Blank Canvas

by Coopmans, Kathy

  “I know it’s silly. I just, well, when you told me the other day that you hated going to work and leaving me here, I thought maybe this would make you think of me. I don’t know. A man like you has everything, and you’ve given me so much. I wanted you to know that when you’re gone, I’m thinking of you, too.”

  I peer down at this incredible woman, who in spite of how young she is, is more grown up than she realizes. Her heart proves it. The way she’s made the chains that have caged my heart in break apart with a simple glance. She really has no idea.

  “I mean, I know you write a lot at work, but then started thinking everything is probably electronic nowadays,” she rambles on, while I’m struck mute.

  The box drops to the floor. I clutch the pen in my hand and then reach for the side of her face, stepping into her. “This is everything, Bluebird. You’re everything. Materialistic things mean nothing to me. I haven’t had everything. Not until you.”

  I lean down and kiss her. She opens up easily. Our mouths connect in a way that shifts this relationship into a whole other territory. I simply cannot get enough of her. I will never get enough. She holds more power over me than any one person has before. She’s changed me. It really can’t be explained better than that.

  What I’m feeling right now is dangerous. My mind is telling me to do one thing, while my heart is holding up the bright red sign that tells me to stop. I’m a smart man knowing if I don’t pull back, that I’ll never be able to. It takes all of my self-control to do so.

  “Amelia, thank you. This pen means everything to me.”

  I bite down on the inside of my cheek to stop myself from telling her she didn’t have to and that it was probably expensive, sucking up half her first paycheck from me. It’s the pride playing out on all of her features that makes me swallow all those words. This woman did this for me, and that’s all that matters.

  “I had dinner reservations for us. My friend is the manager, and it typically takes three months to get into. But you know what? I have other plans right now.”

  “What?” she whispers.

  “Let’s just drive. I’d love to show you one of my favorite spots.” I leave out the part that this spot happens to be one of the places I go when life becomes too much for me. It’s the one place I can sit and think about my sister.

  “I’d love that.”

  “I have an idea. Pack a sketchpad?” I point to her drawing desk.

  * * *

  We’re in my convertible with the top down soaring down the open highway. Amelia’s blond hair is whipping around in the wind. A vision of beauty I’m learning I don’t think I’d be able to live without. She reaches over to place her hand over mine where I have it resting on the gearshift. Her finger tracing the lines on my watch. It reminds me of the beaten woman in the hospital who was mesmerized by it.

  I whip into a Kentucky Fried Chicken drive-up window. Amelia doesn’t ask any questions, just gives me an odd sideways stare. I order enough food to feed a family of ten, making sure all our bases are covered.

  “Anything else?” I turn to Amelia. “We have about thirty minutes until our final destination.”

  “I think I have everything I need sitting right next to me.”

  My thoughts exactly, but Christ, she’s been making my meals and desserts every night. Leaving foil over my plates on the nights I work late. A note to make sure I eat before coming to bed. A bed where I now find her fast asleep, waiting for me. She doesn’t care if this is a drive-through; quite frankly, neither do I. I need to make sure she has everything she wants. Especially potatoes, because they’re the bomb.

  I pay the cashier, take our bags, the drinks, and hand them to her. She tucks the bag on the floor between her feet, sets the drinks in the carrier, and I can’t help but reach over and kiss her quickly.

  Soon, the scent of salt fills the air. The beach is abnormally vacant. Amelia grabs her large purse, while I juggle everything else in my arms.

  “I can carry something else, Zeke,” she reminds me for the fifteenth time on the way down to the beach.

  “I’m trying to be a gentlemen here.” I wink over at her.

  “Yes, that chicken leg balanced underneath your chin that you were trying to devour while testing out your pack mule skills is hot.”

  “Prince Fucking Charming, baby.”

  Amelia’s laughter floats in the breeze, making me smile. We walk past a vendor selling all sorts of beach essentials mainly targeting young children. I don’t miss Amelia’s longing gaze on the colorful kites, making a mental note to run up and buy one once we are settled in.

