All I Need

by Susane Colasanti

  Seth is looking at everything on my dresser. The red metal Love statue replica. My glitter pens with the fuzzy feathers. The Marimekko tin pillbox that I have no idea what to put in it but was so cute I had to buy it. Flower Post-its and the tooth eraser I got at the dentist’s when I was seven and the I Earth keychain everyone in One World got last year and the sparkly confetti I saved from the roller rink and just everything.

  “I’m going to get a vase for my flower,” I say. “Be right back.”

  Seth is transfixed by my rings in their bamboo container. When I come back, he’s over by my bed. I try to breathe normally.

  “This flower is so pretty.” I put the vase on my windowsill.

  “It reminded me of you. Or you remind me of a flower.”

  “I do?”

  “You totally do. You both like lots of natural light and water and fresh air.” He comes over and hugs me. “And you smell good.”

  I giggle.

  “And I was hoping . . . I wanted to ask you if . . . would you be my girlfriend?”

  “Of course.”

  “Awesome.”

  Part of me wants to stay in my room all day with Seth. But he wants to see my town. And I really want to show him everything. So we go get the bikes out of the garage and ride around for a few hours. We stop by Green Pond. I show him my school. Then we go to The Fountain for gelato.

  “Whoa,” Seth says.

  “This place is the real deal,” I confirm.

  “No, it’s . . . remember I told you about my job? At the soda fountain?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That place is Phantom Fountain. This is The Fountain.”

  “Whoa.”

  “That’s what I said.”

  These annoying little kids are hogging my couch. We get our gelato to go. We eat it outside, watching a random muskrat cross the street. Then we ride home to get ready for the party. As soon as I open the door, Mom is upon us.

  “You’re back! We’ve been waiting for you. Hi, Seth. It’s nice to see you again.”

  “Thanks for letting me visit, Mrs. Davis.”

  “You kids must be hungry. Dinner’s almost ready.”

  I throw Seth a look. My eyes say, Sorry about this. I thought we could avoid the whole family dinner thing. His eyes say, No worries. Your parents are cool.

  We’ve barely started eating when Dad begins interrogating Seth.

  “So, Seth. I understand you’re at Penn.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Excellent university. I’m a Princeton man myself.”

  “Oh.” Seth nods warmly in recognition, the way people who’ve attended fancy colleges do with each other.

  “What are your career goals?”

  “I’m a business major.”

  “Wharton!”

  Seth nods.

  “That will open lots of doors for you. What area of business are you interested in?”

  “Colin, let him eat,” Mom says.

  “No, it’s okay,” Seth tells her. “I’m not exactly sure yet. It’s still . . . new.”

  “Well, you’ll figure it out. The important thing is that you’re getting a quality education. I’d love to go back and do college all over again. It’s a priceless experience.”

  Seth nods, but I know what he’s thinking. There’s a huge price tag attached to his college education. Seth’s dad told him that he had to get a job to help pay for college this year. The semester just started and it’s already stressing him out. He doesn’t like to talk about it. But I can hear it in his voice when we talk every night. He’s exhausted.

  The doorbell rings.

  “That’s our ride,” I say. “We have to go.”

  “Have fun!” Mom says.

  “Drive safe,” Dad adds, even though neither of us is driving.

  When I open the door, Kara takes one look at Seth and smiles.

  “Hi,” she says. “I’m Kara.”

  “Seth.”

  “I know. Welcome.”

  On the way to the car, Kara keeps slapping my arm and making these ohmygodhe’samazing expressions. I slap her back to stop slapping me before Seth sees.

  Kara gets in the front. Seth and I climb in back.

  “Where’s Jocelyn?” I ask.

  “She’s meeting us there. Guys, this is Chanel.”

  “Hey,” I say. “Thanks for the ride.”

  “No problem.”

