All I Need

by Susane Colasanti

  I watch Skye watching The Nick Show. She’s so incredibly beautiful. What is this gorgeous girl doing with me?

  “Let’s go,” I say. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

  “Who?”

  “My dad.” I want this thing with Skye to work. Which means getting over my embarrassment about my dad’s ramshackle beach house. Skye came over the other day, but he wasn’t home. He wasn’t at the rink the night we went, either.

  “Finally!” Skye says. “I was beginning to think he didn’t actually live here.”

  “Oh, he lives here. He even owns a business. And you’re going to freak when you find out which one.”

  “Which one?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “The snowball place?”

  “No.”

  “Crab Shack?”

  “No.”

  “Which one?”

  “You’ll see.”

  We get our things together. Adrienne’s still swimming, so Skye goes to tell Nick to watch her stuff. My nerves are jangling now that Skye is about to meet my dad. It was different when Chloe met my dad. She kept asking when she was going to meet my parents. There was all this pressure to introduce her. But nothing feels forced with Skye. Everything just flows.

  On the boardwalk, we pass the water-gun game where I won her purple unicorn.

  “Anything else you want?” I ask.

  “Yes!” Skye throws her arms around me, lifting off the ground and twirling. She kisses my cheek over and over. People walking by look at us.

  “Making a scene again?”

  “So?” Skye says between kisses.

  “So it’s awesome. I love when you’re afflicted with sporadic bursts of spaz.”

  We get to the rink. This is it.

  “Ready?” I say.

  “For what?”

  I point to the rink. “We’re here.”

  Skye’s face lights up. “No way! Your dad owns—” Her eyes darken. She stares at the neon sign.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. You know I love this place.”

  When we go in, Dad looks up from behind the counter. He’s smiling all big at Skye.

  “Hey, Dad. This is Skye.”

  “I know,” Dad says. “We go way back.”

  At first I think he’s joking. But then I see the way they’re looking at each other. Like they’ve met before.

  “Have you guys . . . You know my dad?” I ask.

  “We—”

  “Skye came in a while ago. We bonded over eighties nostalgia.”

  Skye smiles politely, rubbing her arm.

  “Oh,” I say.

  “I didn’t know he was your dad,” Skye explains. “Or I would have told you.”

  “And I didn’t know she was your Skye,” Dad says. “I think that was right before you told me about her when you guys reconnected.”

  “It was.” Skye nods emphatically.

  “Well, then I guess we’re past introductions!” I say.

  An uncomfortable silence shoves in.

  When I pictured Skye meeting my dad, I was hoping they’d hit it off right away. They’d start talking and laughing and stuff. She’d tell him how much she loves the rink. He’d dig how sweet she is. Then we’d go home and grill up some steaks. This weird vibe wasn’t part of the picture.

  Dad’s looking at Skye. Skye’s looking at the floor.

  “So, um. I guess we’re going,” I relent.

  “You two have fun,” Dad says.

  “Bye,” Skye says.

  “Nice to see you again.”

  As soon as we get outside I’m like, “What was that?”

  “What?”

  “That weirdness.”

  Skye keeps going down the boardwalk.

  “If you guys already bonded or whatever, then why did it seem like you couldn’t wait to leave? Do you not like my dad?”

  “No. I mean, yes! Of course I like him.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “There’s no problem. Can we talk about tonight? Since it’s your last night, I was thinking we could—”

  “Skye. Stop.” I hold her still so she has to face me. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Your dad should really be the one to tell you.”

  “Tell me what?”

  “He said some stuff. Before he knew I knew you. But I didn’t know he was your dad until just now. I swear.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He was saying how the rink reminds him of your mom. Of everything they were. He told me about when they met and how it was the best time of his life. He said he wished he could get that magic back.”

  “So, what, he wants to get back together with my mom?”

  “Maybe. He didn’t say that exactly, but . . .”

  “What? Just tell me.”

  “It’s the rink. It’s . . . closing.”

  “For the season?”