  “You pick the spot, Bluebird.”

  She taps her chin with her large bag over her shoulder. I’m thanking God I convinced her to change out of her sundress. This breeze would definitely be giving everyone a nice view of her ass. However, the short jean shorts are doing a fine job all on their own.

  There are miles of open beach, yet Amelia takes this decision to heart, thinking long and hard. We zig-zag back and forth until she finally picks a spot.

  “Are you sure?” I ask.

  She nods. “It’s perfect.”

  We lay out the large blanket and our gourmet dinner. Amelia settles on the plaid blanket crossing her legs.

  “Any reason for this spot?” I ask, pulling a piece of chicken from the bucket.

  “I would say don’t laugh at me or something like that, but we are passed that nonsense.” She tucks a stray golden piece of hair behind her ear. “I don’t remember what a sunset looks like. I want to experience all of it, and this looks like the perfect spot.”

  For fuck’s sake. She’s more than likely lived in this area her entire life and hadn't seen a sunset. Jesus Christ. Her mother deserves to rot in hell right along with anyone else who has never given this woman the right to live. Fuck, this pisses me off. I’ll deal with all my anger later. They do not deserve to occupy my thoughts. Not when the beauty sitting beside me is radiating more happiness than I thought she ever would.

  “And if it’s not the perfect spot, I’m a damn fine pack mule and will make damn sure we find it.” I’ve scoured every inch of this beach. There isn’t a spot anywhere to not enjoy the sunset. I bite into the chicken and grin through the mouthful of grease and batter. “I’ll be right back. Going to run up to that vendor.”

  I point, showing her where I’m going. I jog up the beach with my fried chicken in my hand. Laughter escapes me realizing how much I’m enjoying this myself. Carefree and feet in the sand, life doesn’t get much better than this. I pick the most colorful kite I can find. Pull out a fifty and tell the vendor to keep the change.

  Amelia’s nibbling on a piece of chicken when I get back, staring out at the endless ocean. I toss the kite on the blanket then sink down behind her with my legs spread wide, pulling her back to me.

  “This is the perfect first date.” She lays her head back on my shoulder.

  “Yes, it is. I bought us a kite.” She peers up at me.

  Eyes fluttering to hold back tears.

  “Are you trying to relive your childhood, Doctor Hartley? I mean, surely, a man who's almost forty has to be hitting a midlife crisis soon.” She’s trying desperately to hold a serious expression on her face. I damn near lose my shit and double over laughing at it.

  “Is that right?” My voice is husky, causing her eyes to go wide.

  She gulps. Her tiny frame stiffening below me.

  “Amelia. If, and I mean if I hit a midlife crisis, I’ll be doing it knowing I have this stunning woman with a quirky sense of humor to bring me back to solid ground. I haven’t even begun to show you what this old man can do, and trust me when I say age doesn’t have a damn thing to do with it.”

  She was only joking around when she brought up my age, but this girl, this strong woman, brings out the best in me. My life was shit until I met her. Kidding or not, I want her to know that everything is possible when two people connect in a way that blows your Goddamn mind. No matter the age diff
erence or that we’ve lived lives entirely opposite of one another.

  “I love you,” she says softly.

  I swear to God my heart bangs up against my ribs. It pounds like a wild man in my chest and fucking obliterates every word spoken between the two of us up until now.

  “Bluebird, you have no clue how much I’m in love with you, too. I think I fell for you the minute you opened your eyes and pleaded for help without saying a word. I knew it then, and I know it now. There isn’t a woman on this earth who has made me happy the way you do. I won’t let anyone take away your right to soar higher than that kite next to you can. Every day, you amaze me more and more. You wake up, and I see the struggle behind your eyes. Fighting not to drop a plate, your coffee cup. Constantly fidgeting with your hands. You never say a word about it. You fight through it on your own. You are so brave. So beautiful that given the circumstances on how we met, I’ll die before I ever, and I mean ever, let you slip away from the woman you were born to be. Now, my plans have shifted once again. I need to take you home.”

