having this welcome dinner for me when I get home. Come after you get out of work. Afterward, we can go somewhere and talk; maybe I could buy you a cup of coffee or something. I told you, we need a date that doesn’t involve vending machines.”

  She smiled before shaking her head. “They missed you, I’m sure. I don’t want to impose.”

  “They called and came by a lot more than they needed to. We’ll make an appearance for my mother’s sake and then go on our own.” I cupped the back of her neck. “Do you want to see me later?”

  “Yes,” she hissed. I smiled at the blush creeping up her cheeks.

  “Then, I think,” I whispered, “it’s time to finally do what we want to do. And I really want to kiss you again.”

  I inched toward her before she grabbed the back of my neck, covering my mouth with hers. Fuck, this woman could kiss. I groaned when she took my bottom lip between both of hers and gave it a nip before she backed away.

  “Text me the address,” she said on a breathless whisper. “I can be there after six.”

  “I’ll wait all night.” I planted two long pecks on her lips before I rose from the bed and held out my hand.

  “I’m proud of you, Jack.” My chest constricted at her easy smile before she took my hand and stood from the bed.

  I kissed the corner of her mouth and rested my forehead against hers. “I’m proud of you, too, Danielle.”

  “I guess I’ll see you later.” She backed away with the same goofy grin I felt spread across my lips.

  “You better,” I growled, drawing out a sexy giggle from her before she left.

  I walked outside and stepped into Uncle Evan’s car.

  “I knew it was about a girl.” He chuckled as he drove away.

  I stilled before buckling my seat belt. “How did you know that?”

  He cocked an eyebrow at me. “It’s always about a girl. Ready to go home?”

  I laughed and nodded, an unfamiliar flicker of hope sparking in my chest. “Let’s go.”

  37

  PJ

  “PJ,” Beth sighed as she pulled the rag out of my hand. “Go home.”

  “No.” I yanked it back and continued to scrub the table. “You need help.”

  “It’s a painting table; it’s not supposed to be clean. Class was cancelled so just. Go. Home.” She grasped my arm. “I love you to pieces, but you can’t hide out here. Isn’t your brother coming home today?”

  Beth knew all about my family shitstorm after my boyfriend and I had gotten caught coming out of my bedroom. Dylan had still been keeping his distance like my mother had requested, but I couldn’t help wondering if maybe he had given up. Our texts had been sporadic and short over the past few days. What if he had come to the realization we—or I—was more trouble than it was worth?

  I was lonely and upset, the distance doing nothing to quell my longing for the one man I wasn’t allowed to want. I’d rather scrub years-old paint stains from a metal table than stare at the walls of my bedroom and think about the horrific fallout. Dad wouldn’t even look at me at first, but lately, I’d sensed the weight of his stare whenever I’d venture out of my room for something quick to eat. Words unsaid dangled between us, and as angry as I was at my father, I missed him so much it hurt. Nothing would ever be the same again—for any of us—and that was all my fault.

  I tried to reason that his reaction would’ve been this terrible regardless of how he’d found out, but if we had at least come to my parents and t
old them before they’d found us, I’d still be able to look my dad in the eye. Now, I was too ashamed and too heartbroken to be anywhere near him.

  “Yes, and I’ll see him tomorrow. I can’t be at a family dinner right now.”

  I guessed I got my wish. He’d never call me Peanut again.

  The alarm chirped and made us both jump. Beth must’ve set it but then had forgotten to lock the door.

  “Sorry, sir. Class is cancelled and we’re closed.”

  “Oh.” I winced at the familiar voice. “I was hoping to see my daug—PJ. Is she here?”

  “She is,” Beth replied before raising a quick eyebrow at me. “I’ll straighten up the back. Take your time.”

  My father owned any room he walked into. Even at his age, women still swooned, and his mere presence commanded people to take notice. It’s what had made him a born chief. His tentative steps and sheepish stare as he came closer were completely foreign to me.

  “Hi. Can you pretend like you’re talking to me for a minute?” A tiny smirk curled his lips as he motioned to the seats at the table.

  I nodded and sat down, finally lifting my gaze to his for the first time in days. His features were tired and pained with dark circles around his eyes, and a sad smile stretched his lips.

  “I hate this.” He exhaled and leaned his elbows on the table.

  “Me too, Dad.” So many emotions had rushed through me when we’d fought, but shame was the only one coursing through my veins now. It twisted my gut and my heart. Remembering my mother’s stories of how he’d never put me down and how the sun had risen and set on me filled my eyes with tears.

  “I don’t like it, PJ. The age difference, the sneaking around; if you had said something … anything, it would have been better than finding …” He trailed off, and I thanked God he couldn’t complete that sentence.

  “I came close once.” I sniffled and took in a sharp breath. “When we went for pizza and you told me the only way you’d approve of me with one of Jack’s friends was if you were dead.”