  Chanel is the one who invited Kara to the party. They met this summer after Chanel contacted Kara about a video she did for A Day in the Life. Kara did this whole thing on the transition from high school to college. Chanel wanted to collaborate with Kara on a follow-up piece she was working on for her filmmaking class. Kara couldn’t resist. She’d never pass up the chance to meet a fan.

  When we get to the party, it’s clear I’m out of my element. It’s at this big, old house a few of Chanel’s college friends are renting. This house reminds me of the professor’s house in Wonder Boys. Even though it’s packed with people, it kind of has a cold, empty feel. Kara waves to someone she must have met through Chanel. They take off, leaving us lingering awkwardly by the door.

  We don’t know anyone else here. It’s an eclectic group—frat boys, intellectuals, old dudes who probably enjoy smoking pipes. A guy who looks like he’s in college stops to talk to us.

  “Do you know Chanel?” I ask him.

  “Who doesn’t know Chanel? Her short film on global species extinction was a masterpiece.”

  “What college do you guys go to?”

  “Montclair State. We’re in the New Jersey School of Conservation.”

  “Cool,” Seth says. “So you’re a professional environmentalist.”

  “Trying to be. Not the easiest job when almost everyone is determined to destroy the planet.”

  Seth turns to me. “You should check out that program.”

  My heart sinks. I was hoping he’d want me to go to college in Philly. Or at least a lot closer to Philly.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “I’m not sure what I want to do yet.” I don’t know what I want to be, but I know what I don’t want to be. Typical. Average. I want more from my life than to sleepwalk through the expected motions. I want my life to really mean something. I want it to be amazing. It would be perfect if my career involved the environment in some way. But as soon as I decide exactly what I want to do, I’ll be one step closer to narrowing down college choices. Colleges that might be far away from Seth. That’s a step I’m not ready to take.

  “What about you?” Environmentalist Guy asks Seth.

  “I’m a business major at Penn.”

  “Really? You don’t seem the type.”

  “Why?”

  “You have a creative vibe. I’m not getting corporate suit from you at all.”

  “You’re right. I’d rather be an art major.”

  “You should switch,” I say. I keep trying to convince him to switch majors. “You should be majoring in what you love.”

  “I would if it were an option.”

  “Why isn’t it an option?” Environmentalist Guy asks.

  “That’s a long, boring story. Basically it comes down to—”

  “You’re here!” Jocelyn shrieks, running up to us.

  “Hey!” I’m so happy to see her. “Jocelyn, this is Seth.”

  “Yay!” Jocelyn cheers. Seth sticks out his hand to shake hers. She hugs him instead.

  “Sweet, I needed a hug,” Seth says.

  “And this is . . .” I gesture toward the guy we’ve been talking to.

  “Dale,” he says. “Good to meet you.”

  Kara comes over with Chanel and some other people. She glances at Jocelyn.

  “Uh, hey Kara,” Jocelyn says with tone.

  For a second it looks like Kara’s about to attack. But then she gives Jocelyn a weak smile and starts talking to Dale. I wonder what that was about. Maybe it’s just leftover tension from yesterday.

  We end up talking for a long time. Jocelyn
focuses on Seth, finding out all she can about him without being overwhelming. Or trying not to be overwhelming. For a person who’s normally shy around boys, she’s really hitting it off with him.

  I’m stoked that Jocelyn and Kara are finally meeting Seth. I love being out as a couple. I love talking to strangers as a couple, putting myself out in the world as Seth’s girlfriend. But I can’t wait to be alone with him.

  Seth leans over to whisper in my ear. “Want to get out of here?” he asks.

  “Totally.” I break Jocelyn away from the group. “We have to go,” I tell her. “Seth has to catch his train.”

  “I thought it was at midnight.”

  “Yeah, but . . .” I glance at Seth. My face gets hot.

  “Oh. Oh. Yeah, no, I’ll tell Kara. Go before they force you into beer pong.”

  “You. Rule.” I hug Jocelyn goodbye. We’re about to leave when Kara comes running over.