  I reach down and wipe her tears away. I feel my own prickling behind the lids of my eyes. I may be a grown-ass man. But I’m a human nonetheless. A man who’s scared to death that with everything Amelia has been given today, that what I want to give her now will be more than she can take.

  “The sunset,” she whispers.

  “Have I ever mentioned patience is a weakness of mine?” I quirk up an eyebrow, feeling the easy nature float back in.

  “I kind of picked up on that, doctor.”

  “Sunset, then plans at home, stat.”

  “But the kite,” she counters right back.

  I brush away the random items scattered on the blanket and then flip her over until she’s on her back. I’m not going to hover over her body, not until she asks me to. Instead, I lie on my side next to her, placing soft kisses up and down her jawline.

  “Are you testing my patience, Bluebird?”

  “No,” she moans and then does something that’s just as powerful as the three words she just spoke moments ago. Her tiny palm reaches over grabbing my wrist. She tugs me closer, pulling on me until I’m on top of her. Her legs spread wide for me to settle between. My elbows in the blanket framing her gorgeous face.

  “I want this. Me and you,” she whispers.

  “Me, too.” My mind is racing. I may be older than this woman, but she makes me want to jump up and tell the whole damn world that she’s mine. To act out of my character. Silly, goofy, and wildly in love.

  This incredible human who has been through hell herself is on her way to destroying my fears and demons without even knowing it.

  19

  Amelia

  I’m scared out of my mind. Every part of me is shaking. Dread fills my veins. Worry anchors my heart. And if I didn’t know for sure that Zeke loved me, I would run right back to the streets and hide or beg someone to fill those veins with the poison to drag me under. To make me forget that I’m in love with a man who packed up our picnic, grabbed hold of my hand, and tugged me behind him after we sat in silence watching the sun go down. It was a beautiful sight. Almost as perfect as hearing him say he loved me back. The way the dark orange sank into the ocean, causing sparks to fly and shades of red to float effortlessly across the sky. I’m going to paint that scene in my new room. Give it to Zeke. Because just like he said I’ve giving him everything, he’s given me more.

  The will to survive. The knowledge that I can love myself. I can be free. Do anything I set my heart on and not have to worry out of fear someone is going to say or do something to stop me.

  I’m nervous with excitement and dreading at the same time what I know is coming. Sex. It’s always been dirty to me, and I can’t seem to wrap my thoughts around how beautiful this is going to be.

  “We’re home,” Zeke announces.

  I open my eyes. Blinking rapidly. My thoughts are weighing heavily. I try and swallow my fear, but it’s there. Lingering in the back of my mind. I’m bummed out. I had no idea I had missed the entire half-hour drive here.

  “I love how you say ‘home.’” I open my door, step out, and he’s right there lifting me in his arms.

  “It is your home. Don’t ever forget it. Can you push the button for the garage to go down? My hands are kind of full with the most precious thing I’ve brought into this house.”

  My God, his words swoon me. He’s a dream come true. A fantasy I’ve had since I was a little girl who found out she was different than a boy. Never did I expect to fall in love with the man who saved my life. Who made me open my eyes to a world full of color when all it’s ever been was the deepest, darkest shade of raven black.

  “I want you, Amelia. All of you.” He lays me down on the bed. Those deep eyes are blazing a new kind of fire behind them.

  “I want you, too.”

  “I won’t hurt you. Just like the other times we’ve fooled around. If you want me to stop, all you have to do is say so.” I nod, knowing I won’t stop him.

  My words seem to be stuck in the back of my throat along with fear and dread. My breath, though, it escapes out of me in a whoosh when Zeke lifts his T-shirt over his head, undoes his shorts, and exposes his entire God-given body to me. He’s not one bit ashamed, and he shouldn’t be. It’s a temple of perfection. Everything solid, defined, and hard. I mean, everything.

