Shoplifting From American Apparel

by Tao Lin

  “He just likes you a lot,” said Sam. “I’m afraid.”

  The next week Sam went to Hester’s apartment at night and lay on her sofa. He said he went to an organic vegan muffin store earlier with Robert. He said he liked Robert. “I should probably get dressed,” said Hester and walked away and walked back wearing tights under her dress. She stared at edamame that Sam was eating from a bowl. They went outside and got in a cab. At the club they walked to the front of the line and a person let them in. “Who was that, did you know them,” said Sam. “No,” said Hester. “Oh, good,” said Sam. They got drinks and walked into a garage area with Brandon. Sam said it smelled like fish in the garage. Sam drank all of his vodka and grapefruit juice. “Sam, you drank that really fast,” said Hester. “It didn’t seem to have any alcohol in it,” said Sam and stared at things while Brandon and Hester talked to each other.

  “What is your opinion on string theory, is it real,” said Sam to Brandon.

  “It’s fake,” said Brandon. “There’s one that’s real. I can’t remember what it’s called.” He looked toward the ceiling without moving his head or neck.

  About ten seconds passed.

  “I read Chaos by James something,” said Sam.

  Hester laughed. Sam felt her looking at him.

  “Yes, chaos theory,” said Brandon. “James Gleick.”

  Brandon walked out of the garage area.

  “Do you like skateboarders?” said Sam to Hester.

  Hester made some noises.

  “I like skateboarders,” said Sam. “I watch the skating things on Vice TV.”

  Two Asian men came into the garage area and began to smoke.

  “Do they work in the restaurant,” said Sam.

  “I don’t know, probably,” said Hester. “Do you skateboard?”

  “In middle school.” Sam stared at Hester’s face.

  Hester said something about Brandon eating pike at 4 a.m.

  “That’s good,” said Sam staring at Hester’s face. “I watch skateboarders on YouTube. I feel like we’re in Taiwan right now. I think because of the fish smell, it reminds me of restaurants in Taiwan. Restaurants in Taiwan are all, like, really big, and have giant tables with those spinning things in the middle, and TVs.” Sam thought about talking about the twenty-four-hour mall in Taiwan. The twenty-four-hour mall was funny. Sam wondered if he was talking too much. He thought that he usually didn’t talk so it would be okay if he talked a lot while he was feeling calm and alert.

  “I feel good,” he said with some confidence.

  Brandon came back and said the name of the string theory he believed was correct. The name was a combination of letters and numbers. Brandon walked away. Sam and Hester went downstairs into a room and sat on a padded seat. People came out of a door and smiled at Sam and Hester. Sam smiled at them and waved and they went upstairs.

  “Are you bored,” said Hester.

  “No, I feel calm,” said Sam. “I like Brandon.”

  They went upstairs and stood in a crowded hallway. Sam stared at people’s faces with a neutral facial expression. Someone was taking pictures of everyone with a professional-looking camera. Brandon said something and walked away. “Go,” said Hester. “He wants to introduce you to Moby.”

  “Go with Brandon,” said Hester.

  “Who,” said Sam. “Oh, he was talking to me?”

  “Yes,” said Hester.

  Sam went downstairs and stood by Brandon.

  Moby was standing with some people.

  “He’s talking to girls right now,” said Brandon.

  “I don’t have to meet him,” said Sam.

  “He’s weird sometimes,” said Brandon with a serious facial expression. Brandon and Sam sat on a padded seat. Moby walked by and Brandon stood and said Sam’s name.

  “Hi, we met before,” said Sam from where he sat.

  Moby looked at Sam and quietly said “hi” and walked away.

  “He’s weird,” said Brandon in a voice like he was going to cry.

  “It’s okay,” said Sam. “Hester said you play violin.”

  Brandon nodded a little. “I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I’ll introduce you at a different time, maybe. It’ll be better later. He’s nervous now.”

  “It’s okay,” said Sam. “Hester said you like computers. I play piano.”

  “Oh, really,” said Brandon with a confused facial expression.

