Think Twice

by Stephanie Rose

  I almost had everything I ever wanted. The almost was a rotten possibility that made relaxing fucking impossible. The job, the girl—especially the girl—were too important to lose.

  Today was a game changer in more ways than one.

  I hurried into the doctor’s office after camping out in my car for fifteen minutes, attempting to act aloof and detached.

  “Jack Taylor, here to see Dr. Mirano.” I strode up to the receptionist’s desk, clearing my throat to cover the shaking in my voice.

  “He’s a little delayed. Have a seat.” The receptionist motioned to an empty row of seats in the back.

  Fucking great. The urge to get something over with had never been so overwhelming, and now it was delayed.

  Resting my elbows on my knees, I let my head droop and sucked in a long breath. Getting agitated wouldn’t help me, and the last thing I needed was for the doctor to think I was unstable and note that.

  After half an hour, I fished my phone out of my back pocket for a little distraction. It vibrated in my hand as Danielle’s name lit up the screen. She’d mentioned she had back-to-back sessions for most of the day after we shared a tense goodbye. She was probably calling about news I wouldn’t have for I had no clue how long.

  “Sorry, sweetheart. The doctor is late, so I have no answer for you.”

  “Yes, Jack.”

  I fell back into my chair. “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, I’ll move in with you. I don’t know why I froze and it’s bothered me all morning. I guess I’m scared of going too fast, but all I want is to be with you every single day. What the hell am I waiting for?”

  My control freak girlfriend’s rambling was fucking adorable.

  “Listen, I don’t want to push you. When you’re ready—”

  “I’m ready right now. And, as luck would have it, my lease is up next month. I’m all yours, if you want me.”

  “I always want you, and you should know that. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. So much, Jack. Whatever happens today, I love you, and I’m so damn proud of you.”

  “Thanks, sweetheart. I think I needed that.” I exhaled as my eyes squeezed shut. She always knew what I needed.

  “I know. Remember, I know everything.”

  We laughed, and I wished I could lunge through the phone and kiss her.

  “Go make some poor bastard suffer. I’ll call you as soon as I’m out.”

  We ended the call, and I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. My life was restarting today, whether I ended up back on the truck or not.

  “Jack Taylor. The doctor will see you now.”

  First Epilogue

  Jack

  Four years later

  “I think I need to step outside.” Danielle’s face twisted in disgust. “I grew up on baked ziti, and now, the sight of tomato sauce makes me want to lurch.”

  I laughed as I led her away from the buffet. “It will pass. Things could be worse. My mom had to be admitted into the hospital when she was pregnant with my sister because she couldn’t stop throwing up for weeks.”

  “Babe, saying throw up makes me want to throw up.” Her head jerked up. “Weeks?”

  “Yep,” I nodded and rubbed my wife’s back. “Even back then, PJ was hard to deal with.”

  “Wow, spending four months on another continent doesn’t stop my brother from talking shit about me when I get back” PJ scoffed as she came up to Danielle. “Are you feeling okay? You look a little green.”

  “I’m fine.” She waved her hand at my sister. “Just a little worn out and tired. I’m going to get some air.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  She gave me a stiff shake of her head. “No, I’ll be fine. Just need to perk up.” She gave my sister a quick hug before clutching her stomach. Seeing Danielle suffer was tough, but if she threw up on my sister, I would crack up. “When I get back I want to hear all about Paris, okay?” Danielle smiled wide but couldn’t hide her putrid condition.

  “Congratulations, Daddy,” PJ whispered in my ear, chuckling at my wide-eyed reaction.

  “I won’t tell, but Mom already has her suspicions. How far along is she?”

  “Only a couple of months. She wants to wait until next month to start telling people, but I don’t know how much longer we can hide it.”

  “Especially today.” She let out an exaggerated sigh. “You know how our family freaks out with stomach viruses. You’ll have to spill before someone throws her out. I can’t believe I’m going to be an aunt!” I shushed her when she let out a squeal.

