Hesitate

by Brooks, Anna

  Royce looks down, and Erik’s jaw clenches.

  “Royce,” I whisper, knowing he never can ignore me when I say his name, and he shakes his head. “Royce.”

  Finally, he looks at me, and before he opens his mouth, I know what he’s going to say.

  Royce

  “Are you serious?” She pushes herself away from Erik, and in the process, she forgets about her sprained wrist. “Ow.”

  “Stop moving,” Erik growls at her.

  “I can’t believe you.” She looks at the two of us and shakes her head. “How long?”

  Neither of us give an answer, so she says the one thing again that she knows makes me weak as shit. “Royce.” God. My name out of her mouth, rolling down her tongue and passing through her lips does something to me.

  “You were never alone, precious,” I respond, not giving a shit that Erik’s sitting right here. That’s what she is to me. So goddamn rare and precious it’s making me sick seeing her in a fucking hospital bed with a bandaged wrist and scrapes on her face.

  “Are you serious?” she repeats, this time with tears in her beautiful blues. “You’ve been following me since I moved here?”

  “It was for your own protection, Paisley.”

  I wince at Erik’s statement because I know how bad it looks to Paisley. I knew she would be furious when she found out.

  Erik is her dad, but I know her. He told me I had to stay hidden or he’d find someone else to do it, and there was no way I was letting someone else look after her. She had no clue I’d been following her for months, and that I’d intercepted at least three men intent on grabbing her. But none of that makes up for what happened to her today.

  I will never forgive myself for letting her get hurt on my watch. Never.

  “And I told you I didn’t need it. Look what happened when I had it anyway.” She throws her arm up, and I have to look away from her. It’s bad enough to see her banged up, but to hear her talk about it and imply it was my fault—which it was—makes my stomach bottom out. “Leave.”

  “Pais—”

  “Please,” she whispers and turns her head away from both of us.

  “I need to talk to the cops anyway. I’ll let you get some rest and be back later,” Erik placates her.

  Her eyelids lower, and she shakes her head gently. “I just want to be alone.”

  I can tell he’s going to disagree with her by the way he squeezes his fists together. “I’m not leaving until we figure out what’s going to happen from here on out. I’ll be back later.”

  She licks her lips and wipes a tear from her face as she peeks through her wet lashes at me. “Please just go.”

  I walk across the room and stand right by her, leaning down so my face is close to hers. Noses brushing, I tell her, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Paisley. I promise you this will never happen again.” Because she’s going to know that I’m here from now on. No more of this hiding shit that I didn’t want to do in the first place. I knew some thing like this would happen eventually. I’ll take the blame, but Erik has a part in this, too… headstrong asshole.

  “Royce, this—”

  “This changes things.” It changes everything. She needs to know so much, but right now, the only thing we’ll be discussing is the fact she’s not going to so much as breathe without me by her side.

  The bastard who attacked her took her purse. One of the witnesses said they heard him yelling as he ran away. He said he’d get her or something along those lines. Chances are he’s just a druggie who will toss her shit after he takes anything valuable, but I never take a threat lightly. And a threat against Paisley…

  Erik clasps his hand on my shoulder, and I stand fully, but not before grazing my finger across her hand. “Get some rest.”

  Instead of answering, she rolls to her other side, and I reluctantly leave the room. As soon as we get into the hallway, he drops his hand, and we walk to the stairwell. The loud click of the door shutting is the signal I need. “You ever put your hands on me again, and I swear to Christ, I won’t hold back.” The only reason I did was because it would have upset Paisley if I had retaliated.

  He leans against the wall and crosses his arms.

  I know, I know he knows I’d never do anything to harm his daughter. But he’s a good dad, and he cares about her. I can’t fault him for that, but I will not put up with his shit. I get that particular trait from my father, who I haven’t spoken to in years. No desire to, either. Not after what he did when my mom died.

  Shaking my head to rid myself of those thoughts, I clear my throat. I’m not going to stand here and have a pissing contest with Erik. “You can go do whatever the fuck you’ve gotta do, but I’m not leaving her.”

  “Yeah, you are.”

  “You gonna make me?”

  With a tilt of his head, he assesses me. “Where were you?”

  My teeth grind together, and I take a breath through my nose. I wasn’t surprised that he didn’t drill me as soon as I called to let him know what happened. I knew he’d want to ask me face to face, plus he wouldn’t want to waste that time when he could be making arrangements to get from his home in Cali to here. “I’m still trying to figure it out. I didn’t get the alert that her door opened, and since I doubt she shimmied down the fire escape, the only logical conclusion I can come up with is the security system failed.”

  “You should have been paying better attention and heard the door on your own.”

  My head aches, and I pinch the bridge of my nose to relieve the pressure. “I did hear the motherfuckin’ door, but I had just got out of the shower. She normally doesn’t leave that early, and by the time I got dressed, she’d already hopped on the bus. Except she didn’t go straight to class like she has every single Thursday for four months.”

  “I pay you good money not to lose her.”