  “Yeah. I like Chopin. I feel like Chopin is ‘emo.’ Do you like Chopin?”

  “Schumann … is my favorite,” said Brandon.

  “When you DJ,” said Sam. “Do you use, like, polyrhythms.”

  “Um, sometimes,” said Brandon in a quiet voice.

  Sam said he was going to find Hester and walked away.

  About a month later Sam was walking toward the library around 4 p.m. after taking the L train to Manhattan and buying food. He text messaged Robert: “Not going to Mara’s party. Holding iced coffee, feel potentially very productive. Staying in library tonight.” He walked into New York University’s computer store. He picked up Sony “in-ear” earphones and walked around and removed the security tag. He put the earphones in his pocket. He walked toward the exit. “What do you have in your pocket?” said a short Hispanic woman with short hair. Sam stared at the woman and remembered seeing her standing in a corner sort of looking at him about forty seconds ago.

  Sam took out his cell phone. “My cell phone.”

  “You have something else,” said the woman.

  “I have this,” said Sam holding the earphones.

  “Where did you get those?” said the woman.

  “They’re mine, I brought them in.”

  “You didn’t bring those in. I saw you take them.”

  “No, they’re mine,” said Sam.

  “Let me see them,” said the woman.

  “You caught me,” said Sam grinning. “They’re from this store.”

  “Okay, just stand here,” said the woman. “Don’t move.”

  Sam thought about running away. His iced coffee would spill a lot. The woman was saying things into a walkie-talkie. A middle-aged man came and walked Sam next door into New York University’s security center.

  “Are you a student?” said the middle-aged man.

  “Yes, no,” said Sam. “I’m an alumni.”

  “He had twenty-eight dollars in his pocket,” said the middle-aged man to another middle-aged man. “How much were the earphones?” he said to Sam.

  “I don’t know,” said Sam. “I think forty.”

  “This is your first time being arrested?”

  “Yes,” said Sam in an uncertain voice.

  The middle-aged man put Sam’s full iced coffee in a trashcan. The middle-aged man put Sam in handcuffs. Two policemen came about twenty minutes later and asked Sam if he had been arrested before. “Yes,” said Sam slowly. “I mean, I don’t know if I have a record. I had a D.A.T. and I think it was erased from my record after six months, I don’t know if it’s been six months.”

  “You told me you didn’t have a prior arrest,” said the middle-aged man.

  “Sorry,” said Sam. “I mean, I didn’t know.”

  “What were you arrested for the first time?” said the middle-aged man.

  “Shoplifting,” said Sam.

  “From the same store?” said the middle-aged man.

  “No,” said Sam. “From American Apparel.”

  “Are you going to shoplift again?” said the middle-aged man. “The answer is no.”

  “No,” said Sam. “I shouldn’t have today. I’m just stupid.”

  At the police station Sam called Robert. “Hi,” he said to Robert’s voicemail. “I’m at the police station on Fifth Street, can you come get my bag? If you don’t come that’s okay. If you come you can eat the grapes in the bag. They’re organic.” Sam did sit-ups on the concrete bench in the cell. The bench was very smooth. Sam did push-ups with his hands on the bench and his feet on the floor. He thought that
he would have a headache soon from no caffeine. He looked at a teenage girl in handcuffs on a bench outside the cell. “What are you here for?” said the girl.

  “Stealing earphones,” said Sam.

  “Why did you steal earphones?”

  “Mine broke,” said Sam.

  “Earphones are 4.99,” said the girl.

  “No, but I wanted forty-dollar ones,” said Sam.

  The girl said she stole from Urban Outfitters. “I was outside, and the guy told us to stop, and I thought about running. I thought there was a sixty percent chance I would get away if I ran and I decided not to run. I wasn’t even the one that stole the most. My friend was holding the bag with everything in it, she ran and got away.”

  “She got away,” said Sam. “That’s funny.”

  “Yeah, she just started running. She ran into the subway.”

