Hesitate

by Brooks, Anna

  “Just you.”

  I crawl in next to her and grab the remote, then flick on the TV. When Friends illuminates the screen, she giggles, and my God, I love that sound. “Aww. You’re finally watching it.”

  “I already did.”

  “What?”

  I turn my attention away from the screen to her. “I watched it when we were apart.” Her mouth falls open, and I’m the one who laughs now. “It’s not the best show ever, but it’s not half bad.”

  “You liked it.” She teases me, and I breathe a sigh of relief that she’s getting back to herself.

  I shrug. “I didn’t hate it.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

  “It didn’t seem important with everything else going on.”

  She opens her mouth to reply when her phone rings from the other room. “I’ll go grab it.”

  “Thanks.”

  After hopping out of bed, I lift her cell off the end table and answer it, seeing as it’s Sadie, and I don’t want the call to go to voicemail. Plus, I want to talk to her. “Hey, Sadie.”

  “Hi. How is she?”

  “She seems okay, but she hasn’t said much since we’ve been back. I think she’s kind of in shock still.” Truth be told, I think we all are a little bit. “She’s being clingy, which I don’t mind, but it’s not like her. I think she needs to talk it out and then get some sleep, but she’s not saying much to me. Maybe you can get her to open up.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “’Kay, one sec.” I walk back down the hall, then give the phone to Madeline. “Sadie.”

  She puts it to her ear as I sit back down and lean against the headboard. “Hey. Thanks, yeah I know. No, it’s okay, I’m fine.” She closes her eyes for a second and nods, listening to her best friend. “I know. Right. I am. He is.” She looks over at me, and a ghost of a smile adorns her lips. “He really is. Sure, yeah. Tomorrow would be better. I will. You, too. Bye.”

  I wait for her to drop her phone on the floor, then she turns on her side facing me. Her legs are tucked tight to her chest, and she has both hands between the pillow and her head.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s gonna come by tomorrow. I wish I could say I can go to work, but I really don’t think I’ll be able to function. I might actually take the rest of the week off.”

  “Probably a good idea.” I reach over and rest my hand on her thigh, waiting for her cues if she wants to talk or not.

  She doesn’t make me wait long. “My boss is my dad.” After I took her out of Paul’s house, Brodie verified the DNA test. He also told me that the guy was genuine. Paul had no idea he had a daughter and has been distraught ever since he found out because he didn’t know how to deal with it. “My mom lied about him kidnapping me so you guys would be distracted so she could steal from me.”

  “I know, sweetheart.”

  “What kind of person… what kind of mother does that to their daughter?”

  I don’t think she’s actually looking for an answer, so I just listen.

  “She left, right? You said one of your guys followed her and she drove out of town, so you think she’s gone? That she left for good?”

  I actually know she’s gone because the guy I had follow her didn’t just follow her. Danny Dakota drove her car off the road, and I don’t know what he said to her, but he assured me she’d never step foot back in this city ever again. I appreciated his efforts, and I hate that I owe him, but being able to reassure my girl is worth it. “She’s gone, Madeline. For good.”

  “Ya know, after I changed my name, I didn’t move that far away. I mean, it’s a big city, but it’s not like there wasn’t a risk I could run into her at a store or something. I always lived with that fear, and I think in a messed up way I wanted to see her again. I wanted her to get a glimpse of me and then do a double take before she ran to me and hugged me and told me she missed me and how sorry she was. But that’s never going to happen because she just doesn’t care. And knowing she’s gone for good… Is it wrong that I feel relieved?”

  “It’s not wrong.”

  “I don’t know how to feel about Paul.”

  I caress her skin, running my fingertips up and down her leg. “That’s okay. It’s a lot to take in. He seems just as confused and surprised as you, and for what it’s worth, I think he’s totally genuine. He wants you in his life as his daughter. He had no clue he had a child, if he did he would have fought for you.” Brodie told me after Madeline and I left, Paul broke down. He’d lost his wife and son in a fire about ten years ago, and has struggled since then, which is understandable.

  I guess he and Noble went to Paul’s backyard and talked for a while and then when they came back, Paul just told the guys to tell Madeline that the ball is in her court and he’ll respect whatever decision she makes about how he’ll be involved in her life.

  “If he wants me in his life, I want that.” I knew she’d say that. She’s desperate for a family. For love. And as much as I can give her, it’s not the same as what a father can give.

  “Then that’s what you’ll get.”

  She tries to cover up a yawn, but it’s fruitless.

  “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

  “You won’t leave?”

  I slide down and pull the blanket up over her legs, then wrap her up in my arms. “No, Madeline. I won’t ever leave you.”

  * * *

  The sun is rising, and it’s Madeline’s first day back to work after taking a week off. During that time, she’s miraculously gone back to her normal self. She and Paul have talked on the phone every night, and he even came over for dinner yesterday.

  Things are great.

  Roxy is nowhere to be found.

  Madeline has moved in permanently, and even though it may seem fast, we both knew we didn’t want to waste any more time apart. I love that she’s so open with me and honest about how she feels. She’s just as excited, if not more than me, to start our future with the past firmly behind us.

