by Bella Jewel
Brody’s face tightens, and he glances back at me and mutters, “Stay out of my way.”
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this from him, and it hurts more than he’ll ever know, but I don’t show it. I force every cell in my body to stay calm, I beg my brain to keep my face relaxed.
“Wasn’t planning on getting in your way, Broderick. But I’m going to be with you every step of the way, even if you hate it. I’ve come this far. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get my hair done, go shopping, and then I’m going on a damn date.”
I spin on my heel, but not before I catch his rather shocked expression.
Maybe Ripley is right.
Maybe this will give him the distraction needed.
Just maybe.
~*~*~*~
“Sweetheart, lovely, child of honey bees, what in the ever loving hell have you done to your hair?”
I stare at the tall, handsome stylist staring at my hair like it has grown an extra head and is currently hacking into my brain. His horrified expression as he parts it with his fingers looking at the dull roots and the split ends has me cringing. I know it’s bad, but I didn’t realize it was that bad. He must be horrified.
“It’s a long story,” I say, giving him a sheepish smile.
“Well, don’t you worry, I’m going to get this all fixed for you. Get comfortable, it’s going to take a while.”
“I’ve got all day.”
He grins and clicks his fingers, calling over two ladies who immediately come and stop at his side. “We’re going to need color, a lot of color. Sarah, give this lovely lady a wash while we mix up something fabulous. Then, when we’re finished, we’re going to chop the hell out of this mess.”
I give them both a grin as Sarah directs me over to the basin where I lie down and she starts washing my hair. We make small talk and when she’s done, I return to the chair and the color that is waiting for me. The next three hours is filled with coloring, washing, trimming, and blow drying. By the end of it, I look … well … I look like myself again.
My hair is soft and flowing down around my shoulders, curling at the ends. Fresh in color, it looks shiny and healthy. It makes my eyes look less tired, and my skin look less mistreated, and I can see a glimpse of the girl I used to take such pride in.
“Honey, you look incredible!”
I smile at my stylist, thankful for his kind effort in making me look a whole lot less homeless.
“Thank you,” I tell him. “Thank you so much.”
“Now you go and get yourself some new clothes, some new makeup, and whoever made you look the way you looked when you came in here, you make them wish they never let your fine ass go.”
I giggle. “It’s a plan.”
When I’m done, I make my way to the mall where I’m meeting Aria before she heads home this afternoon. I’m sad she has to go, but I’m really happy she made it at all. It meant a lot to me that she came all this way to spend time with me.
The moment she lays eyes on me, she screams, “Oh, girl, yes!”
I laugh, “You like it?”
“I love it! I’m so glad you did something for yourself. Brody is going to lose his shit when he sees you!”
I doubt it, but I’m appreciative of her confidence anyway.
“Let’s go shopping, I need some new shoes, a new dress and makeup!”
“Yes,” Aria squeals happily. “Yes, yes, yes! I can’t believe you’re actually going on a date. Let me guess, Lee is behind that?”
I laugh, “What gives you that idea?”
“Lee is always behind these schemes. I have to admit I agree, though. He’s right pushing you to try and get out there again. I know you love Brody, and that won’t change, but you lost yourself and you deserve to find a little something of Melanie again.”
I smile at her as we walk into a gorgeous dress shop. “Thank you, it’s not easy, and I’m honestly dreading it, but it’ll do me good I know. It’s not like I’m going to sleep with the guy, just some general chit chat. My heart belongs to Brody, that isn’t going to change.”
“He won’t like it. I saw him right before I came to meet you here, and he asked me where you were.”
“He did?” I ask, surprised.
“Yep, it was all gruff and manly like he didn’t care, but when I told him you were getting your hair done for a date, and then we were meeting to find a sexy dress for you to wear, his jaw got so tight, I could see the muscle jump.”
“Do you think he honestly cares?”