  A policeman asked if Sam wanted anything from the vending machine. Sam asked if he could have food from his bag. The food was organic raw vegan “Raweos.” The policeman asked what the food was.

  “Like, cookie things,” said Sam. “Cookies.”

  “No, I think we better not do that,” said the policeman.

  Four people Sam’s age were put in the cell. They sat without talking. The teenage girl began asking them questions. They were college students from Boston who had been caught smoking marijuana on their hotel balcony.

  “Are you seeing Michelle after this?” said the policeman in the driver’s seat on the way to Central Booking. “I think I’m meeting her and her friends at that bar we were at last night,” said the other policeman. “Are you going right after this?” said the policeman in the driver’s seat. “Yeah, probably I’ll just head over straight after this,” said the other policeman. “Change at the station. Try to get this wrapped up in an hour. I like Michelle.” In Chinatown the police got out of the car. The teenage girl and Sam were in the backseat in handcuffs. The teenage girl said something about “the hot officer.”

  “Which one,” said Sam.

  The teenage girl said the one that was driving.

  “Would you go out with him,” said Sam.

  “Hell no,” said the teenage girl.

  “Why not,” said Sam.

  “I don’t know,” said the teenage girl.

  They got out of the car and went in a building. Sam remembered having walked past the building maybe two hundred times when he lived nearby a few years ago. Sam stood in line and went downstairs. Someone took Sam’s photo with very bright flash. Sam went further downstairs. Sam was given a peanut butter sandwich and put into a cell with a toilet, a payphone, and about ten people.

  “What are you in for?” someone said.

  “Shoplifting,” said Sam grinning.

  “I knew it the moment you walked in,” someone said.

  “I don’t hold in farts,” said a bony Hispanic lying on his stomach. A public attorney walked by and two people in the cell asked if they would see the judge tonight. “It’s ten now, they go until midnight on Saturday,” said the public attorney. “You won’t get called tonight, they’ll start again at eight in the morning.”

  Around midnight a young Asian wearing many layers of clothing was put in the cell. He walked to the trashcan, leaned over it, took out four or five cheese sandwiches, and sat eating very quickly with unfocused eyes. Someone said “damn.” Someone gave the young Asian their sandwich. A window-washer who punched someone in the subway said Central Booking in the Bronx had three floors you had to get through before you got to see a judge. “Be glad we aren’t there,” he said. “I’ve been there. When I was sixteen. People be in there three, four days before they see a judge.” Around 2 a.m. breakfast was given. Sam ate his banana and small box of Frosted Flakes and gave someone his milk. He had a headache. He thought about calling Hester on the payphone. Hester didn’t approve of shoplifting. People started lying on the floor. Sam lay on the floor using his hoodie as a pillow.

  “Damn, man, you stink,” said the bony Hispanic to the young Asian. “Get your stink-ass in the corner.”

  The bony Hispanic kicked the young Asian’s back.

  The young Asian moved in place with two jackets over his face.

  “Don’t move,” said the bony Hispanic. “You’re fanning your stink.”

  More people were put in the cell. There was no more room on the floor. Someone spilled their milk and three people stood. “Officer, I spilled my milk, can I get another,” said the person loudly about five times.

  Around 3 a.m. two inmates came into the cell to mop the floor.

  “You missed a spot,” said the bony Hispanic. “Come back, you missed a spot.” The inmate with the mop stared at the bony Hispanic with a very angry facial expression. “You weak-ass inmate janitor,” said the bony Hispanic. “You do a six-month stint at Riker’s and you think you’re hard. What did you do? Nine months? Six months for good behavior?” They screamed obscenities at each other. The inmate without a mop held back the inmate with the mop. The inmate with the mop had a facial expression like he was about to do something very out-of-control. Sam looked at a small Caucasian who had talked about stealing designer tuxedos and living under a bridge. The small Caucasian had a bored facial expression. The bony Hispanic was shouting obscenities at the inmate janitors who were now out of view. People were fanning the wet floor with their jackets. Sam lay in a near-fetal position with his hood around most of his face and thought about “Raweos.” He woke around 6:30 a.m. to his name being called. He left the cell and walked past about six other cells. People in the other cells were sitting close together in small groups in front of giant fans. They stared at Sam with round eyes as Sam walked past. “They looked like lemurs,” thought Sam standing with about fifty people in a wide hallway. Sam’s name was called. He walked forward and stood in a line and the line moved upstairs into a large cell with about forty people inside. Around 10 a.m. Sam was called into a very small room where he sat opposite a public attorney. “You have no prior arrests, you’ll get one day community service with a fine,” said the public attorney through bars.