  “If I didn’t have to fuckin’ hide from her, I wouldn’t have lost her. Despite what you think, she’s smart, Erik. Every time I got too close, she knew.” From the begin ning of this assignment, I hated that she didn’t know I was on her. That’s not what I do. I keep people safe by being close to them. It’s pretty hard to do when said person isn’t supposed to know you’re there, and it’s even harder when you live next door to them.

  I took this job, one, because it’s Paisley. And two, I don’t trust anybody else enough. She’s mine, and even though she has no clue, that means I’m the only one who’ll be guarding her.

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  You can also find out where it all started by reading Steady, Erik and Polly’s book.

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  IT’S OVER. ALL OF IT.

  It’s finally over.

  I can do what I’ve been waiting over a thousand days to do.

  The ride across the country has been smooth. Calming, almost. As if closing the distance made time disappear. The years apart vanished, and the future emerged with a vengeance. A future I’d so tirelessly fought to protect because I knew it wasn’t guaranteed.

  I lean on the railing of the lookout, taking just a second before I finish my journey back to her. I marvel at how damn big Mt. Rainer is. I’ve never seen anything like it before, and I wish it wasn’t under these circumstances that I finally saw it.

  It’s kind of crazy that here I am, at thirty-three years old, seeing the Pacific Northwest for the first time. I was born and raised in Chicago, so up until this point, I’d never even known how cool this part of the country was.

  “Excuse me.” A woman standing next to me wearing a wide brim hat and a fanny pack taps my shoulder. “Could you take our picture, please?”

  “Sure.” I drop my foot from the railing and snap a few pictures of her family with the mountain as a background.

  She scrolls through them before looking back up at me. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “It’s really pretty, isn’t it?”

 
; I glance back over her head at the snow-capped mountain. “It’s amazing. Never seen anything like it before.”

  “First time here?”

  “It is.”

  Her little boy, probably about four years old, tugs on her hand. She picks him up and wipes some dirt off his nose. “We come here every year because there’s so much to do, and the kids love seeing the mountains. What brings you to Washington?”

  How do I answer that? It’s too hard to explain, and I can’t find words adequate enough. I’m not just here to get my girlfriend back. I’m here to get my life back. So I throw out,

  “Visiting,” to placate her.

  “Well, have fun.” She walks away, and I head back to my vehicle as well.

  Fun.

  This is not going to be fun. Nothing about what’s happened the past few years to Livvie and me has been fun.

  It’s been near impossible. It’s been overwhelming. At times, even hopeless. But not anymore. Right now, it’s obtainable. It’s close… she’s so close.

  When I turn the key, my blood pumps as furiously as the pistons in my 355-horsepower engine. This is it. Last stop before I get to see her again.

  Touch her.

  Hold her.

  When I thought about this day, I was on a plane. Maybe even a chartered jet. Whatever would get me to her the fastest. I certainly wasn’t planning to take four days to drive. But I needed it. I had to regain my footing. I’ve been so close to falling for so long that I almost forgot what it was like to be upright.

  So I drove two thousand miles, and in that time, I got my shit together. Because she’s been away from me for three years. One thousand and ninety-five days of feeling empty and alone. Twenty-six thousand, two hundred and eighty hours of time without her that I will never get back.

  I’ve been on a tear of destruction since the moment Marco’s name fell from her lips, and I needed to tamp that shit down. I need to remember that the threat is gone, and she’s safe.

  I had to prepare myself for the possibility she could still hate me. God. Her screaming those words at me was the worst thing I’d ever experienced. Seeing the sheer contempt in her eyes as she tried to grab me but kick me at the same time haunts my damn dreams.

  She was rightfully pissed. It was me—my job—that put her in danger in the first place.

  Being a good guy turned me into a villain in her eyes. I was the reason she had to disappear from everything she’d ever known. Her picture-perfect family. Her job. Her man, who she’d told every secret, every dream, every fantasy to… She was forced to leave me.

  I quickly close the distance between us and every single thing inside me tightens in anticipation. A buzzing sounds against my eardrums, echoing and making them throb. My jaw unclenches, the noise pops, and the faint ringing fades until it’s disappeared.

  My GPS awards me for arriving at my destination, and I stop at the curb but refuse to jump out. My intensity will do nothing but scare her, so I force myself to take a beat.

  As I sit here in my Tahoe, windows tinted and obscuring me from the outside, I remind myself the last time she saw me, I wasn’t the man she fell in love with. I was a savage.

  My sole focus was revenge. Elimination. Nobody, but nobody, threatens the woman I love. And I had to fix it.

  I knew she wouldn’t understand why I did what I did, but it was the only option.

  She needed to be safe.

  And she has been.

  I’m witness to it this very moment. My damn chest is so heavy I can barely breathe and a bead of sweat drips down the side of my face. The leather steering wheel beneath my fingers burns from how tightly I’m gripping it.

  She’s standing on the sidewalk talking to a guy. Not the one I saw in the photos, but a different one. When she sees me for the first time, I don’t want anybody else around, so I wait… which seems like the only fucking thing I’ve been doing.