She nods. “Oh, hell yes. I know Brody well enough by now to know that he is only being a dick to you because he doesn’t want you to get hurt. He wants you to move on and be happy. He doesn’t think you can have that with him. Plus, he doesn’t want to put you in danger. But does he love you? Oh, yes, honey, he does.”
That makes my heart feel a little better, I must admit.
If anyone knows Brody, it’s Aria. The two of them are best friends, well, they were best friends before Brody went rogue. I think it hurts her far more than she’s willing to admit, because he just left without saying goodbye to her, and I know she thought their friendship meant a hell of a lot more than that. Hell, I thought their friendship meant a hell of a lot more than that. It makes me sad for her, and I feel bad, because I haven’t really asked her about it.
I really have made everything about me, haven’t I?
“Have you had much of a chance to talk to Brody, you know, alone?” I ask her as she flicks through a few dresses on the rack, pulling one off and putting it over her arm as she continues to shop.
“No, not really.”
Her tone is short, but not angry. Hurt. It’s full of hurt. I’m a terrible, terrible friend for not asking this earlier.
God.
Terrible.
“You’re upset,” I say carefully, not wanting to make her any more upset, or even angry.
“Yeah,” she tells me, “but don’t worry about it, you’re going through so much and—”
“Honey,” I say, cutting her off, “you’re my best friend. It’s not just about me. I’m sorry it has been that way, I’ve not been the best to you, and clearly I should have been. You can talk to me. I’m okay. I know I went a little crazy there, but I’m okay now. Tell me …”
She looks at me, studying my face, her eyes running over it, before she exhales and says, “He left without even saying goodbye. We were friends, good friends, best friends. He told me a lot. We had a connection. Like you and Lee, you know? He left without even letting me know. I understand why, I rationalize it all the time in my mind, but the fact is he still did it, and he did it without even considering how it might feel to me.”
“Yeah, he did,” I say, pulling a black dress off the rack. “You have every right to be angry at him.”
“I was scared, too. I would sit there and think of all the ways he could get hurt, and how that would affect everyone, including Blade. How their family would fall apart, just when it all finally came together again.”
I feel for her. She lost a lot in her short life. Her dad died and left her and her mom with a gaping hole in their hearts. Her mom, Nancy, met Jack, the boys’ dad, and finally it looked like their lives were coming together again. It was a mess at the start, but they worked it out and all of them came together and things felt good, for everyone. If she loses Brody, it’ll put her back into that place she doesn’t want to go again, that place of darkness and pain. Losing someone you love, it’s the worst possible thing you could ever endure in your life. She knows that better than anyone.
“You should talk to him,” I suggest, even though I know right now, Brody isn’t going to talk to anyone. Well, mostly me, but he might talk to Aria. He has nothing to prove to her. “Tell him how you feel. Hell, scream at him if you have to. You shouldn’t have to hide, honey. Talk to him.”
She stares at me. “You think?”
“Yeah, I do. He might not give you anything in return, but at least you’ll feel
better letting him know that what he did wasn’t okay.”
She smiles. “Thank you, I will do that before I go home today. I’m sorry to dump all of this on you, I know you’re hurting.”
I shrug. “We’re both hurting. We’re all hurting. Brody is doing a good job at making everyone suffer.”
“I wish he’d let it go. I wish he’d see that Mick chose his path, and it’s not up to him to fix it for him.”
“I wish that too.” I sigh. “But it’s not going to happen. Brody saw something we couldn’t even begin to imagine. He’s not going to step away from it now. Not while that memory haunts him.”
Aria nods, and we both continue shopping.
I wonder, truly wonder, how this is all going to end.
The very thought makes my chest feel as though it’s going to cave in.
I can’t lose Brody.
Sometimes, though, sometimes I think I’m going to.
And there isn’t a single thing in this world I can do about it.
17
THEN – BRODY
“You’re making a big mistake, son,” my dad growls, his voice a hushed whisper so he doesn’t wake anyone else in the house up.