  Danielle and I were married a few months after we’d moved in together. We eloped and had come home to a fair amount of crap from both families. I didn’t care about a big wedding, and she’d felt weird inviting people to a second wedding. We both agreed the marriage was more important than the event itself, although we’d had plenty of friends and family blinking twice at us when we told them. When it’s right, it’s right, and waiting seemed pointless.

  We didn’t tell anyone when we started trying for a baby either, but as usual, my family sniffed everything out.

  “How does it feel to be back?” I asked my sister. “A Bronx engagement party probably seems boring compared to Paris.”

  “Paris was amazing, but it’s good to be back. I was lucky to get to spend a semester abroad, but it was all class and museums broken up with amazing pastries and cheese. I’m paying for all that now.” I held in an eye roll when she rubbed her still flat stomach.

  “You’re always welcome to run with me on the track. Provided you run and not yap in my ear the whole time.”

  I laughed when she shoved my arm. I’d missed the hell out of teasing my sister.

  “Is Dylan okay?” Her smile faded into a concerned frown. “He’s been acting weird. Was he weird when I was gone?”

  “If by weird you mean spending too much time on our couch nursing a beer with a long face, then yes.” I arched an eyebrow.

  “He was?” She cringed and cupped her forehead. “I knew it. He insisted he was fine with me leaving.”

  “He was. He just missed you; that’s all. He’d never hold you back knowing how much you wanted to go.”

  She nodded and peered into the reception hall. Dylan sat with my parents, laughing with my mom and being as much a part of the family as he always had. Over the years, Dylan and PJ had become a given rather than the scandal they’d been at the beginning.

  My parents had seen how much he believed in her—sometimes being the extra push she’d needed. He did the same when she had the chance to spend a semester in Paris, even though he’d confided in me how terrified he was. He feared that while she was away, she’d discover she wanted more than the life she’d have with him back in New York, but we all knew that would never happen.

  PJ’s life was all about two things: Dylan and art. But if she ever had to make a choice, it would always be Dylan. For him, it was all PJ. Anyone in their presence for more than five minutes knew it, even Dad. Still, it had taken him two years to not glare at Dylan whenever he entered the room. He’d stopped trying to scare him when he realized he hadn’t needed to. Dylan would cut off his own arm before hurting my sister.

  “Do you think Lucy will get married this time?” PJ asked with a snort.

  Our cousin Lucy was on her second engagement, but this was Lucy’s first party. Uncle Evan had been worse than Dad when it came to his daughters. But my theory was that Lucy’s teen years had worn him out so much, he was forced to learn to go with the flow.

  “I think it will be a pleasant surprise,” my cousin, Alex, answered from behind us.

  She was Uncle Evan’s salvation and probably why he’d kept the hair on his head. She excelled at school, helped her parents, and had never given them a peep of trouble. Alex was truly the yin to her disruptive sister’s yang.

  “Being the good kid is so monotonous,” she teased with a smile.

  “Tell me about it.” I let out a loud sigh before my sister smacked my
arm again.

  “Okay, I think I’m better now. Let’s go inside.” Danielle’s arm snaked through mine.

  “Good.” PJ kissed Danielle’s cheek and winked. “See you three at the table.”

  Danielle gaped at me before I pressed a finger to her lips. “She figured it out but won’t say anything. PJ is loud but doesn’t spill secrets.” I pulled Danielle into my arms and kissed the top of her head. “We won’t stay late; I still have studying to do.”

  “Babe, you do nothing but study. You’ll be able to take that lieutenant test with your eyes closed.”

  I slid my hand over her stomach. “I have a lot to plan for. Two people to make proud now.”

  “You are an amazing firefighter and a wonderful man. We already love you, so maybe get some sleep once in a while.”

  I felt Dylan’s pain. I had no idea what I’d do without Danielle. She was my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and my kick in the pants when I needed it the most. She was my entire life, and I wouldn’t know how to function without her.