  “Wait! Are you guys leaving?”

  “Yeah, we have to go,” I say.

  “How are you getting home?”

  Good question.

  “We’ll grab a ride to the train station,” Seth says.

  “Here, I’ll go out with you. One of Chanel’s friends is outside. He can take you.”

  “Nice,” Seth says. “Actually, I’m going to hit the bathroom. Be right back.”

  As soon as Seth goes down the hall, Jocelyn and Kara snap into full-on gush mode.

  “Oh my god he is so hot.” Kara.

  “Those eyes.” Jocelyn.

  “Those eyes take you to a whole other realm of existence. How can you even remember your name when he’s talking to you?”

  “I love how cute he is with you! You guys are perfect together.”

  “Did you see how he couldn’t stop touching her all night?” Kara asks Jocelyn.

  “I know! And how he looked at her?”

  “Like he couldn’t get enough.”

  “I dream about a boy looking at me that way,” Jocelyn sighs.

  “Which Luke will when you start talking to him,” I say.

  “Really?”

  “Totally. Right, Kara?”

  Kara nods a little, glancing around the room.

  “Wow,” Jocelyn says. “Is it really that hard for you to be supportive of me?”

  “What?”

  “You can’t even be happy for me?”

  “Happy for what? Nothing’s happened yet.”

  Jocelyn glares at Kara. Kara glares back. I’m trying to figure out how to smooth things over when Seth returns.

  “Let’s get you that ride,” Kara says, still glaring at Jocelyn.

  I give Jocelyn a questioning look. She just shakes her head.

  Outside, Kara asks Seth if she can borrow me for a minute. We walk across the yard.

  “Sorry about all the awkwardness with Jocelyn,” she says.

  “What happened?”

  “Just more of the same drama. I don’t know what her problem is.”

  The last thing I want to do is have Kara rant at me about Jocelyn when my last hours to be with Seth are ticking away. So I just say, “I’m sure you guys will work it out.”

  “It’s hard to be supportive when she’s being so delusional.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Does she really think she’s going to talk to Luke? After all this time avoiding him?”

  I glance over at Seth. He’s looking up at the stars.

  “I hope so,” I say.

  “Anyway. Let’s get you back to your hot boyfriend.”

  Kara hooks us up with Chanel’s friend. He’s cool about giving us a short ride to the train station. Even better—our train’s coming in ten minutes. We snuggle up on a bench to wait.

  “The Universe is on our side again,” Seth says.

  “It always was.”

  We stare at each other, contemplating the serendipity of it all. Then we make out until the train comes.

  Our train car is empty. The conductor saunters down the aisle to take our tickets. The door closes with a clickbang when he leaves. I slide over to the window seat and put my legs over Seth’s lap. But the armrest is digging into my back. I look around to make sure no one else is in our car. Then I straddle Seth so I’m facing him, squeezing his thighs between my legs.

  “Hi,” I say.

  “Have we met?”

  “I don’t think so. I’m Skye.”

  “That’s a pretty name. You’re a pretty girl.”

  “You’re kind of forward for someone who hasn’t introduced himself.”

  “I wish to remain anonymous. It’s hotter that way.”

  “Done.”

  “So what do you do for fun?”

  “Other than climb up on cute boys on trains?”

  “I thought everyone did that.”

  “I enjoy long walks on the beach at sunset.”

  “Sounds romantic.”

  “Oh, it is. What about you?”

  “I am very romantic as well.”

  “Give me an example.”

  “Well.” Seth slides his hands around my waist. He pulls me closer. “Making out on trains is romantic.”

  “Is it? Where’s the mood lighting? Where’s the music?”

  “Sorry, the conductor didn’t get the memo. I ordered that stuff ages ago.”

  “That’s what you get for taking the discount train.”

  “But the discount train offers privacy.” Seth glides his hand down the back of my hair. I lean into him.