  I take my time studying, cherishing, and memorizing everything about this moment. The sight before me as well as the mixture of emotions racing through me, ranging from delightful happiness to sheer terror. I place them all in the same box of reminders of how all my days are coming full circle. This is living. Feeling. I’m thankful to be alive.

  “Are you okay?” His voice is deep and husky, filled with a desire that sets me on fire.

  I nod, unable to speak, not wanting to curse the magic of the moment.

  “You have to talk, baby girl.”

  I shake my head from side to side then crook up a finger telling him to come closer. He thinks about it for a moment but must sense the determination in my eyes. Just like on the beach when we watched the sunset, I spread my legs so he can settle between them.

  The feel of his flesh on my thin shirt sizzles. Not even layers can even keep us apart. We have a habit of peeling back all those different layers until we find each other’s core.

  I whisper in his ear, “I don’t want to talk. I need to remember all of this. The feel of you, the sight of you, and the smell. I need it all, Zeke.”

  He pulls his head up with a look in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. It’s as if he can sense that in a way, this is the first time for me. And it is. It’s the first time my clear mind has wanted a man to make love to me.

  He presses his body into mine. Passion ignites down to the depths of my bones. Bringing in new emotions, happy ones, and eliminating all my fear. My body starts screaming that this can’t happen fast enough, while my mind wants it to slow down in order to remember every single touch.

  Zeke’s heart thumps rapidly against my chest. When he pulls back, I feel naked even though I’m fully dressed.

  My shorts and panties are pulled down in one swoop. Zeke’s broad shoulders brushing the inside of my thighs. I feel his breath on my throbbing core then his lips delicately kissing me. Fingers drag through my folds, causing me to buck up, silently asking for more.

  He answers by sliding a finger inside me, his mouth sucking hard on my clit. I choke on my own emotions and desire that erupt inside of me. He circles his tongue around my nub, driving me insane until my back is bending, my voice is shattering, and everything inside of me falls into a drop zone of unknown territory.

  I’m screaming out my favorite and most treasured word in the English vocabulary. Zeke.

  He crawls back up my body until we are face-to-face again. His lips hovering above mine.

  “I’m a greedy man, Bluebird. Your taste is so addictive and sweet. Get used to my face being in between those sexy little thighs.”

&nbs
p; I know exactly what he means. I feel the same way about him.

  Reaching up, I seal our lips together, drinking my taste. I’ve never experienced anything as erotic in all my life. I push up on his shoulders only smiling when Zeke sits up with no question or panic in his eyes.

  “I want to explore,” I say breathlessly while pulling my T-shirt over my head. Then unclasping and sliding the straps down on my bra. I toss them aside, while Zeke flips onto his back and takes the last bit of breath out of my lungs with his manly beauty.

  I never thought sex or any act associated with it would make me feel powerful instead of a victim. Zeke has given that to me. I mimic his actions from moments before, crawling down his body until I’m nestled between his thick thighs.

  My hand wraps confidently around the base of his cock. Zeke jerks upright, throwing his head back, letting out a growl. The simple act sends pride through my veins, giving me the courage to move forward. My tongue darts out, licking from head to base and back up again. His dick is pulsing in my hands. My cheeks flame bright red with excitement.

  I need to have him in my mouth.

  I wrap my lips around him, taking him deep in my throat, my teeth lightly grazing. The melody of his groans and grunts power me on until I’m sucking him hard from base to tip over and over until I see his stomach contract. His head lifts and his dark, haze-filled eyes lock onto mine.

  I reach up searching for one of his hands, and once I find one, I guide it to my hair.

  Zeke follows my silent instruction, tangling both of his hands in my hair, guiding my pace.

  “Teeth,” he growls. “Teeth.”

  I skim my teeth up and down his silky, rock-hard shaft, going from grazing to nipping to sucking.

  “Amelia.” Zeke pulls me from my world, his cock dropping from my mouth. I want to pout, except when I’m face-to-face with him, his next words that leave his mouth have me beginning to shake inside.