  “Sweetheart, open your eyes.”

  She smiles as her lids flutter. “Why, it’s so early?”

  “Remember I said that when I told you I love you for the first time, I wanted to be looking into your eyes when I did it?”

  Those beautiful violet shards of silver find mine. “Q.”

  “I love you, Madeline. So much. I want you to wake up every day and go to sleep every night knowing how loved you are. I want to make you my wife and have babies, and then watch them become adults and have babies of their own. Then I want to grow old with you and sit on the porch and watch the sunset while we watch our grandkids play in the yard. And when I die, I’ll wait for you to come to me so we can be together again and live out the rest of eternity at each other’s sides.” A tear falls out of the corner of her eye. “I don’t want you to regret giving me a second chance. I didn’t deserve another shot, because I don’t deserve you. But you did. You deserved to get another chance at happy. I’m just the lucky bastard who gets to spend the rest of his life proving that it was worth the risk, because you will never find another man who loves you like I do.”

  I hold my hand up between us, and she gasps when she sees the ring. Tears now roll down both of her cheeks. “You make me happy, and I want to show you what it feels like to be so full of joy you smile in your sleep. And just when you think I’ve accomplished that task, when you think I’ve done everything I can to make you happy, I’m going to keep proving it. All the pain that you went through led you to me, and I’m going to show you that it was not in vain. Life took you down a rough path, but it took you straight to me so I could take care of you. So I could love you. Honor you. Cherish you. Marry you… Will you marry me, Madeline?”

  She swallows, and her lips part. “Before I answer you, I have to tell you something.”

  Fuck. My gut sinks. “What?”

  “It’s something I’ve been keeping from you since the beginning.”

  “What, baby?”
/>   “The first night we met in the club?”

  I wait for her to continue, and when she doesn’t, I encourage her. “What about it?”

  “Remember the morning after?”

  I could never forget. “Of course I do.”

  She sniffles and wipes the wetness off her face. “I lied.”

  “Lied about what?”

  “I remembered.”

  “Sweetheart, what are you talking about? You remembered what?”

  She slides her right hand into my left, and I wrap my fingers around hers. “I remembered what I felt when I put my hand in yours for the first time. I remembered that it only took that one second for me to know that you were it for me. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you right then and there. I knew I wanted to have babies with you and fight about you drinking juice out of the carton and get old with you. So yes, Q.” She giggles. “I’ll marry you.”

  I lift her left hand, not wasting another second without my ring on her finger. Sliding it on, I gaze into her eyes, and by the time it’s nestled where it belongs, she’s crying again. She throws herself into my arms and quietly sobs against my chest. “I love you.” She crawls into my lap and kisses my cheek, then repeats herself. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” Pulling my head back, I dip my chin to look into her eyes. “But I have you beat. I knew you were the one when I saw your picture in a file. And it was your driver’s license photo, so that’s saying something.”

  She swats at me and laughs. “Shut up. Nobody has a good driver’s license picture.”

  “You do.”

  “Are we seriously arguing about this right now instead of making love after you just proposed and I said yes?”

  I bring her hand between us and toy with the band on her finger, elated she said yes and so lucky I get to officially call her mine. “No, Maddy. We’re not arguing about how beautiful you are, even in a driver’s license photo.” I roll us so I’m on top of her and run my nose along hers. I slant my head and kiss her deeply, hoping to show her as I’ve just told her that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

  I thought I knew love, but it wasn’t until after I met her that I truly understood the definition of it. I know beyond any shadow of any doubt, that fate led us here for a reason. I’m not going to hesitate for one second to prove to her that we’re meant to be together. And I’m never going to waste a single breath or beat of my heart not loving her.

  Preview of Surface

  If you liked Hesitate, continue reading for an excerpt of Royce and Paisley’s story, Surface, book 1 in the Guarding Her series.

  Paisley

  “Please, just take it.” I plead with the man as he slams me against the bricks. My face instantly scrapes against the grainy wall in the deserted, stinky alley.

  “I don’t want your money, bitch.” He kicks my legs apart, and blood and tears drip down my face, the salty copper taste bitter enough to stir the bile in my gut. I swallow down the fear as I try to focus enough to survive and not do something stupid.

  I’m terrified. And even though I should be thinking of a way to get out of this or trying to fight him off, I can’t help but think that my father was right. I should have listened to him. He owns a freaking bodyguard agency, so it’s not like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

  All I wanted to do was pursue a dream. I never had a lot of aspirations in my life… only one. And it was something I’d dreamed about ever since I was a little girl; to live in New York City.

  My birth parents met in this city. On a freezing cold New Year’s Eve many, many years ago, they kissed each other at midnight and were inseparable from then on. Even in death, they stayed true to each other and went at the same time.

  Plane crash.

  On their anniversary.

  I don’t dwell on their loss, and I also never had a chance to really. But the one thing I always promised myself… I only ever made this one promise, and here I am. Living in New York.