  “No. It’s shutting down. Forever.”

  I cannot believe I’m hearing this. How can the rink be closing? Dad would never do that. Maybe she misunderstood.

  “Did he tell you why?” I ask.

  “He said business hasn’t been good. The rink’s been losing money. I guess he can’t afford to keep it open.”

  This is bullshit. Not just about the rink. How could Dad tell all of that to a complete stranger and not even tell his own family?

  “You should go talk to him,” Skye says.

  “No. It’s my last day. I want to spend it with you.”

  “But—”

  “Shhh.” I take Skye in my arms and hug her tight. I don’t ever want to let her go. But tomorrow will come. We’ll go our separate ways again. Except this time will be different. This time we’ll stay together.

  Tomorrow isn’t goodbye. Tomorrow is only see you soon.

  thirteen

  Skye

  they say you got a boyfriend

  JOCELYN HAS been trying to do these summers of reinvention ever since high school started. They never work. She always starts the summer out all optimistic, but by the middle of August she realizes there’s no way. Like last summer when she tried to lose twenty pounds. Or two summers ago when she swore she’d talk to five random boys at the mall. Before Jocelyn knew it, school would be starting in three days with lots of weight left to lose and cute boys to approach. Her summers of reinvention have always massively disappointed.

  Until now.

  Jocelyn’s summer of reinvention worked this time. She’s letting her hair grow longer. It has pretty gold highlights. She lost weight. And she’s determined to lose even more. Which is why Kara and I are having milk shakes while Jocelyn’s sipping a lemonade. We offered to have lemonades instead, but Jocelyn wasn’t hearing it.

  “Diets don’t work,” Jocelyn announces.

  Life is good. We’ve scored our couch at The Fountain. Jocelyn just admitted what I’ve been dying for her to understand for years. Seth is coming to visit tomorrow. He’s taking the last train back so we’ll have as much time as possible together. I’m not even bothered that school starts next week.

  “We’ve told you that a million times,” Kara complains. “Remember my exposé on fad dieting? I did that for you.”

  “It got more hits than the sneezing panda,” I recall.

  “Yeah, I know,” Jocelyn says. “But I had to try them for myself. It’s not like you have to worry about losing weight. You’re perfect.”

  Kara snorts. “Yeah, I wish. Did you see my Flight of the Conchords sequel?”

  “It was cute!” I say. That video got some snarky comments about how lame it was and how Kara must be out of ideas. I don’t get it. Why do people feel the need to spew negativity? How does being a hater help anyone?

  “It was phenomenal,” Jocelyn adds. “If people don’t appreciate quality viewing, that’s their problem.”

  “Dillon didn’t even watch it,” Kara says.

  Last year it seemed like Kara and Dillon were going to b
reak up. Kara was over sleeping with Dillon. Dillon was over Kara avoiding sex. But they love each other. They obviously want to make it work. Dillon just got back from a family vacay in Europe. Kara insists they just needed a break and that everything’s fine now.

  “Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Jocelyn says. “I’m talking to Luke.”

  “You are?” Kara yells.

  “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “We’re not talking yet. I meant I’m going to talk to him when we go back.”

  “That’s awesome!” I cheer. Jocelyn’s summer of reinvention was even more epic than I thought. “What made you change your mind?”

  “This summer made me more confident. It’s really all about changing your lifestyle. You have to take a holistic approach if you want to look better and feel better.”

  “Luke better watch out,” I say. “You look amazing. Upgraded Jocelyn is in the house.”

  “What are you going to say?” Kara asks her.

  “I don’t know yet. I thought I’d just go up to him and see what happens.”

  “You should have something specific in mind. In case you get nervous.”

  “I’m already nervous.”

  “Exactly. You don’t want to blow it. First impressions are everything.”

  “And I have a whole lunch menu planned out,” Jocelyn continues, ignoring Kara. “I’m doing all healthy meals—whole wheat peanut butter sandwiches, mixed raw vegetables, salads. You guys can’t let me buy anything. You know cookies are my gateway drug.”