“I’m fuckin’ helpin’ him out, dad. There isn’t a single thing you can do to stop me. He needs it.”
“He’s destroying his own life! He’s taking you along for the ride. You’re going to lose everything that matters to you, again. Is that what you want? Haven’t you been down this fucking road before?”
“Don’t,” I growl, stepping closer. “Mick needs my help, and I’m goin’ to get him out of this situation, then I’ll send him on his way. I’m not going to keep chasin’ him. I’m not stupid, regardless of what you all think. I’ll fix this, and then he’s on his own. He has to want to fix himself, I know this, but right now he has nobody else.”
“What about Melanie?” Dad rasps into the darkness. “You broke her heart. She’s a beautiful woman and you’re breaking her little by little, for what? For what, Broderick? Tell me that.”
My chest clenches. Because when I think of Melanie, my whole body feels different. It’s like the moment her name enters my ears, my soul knows exactly how to feel. She completes me. She’s the best fucking thing to ever walk into my life. She left me, and it hurts. It fucking burns. Living without her, that’s no life, none at all, but I know that she’s better off—for the moment, anyway.
But I’ll come for her, as soon as Mick is safe, I’ll get my girl back.
“She’s safer this way,” I say, my voice without tone or emotion.
“What is wrong with you? Did I not raise you right? That’s your lady. You don’t let her stand out there in this world for one fucking moment thinking that you don’t love her.”
“She knows I love her.”
“No, she fucking doesn’t,” he barks. “She doesn’t know that because you’re putting her last.”
“I’m protecting her!”
“How?” he roars, giving up on the silence. “How the fuck are you protecting her?”
“By letting her walk away right now. She’s safer that way. She can’t be used against me, or Mick. I’m going to fix this for him, then I’m going to fix it with her.”
“Could be too late by then, did you ever consider that?”
Yes. Every single second. The very idea of her with someone else makes my whole body feel like it’s going to give up. Like it’ll shut down and never work again. A world without Melanie is an empty, emotionless, cold place. I can’t live like that. I can’t live without her.
“Stop,” I whisper to my dad. I respect him, respect the hell out of him, but he’s making me angry. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?” he shakes his head, disappointment in his eyes.
I fucking hate disappointment.
It burns me to my very core.
“Yes.”
“Mick is going to get you killed. For what? He made his choice.”
“He’s my best friend, has been since we were kids. He’s like a son to you, how can you stand there, knowing he’s fuckin’ alone in the world, and still act like you’re okay with not helpin’ him.”
“This isn’t about Mick, Brody. You know it, deep down you know it. You fucked up once before, someone you love died because you weren’t there. You’re not over that feeling, and you’re scared of it happening again. You’re scared Mick will get hurt, and you need to know you’ve done enough to help him so you don’t live with that festering guilt.”
I step forward, fist clenched, face red and angry. I’m panting. How fucking dare he bring her up. How fucking dare he. She killed herself, because I didn’t fight hard enough for her. Because I didn’t believe her. Because I didn’t try. She’s gone, and I have to live with that. I won’t make the same mistake again.
“Hit me, son,” he growls into my face. “If it makes you feel better. But I’m speaking the truth. Only the truth. You’re angry. You’re still hurt. You’re still a little fuckin’ broken and so you’re giving to Mick what you think you have to, to avoid it happening again, but what you can’t see, is that Mick is beyond help. He doesn’t want help. He’s digging his own hole.”
“You raised me,” I grind out, “to do the fuckin’ right thing. To help others. I didn’t do that with Ashley, and she took her own life. I thought she was beyond help, it was too hard and I was too young, because of that error in judgement, she killed herself. I’m not going to let the same happen to Mick. He’s family. I’m going to make sure he gets through, even if you and everyone else thinks I’m fuckin’ crazy for doin’ so.”