  My adoptive parents, Polly and Erik, have been so supportive. Polly more so than Erik because he didn’t want me going to New York at all. If he had it his way, I’d live with them forever.

  I fought with him, telling him I’d be fine and that nothing would happen to me. We got into it because he wanted to have a man on me, and I told him I’d never talk to him again if he made one of his bodyguards follow me. I needed to do this on my own. So much had been taken from me, and I needed to feel I had control over my life.

  Now, I wish I’d listened to him.

  I scream at my attacker to get off, figuring maybe if I make enough noise, he’ll run away or someone will hear me. But that only gets my head bashed into the wall.

  “Shut the fuck up.” He presses a gun hard into my temple as his other hand fumbles with his belt.

  This is not happening. I cannot let this happen.

  My dad has taught me enough self-defense to get myself out of a number of bad situations. But actually having a gun held to my head is terrifying.

  Knowing he only has the one hand, I take advantage and use both of mine to yank his arm away as I whip my head back, praying to do damage and not get a bullet in my skull. He wails as I feel a rush of moisture hit my scalp. I don’t look back as I run out of the alley and toward the sidewalk.

  He screams profanities at me, and just before I round the corner of the alley, the unmistakable sound of a gun firing makes me scream.

  “Oh, my God. Miss.” A man jogging rips his earbuds out just as I get in front of him, tripping over a crack in the sidewalk. “Holy shit.”

  All I can feel is pain. My arm is on fire as it slams into the ground at an awkward angle. He lowers himself so he’s close, and my head becomes fuzzy as I look around. A sticky wet stream rolls down my hand and drips off my fingers, tinting the gray sidewalk red.

  A lot of commotion sounds around me, but I’m suddenly too tired to see what’s happening. Very distantly, I hear a siren, but as I drift off into nothingness, all that surrounds me is darkness.

  * * *

  Before I open my eyes, I remember where I am. Hospital smells are unmistakable. The annoying feeling of an IV irritates my arm, and the heavy blankets are scratchy. The stupid beeping of the machines makes me want to plug my ears. It’s dark outside, so I must have slept through the day after my arm was stitched up. Only I would land on a piece of glass and puncture my wrist and sprain it at the same time. Luckily, I only had that and a concussion. And I’m so thankful for that. It could have been so much worse.

  But even through all the noise and the smells and the pain in my arm, I know he’s here.

  I can feel his presence in the room, just as I’ve always been able to whenever he’s around. It’s been years and confronting him scares me more than the whole being attacked thing… but in a completely different way.

  When I left for New York about nine months ago, he wasn’t around. In fact, for a couple of years before that, I barely saw him. The last time I did was when he kissed me. Then he left. I know his work is busy, and it often takes the guys away for long periods of time, but I missed him. And I’m so mad that he left and didn’t say goodbye. We were friends. At least I thought we were, and it really hurt when he up and left.

  I’m just about to ask him what he’s doing here when the door crashes open. I’m surprised it took him this long to get here. Derik barges in, and I track him as he stalks across the room.

  My adoptive dad’s real name is Erik, but I went to call him dad one day the two names accidentally combined. He told me he thought it was cool because it was just ours, so I usually call him Derik.

  Ignoring me, he grabs Royce by his shirt. I only get a quick glance at him, but Royce is even more handsome than I recall with dark hair and a scruffy beard that I remember tickling when he kissed me.

  “Where were you?” Erik slams him against the wall, and Royce doesn’t even try to fight him off. “Where the fuck were you?” he screams in his face.

 
Royce still doesn’t answer, but his green eyes find mine, and in them, I see so much remorse. Disappointment. He feels guilty for some reason, and I don’t know why when I haven’t seen him in so long. I don’t even know why he’s here. I don’t want to want him here.

  Erik brings his arm back, and I wince when his fist connects with Royce’s jaw. I don’t understand why Royce doesn’t fight back. I’ve seen him fight before—when he and the guys were sparring in the ring at the gym, and once when a drunk man tried to grab me at the fair when I was fifteen. I’ve seen his strength on several occasions, so I know he can hold his own.

  Royce can kick some serious ass, so his lack of defense baffles me.

  Erik slams him again. “This is on you.”

  “I fucking know that.” The agony in those words crushes my heart.

  “Stop,” I try to yell, but my throat is scratchy, so it comes out weak.

  Erik whips around as if he’s shocked I’m here or something. “Jesus Christ. Are you okay?” He shoves Royce away and takes three strides to my side.

  “Yes. What’s going on?” I look back and forth between the two men. “Why is he here?”

  “You got fuckin’ attacked is what’s going on.” Erik growls. “I told you something like this—”

  “Stop.” I put my hand on his arm. He’s right, yes, but I can’t let him win that easily. “Something like this could happen anywhere.”

  He shakes his head. “Something like this should never happen to my goddamn daughter.”

  “You can’t protect me from everything everywhere all the time.”

  “I can, and I took precautions so something like this wouldn’t happen, and it still fucking did.” He narrows his eyes at Royce, and I sit up.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”