  “Don’t worry,” I reassure her. “If you get up at lunch, I’ll tackle you. Unless you’re going to talk to Luke.”

  “We have your back,” Kara says. “You have to be super careful. You could gain the weight back really quickly.”

  “Don’t you think I know that?” Jocelyn snaps.

  Kara looks at her. “No, I know, it’s—”

  “Didn’t you hear me talking about my whole lifestyle change ten seconds ago?”

  “I’m just saying that you need to be careful. That’s all.”

  I don’t know why Kara has to harsh Jocelyn’s mellow. Jocelyn worked really hard to lose that weight. She’s been rocking brighter colors and sexier looks. The candy-green tank top with ribbon straps she’s wearing today is cut lower than anything I’ve ever seen her wear. She’s actually feeling good about herself. Why can’t Kara just be happy for her?

  We need a subject change.

  “What’s that?” I ask Kara, pointing to the guitar pick she’s wearing on a chain.

  “Oh. It’s from Anton.”

  “The lead singer of that band?”

  “Persons of Interest. Yeah.”

  Kara did a series of A Day in the Life videos on Persons of Interest this summer. She wanted to show what life in a band was like behind the glamour. They did shows in Boston, Philly, and New York. They have a unique sound that seems to be catching on. Sort of like Coldplay on crack.

  “Does Dillon know about Anton?” Jocelyn asks.

  “There’s nothing to know,” Kara says. “Anton let me shadow him for a few days. That’s it.”

  “But you are wearing his guitar pick,” Jocelyn points out. “How does Dillon feel about that?”

  “Dillon doesn’t have to know. It’s not like I’m wearing it in front of him. Anyway, we’ve been really happy since he got back. Happier than ever, actually.”

  “Speaking of happier than ever”—Jocelyn gives me wide eyes—“isn’t Seth coming tomorrow?”

  “Yeah,” I giggle.

  “Are you so excited?”

  “So excited.”

  “I cannot wait to meet that boy,” Kara says. She points at Jocelyn. “Prepare to have your mind blown.”

  “Oh, I’m prepared. We’ve only been hearing about him for a year.”

  “I’m kind of nervous,” I say. “I don’t want to scare him off.”

  “He’s not going anywhere,” Jocelyn soothes. “Your story is so romantic. I love how you were both thinking about each other the whole time you were apart. How you were both searching for each other at the same time? Break me off a piece of that true love.”

  “That’s the thing. I love him. But it’s like . . . how can you love someone you’ve only spent a few weeks with?”

  “Love defies logic.”

  “Yeah, but if I tell him I love him this early, won’t it scare him off?”

  “Boys can’t deal with emotions,” Kara says. “Especially when they’re yours and they’re strong. Which I don’t get. What’s so scary about how we feel? Are boys so immature they can’t handle anything remotely substantial?”

  “I know. I want to tell Seth everything. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with your boyfriend? Share the unedited version of your lives?”

  “Not this early. You’ll scare him off if you tell him you already love him.”

  “Not necessarily,” Jocelyn protests. “Seth obviously adores her. How do we know he doesn’t feel the same way?”

  “Have you ever heard of a boy falling in love so quickly? That’s exclusively a girl thing.”

  “Seth’s different,” I say.

  “But it’s still better to wait for him to say ‘I love you’ first,” Kara insists. “Guys don’t like being pushed. Seth needs to feel like he’s the one deciding where the relationship goes.”

  “Well, he kind of is. I just want to be with him. If we ever break up, it’ll be because he wants to. Not me.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you saying ‘I love you’ first,” Jocelyn says. “But maybe Kara’s right. Maybe it is a little early to say it.”

  “Maybe?” Kara challenges. “No, it is too early. Trust me. I have lots of experience in this area.”

  “And I don’t?” Jocelyn asks.

  “I think I’ll just go with the flow,” I interrupt. “Say it when it feels right. The worst would be if it sounds forced.”