  By the time we get to our stop, Seth’s hands are under my shirt and my lips feel so used I don’t know how we’re going to get past my parents without them knowing what we’ve been doing. But we are stealth. We sneak past the living room, where they’re watching TV. We escape to my room.

  “How much time do we have?” I ask, closing my door.

  “Eighty-two minutes.”

  We get on my bed. Clothes come off. Time disappears. It feels like we’ve only been making out for five minutes when Mom calls up to me from downstairs.

  “Skye? We need to get Seth to the station or he’ll miss his train!”

  No way. There’s no freaking way over an hour just passed. I’m not ready to let him go. And hello, Mom’s totally going to be able to tell what we’ve been doing in here this whole time. Gah!

  “Coming!” I yell down.

  “This sucks,” Seth says.

  “I know.”

  We scramble to get dressed. I check myself in the mirror above my dresser. My hair looks like it’s been professionally tousled for an edgy photo shoot. My lips are red and puffy. I actually look kind of hot.

  Mom does not need to see me looking any kind of hot.

  “Skye!” she yells up the stairs. “Let’s go!”

  “We’re coming!”

  Seth comes up behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist. I lean back against him. We look at each other in the mirror.

  “I don’t want to go,” he says.

  “I don’t want you to go.”

  “But you’re coming to visit me next weekend. And we’ll talk every night.”

  “I miss you already.”

  Seth turns me around for one last kiss. As his lips touch mine, I already feel how empty this week is going to be without him. Time will stretch out endlessly. I’ll be dying to feel him close to me again. So I try to be in the moment as much as I can, focusing on this kiss. It’s the last part of him I’ll have until next time.

  fourteen

  Seth

  that thunder in your heart

  OF COURSE Astor dumped Grant last year. Right after the Diner on the Square incident.

  Getting dumped hit Grant hard. He was in denial at first. Stomping around all like, “How could she dump me? How backward is that?” Then he crashed. He didn’t get out of bed for a week. When Grant finally emerged (and, thankfully, took a shower), I started to notice little changes. He didn’t rant so much about how our society is rotting from the inside out. Some of his pretent
ious edge was softened. Eventually he just . . . chilled.

  I’m finding the less conceited, mellower version of Grant to be way more likable.

  We have the same suite as last year. Grant isn’t the only improvement. Dorian has actually—wait for it—stopped gaming. He was put on academic probation last semester. When Dorian’s parents found out he was on the verge of being kicked out of the Ivy League because he couldn’t tear himself away from his controller, they came down with the wrath of people paying for his inordinately expensive existence. They threatened to cut him off entirely if he didn’t shape up.

  Dorian needs a 3.0 this semester or they’re kicking him out. He decided to go cold turkey. He left his gaming gear at home.

  Things have changed for me, too. I didn’t say anything to Skye because I didn’t want her to worry. Which she definitely would if she knew how hard this semester has been for me. Working plus classes equals way less time to see Skye. All I want to do is be with her. If I could make a career out of being with Skye, I’d be all set.

  Unfortunately, that’s not my job. I’m a soda jerk at Phantom Fountain. It’s this old-school soda fountain on Pine and Twenty-first. My dad knows the owner. Guess he called in a favor. I knew less than nothing about serving ice cream when I started. My job involves making sundaes, providing couples with two colossal straws for the black-and-white milk shakes they share, and mastering the seltzer machine. I’m still perfecting my egg cream skills.

  Vern is one of the old guys who’s been a regular since the creation of ice cream. He samples the fresh egg cream I place in front of him.

  “Not bad,” Vern says. “Not bad at all. You’re learning.”

  “Thank you.” I wipe the counter and quickly check the clock. Almost quitting time.

  “Got that big date tonight, huh?” Vern says with a knowing wink. Everyone and their dog knows Skye is coming to visit. I can’t help it. She’s all I can think about.

  “I do.”

  “What do you like about this girl?”

  “Ever just click with someone, Vern?”