  “Do you think PJ suspects anything?”

  I shrugged. “She thinks he’s acting weird, but hasn’t connected the dots yet. She will though, you know she’s a pain in the ass. Thank God he’s doing it tonight.” I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers. “Come on, sweetheart. I’ll save you from the tomato sauce.”

  She laughed and leaned into me as we walked toward my family.

  Who would have thought I had to almost lose it all to become the luckiest man in the world?

  Second Epilogue

  PJ - later that night

  “Are you sure nothing’s wrong? You’ve been so quiet for most of the night.”

  I unbuckled my seat belt and stepped out of Dylan’s truck. I’d taken the redeye back from Paris this morning and hadn’t had time to speak to him alone yet. Worse, during the past couple of Skype calls, he’d seemed distracted and distant. I’d spent the entire plane ride home pondering the awful possible reasons he was pulling away. We’d been apart for almost four months, a huge adjustment as the most we’d gone without seeing each other for the past four years was a day or two. I wanted to blame my annoying insecurities on jetlag, but there was more to it than that.

  “Of course, I am.” He pulled me flush to his body by the collar of my down coat. “My girl is home. Best Christmas present ever.” He kissed my lips, sweetly and sensually, and I savored it for a few minutes before letting go.

  “I didn’t bring the presents I brought you from Paris. I came home, showered, and headed to the party. This is the first time I’ve stopped since I got to the airport last night.”

  “I know. Come on. I have a surprise for you.” He pulled my hand and led me inside his house. He flicked on the light switch once we were inside, and Christmas lights illuminated the entire room.

  “Dylan, this is beautiful!”

  “Not as good a job as you usually do.” He gave me an adorable, bashful smile and stuffed his hands into his pockets. I always decorated his place for Christmas. I didn’t live here, but spent most nights in Dylan’s bed. My parents fought us at first but chose to ignore it as time went on. I missed our tradition of picking out a tree and painting his windows.

  “No way! The tree is beautiful.” I traipsed inside and took in the decorations in every corner. The tree was smaller than we’d usually pick out, but he obviously spent hours placing an ornament on every branch. That was always my job since he always wanted to give up after three.

  “How many days did it take you?” My grin faded when I turned and spotted Dylan on one knee before me. My hand flew to my mouth as my nose burned. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but actually seeing him in this position knocked the air right out of my lungs.

  “I wanted to be more romantic and whatever, but I can’t fucking take it anymore. I love you, Patricia. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and I can’t wait any longer. You’re amazing, and you deserve more than I could ever give you—”

  “All I want is you!” I interrupted through a flood of tears. “That’s all I’ll ever want. This is why you’ve been so—”

  He raised a brow and my mouth closed. “You haven’t let me finish a sentence in four years. Let me get this out, sweet girl.”

  I laughed through a sniffle and nodded.

  “But all that I have, body and soul, belongs to you. Patricia Jane, will you marry me?”

  I squealed before I tackled him, knocking us both over.

  “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.” I kissed him, really kissed him, for the first time in four months. It felt like the kiss on my eighteenth birthday, both of us full of a want and need we didn’t know what to do with but couldn’t ignore. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when Dylan wasn’t everything to me.

  He reached over to the ring box while still on his back and opened it. The room was dark other than the twinkling Christmas lights, but the sparkle from the diamond outshone it all. He slid it onto my finger and kissed my hand.

  “I’m so glad you’re home.” He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in for another kiss.

  “Next time, you come with me. Paris was great, but without you, it was hollow. I need you around all the time. I’m clingy.”

  His laugh vibrated against my chest. “I like that. As long as you’re only clingy with me.” He let out a growl before nipping my bottom lip.

  “Always.” I splayed my hand on Dylan’s chest, admiring my ring. “They all may freak out a little.”

  “Really, Patricia? They all already know. Nick, Ellie, Jack.”

  “Jack knows? He didn’t say anything.”