Dad steps forward, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Do not think you’re crazy, son. Admire it, I really do. I just want you to be careful, to understand that sometimes, there really isn’t anything you can do. Sometimes, people don’t want to be helped. What happened to Ashley, yeah, that could have been prevented but it still wasn’t on you. Mick, he’s a grown man, not a young lady. He’s choosing what he wants in his life, don’t you see? He needs to want to help himself, nothing you can do will make that happen for him.”
“I know,” I say, my voice husky and low. “I said I’d help him this last time, and then he’s on his own. I’m goin’ to talk to him. Tell him how it is. But don’t ask me to just leave him right now, when he’s at his worst, because I won’t do it. He needs help. I’m goin’ to give him that help.”
“Okay,” he tells me, letting me go. “But Brody, use your brain, please. Think. Really think. And for fuck’s sake, fix things with Melanie. If I can give you any advice, it’s never let a good woman go. Ever.”
With that, he turns and walks out.
Fix it.
Can I fix it?
Or is it too late?
18
THEN – MELANIE
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” I whisper, staring at Brody.
He’s at my front door.
With those eyes.
And that face.
It’s so damned hard, so damned hard to stand here and not beg for him to stop it all so we can go back to being the way we were before this. Before Mick came back. Before all of the shit. When we were happy. God, we were so fucking happy. It feels like a dream now, if I’m being honest. Like it almost never happened. Like the world we lived in was something I imagined in my mind.
I want it back so damned bad it hurts.
“I want you to let me in,” he tells me, his voice husky.
He’s been drinking, and now he’s here, at my doorstep, two days after I ended things with him. I’ve been home, crying my little heart out, wondering if he cares. Now he’s here, begging me to let him in. Does it take alcohol to show him what he’s missing out on? Or is it just that alcohol loosens him up enough to remember what the hell he’s doing, missing, and gives him the courage to come after it.
“You’re drunk,” I say, my voice flat. “You haven’t called me in two days, and now you’re here because you’re drunk. I must mea
n a whole fucking lot to you, Brody. Really.”
“I was giving you space,” he grinds out. “Workin’ out what I was goin’ to do before comin’ here and givin’ you an option.”
“What a load of crap,” I snap. “You can leave now.”
I go to shut the door but his hand slams against it, stopping me. “Listen to me, Melanie. If you think for a single fuckin’ second that I’d be okay with us breakin’ up, that I haven’t felt like my heart is bein’ torn out my chest, that I haven’t been thinkin’ of every way possible to fix this, then you don’t know how much I love you, at fuckin’ all.”
God.
Those words, they make my heart hurt even worse.
Sometimes I feel like it would be easier if he didn’t care.
“You let me walk out,” I whisper.
“Because I didn’t know what the fuck was goin’ down in my world that day. I’d been dealin’ with Mick’s shit for days, come back and you end it in front of everyone. I was put on the spot. Then, I knew you needed some time to cool off and I needed some time to fuckin’ work out what to do.”
I shake my head. “No, Brody. I’m sick of hearing this crap. If you loved me, truly, you’d have listened to me when this all started going wrong. You haven’t put me first, you haven’t been there for me, you can’t honestly expect me to believe you love me.”
He steps forward, reaching out and gripping my face with those rough hands. The way his fingers curl around my cheek, the way his hands feel against my skin, makes me weak at the knees. “I love you more than anything in this entire fuckin’ world, Melanie. There is not a single thing out there that could ever fill my heart the way you do. Don’t you ever doubt that you’re the very fuckin’ reason I breathe.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. “Mick is destroying us, Brody. I know why you’re helping him, I love you for being that person, but he’s beyond help right now.”
“Know that,” he murmurs. “And I’m goin’ to get him out of this mess, and then I’m goin’ to step back. I swear that to you. I fuckin’ promise you, this is the end of it.”
“He’s in danger, which means you’re still in danger. How are you going to get him out of the mess he’s in without getting hurt?”