  “Totally,” Jocelyn agrees.

  Kara stays quiet. She hates when people don’t accept her opinions as the absolute truth. But I wish she wouldn’t take it out on Jocelyn.

  • • •

  I can’t sleep that night. All I can do is count down the hours until Seth gets here. I don’t know why I’m so nervous about him visiting. He’ll love everyone. Everyone will love him. Which will make it even harder when he has to leave. But we’ll have the whole day together. The last train back to Philly isn’t until midnight.

  The next morning I’m buzzing on a heavy adrenaline/exhaustion combo. Good thing I can walk to the train station from my house. I’d be mortified if Mom had to drive me to pick Seth up. He already met my parents this summer. Which is the perfect excuse to avoid them as much as possible today. My parents love that I’m with a smart, polite boy. Not sure they’re loving that he’s in college. They didn’t really say much when I told them about our plan to see each other every weekend. But I could tell from the looks they gave each other that they were already starting to worry.

  Seth and I can ride around town on bikes once we get back to my house. Dad already said Seth could borrow his. Then a new friend of Kara’s is picking us up for a party. I cannot wait for Seth to meet Jocelyn and Kara.

  I get to the train station early. The warm breeze transports me right back to that night we spent together in Sea Bright. The waves crashing in the distance. The soft breeze on our skin. All alone with Seth in my room, kissing him late into the night. I’m dying to spend the night with him again. We might get a chance when I visit him if he can get rid of his roommate.

  A train whistle brings me back.

  He’s finally here.

  Seth sees me before he gets off the train. He waves at me through the windows as he walks toward the exit. I’m bouncing and laughing and waving back.

  When Seth steps down onto the platform, I notice that he’s carrying a delicate blue flower.

  “For you,” he says, holding it out.

  “Thank you.”

  He kisses me over and
over. I vaguely hear the train pulling away. A few car doors slam in the parking lot. And then it’s just us.

  “How was the train?” I ask, breathless.

  “Not so bad. I almost missed the transfer. But the Universe was on our side. It went pretty fast.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Whipped out my usual train reinforcements. Book, music, sketchbook.”

  “I love reading on the train. That or staring out the window listening to music.”

  “There’s something so relaxing about watching all the houses go by.”

  “I know.”

  “So,” Seth looks around. “This is where you live. It’s really . . . green.”

  The Newfoundland train station is pretty desolate. We’re surrounded by trees. The train tracks disappear into the woods in both directions. A dirt road leads out from the little parking lot. Houses are spread so far apart that the nearest one is half a mile down the road.

  “You were warned there’s not much here but woods and more woods.”

  “And you.” He kisses me again. Then he notices the little rundown train depot. “That’s not open, is it?”

  “No, it closed down a long time ago. But there was a guy who used to live there.”

  “In there?”

  “It was weird.”

  “Is there even plumbing?”

  “I guess so. He lived there for a while.”

  “What happened?”

  “No one knows. He just left.”

  Seth goes over and tries to open the door. It’s locked.

  “Ready to go?” I say.

  Seth shifts his bag to his other shoulder. He holds my hand. “Ready.”

  When we get home, I’m relieved to find a note from Mom saying that she’s out with Dad. She added that she’s looking forward to seeing Seth again.

  “Let’s go to my room,” I say. My heart is pounding as we climb the stairs. I can’t believe Seth’s finally going to be in my room. All those nights last year wishing I could find him. Remembering what it felt like to be with him. Replaying our night together on the beach. And now he’s here.

  “Wow,” Seth says when he sees my room.

  “This is it.”

  “Yeah it is. It’s so you.”

  I watch him explore my room, looking at pictures and picking things up. His fascination makes me feel like I’m seeing everything for the first time, too. My room looks a lot like my room at the summer house. They’re both big with lots of windows. They both have walk-in closets. Except instead of a balcony facing the ocean, here I have a picture window with a bench. The bench has adorable vinyl pillows I found at a boutique in the city that say things like PEACE and LOVE.