  Waiting for Marco to mess up, waiting for a lead… waiting to bring my other half home so I can be whole again.

  Her hair… Her beautiful, silky long hair isn’t as dark and certainly isn’t as long. It’s cut short, a sharp angle from the back of her neck to just past her chin in front with bangs that nearly cover her eyes. She’s lost weight, too. I have always loved every single thing about her, including her curves, so seeing her tiny waist pisses me off. The whole situation pisses me off.

  My outgoing, beautiful saving grace. Her entire life broken by a corrupt career criminal.

  She may be smiling right now, but it’s not the smile I know and love. She’s not the same.

  I’m not the same.

  But now she needs to come back. She needs to be with me. I need her.

  An entire script of dialogue scratches against my skull. Words I want to say to her. Declarations I want to make. Promises I need to keep. Yet when she tucks her short red hair behind her ear, throws her head back, and laughs, I forget how to pronounce the alphabet.

  Waiting three years for her was absolute torture, but watching her, being this close and not being able to touch her or let her know I’m here, is insanity. If I was in my old Tahoe, she might recognize it sitting in front of her apartment. But during all the shit with Marco, I upgraded to have more safety features installed after someone shot at me while I was driving.

  The air around me is thick. I tug at my collar even though I’m only in a white t-shirt. After taking a drink of water and tossing the empty bottle on the floor board, I finally see him starting to leave.

  They hug, and he walks around to the driver’s side of his car. I left my seat belt on so something restrained me from climbing out and ripping this guy’s fuckin’ arms off his body. He gets in a Prius and drives away while she waves. Once he’s around the corner, she goes back into the apartment building.

  As soon as the door closes behind her, I unclench my hands from the steering wheel. Then I release the seat belt. And then I take the keys out of the ignition.

  I wait. One second. Two. Five. When I get to ten, I stop waiting.

  My large strides take me inside, and a security guard holds his tattooed arms out. “Hey there. Can I help you?”

  I flash my badge at him and jog to the stairs, ignoring him as he says something I don’t care to hear. I take the time to appreciate she at least has a security guard in the lobby of her building, but that’s the only second my brain allows it to be distracted from my goal.

  Finding her door, I knock immediately. A lock clicks, the knob turns, and then the door opens. “Forget something, Ad—” Livvie stops talking midsentence, snapping her mouth shut so hard her teeth clatter as her skin pales.

  God, she’s so beautiful.

  “Hi, Butterfly.”

  She becomes paralyzed. I watch as her body stiffens. Her lips barely part, and with one hand on the knob, she doesn’t even blink.

  Nothing.

  “Livvie, baby, you’re safe now. It’s finally over.” I take a step, close enough to get a whiff of coconuts, and it takes me back. It brings it all back. “It’s time for you to come home.”

  Her eyes roll back in her head as her knees give way.

  “Shit.” I reach in and grab her. Pulling her to me, I lift her into my arms, holding her close.

  She’s real. This, right now, is real. I have her back in my arms.

  I kick the door shut and then carry her over to her couch. She doesn’t stir, but when I sit and begin stroking her short hair, her eyes flutter.

  “Livvie, baby. Wake up, sweetie.”

  “Jay.” She whispers my name and tries to sit up.

  “Don’t try to get up yet. Just breathe.”

  Her eyes are closed, but a tear falls out, racing down the side of her face faster than my eye can track it. I lift her upper body closer while I lower mine. Probably tighter than I should, I just hold her. Burying my face in her neck, I slowly rock her back and forth and take a full breath for the first time in three years.

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  Notes and Stuff


  Thank you so much for reading!

  Whether this is your first book of mine or if you’ve read all of the others or you’re somewhere in between, I appreciate you giving me a chance and hope you enjoyed Hesitate.

  I’m telling you, these guys are the definition of stubborn because Q’s book was just like the others in this series; difficult! He had a mind of his own, but at the end of the day his book is exactly as it was supposed to be.

  I have a lot of things in the works and am so excited to bring you more books from the men of Royal Ace Security. Damien will be next… and I can not wait!!!

  Please follow me on Instagram for updates! Or you can find me on all social media as @annabrooksauth.

  Xo, Anna

  Other Books by Anna

  It’s Kind Of Personal Series

  Make Me Forget

  Show Me How

  Prove Me Right

  Tell Me When

  Remember Me Now

  Give Me This

  It’s Kind of Personal Series Box Set

  Pleasant Valley Series

  Fixing Fate

  Love, Me

  Steady

  Pleasant Valley Box Set

  Standalones

  Not Your Hero

  Easy Sacrifice

  Bulletproof Butterfly

  Heartbreaker

  Guarding Her Series

  Surface

  Drift

  Edge

  Closer

  Roam

  Hesitate

  Reason to Ruin Series

  Justifying Jamie

  Regretting Gabriel

  AUDIO:

  It’s Kind Of Personal Series

  Make Me Forget

  Show Me How

  Prove Me Right

  Tell Me When

  Remember Me Now