  Dylan cocked his head from side to side. “I asked him not to. But he told me I had to ask soon, since you’d drag it out of one of them if I waited too long.”

  “Such a jerk. I can’t wait until his baby spits up all over him.”

  “Ahh.” Dylan nodded. “I thought that’s why Danielle was sick. I sat across the table from them just in case.” He grabbed my hips and moved my legs apart, his eyes heating once I straddled him.

  “Why are we talking about your brother and why aren’t you naked already? Four months without you, sweet girl.” He held up four fingers. “Four. And you said you’d marry me. I hope you slept on the plane because you aren’t getting any tonight.”

  I yelped when he smacked my ass. So many times, friends would ask me why I was tying myself down so early, why didn’t I want to explore the world and have no-strings-attached fun while I was young enough to enjoy it.

  The answer was always simple. I fell in love when I was nine years old, and it was for life.

  (Want more of PJ and Dylan, and to see Jack’s new baby? Download the bonus epilogue here!)

  Turn the page for a peek at After You, Ellie and Nick’s story!

  Prologue of After You

  Dear Ellie,

  No, it's not Valentine's Day yet. And yes, I always told you it was a crock of shit instigated by Hallmark to sell more cards. But this year, I'm not taking anything for granted— not even a made-up holiday. Because let's face it, these days the last thing I say, very well could be . . . the last thing I say.

  I remember the first moment I saw you. Funny how it was a Valentine's Day dance. Evan thought it would be a good idea to go to St. Anne’s and try to meet new girls, even though he was panting after Paige day in and day out. So, we took the flyer from our cafeteria and showed up at your all-girls Catholic school dance like typical asshole teenagers. We leered at all the girls but never had the balls to talk to any of them. Then my eyes landed on the cutest little pixie—dressed head to toe in red, with red and white heart tights. Yes, I still remember the goddamn tights. For a bit of a thing, you had the longest and sexiest legs I'd ever seen—even if you did look like Punky Brewster.

  My cousin was always the annoying, hopeless romantic. Paige would insist with that blank, blissful look in her eyes that love, at first sight, could totally happ
en. I nodded and rolled my eyes at her like usual, but that night, when my eyes locked with yours, I knew. It was the thunderbolt my grandpa always told me about. He said you'll never know when it will hit you, but when it does, you’re done for. I can't wait to tell him he was absolutely right.

  From that moment on, you were mine. I waved off Evan and marched up to you. I tried to come up with a smooth line along the way, but as I approached a slow smile spread across your beautiful face and all the words caught in my throat. You laughed and said, "What took you so long?" You had my number before I even spoke to you.

  Although we promised to always belong to each other, that's null and void once I'm in a plot at St. Raymond's Cemetery. I don't want you to be alone. If you meet someone you think you could love, do it. Go. It's not as if I'd be alive anymore. If I were, I'd be pretty pissed off, but I sure as hell know I won't be able to give you what a living human being can. Don't fight me. Just nod. Take a look at my Aunt Tess. Don't let me die thinking that's your future. You can't do that to me.

  I guess what I'm trying to say is: I love you. I love you more than I ever thought possible to love anyone. You lit up my every day, even in the darkest moments. I'll love you from wherever I'm going.

  You'll always be my Valentine. I didn't need a Hallmark card to tell you that.

  Love always,

  Jack

  I’d always loved weddings. Even as a little kid playing flower girl at my Aunt Dawn’s wedding, I was all about love and romance. Ever since I could remember, I rated movies by romantic grand gestures and breathtaking kisses. So yes, I was a lifelong romantic. When I fell in love, even though I was only a teenager, it was cinematic perfection. For most of my life, I was lucky enough to live out my fairy tale—and it was beautiful.

  Until it was gone.

  Now . . . well . . . Now was different. When fate ripped away your perfectly scripted happily ever after, events like weddings were pretty much like everything else—hollow. When your prince was in a cemetery instead of right by your side, where he swore he’d always be, it made even the most romantic of souls cynical and bitter.