  “I have a prior arrest,” said Sam.

  The public attorney stared at Sam.

  “Don’t say that,” she said. “Don’t tell me that.”

  “Oh,” said Sam. “Okay. Thank you.”

  Sam went back to the large cell and sat staring at the window-washer who had punched someone in the subway. The window-washer was talking about different movies he had seen. “How long has he been talking,” thought Sam. “Seems weird.” Someone was talking about punching someone on an airplane to protect his children. About ten people were talking about drug deals. Someone was talking about how many years he would get and then threw his puffy jacket on the floor and smiled and said he was going to take a nap and lay stomach-down on the jacket. Around 12 p.m. Sam’s named was called. He sat on a bench in a courtroom. He received one day of community service.

  Outside the courthouse he called the organic vegan restaurant where he worked and said he would be an hour and a half late. He went to his apartment. He showered and emailed Robert. He drank two glasses of water. At work while putting on gloves he thought that he should have somehow asked for two days’ community service so that his record could be erased again after six months.

  “I thought you were calling because you wanted to go to Mara’s party,” said Robert the next night by Union Square. “I was sad.”

  “That’s funny,” said Sam. “You really wanted to go to her party.”

  “I was really looking forward to it,” said Robert grinning.

  Sam said he was having dinner with Hester later and that he felt like it would be the last time he would see her because he felt like one of them would start uncontrollably talking a lot of shit about the other person. “I feel like that every time we see each other though,” said Sam. “Then it’s always okay for some reason.”

  “Do you like her,” said Robert.

  “Yeah,” said Sam slowly. “I think I ch
anged or something … like, I like being around someone who isn’t like me a lot, in some ways, or something. I’m pretty sure I feel happy around her. I think I always feel good after I see her.”

  “What’s wrong?” said Hester a few weeks later sitting on her bed facing Sam. “You’re being quiet.”

  Sam lay holding a pillow, not looking at Hester.

  “Nothing,” he said in a quiet monotone.

  “I can tell something’s wrong. You just won’t tell me. I can see it in your brains.”

  “Nothing,” said Sam. “I’m just … have nothing to say.”

  “You’re acting different,” said Hester. “You’re being like … pausing.”

  It was April and Hester’s windows were open. They were on the fifth floor. Cars and voices could be heard from Twenty-Third Street. “I’m just sad or something,” said Sam. “I feel normal. I’m just quiet.”

  “I feel kind of sad,” said Hester. “I wish you would tell me your feelings sometimes.”

  “I don’t have … anything to complain about,” said Sam. “I’m just, I don’t know, I don’t want to talk anymore, I’ll just start saying bad things.” Sam covered his face with a blanket and rolled over on the bed. He stared at the blanket against his face. He lay without moving.

  “You should say them,” said Hester.

  “I don’t have anything to say. I’m not complaining.”

  “I’m not complaining either,” said Hester. “I just wish we could be closer. I thought we could but I guess I was wrong.” After a few minutes they began to say bad things about each other. Sam questioned Hester existentially while lying nearly facedown covered completely by the blanket. It was quiet and then Hester got off the bed.

  “I’m going to sleep,” she said. “So I can wake up tomorrow and live my ‘goalless’ life.” Sam left the bedroom and saw Hester standing at her window looking outside. Sam left the apartment. In the staircase he text messaged Hester that he liked her, didn’t have anything bad to say about her or her life, and didn’t agree at all with anything he had said.